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Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 11:08

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

lol you're diagnosing people now as well Dan??!!!!

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 11:16

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

You're welcome Phil, keep doing what you're doing S:)

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 12:26

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I've also made it clear that I believe in my case that I was addicted to distraction - not being happy in my own skin so seeking escapism from my thoughts and feelings.

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 20:14

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

-------------- That's a line in terms of drawing a line under recent stuff. I don't want to be moderated again but I will continue to express my opinions in a polite and open-minded way on my diary. Best wishes, Phil

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 20:31

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I drew a line but wanted to make one final comment about recent posts on my diary because I think it is pertinent.

I'm shy but lucky enought to have a very interesting small circle of friends - electrician, teacher, retired, builder, skiver (!) and also a psychology professor etc. We all get on very well despite our different backgrounds and professions.

I'm interested in lots of different things - always have been curious about lots of things like psychology.

I've known Professor X for 10 years and besides his academic career he assesses people who have been described as psychopathic or sociopathic in prisons mostly to see if they are safe to be released and believe me without him breaching anonymity he had/has some scary experiences.

I asked him today: do you think P&S are illnesses? He paused and said that's a very interesting question but ultimately "no I don't".

I asked him IF he thought they were illnesses - are they treatable? He again took his time to answer and said: "Very rarely"

We then moved on to compulsive behaviour to do with anything (obviously from my point of view gambling) and we agreed that most people in the grips of something like gambling are liars, thieves, cheats but especially in HIS opinion are not P or S - because even when we are (well me anyway) in the grips of something destructive we still care to some extent - I know I did with shame, self-disgust etc.

Psychopaths and Sociopaths don't care. I believe that because my friend has been assessing both for 20+ years and is highly respected in his field.

Sorry Dan, unless you have the expertise of my friend - suggesting some or a lot of compulsive gamblers are Sociopathic if they don't agree with your approach is not something I agree with and very ill-thought.

Phil

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 21:08

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Post edited (by Mixer ;) )

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 21:31

Bal

Joined:
2015-04-18

Hmmm.

Post 824 you are drawing a line and 825 you want the last word.

Your diary i suppose.

Move on Phil - its old news

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 21:53

Dean0

Joined:
2017-09-14

This could be a first for me in my history on gamcare. But I’m gonna stick up for dan aka mr marmite (love that title) 

I don’t think his original question was unreasonable or was it an attack. I think it’s more trying to provoke your thoughts give you a different view. We can’t all have the same views as it would be boring. If we all had one view what if we were wrong?  To ask a question if I may have you come to one assumption one defining route or have you explored all avenues?  I’m not saying either is right or wrong but I am open to every possibility. I can say that I highly doubt I got addicted to gambling just because it was fun. So if it wasn’t for the fun why was it I started gambling?  Correct me if I’m wrong but phil you mentioned you had ocd? Would you say or not say your gambling started somehow through suffering from ocd? 

No arguments just straight up adult to adult conversation.

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 21:54

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I made it clear why I was expressing one final point after "drawing a line" as it was to do with the conversation I had with my friend earlier. I am moving on and with ultimate respect I don't tell people what they can and can't post on their diary. Cheers, Phil.

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 21:56

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was I was 23 and I started gambling when I was 40 and stopped when I was 43. I am now 45.

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 22:21

Dean0

Joined:
2017-09-14

I had ocd when I was 18 from the age of 16 , 18 being the age I started hitting the gambling industry hard never diagnosed with ocd not even the web was available for diagnosis. Gambling compulsively good bye ocd . Connection? Most likely 

I could write all night the rituals I had most you’d laugh about but it was time consuming I can tell you that much. Addiction saved me from the dam thing in a way. Lining up bottles and switching on the light a few times would of been a lot cheaper come to think of it . Well not with today’s electric prices though?  Thank god I do neither anymore. As always phil best whishes

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 10:03

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Sorry I didn't answer your questions last night W. To reiterate as I've said elsewhere, I have no problem with other people's approaches and am open to most. If people feel think this issue is a disease/illness - fine although I disagree.

