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5 months off and now this disaster  

 
Croe211
(@croe211)

Hi all, im 26 and ive been gambling since i was 16 years old i started backing horses and then i heard of a mate who won 1k on online slots. That was the start of my downfall i work hard and make good money but i was  working 60 hour weeks and pumping in the high hundreds back into online slots until i had only 20€ to do me the week. I gambled like this until a year and a half ago when i hit rock bottom and lost all my money one one Christmas. I couldnt cope so i told my family and now fiancee. They were great and my fiancee was fantastic she helped me in more ways than i ever could of asked she took full control of budgeting my money and only making certain amounts available as i need them. I was going so well and had not even thought about gambling until today a co worker informed me of a few hundred he won off a game, i dont know why but for some reason i said ill put in 20£ but 450£ later i find myself at home on the couch wondering why? Why do it when i havent in so long? Why, when i havent even felt the want 2 in so long? Why do it knowing it will upset her? So many questions. This is the first time ive decided to chat and try to find some help, advice and guidance with people who understand what its like to gamble. The biggest part is knowing that i did it and that it will hurt my partner so much knowing i relapsed. I phoned her and told her on facetime and i could see how disappointed she was and i cant blame her, she puts so much faith and encouragement into me for everything i do and why would she want marry me if i cant even stay strong and not do it. Its just heart breaking for me to realise that i thought i was in the clear and in one day half a k gone. And i want to finish this once and for all because i actually have nightmares of having kids and doing this and i think if i did and was in that situation and actually did it i dont think i could actually live with myself. Getting over gambling was the best day of my life, realising i haddent was the worst. I just want to stop, the biggest part is i never cash out i keep going and keep going instead of cashing out with big sums i wont id just give it all back. Would love some help please really lost in what to do.

 

This topic was modified 3 months ago 2 times by Croe211
Quote
Posted : 27th August 2019 12:55 am
canterbury100
(@canterbury100)

Sorry to hear about your relapse. The concrete evidence is that you have stopped before and you can stop again. I was four months free of gambling and flying and then one day after work I walked past the bookmakers like in a trance, in I went and gambled. Another time it was 6 months free, had a bad day at work and my mind was flooded with compulsive thoughts to gamble. It was 6pm. I tried going to bed early but I couldn't sleep. I ended up walking to the bookies and blowing £300 on the Fobts in an hour. There are many reasons why we relapse, the triggers. I'm still trying to work it out myself. Some days I feel it's hopeless. Don't be too hard on yourself, what's done is done. Try and learn from it and put more blocks in place. 

All the best

Stuart

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Posted : 27th August 2019 12:34 pm
Lowsx100
(@lowsx100)

The thing that hurts me the most is the past history of all the gambling losses. They will be there for the rest of our lifes. It breaks me thinking about all the money I lost. Im sorry if I sound negative, but honesly I have no optimism in me right now... I relapsed again this week and lost * pounds. Thats a lot of money to a student. 

Even if we win, we lose it all. Either the same day, or in the long run. The win only calms our brain because we then know we have a lot more cash to gamble with. When that balance starts to reach 0, we panic. No more gambling. So we drastically put in more money to "chase or losses". It is not. We chase the money we HAD so we can gamble more. When we reach even, we think "well, now I have lost nothing so might as well continue". We use the mentality of winning money so we can gamble. Its never about the money. We know this as compulsive gamblers. We do it as a twisted hobby. We forget everything else in life while the wheels are spinning, cards being dealt and the stupid b***s bouncing on the wheel. The only winner we have is the one who turns his nerves away from gambling. Only then will we have good health and money in our pockets. 

This post was modified 3 months ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th August 2019 1:06 pm
Rpc2011
(@rpc2011)

Stuart, how are you coping presently?

 

i am exactly like you  re bad day etc.  I lose all sense of rational and then do a madness and what follows then is self loathing and all the rest.

 

i was doing okay this month had a healthy balance and only had to wait a few days until my next pay, but went horribly wrong AGAIN

 

 

 

 

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Posted : 27th August 2019 1:12 pm
canterbury100
(@canterbury100)

I'm not gambling at the moment. Not even tempted. I got the binge out of my system now I'm trying to clear up the mess. I was drinking almost everyday for a month so as well as losing a grand, i'm now fat as well lol. My twin is an alcoholic and I don't want to end up like him so I saw sense and stopped. I registered for Gamban and self-excluded from a couple of shops where I live. I did so well to save some money for the first time in my life after not gambling for 8 months, this year. I was determined not to blow what I have left. It wasn't easy though. I'm thinking of going to GA on Thursday because right now, all I can see is another relapse in the future when I'm depressed and not coping again. The next relapse could be the end of me. I bought a book about overcoming problem gambling and ordered a book about addiction. 

Right now aged nearly 44 I've been single for 8 years. I have no children. I have no friends, I don't speak to my family anymore, I'm unable to work because I can't cope, I'm in debt and have a wine belly. Honestly things can't get a lot worse lol. On the positive front, I walk a lot. Today I walked 6 miles. I'm eating healthily, I applied for voluntary work and have an appointment with a disability adviser at the Jobcentre. I can honestly say I tried everything to stop gambling. I can stop for months but then usually depression and suicidal thoughts cause me to relapse. I've tried everything to conquer that too. This year I completed a CBT course and was going to the gym 4 times a week for the last 10 months. When I went back to work I couldn't cope due to feeling highly irritated with my colleagues and the job itself. Then I'm hating myself that I can't cope like normal people. I watched a video on the brain and addiction the other day, it explained that one of the things that addicts experience is feeling irritated and anxious. 

I'm planning to see rest of the year out and not gambling. That will mean that in the last 2 years, I haven't gambled for 20 months which is excellent. Maybe going to GA will be that extra support and inspiration that I need to stay gambling free?

All the best

Stuart

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Posted : 27th August 2019 4:25 pm
Rpc2011
(@rpc2011)

Well, I wish you all the very best.     Stay strong and resist the urges.

 

Im starting fresh  again for the umpteenth time.

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Posted : 27th August 2019 6:17 pm
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