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I feel reinvigorated by not gambling. Not gambling gives me a high gambling never could.

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#1 Posted on:
Sat, 21/01/2012 - 18:21

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

My opening post has been edited so many times but I just read this and thought I need this in my diary and when the urges home I think reading this will help big time.

Why We gambled.

We gambled for happiness and became unhappy.
We gambled for Joy and became miserable.
We gambled for sociability and became argumentative.
We gambled for friendship and became enemies.
We gambled for strength and felt weak
We gambled for relaxation and became nervous.
We gambled for bravery and became afraid.
We gambled to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
We gambled to forget and were forever haunted.
We gambled for freedom and became slaves.
We gambled to forget our problems and saw them multiply.
We gambled to cope with life and invited death.

So some new goals for 2013/2014 (put on here 02/08/13).

Well I must see out the 90 day thread I know how great that will feel and I am determined to get there. But first on the list is to get up to the half century I always like typing day 50, feels like a big number and can't wait to get there.

After the 90 day thread I may do another one running over Xmas and perhaps into the new year as its always a hard time financial for gamblers and non gamblers alike and can lead to some pretty strong urges and some tough times. Either way the plan is get to day 90 then fly to the treble figure club then I'll want to see out 2013 and start 2014 properly.

I really want to get back to the 6 month mark which is my best run to date and I'll almost be there at the end of the year at day 170ish. So need to get to that point and then it'll be unknown territory but with one day at a time I know I can make it there and beyond and I feel like I need to make it count this time. I really feel I have a lot to lose and I want to get to a year gamble free.

Those are my goals. I'll be using a daily count and perhaps more threads to get there. But that is where I want to be, where I need to be. I've had enough of being miserable. I need to wake up and start living.

I do have other stuff I'd like to do on that road to the year gamble free, for example paying off my credit card and bringing other debts down. Also id like to save for a holiday. And I have more things I need to buy or save for but all those things can only be achieved by not gambling. As long as I stop gambling I give myself a chance to accomplish, acquire and achieve all my other goals in life. And if I gamble I don't stand a chance!!

I have just deleted a load of goals I had listed after a slip around nov 2012. Some of those I hit others I didn't. I shall leave the quick edit I added about how I felt when I gambled in November. I have learnt a lot about gambling and how terrible I am at it. I know I can't gamble to escape my problems as I only create more. I know I always lose even when I do win - I finally had my big win early in the year and won 1200 - the first time I had ever won a thousand pounds and I decided to quit gambling (again!) to go out on a high and pay off some debt. I then spent £400 on the footy just incase my luck was still in, that lost and I done the other £800 on the next days fixtures. When you gamble you lose, even if you win it goes straight back to the bookies. I had convinced myself I could be different and would collect when my time finally came to have a nice win. I am an addict and I behave just like any other addict. I will always keep going until the emotionally and financial pain gets to great and then after a time when I'm a little healed I go again getting worse each time. One day the cycle will be broke and I hope that its this time around. I can be pretty much be debt free in say 2 years - that's with some very hard payments but I think I could do that (only debt would be my main current accounts overdraft and that's what I consider normal debt lol). 2 years ain't that long although as a man who likes the quick and easy option it sounds like forever. But I must commit to this road take no shortcuts and if I do that then I will get there.

Just a quick edit, I want to add to my goals (goals list has been removed but want to keep this edit as a reminder of the low points that this lovely addiction can bring) how annoyed, angry, sad and totally exhausted I am after gambling again. It really takes it out of me, every thought is gambling related and it is so tiring. It takes all motivation. I have been unable to complete some work duties and am in trouble because of it. I have not been able to fully enjoy time with my wife because I'm still thinking about gambling. I didn't enjoy any of this gambling episode, ok maybe the first bet or two was a bit of a rush then it was stressful, worrying, lead to panic over what I'd done. Onto regret and feeling sad, scared and just really disappointed. I've had to leave the thread that I really wanted to complete, I think Flagg does a wonderful job on here and feel gutted that I have had to abandon the thread. I really am tired of fighting, it has to stop. I can't keep fighting, no more. Let me be, live in peace. No more fighting, just live alongside it but never let it take hold again, never give in. It is not worth it. It takes more than just your money, it takes everything.

