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fed up with myself

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#1 Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2012 - 10:04

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

i feel so sick as i wake up this morning and remember how i lost the plot last nite and ended up losing 300 pound .i have been here before many times but i really had enough this time and must stop this madness as its ruining who i really am .been gambling for around 10 years and like everyone else it started small in the arcade now i think nothing of just blowing hundreds on the online slots but its money i can't afford but just can't seem to control myself its crazy ! so anyway this time i can and will do it with the support of all you lovely people and together we can all beat this : ) X

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2012 - 10:11

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Good morning Sunshine ,

And welcome to this site .
You will find a lot of support on this site .
Do you gamble online ?

If so you really need to put a block on your computer.
I do not know a lot about them as I gambled in the bookies but if you read a few of the threads they explain you can get one that is free for a trail period.

Keep posting , keep reading , and be proud in the flack that today you said enough is enough . Today will be the start of me turning my life around. It can be done, lots of fine people on this site are testament to that.

Take care ......

Shiny x

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2012 - 10:20

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

thankyou so much Shiny for your reply and yes im defo gonna look into get blocks in place as its online slots that are the problem ! just really need to do it this time for my own sanity and health .I went to bed last nite so stressed and with a major headach and i know it was all cause of the gambling ! its crazy not sure why we do it when we all know in the end we will lose .i thankyou for your support and i will keep posting like you said .Have a good gamble free day : ) X

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2012 - 11:15

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Hi,

I love the name , and if there is one thing we all need at the moment is some sunshine lol

I was in a very bad place mentally last time I hit rock bottom. But this site has taught me, that if I look forward not back, forgive myself , accept that the money has gone, this recovery journey is a bit easier.

Above all being positive , embracing the future is by far the best way to go.

Take it one day at a time Hun , those days will soon mount up , and as they do your mental health will improve .

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 07:43

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

lol Shiny yes we could do with some but don't think its gonna happen this year ! Well im onto day 3 and feeling loads better and more positive .im going to be busy all day today so defo no gambling for me ! just going to take each day as it comes and not set big targets as that's when i end up relapsing so one day at a time and i will do this ! keep strong everyone : ) X

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 07:57

Boston

Joined:
2012-02-26

Good Morning Sunshine

Like Shiny said , great name!

Sunshine already on day 3, feeling better and positive is great.

I honestly know how you are feeling , i too tried loads of times and failed after a few days or a week or so but i now know it can be done, it will take alot of hard work and commitment but can be done.

Each day you will become a little stronger and as you said take it a day at a time.

When i started i did not have any blocks and wish i had from the start as they really do help.

You can do this sunshine and i will try to keep up to date with your diary to offer support where i can.

Well Done on starting the best journey you will ever take ;-)

Keep Strong Sunshine
Lucy

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 14:22

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Yo,

Miss Sunshine , well done you.

Another day under your belt . They do mount up , truly and it does become easier .

Keep that positivity , even if it's raining, cause that justs makes a rainbow..................

Shiny xxxxxx

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 15:52

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunshine,
You do realise that with a name like that everyone will keep posting to you just because we can type the word SUNSHINE......Lol

Anyway...welcome to this wonderful site. It sounds like you are really ready to fight this devil!

I was pretty much like you always trying, always failing.....My change came when I started my diary.

I had lost over £2 000 in just a few days...and it was just getting worse...thats the nature of the disease.

Well no more for me...Im on day 33
You too can be in a happy place...with effort and determination.
Good luck Sunshine........god I love saying that word!!!!
Sue x

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 18:22

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

had a great day out taking my boy swimming with friends then had lunch so no room for thought's of gambling ! thankyou so much Lucy Shiny and Sue for your post's . It really does make a difference and keep's me positive . So glad you all like my name so thought i would share why i picked it .Basically it sums up how i feel when im not gambling ! i wake up in the morning with a nice warm feeling inside ready to fight another day and that make's me feel like sunshine lol anyway keep strong everyone and thanx for all the positive comments it mean's alot : ) X

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 21:24

Blondie00

Joined:
2012-05-01

Hello little miss sunshine,

Mr tickle was my favourite mr Men and little miss sunshine was my favourite little miss.