I believe I started gambling because I was desperately unhappy with the state I was in with inappropriately treated, chronic and desperately distressing long-term OCD. Taking anti-depressants, anti-psychotics (people with OCD aren't psychotic by the way) and talking about my childhood didn't help at all.

OCD can wax and wane and I went through periods were I felt relatively well although it was always lurking in the background ready to pounce.

Gambling for me with hindsight was the ultimate inappropriate "distraction" - no buzz involved although the occassional feeling of excitement when I had a very rare win.

I had to fight my butt off to access appropriate treatment for my illness - yes illness because OCD IS an illness and even had a meeting with the chief executive of the local health trust after a writing a letter of complaint) to express my concerns.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 10:05

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

PS I wouldn't laugh at any rituals - I know the score, believe me.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 11:26

Dean0

Joined:
2017-09-14

Hi phil,

I’m not writing to disprove any ideas or beliefs. I just like sharing ideas. I’m not claiming to be right and if you ever want me to stop posting on your diary I will that’s fine.

I’m not a physiologist or do I have any degrees in the field. I’ve read various blogs, and spoken with a few people who work on the subject addiction. By the way a famous social media website beginning with t is an awesome place to share ideas on addiction.the community is a lot bigger than over here.

Bit about me I don’t attend ga, haven’t had counselling, no self exclusions , I handle the family finances. I believe in god but I’m not religious or am i an atheist. I am open to the idea of all of the above. Some will help people where as others they won’t. 

Just before I got to my one year bet free date I returned from holiday, and I’d put that much focus on getting myself and everything ready for the holiday I hadn’t seen past it. Head dropped life become mundane again. Wobble comes and I started to think is this it? All that hard work to get a year bet free and this is it?  So I started some research. They say go back and find the reason you started gambling. So I did. A death in the family close (wrote about that one in my diary) not long after came the ocd. I’m sure you know the consequences of the ocd rationale? We don’t save the world if we don’t do the things we do.  Friend introduces me to slots the ocd disappears over night. Suppressed? Which brings my long winded post to an almost conclusion. OCD a mental illness. Addiction the medication. You mentioned you started gambling when you were some what upset? You could say you were depressed? Depression a mental illness? Addiction the tablet. So in a roundabout way addiction isn’t a mental illness but a suppressant for the former.  As I said there’s over 200 mental illnesses and if you read enough diaries you start to see the link between people having at least one.   

Just an idea?

Again best wishes and enjoy your Sunday 

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 12:07

c43herb

Joined:
2015-03-28

I have seen on a nr of threads about ocds and gambling addictions are different. They are on the same thread. I dont see how you can seperate them. Same behaviour as washing your hands to much having fear of spiders or kleptomania etc. It is an obsesssive compulsion dissorder and it (the compulsion) is created by our repetative behaviour. of gambling. Neuro plasticity is where the brain finds new paths of reasembling itself in case of a stroke for example is a way forward to retune and restart. Most psychiatrists beleive that is the way we ev get fixed.  Books on the brain The Mind and The brain (Jeffrey M Schwartz MD) and Thinking Fast And Slow by Daniel Kahneman. Have a good Sunday :)

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 12:40

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

the major differences between a condition like OCD where there is there is no pleasure in having intrusive thoughts or performing rituals and gambling addiction is that for many the latter does bring pleasure, excitement etc.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 12:43

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I like your post above W - a good analogy.

.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 13:09

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

salon.com/2015/06/27/addiction_is_not_a_disease_a_neuroscientist_argues_that_its_time_to_change_our_minds_on_the_roots_of_substance_abuse

This is an interesting article for anyone with an open mind.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 14:17

c43herb

Joined:
2015-03-28

This is your room so I won´t push the issue but you know what. The pleasure at some stage allways becomes a problem and is drowned with intrusive thoughts so I respectfully dissagree. Good article.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 20:05

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Fundamentally I have no problem with people disagreeing with me like the polite posts yesterday and today above from other forum users and respect their right to disagree with me as I move on and especially with advice from Forum Admin about MY previous behaviour which I've taken on board.