Just wanted that on here, somewhere I can always read it and remind myself of how I'd feel if I went and gambled again.

First post -

I'm here because I can't bet in amounts I can afford, I've gambled to long for large stakes that having a fiver on a 6/1 winner gives me no pleasure. I need to back in large stakes that's my addiction - I'm sick - Its as of I need to risk it all that's my buzz or my fix. I somehow keep finding myself betting way over what I can afford because I don't enjoy it if it doesn't matter. I have a bet on the footy and I bet so much that I have to win - the result is everything to me - in those 90 minutes its all I care about. After the game I'm shattered - win or lose. I'm only 25 but the stress, worry, panic, it can't be doing my health any good let alone my bank balance. Anyway I've had enough, I've taken all I can. I really need to stop and I really want to stop. I tried and failed a lot so in the back of my mind I keep thinking (even as I type this) that I'll go back to it but I really don't want to. I keep thinking, well just do 6 months they'll still be footy games and horse races to bet on in 6 months - what's the hurry to go broke. Right thats enough of me for now. thanks for listening.

Posted on:
Sat, 21/01/2012 - 19:03

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Hi David
Your first move might be to call Netline and speak with an adviser. They will listen and guide you in the right direction. Secondly you could self exclude from all the bookies you frequent. Thirdly download a blocking software that will give you some time to think if you want to bet. It is never too young to start giving up and stay given up. If you continue you will come across all the "yet to" you can think of including homelessness. It is your choice, it isn't easy but then if it was we would all be popping in and out as suited. Most people on here have tried to control gambling but yet to date no one has returned to say they have it under control. Give yourself 3 months and see how you do. If after the 3 months you want to go back then do so. It will always be waiting for you. Try to arange some counselling of some description and it may well unlock the door to happiness without gmbling.
Take care

Posted on:
Sat, 21/01/2012 - 19:38

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

thanks smiler, appreciate the advice. I've excluded from all my online accounts and exclude from some bookies but not all - guess I wanted to leave the door open - I'm going to exclude from them tomorrow. I think I will talk to netline - as the title says need all the help I can get.

Posted on:
Sat, 21/01/2012 - 19:42

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Nice one David.
It is all here for you and it is free so take it with both hands!
Take care

Posted on:
Sat, 21/01/2012 - 20:14

nick85

Joined:
2011-12-29

you really need to make a choice as to whether you really want to stop because if you leave the door open or want to bet again in 6 months trust me you will still bet money you cant afford and it will be worse i can testify to that and im your age too, once we cross that line we can never go back to normal gambling

the question you need to ask yourself is why would you want to go back in 6 months why do you want all that misery and horrible life back? iv only been off for 24 days but its been the best 24 days iv had for many years i nearly got sent to prison last week through gambling

i hope you have the strength to fight it it wont be easy but you can do it. read some diaries in here and it will really help make things clear

nick

Posted on:
Sun, 22/01/2012 - 20:39

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

thanks nick. I definitely need to stop that's for sure, I've made my choice and today I excluded from all my local shops and all my online accounts are closed. threes one shop I couldn't exclude from because they couldn't find the form, which p****d me off a bit but I'll go back Tuesday (busy tomorrow) and exclude then.

I've took away the immediate threat. All the times at work when I went across the road to the bookies on my breaks or when I just run across quickly just to get a bet on wether it was my break it not. It's great to know I now can't bet at work.

In my spare time I suppose I could travel out somewhere but I think at home I have enough distractions to take my mind off it - I've exclude from the closest 6 shops so I'm happy that I've took away enough options, as you could never really take away every opportunity to gamble - at some point will power and self belief have to come into it. But I'm glad I have self excluded from my regular haunts as it does give you that bit of confidence that you won't bet because you can't.

I hope I'm strong enough - I'll soon find out.

