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Posted on:
Sat, 01/09/2018 - 21:02

ALN

Joined:
2018-08-25

Hi,

Just reading signalman posts and noticed yours. Just thought spot on advice and with a lot of hindsight and maturity.

Gutted when I read your own post today. Was this a one off or have you been gambling for sometime again as I noticed no recent comments on your page?

I can only speak from experience and say it's never too late to start again. Doing it differently myself on this occasion. Full disclosure, no access to money, and GA and this forum. Lot of guilt and suffering with depression and anxiety in which I've taken counselling.

Mine's very much an emotional illness which I guess from the reading yours is too. Great loss!

Whilst not rock bottom on this occasion, we need to begin liking ourselves and living life again.

All the best.

ALN

Posted on:
Sat, 01/09/2018 - 21:39

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

My addiction to fobt has been going on for a long time aln. I have lost pretty much everything because of it. The only way signalman will save he relationship is honesty I have been in his shoes. But yeah I suffer all the things you have said. I have had counselling didn’t work been to doctors pretty much useless. I don’t have hold of my cash card but can easily get it off my mam tbh. My mam 68 years old I’m 37 how sad that when I have no control. As for gambling yeah it’s never really stopped for quite a few years. I’m self excluded but it doesn’t work 

Posted on:
Sat, 01/09/2018 - 21:57

ALN

Joined:
2018-08-25

Guess we both know it's about drawing a line and not crossing it.

Had my fill 2 weeks ago having watched myself return to the counter time and time again until all gone. Don't like discussing amounts but many, many, many thousands. Pure madness.

Came away knowing something has to change. If not I'm looking at an early grave. This would destroy my family.

Decided time to start living life, make progress, and improve on many character flaws. Same as before, start liking myself again.

You're an intelligent guy and you like me know there's only one way this can be beat, and that's all in. GA meetings, support, and daily updates re Gamcare.

Hope something clicks, and you, like I, start to take back control.

Posted on:
Sat, 01/09/2018 - 22:16

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Total madness from me today I not be able to set foot in there again with embarrassment which is a good thing.Not rock bottom but my emotional state is not good because I keep doing the same thing time and time again. I worry about about  everything. I never beat it. It’s about managing it because it will always be inside me to lose control

Posted on:
Sat, 01/09/2018 - 23:44

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Mate I hear you - the madness is always in there and when we don't feel it it's still in there hiding.

I'm only on day 3 so emotionally a wreck still but every time I come on here I'm buoyed by the support and courage shown by people trying to free themselves from this ****

Strength in numbers. I need to speak to my wife like you say... I'm just so ashamed and gutless I guess. I'm 35 and everything in my life was cruising until 3 days ago. Absolute mad one from me. They say oh here that every day you'll become stronger so tomorrow when you wake up you'll be that little bit stronger. Keep going. Don't give up. When you feel good - capitalise on that and do positive things. When you feel bad, come on here and seek support.

Posted on:
Sun, 02/09/2018 - 10:07

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

 

Cheers for your support signalman.    

Heads still all over the place. I did yesterday what I always do after a massive loss I tried to get a loan to cover the loss because I can’t take losing that type of money. I did manage to get a loan at a low apr 7.9. But me getting a loan is not a solution to my problem and I’m thinking about just paying it back I have 14 days before I get charge interest on it.

Posted on:
Sun, 02/09/2018 - 10:29

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Listen mate do what you think is right LONG TERM. You may have a loan come now but if payments are not realistic over time you'll only screw yourself over and create heartache later on. Look after yourself... Take care of yourself - only take on the loan if you really need it due to not being able to financially uphold the loss you had. If you can survive the loss without the loan... Don't take it mate. Do what's best for you... Don't punish yourself more through self-loathing.

Posted on:
Sun, 02/09/2018 - 10:31

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

We will all try and work through this altogether boss... Don't forget that.

Posted on:
Sun, 02/09/2018 - 10:58

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I can afford loan no problem do I need it the answer is no.                     Cheers signalman 

Posted on:
Mon, 03/09/2018 - 08:58

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Back to work today after a week off. Really can’t be bothered with it after losing all that money last week

Posted on:
Mon, 03/09/2018 - 14:52

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Good luck at work mate. Put a face on and just go for it. Every day you work and don't gamble you are the victor. Keep fighting. Last week is done now - this week is there for you to make the best of - you can shape your future - not your past. Forget last week now - or at least try to (not easy I know)

Posted on:
Mon, 03/09/2018 - 16:17

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

This week you're thinking "Gosh last week was ****" I hope this time next week you're thinking "ok! Last week was good - got my head down - worked - remained GF - great week!" Then build on that week by week Boro. Sounds hard to comprehend now but keep on a positive path and you'll leave last week way behind you. Good luck.

