Hi all.... after admitting I had a problem and telling my wife, we try to talk about things, try to make sense of it all....my wife tries to understand but bless her, shes never gambled so hasn't a clue....the one point we discussed and thinking about it I'm not surprised she cant understand because truthfully, I cant! The thing I'm talking about is has anyone else been on a gambling spree(mines usually horses) where you been at it so long you just want to lose so it can be over? Sounds crazy? Is it just me?
Yes I can agree with you totally, as in a clean slate mentally. Obviously you know this but that is the mentality of a compulsive gambler. Get out mate while you can for the sake of family,friends, and most importantly yourself. I’m only 10 days in and I know that doesn’t sound very long but it is for me, I have had a couple of rough days with anxiety etc (basically my body and mind craving this addictive drug) but it is getting easier. We can do it together buddy, it’s really tough but you’ve got to be strong it does get easier.
Hi. I can totally relate to wanting to lose. My problem is bookies FOBTs when I had a binge and lost I bizarrely felt at peace as the anxiety of a compulsive gambler was momentarily gone. I realised the period of peace I was experiencing was how a non - gambler feels normally. Good luck with your recovery mate I
Its a crazy and highly destructive addiction because people end up playing to lose with no control of their own minds.
Its so complex that people play to escape and even punish themselves for feeling a failure. They are addicted to the highs and even the lows of playing. At the height of my addiction I was in a numb trance...the chemical feelings running through me seemed far from highs. I analysed it that even feelings of anger and loss were more addictive to my system than feeling depressed and lost in a one horse town.
After countless times gambling to extinction there is no way we can actually reason thats its a positive experience. Couple this with the fact that the money lost all meaning shortly after starting until I walked home to no food in the cupboards and no electricity on....an utterly crazy illness
Your comment that you just wanted to lose and get it over with is important. I remember feeling that during a session because I knew that it wasnt a pleasant experience. My mind was fighting itself .I would have conflicting thoughts but was overwhelmed to keep pressing the button. I felt mentally drained and then suicidal at the end...how is that fun or entertainment?...it isnt!
I cant believe it was me now. I sunk enough to buy me a really nice car and holidays. Now I ride a bike but I live with that and do feel a serenity my life is under control.
Best wishes to everyone on the forum
Totally get this - I wrote about this in a post some time ago. I binge gamble - so would start Fri evening and not stop until all is lost - sometimes that run can be up to 36 hours, nonstop. I want to gamble to win when I start and I really enjoy it but then it all goes dark and I want to stop but can’t and I keep on betting just to run out of funds to gamble - it’s like self punishment.
Recently I fell back into gambling and couldn’t stop until I had lost all my money - even when I won I couldn’t withdraw it - I had to gamble on. And at some during my binge I was up xxxx but would only withdraw it to cancel the withdrawal later. I wanted more and then I started to lose and at that point I was so exhausted I just wanted it to be over so was half relieved when I ran out of money to gamble.
Gambling is so hard to recover from and you have to be so strict with yourself to keep it at bay. But we strive on.
I'm with you on this one. It has to be the oddest feeling of all. You put your money down (in my case on a horse that has a chance ) but you are not bothered in the slightest if it wins or not. In the last three years I have never watched one of my horses run ! I would put my money down in the bookies then walk around or go back to work whilst the race was on only looking at the result on my phone a few minutes after the finish. Crazy but I guess in our minds if we lose in most cases there wont be any more money so we feel the the freedom of not being able to bet and convincing ourselves that thats and you have bet your last.
29 days in after my most recent relapse and back here but at least we are here and in the right place......one day at a time...every day without a bet is another win but without the risk
I think most compulsive gamblers (me very much included) will eventually reach the stage where you just gamble for the sake of gambling, just to get rid of the money, so you can finally go home or switch off and get some sleep. You realise that all is lost and you just want the session to have a definitive end. Its feelings of hopelessness and then self-abuse that keeps you in the action until all money gone. here is another way of looking at it...
Your in action, but at the back of your mind you know what feelings are coming once you stop being in action.. and they ain't very nice. So sub-conciously you want to delay those feelings for as long as possible... so ya keep going.
Its a horrendous addiction thats for sure.