That is totally fine and I respect your views which on my diary I see as constructive criticism and an alternative point of view politely expressed and with no animosity (I've been there and bought the t-shirt hence moderation which I accepted).

I genuinely feel that anyone wanting to stop something destructive like gambling can - with good counsel, honesty, a realistic approach (ODAAT?/GA/Smart Recovery, Counselling) and pay back debts (not get bailed out sorry) can stop but it's not that simple for some of us with underlying issues which we are trying to address.

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 12/10/2017 - 12:55

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I'd love to join today's 2pm chat but unfortunately I have to go the dentist - again. I feel like I'm being experimented on by the student dentists at the dental hospital.

Absolutely hate it and wind myself up before I go. Mind you I've never met anyone who LIKES going to the dentist!

Posted on:
Sun, 15/10/2017 - 20:01

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I was thinking earlier about inhibitions - particularly alcohol and gambling. i.e. Drinking and thinking somehow you are going to win because your mindset has been changed because of the effects of alcohol.

In my case, I woke up in the morning and even before I'd made a cup of tea looked online at the day's races, made decisions (my choice) and either bet on horses on the internet or in a shop.

My excessive drinking was generally afterwards - the self-disgust, loathing, despair, shame and horror of what I had done again was something I "needed" to block out.

I don't like getting or being drunk - I have a generally low tolerance to alcohol apart from a nice bottle of wine but I did get hammered - not every day - often when I was gambling.

Life is different now. My younger brother who I absolutely love to bits and don't see more than a few times a year stayed a couple of nights and my wife and I went out with him and his new girlfriend last night.

I got to 10 o'clock and told my brother I'd had enough and wanted to go home. He was cool as he was seeing other friends he hadn't seen for a while since he moved. He had a spare key and got back to mine at 3am - fine but not for me!

Posted on:
Sun, 15/10/2017 - 21:42

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Money and debt isn't an issue for some people and I agree that talking about losses is unhealthy. What I want to say is WOW! I'm down to around £600 in debt management repayments due to gambling. I can see a future, I can see a life, I can see a baby (hopefully), a holiday and being with this lovely woman sat next to me. ODAAT not gambling but nothing wrong about thinking about your future?

Posted on:
Sun, 15/10/2017 - 23:34

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Phil, nice one ref Dmp and total respect to you for having the GF life you want to live. Doing it your way rather than how others think you should be handling recovery. After all not gambling is not gambling. Take care S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 16/10/2017 - 11:32

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you Sharon and for all your supportive posts. Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Tue, 17/10/2017 - 20:58

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I have a sense of humour despite what some people might think and understand the light-hearted approach some forum users have.

Elsewhere, as a moderator of a mental health forum where people are waiting for therapy, taking inappropriate medication or having no rapport with a therapist/counsellor, it is not a joke.

The forum has many people in an incredibly distressed and bewildered state - just like here sometimes. Fundamentally the approach is Cognitive Behavourial Therapy (CBT) which is now (maybe not in a few years) recognised as the gold standard treatment especially for anxiety disorders such as OCD, panic attacks, social anxiety etc. and is also starting to be used in compulsive behaviours such as gambling, problem drinking and drug abuse.

Frankly I find that a 12-step fellowship for so many things quite strange - Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous, OCD Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous etc.

I'm not against meetings based on AA per se (although I find the steps -created in the 1930s - somewhat antiquated) but I do think a one track approach is unhealthy. I don't have a problem with a "spiritual" approach either but again would suggest that for many people in the 21st century it doesn't appeal.

.I guess my point is that it's a good thing for people to find out what's right for them with advice (not judgement) and support and told about ALL approaches.