Posted on:
Mon, 03/09/2018 - 22:01

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I’m thinking signalman last week started off well and then I screwed up on Friday which has knocked me back a bit. Work was not to bad it took me mind off things I have no intention of gambling the money gone I’m only going to lose more by gambling. Cheers for your continued support though signalman 

Posted on:
Tue, 04/09/2018 - 19:41

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Another day at work done. Gambling couldn’t be any further away from my mind. It’s just the £2500 lost that’s killing me. Been on here a long time now and nothing really changed apart from not in any debt which I was when I first came on here. I have seen a lot of people come and go. But a lot relapse and come back. You just hope the people that don’t come back have soughted there life’s out. In my opinion gambling addiction is one of the worst because you can only take a certain amount of drugs or alcohol before your body won’t take anymore where as gambling you rarely stop till every penny has gone. Never taken an illegal drug in my life don’t drink much but I’m saddled with a horrible gambling addiction which up to now has ruined my life. 

Posted on:
Wed, 05/09/2018 - 09:39

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Day off today. Relax 

Posted on:
Wed, 05/09/2018 - 15:41

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Paid loan back of £7000 today got it after losing the money on Friday. Didn’t need it I was just trying to cover for money I’d lost. Life could be worse 

Posted on:
Wed, 05/09/2018 - 16:45

A 9

Joined:
2018-08-31

Good call Boro :))  The times I've done the same losing then taking out cash on a card or flexiloan to cover my tracks or was it to sooth my sore ego for all the losses and in my mind take me back to level's again ? . 

Anyway a moment of rational thought and clarity ? 

Good on yer mate :))  

Posted on:
Wed, 05/09/2018 - 19:38

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

It had to be done A9 it would have been silly for me to go into debt for no reason. Plus there always that risk of gambling it away. In the past I have always tried to cover the money with loans

Posted on:
Thu, 06/09/2018 - 12:32

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Well could have gone to sedgefield races today with me brother but I don’t think it’s right I should be anywhere near gambling at the minute. A bit gutted but also tired after finishing work. 

Posted on:
Fri, 07/09/2018 - 20:24

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Had a bit of an urge to try my luck at winning back what I lost the last couple of days. Could not do it to myself or my family so I bought my daughter some ellesee leggings and a hoodie costing £53 which made me feel a lot better than wasting my money on the fobt. These machines are dangerous the sooner stakes are reduced the better for everyone. I still be a compulsive gambler after there are reduced but I won’t play on these machines again because I not get the same buzz out of £2 

Posted on:
Fri, 07/09/2018 - 21:54

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Well done mate. You fought back. that's great. Keep fighting every day. Forget the money you lost... It's gone. Don't stake your future by trying to win it back... You got more to lose in the long run. Great work today. You should be proud.

Posted on:
Sun, 09/09/2018 - 11:21

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

No gambling starting to forgive myself for the £2500 loss. Cheers for your support signalman 

Posted on:
Sun, 09/09/2018 - 17:14

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

What you're gaining in being strong enough to say no is priceless and far outweighs your recent loss. Keep up the fight mate... You're positive outlook keeps people like me going too. Nice one.

Posted on:
Sat, 15/09/2018 - 14:31

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Lost about a £100 on fobt today sick as anything when will it all end. Life’s not good 

Posted on:
Sat, 15/09/2018 - 15:54

A 9

Joined:
2018-08-31

Mate I'n not gonna preach but " WTF " ??  . Life's not good because you won't stop gambling and the only way this will end is when you decide to stop and stay stopped , it's the " Repeat cycle " we all go through till the penny drops . 

I wish you well buddy but it has to end and your the only one that can make it happen ?. 

Look after yourself mate :))  

Posted on:
Sat, 15/09/2018 - 16:00

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Wtf exactly mate. Not a lot more I can see

Posted on:
Sat, 15/09/2018 - 16:52

A 9

Joined:
2018-08-31

It's positive that you keep coming back and being honest mate that takes some guts but I think everyone just want's to see you draw that line and begin to get well again , I gambled for about 40 yrs so I know how it keeps promising you the world to pull you back in Boro but the inly thing I can pass on after those 40 yrs wasted is that it just doesn't change , the big win never comes and it really wouldn't matter if it did as you and I would just up the stakes and gamble more till that was gone . 

