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I’m such a fool - relapsed

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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 08/11/2018 - 22:16

rupidoda

Joined:
2017-01-27

hi there

this is going to sound the same as other posts, but I just needed to get it out of me. I’m just feeling like a fool for relapsing and can’t get the losses out of my head.

At the start of 2018 I had lost 33k over a 4 year period and decided that enough was enough - I went to councelling and handed over my finances to my wife. We were getting work done on the house and it meant that because I was dealing with the builders I was back in charge with the money- a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling positive with my bank balance and decided to have a bet at the casino, lost £500 that night .....I felt **** and wanted that £500 back, went online and through chasing losses lost another 11k....11k, money for the builder.

Why do I do this to myself - i was in a good place and now in a worse position than I was at the start of the year. Worse thing is that I now want that 11k back.....I can’t stop thinking about it, and feel the only way I’ll be happy is that I make this right financially so my wife doesn’t find out about my relapse....I know this isn’t the right answer...so I’m constantly torn between thinking I’m due a big win to this could get worse andit’s wearing me down. How do I get this out my head.

Posted on:
Thu, 08/11/2018 - 22:51

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Hi Rupidona, I have just looked back on your diaries - hope you don’t mind me saying but you don’t want to be in the same position as some of your previous posts! You know if you try to win back that the hole will likely to become bigger and bigger very rapidly! You said you lost a big amount in a very short space of time so you need to be extra careful. You owe it to yourself to stop... that money you have lost could very easily become much larger! I know it is so hard to stop and think, you can stop, you have proved that. I regret some of the money/time/energy I wasted gambling but try to turn it into positive - learn from mistakes, more to life than this worry, gambling is meant to be fun and you are actually gambling with your life not only your hard earned cash! Please try to put the loss behind you and move forward, you had a relapse that has cost you but you are human, talk to your wife, gambling is not going solve anything! Xx sending lots of love, you can get through this, you may be desperate for that money back which is how we get so caught up in this horrible addiction. Please please consider signing up to Gamstop, I can not play online anymore, it helped me so much, looking back now so grateful this is available. Sending lots of Understanding, Support and best wishes xx

 

Posted on:
Sat, 10/11/2018 - 13:01

rupidoda

Joined:
2017-01-27

Thankyou caughtup,

Everything you say is right - it’s just really hard to justify what I’ve done and just want to make it right. I know gambling isn’t the answer. You are right I do need to register with GAMSTOP, but haven’t done so yet as I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that the money is gone and I still have a chance of getting it back. I need to do it iknow.

Posted on:
Sat, 10/11/2018 - 13:40

Worv

Joined:
2018-11-03

 

Hi Rupidona, sign up with gamstop this afternoon. I’m going to be honest with you mate, you are not going to win that money back, even if you hit a big win and you win the £11k the gambling demons will just convince you that your on a streak and you can win more...next thing it’s all gone and more. We have all been there. Sign up to gamstop and make today the first day you are free from this addiction, you will start to feel better everyday. Iv relapsed so many times but this time I am 100% committed to beating it, the debts are done, chasing them will just make it worse, iv signed up for the full 5 years on gamstop and I already feel like I’ve taken some control back.

Keep your chin up, you will beat this

Posted on:
Sun, 11/11/2018 - 11:22

johnlostmydo

Joined:
2014-05-18

Yes you need to take the leap and sign upto gamstop. I’ve also banned myself from my local casinos for 5 years and life is much easier now. After 18 years of trying to give up I’m on day 110 now. Onwards and upwards 

Posted on:
Sun, 11/11/2018 - 11:56

ALN

Joined:
2018-08-25

Got to be honest, having read your previous stories I don't know why you'd ever considered going back. This is pure insanity. Not only that you're considering doing it again!
Do you think you'll only be happy when you've lost everything, partner, job, house, and then finally your life?
Time to grow up and do what needs to be done. Come clean with partner, everything, put barriers in place, no credit and no cash, GA meetings. Plus work on your character defects. You know what you need to do if you're going to take this addiction serious.
Pure madness.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/11/2018 - 10:07

smallie

Joined:
2018-10-27

Worv wrote:

Hi Rupidona, sign up with gamstop this afternoon. I’m going to be honest with you mate, you are not going to win that money back, even if you hit a big win and you win the £11k the gambling demons will just convince you that your on a streak and you can win more...next thing it’s all gone and more. We have all been there. Sign up to gamstop and make today the first day you are free from this addiction, you will start to feel better everyday. Iv relapsed so many times but this time I am 100% committed to beating it, the debts are done, chasing them will just make it worse, iv signed up for the full 5 years on gamstop and I already feel like I’ve taken some control back.