Personally, I like Smart Recovery (CBT and science-based) but endorse it as part of a bigger picture.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 20:49

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I haven't posted on my diary for a while but the last few days I've felt awful.

Sinusitis and a really painful ear infection.

I am not into meetings and have not had counselling but I have been DWELLING on the past. I don't believe either would help me in a non-arrogant way.

My behaviour, lying, borrowing money, pawning things etc.

I thought I'd moved on from those disgraceful thoughts and feelings but clearly not - or maybe it is because I don't feel well?

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 21:42

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Again blowing the dust off my diary after not posting for a while.

I've had some great chats with newcomers to this forum recently and obviously the subject of money and debt comes up.

I'm not a 12-stepper but I think even those who are would agree you've got to address the accumulated debts (if you got into debt) by gambling as part of taking personal responsiblity - could be a manageable £2 a week debt management plan (DMP) through Stepchange for example if you don't earn a lot.

Get rid of the letters, phone calls, e-mails, text messages or even knocks on the door.

Creditors just want the money back OR some of the money. They aren't totally unreasonable especially if you have a DMP.

Debt of any kind can be horrendously stressful but the debt a compulsive gambler has is a matter that the individual has to address for peace of mind, "recovery", honesty and renewed self-respect etc.

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 22:53

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

I've got to agree with the above Phil. So many find ourselves in trouble with debts through having this addiction.
My good credit rating allowed me to have thousands on numerous credit cards, so from previously not owning one, I ended up with many and my credit rating has now dropped considerably. I now wish they wouldn't have let me have one but they did and I went into zombie mode spinning the reels.
You get to a point when enough is enough. The debt becomes a reality and the pounds you have thrown away are not just numbers plucked from the air.
That debt does not just go away. Stepchange or any other non-profit making company is definitely a good path to take.
It helps in so many ways. Not just by helping you to make 'do able' repayments to your creditors but also in helping you to feel you're back in control. It cuts down on the anxiety caused by demanding letters and phone calls, which in turn leads to a better quality of life. Also by that point, through discussing our finances with others, we hopefully have come to our senses and with lots of effort on our part we do our best to ensure a gamble free future.
Sorry to gatecrash your diary Phil but your post struck me as being helpful to many who have unfortunately got themselves into debt through this heartless addiction. Thanks for raising it x

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 10:04

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Not gatecrashing at all - I appreciate your feedback Little Miss Lost.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding the debt I accumulated. Some people may owe more than I did, some less - regardless it has to be paid back in my view unless (for whatever reason) it is impossible to do so.

I remember every time there was post I'd look at the pile and groan because several (if not all) the letters would be from debt collection agencies, the bank because of the unauthorised overdraft or payday loan companies.

It was very, very stressful especially as my wife didn't know the joint bank account was empty and overdrawn (unauthorised) but obviously I've told her everything since I stopped.

That doesn't happen anymore. In fact, I get hardly any post!

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 12:43

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I haven't posted on my diary for sometime as I have nothing exciting to report.

I had a funny moment yesterday - I was watching the Wales game in a pub and twice walked past a fruit machine that somebody had left £1 credit in. I briefly felt (even though I have no idea how to play the things) like pressing play but quickly put it out of my mind.

Anyway as it goes the next person who played the machine won £67. Do I care? Not for me but pleased for him. I'd hate to go back to day 1 over something so daft.

Posted on:
Wed, 27/12/2017 - 20:57

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Wow! Longest time without a diary post - just blowing off the dust :-).

Not a big fan of Christmas due to family issues and negative experiences but more positively what I've really realised this year how much LOVE I have in my life - how much concern and interest, re-building relationships and respect. Things that had gone out of the window when I was an active gambler.

Life is infinitely better without gambling with reflection, making amends, paying debts, no complaceny and of course the one day at a time approach.