Nice to speak to you in chat sorry i was a bit distracted. Welcome to the site btw , nice to have you on board. Have you signed up for flaggs 90 day thread , it might be worth thinking about will help to keep you focused. ?

Well done on what you have achieved so far, it doenst matter really how many days whats most important is we make the right choice every day.

Keep strong, and keep heading in the right direction

Hope the little one gets off to sleep eventually.

Blondie x

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 21:26

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Sunshine, thank u 4 ur post on my diary :)

It was really nice chatting 2 u 2. U r rite lets do it 4 our little ones, they deserve a better life :)

We can do this :)

I hope ur little boy as a good nites sleep :)

Stay strong xx

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 08:21

Flagg

Joined:
2012-04-10

Hey Sunshine,

Forgive me for muscling in on your diary. I look outside this morning and see SUNSHINE. I look on my fave forum and I see SUNSHINE.

I notice your diary has no male entries yet so Hello and welcome. This really is a fantastically supportive place and if you stay close it will really help you in remaining gamble free. Ultimately that is why we are here.

I also notice you are already acquainted with some of the wonderful ladies on this site. I saw on the first 2 pages Shiny, Blondie, and Womble all posting. When I see 3 women all together I automatically think of the opening few scenes of Macbeth. Fortunately, these ladies are nothing like that but us men are always on guard lol! I will get a verbal beating for that comment I am sure lol!

Anyway, you have made a really positive start. Keep reading and keep posting. I will look out for you :)

Flagg

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 16:18

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

thankyou Flagg for your post it made me lol and your so right this place is so supportive its a great help everyone pulling together and giving good advice wish i found it years ago ! well im onto day 4 and feeling positive but having loads of thought's like i'll just play 10 pound that won't hurt but then we all know where that leads so i just have to be strong and fight these urges off .so one day at a time and today I WILL NOT GAMBLE : ) X

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 16:35

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunshine.....beaming smile...lol
See you have met the famous Flagg! He really needs a talking to.......stirring my cauldron as we speak...lol

Day 4 for you hun...fantastic!

Please, please do not be tempted by just £10 it really never ends there. For a very long time I kept 1 site open with a £10 weekly limit.......thought I could manage this........ All it does is fuel the fire.
Yeah...normal gamblers can handle that but we are all compulsive gamblers and our brains are different!.......were special......lol
Anyway hun keep going.......total abstainance is what you need.

Sue xxxxxx

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 17:16

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

thankyou Sue your right 10 pound won't end there and luckily i have no site's open as i e-mailed them all asking them to close them .I love the way you said how we are special ! its a great way to look at things ! and yes Flagg did think he would be in trouble for that comment lol anyways im still fighting strong and hope your having a good day too : ) X

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 10:02

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

onto day 5 but not feeling great ! i feel very stressed and don't even now why ? the sun is shining i should be feeling happy but im far from it .anyway gonna go and try and keep busy that's all i can do for now ! X

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 10:03

Blondie00

Joined:
2012-05-01

HI Sunshine,

You can still do the thread, doesnt matter when you last gambled, you just have to be gamble free now from your first check in which you are. If you slip then you come off the thread, if you dont by the end you will be 90+ days gamble free.

Blondie x

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 10:19

Flagg

Joined:
2012-04-10

Hey Sunshine,

I'm going to add you to the 90 day thread! As blondie said its all about a focus and staying bet free! Also the thread is actually 91 days so you will be on day 89 yourself by the end of the thread anyway! If you reach the end then it will be a fantastic achievement anyway! Welcome aboard!

Try to just stay focused on being bet free today! You are bound to have tough days especially early on! It's not easy but if you can push through the first couple of weeks the urges do become less and you will have more good days than bad!

Flagg

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 10:41

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

thanx again Flagg i have checked in and feeling much better now ! think this 90 day thread will really help me to stay focused : ) X

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 16:54

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

oh what a lazy day im having ! can't be bothered to do anything but as its nearly 5 i should get cracking with some dinner lol

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 17:14

Chirst21

Joined:
2012-07-20

Hi Sunshine
Reading through your opening post and it could have easily been about me and probably a large percentage of gamblers on here. I have just joined and posted in the forum today after blowing £210 of which £180 was online slots so I know exactly what you are going through. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that together we can all get through this.
Regards
CBH

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 18:25

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunshine,

Thats great that you have joined Flaggs thread. We all need bit of motivation sometimes.