GA , therapy , church , at least hand over all control  ?? I don't know mate but you need to give something else a try before it's too late .  :(( 

Posted on:
Sat, 15/09/2018 - 17:54

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Mate so sorry to hear about the loss of control. I remember when you mentioned that the fobt should be reduced to £2 max stake asap so they would lose their appeal to you... Until then you need to have something in place to protect you from their lure... They are never going to pay you back the heaps of money youve given them... They have been programmed to just take. That's it. Bar yourself from every bookie in your locality if you have to. Be humble, admit defeat and take protective steps like the one highlighted above... You seem like a good bloke... I just want to you to stay well and keep on top of this that's all. I'm not preaching or anything. Do whatever you can do to stay out of the clutches of those shops and their machines. You can do this. Stay strong... Yes it was only a hundred quid but still another loss of control and that's the thing that matters. Please take back control and put something in place to stay out of those bookies. You're better than them and what they offer.

Posted on:
Sat, 15/09/2018 - 22:07

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

I hope you're ok and have found some resilience from somewhere mate. Stay strong. Please don't be too hard on yourself about what happened. Just go again and rack up those GF free days. Every GF day will be like an antidote to this horrible **** we have all got ourselves involved in.

Posted on:
Thu, 04/10/2018 - 20:13

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

What can I say still gambling and losing plenty. Nothing changes

Posted on:
Thu, 04/10/2018 - 21:44

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Mate... I was wondering about you during this time.

Nothing changes because you keep telling yourself that nothing will change. Please get yourself to a GA group in your area and learn from the people there that change is waiting for you if you accept it and also accept that you are powerless to gambling in your current state. There is a path you can follow which will set you apart from gambling but you've just got to admit it's more powerful than you and you will never win. Ever. 

Go to a meeting. Please.

Gambling has beaten us all mate that's why we are here. Stop going back for more punishment and use that time to develop the armour you need to protect yourself from it when it comes calling. Life is too short for all this heartache man.

Posted on:
Sat, 06/10/2018 - 09:28

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I have had counciling before signalman I don’t think a ga meeting would do any good. Only one person that can help me and that is myself. Not going to have a bet today had a look at the runners but me gambling on horses leads me to putting money in the fobt. I still have my card details on my Apple Pay that’s why I was able to lose £300 I have tried to delete card it will let me do it but the details are stored in phone so all I have to do is go in Apple Pay and it’s easy to put card back on. Needs to make changes in my life because it is really getting me down 

Posted on:
Sat, 06/10/2018 - 12:57

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

It makes me sad to hear how down you are. I was so down (as you know) but the GA meetings gave me hope, a new outlook and a new lease of life. Life is getting better for me every day and it can for you.

I know you want to help yourself but have you considered that a GA meeting is a huge step in finally helping yourself? There are a million reasons not to go Boro and only a few reasons to go to one Boro but here's a few... Gambling has you licked and you're in a bad place and you need support and all this punishment needs to stop. Please don't let pride stop you from going.

Anyway whatever you do good luck and get on top of this.

Posted on:
Sat, 06/10/2018 - 16:45

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Boro wrote:

I have had counciling before signalman I don’t think a ga meeting would do any good. Only one person that can help me and that is myself. Not going to have a bet today had a look at the runners but me gambling on horses leads me to putting money in the fobt. I still have my card details on my Apple Pay that’s why I was able to lose £300 I have tried to delete card it will let me do it but the details are stored in phone so all I have to do is go in Apple Pay and it’s easy to put card back on. Needs to make changes in my life because it is really getting me down 

Remove your card from the phone in settings. Cut up the card and order a new one. When it arrives scratch off the CVC code at the back without looking at it. Good luck.

Posted on:
Wed, 19/12/2018 - 18:15

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Well in the 2 months I have not wrote on my diary I have won about £6500 on the fobt but I have gone and lost £3100 in about 2 hours. Going a £100 a spin back and forth to the counter the bloke behind counter even said this is getting silly now,it was embarrassing to be honest when I think about it now. Me target of not going in betting shop is April when the stake reduction happens not going to set greater goals. Feeling down and sorry for myself and I know how much this is effecting my family. I have lost everything because of these machines but I still do it. When will it all end I’m 38 and this has been going on for the last 15-20 years need to change 

Posted on:
Wed, 19/12/2018 - 23:11

Raydec2018stopg...