Keep your chin up, you will beat this

this is great advice. i8 couldn't have said it better. i signedup with gamstop yesterday and of course i think of the thousands i lost. its tough but if you were to gamble again and win, you will be on that high and will want to win more and before you know it, you will lose even more. i bet you wish you could go back to just losing that 500 pounds and wish you could have stopped there before turning it to 11k. its a vicious cycle. People who have gambling problems find it extremely hard to break this cycle. sign up to gamstop. accept the loss as a mistake and start again

Posted on:
Mon, 12/11/2018 - 11:26

nipped

Joined:
2012-03-25

11K is a big blow was it a credit loss or did you have the funds to spare ?

if it was a credit loss then put it down as a paper loss and chip away at it over a couple of years ?

if it was your own money then you can put it as a very expensive lesson 

i find  it's very important to remind myself of the dangers of chasing losing bets

when i have lost several bets my judgement is usually clouded and makes me do stupid bets just for the sake of it which usually results me in losing even more

like any drug if you try to go cold turkey for a month or so and you will start to feel better 

Posted on:
Mon, 12/11/2018 - 12:42

smallie

Joined:
2018-10-27

nipped wrote:

 

when i have lost several bets my judgement is usually clouded and makes me do stupid bets just for the sake of it which usually results me in losing even more

 

That's exactly what i do. its an awful feeling. i just lose self control and my anxiety rises which causes me to gamble irresponsibly. then afterwards i curse myself for being stupid. i registered with gamstop yesterday so hopefully its the begininning of the end

Posted on:
Wed, 05/12/2018 - 12:08

rupidoda

Joined:
2017-01-27

 

Thanks all for your messages. After blowing another 5k I’ve decided enough is enough - I’ve registered with Gamstop. Don’t think I’ve come to terms with the money lost but now I don’t have a an option to win to back...weight off my mind. Feeling somewhat down knowing what a fool I’ve been over the past years and what that money lost could have done for my family ...but I’m luckily that’s I’m not in debt....so now I can look forward to saving for holidays etc.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 05/12/2018 - 12:35

Stew

Joined:
2018-11-21

Hi Rupidoda,

The best thing you could have done is signing up to GAMSTOP, well done! If you hadn't you'd have just carried on and on and wasted more and more money and feeling worse and worse. 

We'd all turn the clock back and not lost all our respective monies but once its gone its gone. We've all been fools. Like you you I don't have the opportunity to win my money back but already I feel better for knowing I can't play and waste any more. That said it's not easy but better than the alternative. 

Look at the positives. Lots and lots of people on here are in debt (me included) you're not. be very grateful for that and as you say start saving for holidays or other lovely things instead of lining the casinos pockets, your family will appreciate it a lot more than the casino!!

Good luck.

Posted on:
Wed, 05/12/2018 - 12:38

rupidoda

Joined:
2017-01-27

Hi Stew, was just responding you your post lol. Your post encourage me to register!

Posted on:
Wed, 05/12/2018 - 12:58

Stew

Joined:
2018-11-21

Hi Rupidoda,

Really pleased my post had encouraged you do register. It's hard for me as it will be for you and many others on here but really VERY VERY well done for doing so, long term we won't regret it!

Catch up soon.

Best wishes Stew

Posted on:
Wed, 05/12/2018 - 14:39

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

Rupidoda, All the best in the new year to come. tara

Posted on:
Thu, 06/12/2018 - 01:26

brucey-b

Joined:
2018-01-23

Well done for signing up with GAMSTOP! I'd strongly suggest that you self exclude from the land based casinos as well... I believe you can do it via the SENSE program

Posted on:
Thu, 06/12/2018 - 23:49

Peter200

Joined:
2018-12-06

Just joined. Today I Hope is the first step.

Posted on:
Thu, 06/12/2018 - 23:50

Peter200

Joined:
2018-12-06

After 25 years which has now cost me everything. It is excuse the pun the last chance saloon. Any tips on how to see this through?

Posted on:
Fri, 14/12/2018 - 07:19

rupidoda

Joined:
2017-01-27

Hi all,

Not tried gambling since signing up for GAMSTOP, but have been thinking about my losses and it is getting me down. Got some unplanned bills coming in next month, if I hadn’t gambled the last couple of month I would have been able to pay them - instead I will need to get a loan. So this is eating away at me too. With Xmas coming up, there’s lots of expense s. I’m just hoping that the next year brings me happiness and I can put this whole mess  behind me with no long term consequences.

Peter200 - it may be worth starting your own blogg as you may get more advice if you explain your story. 

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 14/12/2018 - 23:42

richy244

Joined:
2013-09-27

You just have to allow the thoughts of the blown money to be there,, remember that they are just thoughts they can not "eat away" anything or harm you,, the frequency of these intrusive thoughts will gradually dissipate with time,, put your time and effort into tasks that are meaningful to you and are inkeeping with your values.