Doesn't matter if you are Lazy.....As long as you are not gambling lazy is fine!
Thanks for the post on mine.

Sunshine smiles to you

Love Sue xxx

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 20:07

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Sunshine,

Well done on 5 days gamble free, u r doing brilliant. U should be sooooo proud of urself :)

Ur determination shines thru!

Stay strong and keep going xx

Posted on:
Sat, 21/07/2012 - 13:38

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

Looking forward to the day when you decide to change your title to something a bit more positive.

You may be fed up with yourself so early on in your recovery journey but as time goes on, life will get easier.

Enjoy your weekend.

NT

Posted on:
Sat, 21/07/2012 - 20:30

Family121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Your doing well sunshine. It was nice chatting to you last night. Hope your enjoying the book. Sounds like its a good distraction, lol. Soon be your first week, always a big milestone. Keep it up.

Posted on:
Sun, 22/07/2012 - 09:04

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Morning Sunshine,

Just had to post to you cos of the sun!!!!!
Anyway hope you going well....wow nearly a week.......well done!

Enjoy rest of the weekend.

Sue xx

Posted on:
Sun, 22/07/2012 - 11:58

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

thanx all for your lovely comment's and support. well im one week today gamble free and the sun is shining bright so im feeling pretty good ! hope your all staying strong Sunshine : ) X

Posted on:
Sun, 22/07/2012 - 13:08

Family121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Really well done on your first week gamble free. A big milestone to start your journey. I think the first week is tough and in general terms it gets easier with time.

Thanks for your comment on my diary, it is nice to just chat and be normal for a while. The movie of that book!! I think I've got some of them hidden under the mattress lol. Sorry had to say it.

Posted on:
Sun, 22/07/2012 - 15:33

Chirst21

Joined:
2012-07-20

Hi Sunshine
Congrats on reaching 1 week, such an achievement. Remember every day is a milestone for all of us.
Thanks also for posting on my page.
Regards
CBH x

Posted on:
Sun, 22/07/2012 - 21:03

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Sunshine, thank u 4 ur post on my diary :)

U r doing gr8, it was nice to speak 2 u again in chat. I hope ur little boy gets a good nights sleep and that u r enjoying ur book :)

Stay strong and keep going xxxx

Posted on:
Sun, 22/07/2012 - 21:28

4D

Joined:
2010-02-10

Hi Sunshine, just want to say thanks for your support tonight in chat, you are doing well and keep it up :)

ps. How is 50 shades of grey? I downloaded a sample of it on my kindle the other week but didn't really like the first chapter so I didn't buy it. I like reading though - I am usually always reading a book.I tend to like weird fiction like China Mieville but I like anything with a good story and good characters.
One thing I noticed is when I was deep into gambling I had no interest in reading for the only time in my life. Thankfully that did come back :)

Posted on:
Mon, 23/07/2012 - 14:00

Blondie00

Joined:
2012-05-01

1 week gamble free. How good does that sound ?. Well done sunshine, keep rising (excuse the pun lol ) everyday and making the right choice for a better future for you and your little one.

Hope you had a great weekend and are refreshed and energised from all that shining you did over the weekend.

Blondie xxx

Posted on:
Mon, 23/07/2012 - 15:18

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunny,
Just checking in with you to make sure things still good............Sun does funny things to peeps sometimes.........Blondie on very good form today.....sun......rising.......lol
Take care hun

Sue xxxxxx

Posted on:
Mon, 23/07/2012 - 17:18

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Sunshine,

Just popping in 2 say I hope u r ok and staying strong xxxx

Posted on:
Wed, 25/07/2012 - 09:17

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Sunshine,

Just popping in 2 say I hope u have a gr8 day. Stay strong xxxx

Posted on:
Wed, 25/07/2012 - 10:14

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunshine,

Maybe you could BEAM our way to let us all know how you doing!