Posted on:
Sun, 22/01/2012 - 22:20

mad11

Joined:
2012-01-12

Hiya! I am addicted to online slots and was betting far more than I could afford every night. I have been gambling free for 6 days now and am feeling better already. Keep it up and stay out of the bookies, be proud of yourself for getting to where you are now, you are making the right decisions now and by all accounts it should get easier in time! We can do it!!!!! :0)

Posted on:
Mon, 23/01/2012 - 09:27

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 2 now. I will not gamble today. gambling will not ruin my life anymore.

Posted on:
Tue, 24/01/2012 - 09:51

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 3, getting a small sense of accomplishment. Can't wait till the end of the week to say its been a full week and then onto a month. A month is my first big target as I've stopped for a week a few times in the past but its been a few years since I've had one month gamble free. I know I'll be proud of myself if I can do that. It's put me in a lot of debt and left the trust I have with my wife a bit shakey but I know if I stay off the gambling the trust will come back - its the only way.

Posted on:
Wed, 25/01/2012 - 11:18

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 4 now. I definitely recommend self exclusion - a couple of times yesterday at work I had a slight urge and it was great to know I had nowhere to satisfy the urge anyway.

I was thinking tho about what I would do if I was home and an urge struck. I have self excluded from all my local bookies but just incase I got such a strong urge I was willing to travel, I want to be prepared. I was thinking if an urge come I must try to do these steps before making my decision to gamble. First sign in here a post in my diary and then read atleast one other diary and post on that. Then do something fun and distracting - read a book, play on my Wii, watch a dvd etc. Hopefully the urge will have gone by then but if not or if I skip one of those steps, I'll try and think if I really want to do it and what I'll feel like when I more than likely lose and what would really happen to any winnings if by a miracle I did win.

I think its all about taking a moment to breath and to really think about what I'm doing rather than just going on to auto-pilot.

Posted on:
Thu, 26/01/2012 - 08:28

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 5. Getting close to that first week.

Posted on:
Thu, 26/01/2012 - 15:58

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

days been ok, surprisingly. I felt really miserable this morning so thought the day would drag and I might get a few urges but no, gambling is the last thing I wanna be doing.

Posted on:
Thu, 26/01/2012 - 17:15

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

keep going mate, thanks for your post on my diary

2 more days will be 1 week for you and 4 for me, you can do it

Posted on:
Thu, 26/01/2012 - 19:22

openside31

Joined:
2011-09-23

Well done for coming on here - my one piece of advice would be total abstinence - accept that you will never be able to 'manage' your gambling.

Someone on here said to me that no matter how far we are from our last bet we are potenitally only seconds from our next one.

Stay strong and you can beat this - I know that thrill you are talking about but it is that buzz that those evil companies use to lure you in. Try and focus on the sickening feeling of a big loss - I have managed to be able to summon up that feeling whenever I want, and I use it whenever the briefest thought of betting comes into my head and it destroys any possible urge I might have.

Stay strong and you can win this fight

OS

Posted on:
Fri, 27/01/2012 - 08:25

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

cheers for the post guys. Yeah the plan is definitely to total give up not just bet a little, no controlled gamble because I can't control gambling.

Day 6 today and no plans to gamble, want to get to a week, so many times I let myself back in with a small bet that gets outta control. Not this time.

Posted on:
Sat, 28/01/2012 - 09:32

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 7 - yes!! Get through today and its a week, its strange its only a week and to a non gambler or even a casual gambler that seems like nothing but right now I feel fantastic. I'm starting to feel proud of myself. First get through today then on to 2 weeks. If I can get to a month I'll be over the moon. I'm determined to do it but my track record says I won't do a month, so I'm not getting ahead of myself. Get on with today then focus on getting through my second week.

Posted on:
Sat, 28/01/2012 - 09:44

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Hi DAvid
Keep it in the day. I have been away from gambling for a good few months. However I only have the same as you in recovery and that is today. Anyone in recovery has but one day. We have to make the most of today. Agreed some people are a little stronger because of time but truth is today is most important. Keep focused and don't think about tomorrow. Today is your day so take it it both hands!

Posted on:
Sat, 28/01/2012 - 19:23

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

cheers smiler and I will.

Well I did it, a whole week. I'm happy but focussed, I still don't want a bet even a small one.