Joined:
2018-12-17

 

 

Hello Ricky,

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Well done for realising it is an addiction that has been taken over yourself and your life.  You must keep reminding yourself that what has the gambling addiction has done to you and many many other people visiting this website.  I do not against people gambling for fun and when it is under control but when it become out of control and start taking over you and your life, that is when the problem starts.  Of course it is not to start at all but we all know how tempting it is just to play £10 to see if I can win £30 then get out. Even if you are in control the first time or two after a few months break from gambling, you know you will keep going back until everything you won the last few times have lost.  I have done the same, a lot of people have done the same visiting this website. That is why I am here to remind you and myself that is something I never want to do again, it ruin my life and everything that I have, luckily, I think I will be able to get away from loosing everything that i have, but I must not to gamble again.  i know I am the kind of person get addicted to bad habbit very easily.

Keep it up, don't let addiction take over your life again.  

 

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 20/12/2018 - 14:28

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Still in a daze, putting a brave face on at work. Target April 

Posted on:
Fri, 21/12/2018 - 18:53

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Struggling badly feel worse than I have ever felt. It’s not the money it’s just the same cycle nothing changes

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 11:25

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Ricky mate

You helped me a lot when I first came on this site. You're a good guy who needs to get the better of this. 15-20 years of gambling means it is engrained in your system (sorry to say) but there is still hope mate. Please don't just wait around for it to take you again when you feel weak. Rather than put gambling behind you finally you're seeing how long you can go without gambling... What do you think will happen mate.

I know you've tried counselling and all that before but get to a GA meeting... Try something different otherwise you'll stay on this merry-go-round. Do something different and try to beat this properly, if not for yourself at least for your daughter. Get to a GA meeting man. You have a serious gambling problem (like the rest of us on here) and there is powerful medicine to be had in those rooms... If only you would just swallow your pride and get to them. This whole not gambling until April thing... You've tried cold turkey so many times Ricky and it's not worked... What's different this time? What are you doing differently this time to be so sure you won't gamble until April? I'm only speaking from experience here buddy... Not preaching or whatever.

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 14:26

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

 

It’s graeme not Ricky mate. Lol.  

 

April is when them machines get reduced to £2 I have excluded from just about every online company plus I have gamstop on me phone. 

Would not dream of putting a lot of money on a horse or football accumalator. My problem won’t disappear in April but my main vice will fobt never play slots it’s just roulette never been to a casino. 

I have cut my card so if I need any money I just transfer it into my mam account and she get me the money it’s the only safe thing to do to be honest. Cannot have my cash card for the forseeable future. I appreciate your support signalman as alway mate                                               

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 14:43

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Ok I hear what you're saying about the precautions you put in place... I get it. Make it through to April and hopefully you'll be safe.

I can't speak for you but for me I want to be in a position one day where if someone plonked me in a casino in my sleep when I woke up I would be able to cope and would just walk out the door calmly without gambling or feeling overwhelmed... In fact I had to go into a casino last month to change money - it was tough (early days for me) but I didn't gamble. I want to be better than gambling not keep running from it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you may be ok until April now you don't have your card. But the rest of your life is a long time and all it takes is for that April deadline to be extended or one accidental trip to the casino or a hole in your armoury online (a site that slips through the net) and you're stuffed. I just think it's a dangerous game you play, one I've played for years and lost miserably which is why I'm getting help to arrest my problem with addiction rather than just putting blocks in and hoping for the best. I hope one day you will do this too. But at the same time I prey that the blocks you put in are enough to see you through. Sorry to hear about your fate just before Christmas but stay on here this time, don't drift away and we can support each other. That's the very least I can do for you after you had my back earlier in the year. Keep in touch.

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 15:48

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

For me signalman I never beat this gambling addiction it’s just about dealing with it the best I can and making sure the blocks are in place. No amount of counciling which I have had will help and I must have had 20 plus sessions. But yeah I definitely continue to post. The things is I’m still up for the month by 3 grand so if I stop now with blocks in place things aren’t bad. But it was the embarrassment of losing &3 grand on a machine in 2 hours 

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 16:44

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

I don't know how you did it mate but fair play for stopping at the 3k and walking away... That's something I guess... Something I couldn't do so many times.

It's just the fact that 3k in 2hours is not normal behaviour is it... It's madness really. Not just the 3k... It's the 2 hours watching a computer screen take your money and keep going back for more.