Sue.....trying to be funny!
X

Posted on:
Wed, 25/07/2012 - 11:38

Blondie00

Joined:
2012-05-01

HI Sunshine,

how are you to ray, lol day...... It would be great to see you heat up your diary with a post. Dont stay away to long.

Blondie x

Posted on:
Wed, 25/07/2012 - 17:41

Family121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

The sun finally comes out and our sunshine goes missing. Hope all is well and your just having a few good days enjoying the sun. Don't be a stranger tho.

Posted on:
Wed, 25/07/2012 - 17:59

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

hey all thanx for all your lovely and funny post's hahaha im still here just been busy enjoying this lovely weather maybe just abit too much as i now have a sore burnt back lol but im still gamble free and going strong so all is good ! hope all of you are ok and having a great time in the sun take care all and stay strong : ) X

Posted on:
Wed, 25/07/2012 - 18:14

Flagg

Joined:
2012-04-10

Hey,

Great to see a post from you. We often say those that stay close to this site are more likely to be successful in recovery however there isn't a defined rule and just seeing people check in now and again saying they are bet free is just as nice to see. Whatever works for you as long as it works is what I would say.

Hope to see you check in on Friday :)

Flagg

Posted on:
Fri, 27/07/2012 - 22:03

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

thanx for the post Flagg and don't worry i intend on sticking around shining sunlight over this site lol well all is good with me still gamble free and staying strong not much more i can say really other than im feeling very positive oh and i have really bad sunburn from to much sunshine lol : ) X

Posted on:
Sat, 28/07/2012 - 09:39

Family121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Hiya sunshine. Glad to hear your feeling nice and positive, hope that feeling lasts forever. Take care.

Posted on:
Sat, 28/07/2012 - 19:29

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunshine,
Little bit sunny here and thought of you!

Great that you are feeling good....long may that continue.....even when the sun forgets to come and visit!

Hugs Sue xx

Posted on:
Tue, 31/07/2012 - 21:28

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

not posted for few day's as i have been busy but all is well and im still gamble free : ) im starting to feel alot stronger about all of this and really feel that this is it this time im gonna have this thing beaten ! anyways its late and i have to be up at 5am for work : ( so stay strong everyone and keep fighting ! X

Posted on:
Tue, 31/07/2012 - 22:27

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunshine,
Those days are racking up nicely for you.......Keep on doing what you are doing.......cos it's working.
Send some rays down south...please!

Sue xx

Posted on:
Fri, 03/08/2012 - 19:36

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

well its coming up to nearly 3 weeks bet free and can't say its been easy but my god i feel great that im beating this thing so for now im just full of positive feeling and really hope it stays : ) X

Posted on:
Sat, 04/08/2012 - 09:08

Flagg

Joined:
2012-04-10

Hey,

Thanks for giving us a 100% check in this week. I think you are doing great. You stopped gambling pretty much as that thread started so in some ways you are doing it through the toughest period (first month). I really hope you keep coming back every week the place is always darker without a bit of sunshine :)

Have a great weekend,

Flagg

Posted on:
Sat, 04/08/2012 - 10:10

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Sunshine,

It's nice to speak 2 u in chat, I think u r doing brilliant, u r soooo determined and it shines thru. I hope u have a gr8 wknd with ur little man :)

Stay strong xxxx

Posted on:
Sun, 05/08/2012 - 14:41

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Sunshine.....she types when its thunder and lightening......lol
Well done you...............Am so pleased for you!
Yep it's hard .......but....you are winning!
Keep up the good work!

Sue xxx

Posted on:
Mon, 06/08/2012 - 11:40

Family121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

3 weeks awesome sunshine. Really great stuff. Your doing great. Youve made a great decision stopping and your continuing your great decisions by staying stopped. Glad to hear your doing well.

Posted on:
Tue, 07/08/2012 - 15:12

carlw

Joined:
2011-08-17

hi sunshine

good to talk to you the other evening on chat, as of yet i havent watched last night ch 4 programme but did record it will get round to seeing it tomorrow night im now on day 12 so you still a bit ahead of me keep up the good work and will speak on chat soon

carl

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