On to week 2....

Posted on:
Sun, 29/01/2012 - 10:42

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 8. week 2 begins. no gambling today - got the in-laws coming round, so on my best behavior lol

Posted on:
Sun, 29/01/2012 - 13:51

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

Well done on surviving the most challenging week of all, the first week.

Onwards and upwards!

GT

Posted on:
Mon, 30/01/2012 - 15:38

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thanks GT. Day 9. Looking forward to double figures tomorrow then on to 2 weeks. My life is slowly but surely changing for the better.

Posted on:
Mon, 30/01/2012 - 17:34

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

well done david get going, gl for 10 days and double digits tomrorow

all the best mate

Posted on:
Tue, 31/01/2012 - 13:46

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

cheers mate. day 10. happy to get to double digits but really striving to hit the 2 week mark. I'm very thankful for self exclusion, as I've had a few urges and had to fight them, only to realise I couldn't go in the bookies anyway, definitely made things easier.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/02/2012 - 16:28

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 11. Another day closer to the 2 week mark. Bring it on.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/02/2012 - 17:33

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

well done david, brilliant I for one am willing you to 2 weeks, come on mate stick with it

well done again

Posted on:
Thu, 02/02/2012 - 08:27

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

thanks M I T, nearly there, day 12 begins.

Posted on:
Fri, 03/02/2012 - 10:15

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 13, unlucky for some but not for me.

Urges are definitly there - yesterday i was so bored at work and gambling kept popping into my head but because i knew i was self excluded from all nearby bookies i knew i couldnt have bet anyway, so it was easy to shut off the urges.

Funny though ive had these urges but ive never once missed gambling, ive never had an urge and said to myself "i'd love a bet, love to sit in a bookies for a couple of hours and see what happens" obviously i know what whould happen. Maybe i have finally had enough of it all. Still a long way to go because i know im addicted and even though i know i dont want to bet that doest mean that i wont. Ive been complacent in the past but thats not going to happen this time.

Posted on:
Fri, 03/02/2012 - 14:21

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

well done mate, keep going, urges will be strong in first couple of weeks then they subside, well with me they have

2 weeks tomorrow for you mate, thats brilliant well done

Posted on:
Sat, 04/02/2012 - 18:35

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Get in!! 2 weeks no betting. If I was being honest with myself I probably would've said I wouldn't have made it even 2 weeks, but here I am and I'm confident I can reach a month. Had some rather strong urges to have a footy bet today but I'm very happy I resisted.

Right back to business, day 15 tomorrow, must stay gamble free.

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 17:43

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 15 no gambling. A good day now watching zorro does it get any better ha ha.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 13:08

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 16. no work, a day in bed watching films and if I feel really energetic I may play a bit of tiger woods golf on the wii. happy days, I'm felling great about my recovery at the minute my big test will be cheltenham as I love it. I know I can honestly say that I don't enjoy a gamble anymore as it brings so much stress but as a big horse racing fan I would always look forward to cheltenham. Won't say anymore as its still a long way away and I'm trying not to look to far in front as its still only 16 days gamble free. Must not gamble today. Speak to you tomorrow.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 13:31

volcano

Joined:
2010-07-05

Enjoy the dvd day and fantastic to see your enthusiastic spirit.

Will go with Smiler here, still a raw period so and keep it a day a time. A long time to program our head space now the need to slowly unwind.

Keep reading and posting, some superb inspiration out there...

Have a goodie! exmug

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 13:38

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

david, sorry bud missed your 2 week free post, well done you,

read my diary, can't beelive my weekend but glad I stayed super strong, gives me great hope

enjoy dvd

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 15:38

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

thanks fellas appreciate the posts its nice to have that support and its nice to read some successful stories so keep up the good work. I just watch a video on you tube, reccommended viewing, the link for the video is on another thread "Did anybody watch this?" or just search you tube for bbc punter moving on. Its in three parts.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 15:54

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Just read through one of my old diaries (under Dave104) dont know why but ive got 3 diaries, maybe 4 each with a new name - i figure a new name a new start. My last post under Dave104 was on day 16 gamble free, a bit spooky because im on day 16 today. I suppose i have to look at this and say well tomorrow i beat my last stint on the wagoon. Gotta stay focused.