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 28/12/2017 - 08:36

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Great to hear from you Phil and that things are turning around, thanks for your positive and thoughtful input. Wishing you a super GF 2018 S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 28/12/2017 - 10:38

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you Sharon and the same to you! Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 00:28

46 and out

Joined:
2017-08-08

Hi Phil

Hope you are well and the appointment earlier in the week went well.  I will try and catch up with you on chat over the next few days to see how things went if you feel like sharing.

46 and Out

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 21:19

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Just light-heartedly - I looked at my Stepchange statement just now and I still have one creditor (amongst others who I more) I owe 88p!

Seriously - getting there though - had to miss one payment and make a reduced payment for personal reasons but what a weight off my back to sort of see the finishing line gambling debt-wise.

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 20:39

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I feel like a weakling - my wife is my mentor, best friend and rock and she's going away for a month soon and there is still is a niggling doubt that without her support/criticism I'll gamble despite not wanting to do so.

I guess we all need a support network whatever the issue - friends, family, meetings, chat rooms (err!) etc.

Im just so used to us being together with all the BS, adversity and I'm going to miss her terribly.

Best wishes, Phil.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 20:51

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

More positively - besides gambling I had a massive issue with tranquillisers (caused erratic behaviour like getting into gambling at 40) which I've been addressing on a sensible withdrawal program with massive support from my GP, wife, some friends and specific people on this this forum (you know who you are amigos!) .

Today was my first day in 16 years I didn't take a tranquilliser. Wow - I felt fearful but I did it and felt OK and coped and have a foundation to build on.

I feel good but as always not complacent.

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 23:26

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Wow what a huge step to take Phil, hats off for going into the unknown. I think the fear of breaking a cycle is scarier than doing it. Best wishes and here is to a prosperous 2018 S:)

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 23:44

46 and out

Joined:
2017-08-08

We'll done Phil, that's great news.

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 20:28

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you for the posts. No pill today either - a difficult path which I've been on but I would urge people with any type of problem to think very carefully about taking the kind of medication I was dependent on.Cheers, Phil and wow 700+ days without a bet! Thanks forum friends.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 10:15

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I've been rather inactive on the forum recently - doesn't help that's been almost 4 weeks without the chat rooms. I'm sure I'm not the only forum user who misses the chat rooms and wonders when they will be back!

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 10:10

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Not quite where I hoped to be with gambling related debts - had to miss a payment to pay for some private medical treatment so it turns out I have three more payments to make. One of my creditors (on my DMP) I owe 29p!

I can see the end in sight though. As I've always said taking responsibility for gambling-related debts is in my opinion a big part of "recovery".

Posted on:
Sun, 04/02/2018 - 19:42

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Phil, I genuinely feel inspired by your attitude and progress to clearing your debts.'I can see the end in sight though' is one of my goals so cherish that feeling my friend that it won't be long. Hope all ok with you, best wishes Sharon :)

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 01:24

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Congratulations Phil on 2 years ganble free. A great achievement and a good reminder that we can abstain from gambling...stephen 

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 10:09

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you. I wouldn't say the last two years have been easy - lots of adversity in mine and my wife's personal lives but somehow I've managed to stick to the commitment I made 730 days ago.

I've made terrible mistakes along the way, said things on this forum I shouldn't have said etc. but ultimately I've learnt much about myself during this period and hope to continue on my journey using my own interpretation of ODAAT.

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 10:26

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Phil, well done on abstaining for so long, some achievement and for admitting you've made mistakes along the way, haven't we all. Keep up the stirling work

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 14:07

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you Wilsy. Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 21:15

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Weird thoughts today.

I have no interest ODAAT at a time in horse racing (my poison of choice) but I watched the Porto vs Liverpool game last night and Liverpool are and always have been my team and it was very exciting to see them beat a quality Portuguese team 5-0.

I woke up and thought about what the odds would have been on that result. I'm not sure if it's anything to do with INTENT or just curiousity.

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 14:10

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

First week with my wife away has passed. I was really worried I would struggle without her for various reasons but so far touch wood I've been OK.

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