There are better ways to live mate like you know already. I'm not trying to make you feel bad for fun (I'm saying this because I'll throw anything at you right now to keep you away from the FOBT until April, even if that means upsetting you) but I'll always remember when I first started this and you posted that you had a massive urge to win money back but you beat the urge and went and bought your daughter something for £55 (I think it was trainers or clothes) it was a real victory for you, you were so proud of yourself and rightly so... Mate I was proud of you... That post inspired me that we can take back control of our brains if we want to.

So...

Yes you're up 3k now and all that... But what about the 3k lost? What could you have brought your daughter with that 3k??? Did you even consider her or this question when you were pumping it all into a machine? This gambling addiction has you by the balls mate... You are unwell and need help like we all do on here... How sick are you? Sick enough to do the remaining 3k? I admire your honesty Graeme mate I really do... your stories are often heartbreaking but written with brutal honesty. At least you use this site for honourable reasons (because you know the support helps in the fight back). PLEASE don't come back to post that you did the other 3k at the bookies or that would be 6k you could have spent on your daughter... 6k mate... There's a whole lot of difference between 6k and £55 mate... If this sinking in doesn't stop you and you end up back here devastated after doing the rest of your 'winnings' then all I can do at that point is prey for you and hope for the best.

Again just to be clear I'm not being nasty... You just need to hear some home truths. I don't think you're ready to accept you are ****** and have a problem but I know for a fact you have a big heart and a warm soul so if you you're not willing to battle against your addiction then at least acknowledge what I've said and battle through for your daughter... At least until April mate. Then reassess things from there. Best of luck Graeme.

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 18:52

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

The thing that stopped me mate was it was getting embarrassing going back and forth to the counter and even the bloke behind counter said this is getting silly now and he was starting to feel guilty. Your right I could have given my daughter the best Christmas ever but if I lost every penny I had it would finish me off because I have gone through this so many times. I really do appreciate your comments I need to here these from other people not only my family                          The thing that also gets to me is my daughter just wants money for Christmas I was originally going to give her a £100 but she wants a new bed so I said I’d buy her one after Christmas because her mam can’t afford it. I got a message off my daughter last night saying can I have £200 I need this that and other I said no because of the ways she was going on saying she block me and not come over Boxing Day. The thing is though if I give her £200 I have to give Joshua £200 who thinks I’m he dad he is now 16. I can’t give my daughter £200 but I can chuck £3000 in a machine. How stupid that mate.... greed. I can still afford it

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 18:58

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I end up giving her £200 like but because I lost that £3000 I’m thinking that’s another loss. But deep down I’d give my daughter my last breath. That’s how selfish gambling makes us. Something which we aren’t without gambling 

Posted on:
Sat, 22/12/2018 - 19:08

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Mate that's how powerful this force is. I'll never forget the times I was gambling in the spare room and I could hear my 1 year old calling for me, wondering where I had got to. Instead of going to him I closed the door and put headphones on. I feel sick to the stomach recalling those memories. Ive let him down SO badly but this doesn't mean I can't make amends to him from here.

Just stay away from the FOBT however you can, until the max stake changes at least. Good move giving your mum the card. I hope that next Christmas we are chatting and are both in much better places. Make it count this time mate. All this money we have lost we should be spending on our kids... Not lining other people's pockets.

Posted on:
Sun, 23/12/2018 - 18:10

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Loaded with cold and feel like ****. No gambling of any kind today though 

Posted on:
Fri, 28/12/2018 - 10:41

Marcella

Joined:
2018-12-27

Hey big man.
I have just joined the forum but have read your diary and followed it quite closely. Just want to wish you all the best, everyone on here knows how you feel. Keep your chin up!

Posted on:
Fri, 28/12/2018 - 15:02

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Hi Graeme

How are you and how's it going? Are you going strong?

Remember to forget - keep doing that daily mate ie keep telling yourself that money is gone from before and remember the pain and embarrassment caused when you lost it. Stay out of the bookies at all costs man. But don't become consumed by the negativity... Let it go, do the best you can in your day (use your experience as inspiration if you like), then give yourself the same stimulus the next day.

One day at a time mate. Don't let that dreaded machine suck you in and send you into 2019 a broken man.

Enough is enough.

(I know your mum has the card but that won't stop you cooking up schemes to get money when you feel weak... Remember you will be miles weaker if you succumb to those urges)

Hope you're feeling better after your illness.

Posted on:
Fri, 28/12/2018 - 19:00

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Feel a hell of a lot better signalman. No not been on them dreaded machines have to keep telling myself they have not only cost me a hell of a lot of money but 2 relationships. Still sickens me what I did 3000 in a couple of hours probably not even that. But I need to keep that feeling inside so I don’t go on them again.

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