To be honest i feel a bit low at the minute, just watch that video i mention earlier and i could just see myself and i didnt like it one bit, i know i just have to deal with this but i really wish it wasnt me, why me?? I consider myself fairly smart, very organized. Ive got a problem and i dont want it anymore.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 20:52

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Hi David
Look on the bright side of your problem! At least you know what the problem is and you can address it. Some people live with mental instability for many a year looking for a diagnosis and never get the correct one. We are addicts and we have to arrest the addiction one day at a time until we get the strength to look further ahead. Hopefully Cheltenham will come and go. Take care

Posted on:
Tue, 07/02/2012 - 20:19

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

thanks smiler I know your right and another day gamble free today and I'm happy to say that but sometimes I really wish I wasn't on this site, I can't help but think of the lost possibilities.

I think in a way the odd low moment helps, helps to realise why your giving up and how important it is to succeed. But at the same time I realise I must stay positive and be thankful for what ive got. Onwards and upwards. Let's keep going.

Posted on:
Wed, 08/02/2012 - 11:27

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 18. Feeling a lot more positive today, just went on moonpig and done a really nice valentines day card - never done a card online before but its really good. Just thinking my lifes pretty good actually. If i can beat this and get my finances straight, i can really start appreciating life again. Finances will take a while but i can accept that and for the minute atleast im not looking for that quick fix of gambling to solve all my problems.

Posted on:
Wed, 08/02/2012 - 11:38

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

well done david on your continued battle,

life is pretty good aint it when we dont gamble, 40 days up for me tomorrow,

not to far for you I think for 3 weeks free ?

Posted on:
Thu, 09/02/2012 - 18:02

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 19. I don't think the urges have been as strong at this stage of my recovery compared to previous attempts to give up. Maybe its because I've self excluded from everywhere so that immediate threat has gone and maybe I'm just finally done with it all.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/02/2012 - 09:45

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 20, all good, nothing to report. will not be betting today.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/02/2012 - 11:02

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

well done on your continued progress mate,

gl for the 3 weeks clean tomorrow, all the best

Posted on:
Sat, 11/02/2012 - 14:00

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

no bets today = no bets for 3 weeks. great stuff, a great feeling - I feel like I'm finally growing up and taking some responsibility in my life. On to a month next.

Posted on:
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 09:16

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 22. a busy one, so no time for gambling today.

Posted on:
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 12:53

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

well done on your 3 weeks yesterday mate, also thanks for support on mine

too busy also yesterday to post but not busy doing you know what,

heres to another 3 weeks mate

gl

Posted on:
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 13:03

Andy21

Joined:
2011-12-11

Well done David, 3 weeks is great, I am on 7 weeks tomorrow & life is much better, but the demons come at you every now & then & they will come & keep coming the only thing that has helped me is this site. Nowing that you have done 3 weeks gives me strenght & hopefully know that I have sone 7 weeks keeps you going too my friend.
Keep going

Posted on:
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 15:41

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

Three weeks is brilliant.

Just think how you felt three weeks ago and how you feel now. And also how you will feel in three weeks time!

Keep it up!

GT

Posted on:
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 17:24

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

cheers Andy it definitely helps reading that people have succeeded in beating this addiction and reading how happy they are that they have stopped. It definitely spurs you on.

thanks GT i do feel so much better, I think I really want to stop this time, I definitely feel better about my recovery this time round. perhaps during previous attempts I just wasn't commited enough and at the time I just couldn't forget the money id lost. but this time round I haven't really given it a second thought - which has helped big time.

Posted on:
Mon, 13/02/2012 - 10:49

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

day 23. nothing to report. just another day that I don't want to gamble.

Posted on:
Tue, 14/02/2012 - 12:06

Mr Woody

Joined:
Before 2009

bumping you up as on page 3

well done on 23 days, 5 days till 4 weeks

gl mate

Posted on:
Tue, 14/02/2012 - 12:51

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thanks mate for the support, can't belive I'm so close to 4 weeks!!

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