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Women-only chat room

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 24/03/2017 - 10:34

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi all,

This afternoon's chat room (Friday 24th March) will be a themed chat for women only. 

This chatroom is designed to give emotional support to women who may be put-off from reaching out for help because they believe that support services are tailored for men. At GamCare, we offer support for anyone affected by problem gambling, and we want to reassure women that we can help them too.

Women who are affected by someone else's gambling are very welcome to join this afternoon's chat. 

To participate in the chatroom, register as a GamCare Forum member at www.gamcare.org.uk/user/register and join at 2pm on Friday 24th March.

The 8pm chat room will be open to all as normal.

For more information read our news story.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Fri, 24/03/2017 - 11:50

[email protected]

Joined:
2014-12-31

Hopefully the chat room for men only will follow shortly

Posted on:
Fri, 24/03/2017 - 12:54

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Thanks for your suggestion [email protected]. Men are currently in the vast majority where it comes to our chat room use, and we are doing this as an experiment to see if more women will discover our services. Normal service will be resumed from this evening. If you would like a men-only chat room please do post here or drop us a line telling us how you feel it would be of benefit.

Best wishes

Deirdre

Forum Admin.

Posted on:
Fri, 24/03/2017 - 17:01

[email protected]

Joined:
2014-12-31

Well, it just seemed a bit odd, especially announcing it with just a few hours notice.
Women will use the chatrooms less. There is too much social stigma attached to women gamblers, bad mother, wife etc for them to open up in group sessions. Too much shame that they have bucked against what society demands of them. Im sure your research shows women thrive better in a 1 to 1 environment, such as counselling, where their shame can be contained.

On the other hand men tend to be more open in group situations when women arent involved as they tend to stop pretending to be gentlemanly & a potential mate.

Posted on:
Fri, 24/03/2017 - 17:16

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

I was surprised by the short notice...in fact, did not see notice until after the event. I do think I would have found it easier to post initially if there had been a women only thread, just coz when you are first on here it is a bit daunting, it is male dominated, and I wanted to know that there were other women reaching out. Now, I try to get on chat, cos quite a few women do pop on, especially partners, and I hope it makes it easier for them realising there are plenty of women about the forum. 

Posted on:
Fri, 24/03/2017 - 17:35

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

I think it's actually a good idea...but agree with a bit more notice...
Personally it's never bothered me being part of a mixed chat...but can see that some may find it easier if it was girls only...I'm not sure about the research facts "day at a time"...but from my point of veiw ....especially in the early days of facing up to my
addiction I think knowing that others mums..wife's. .nans etc are in the same boat...so as a first port of call...before counselling becomes available I think a women only place is a fantastic idea for those who feel a bit uncomfortable chatting with the boys...the online world of bingo and slots has been heavily pushed at females lately...and i fear many many more women will soon be turning here for help...

Posted on:
Fri, 24/03/2017 - 19:55

twinklyr

Joined:
2016-01-16

Someone pass the smelling salts, I agree with Dan.

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 12:28

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

0

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 13:21

Joydivider

Joined:
2015-03-11

Yes Good on Gamcare for trying new things. I initially thought it might be counterproductive to seperate genders and it was playing to stereotypes of the scary men and their heavier problems putting women off.

I dont think the addiction is concerned with gender but if it shown that women like a women only chat then its all for the good. There are other open chat spots for all.

I certainly cast no extra stigma towards women and realise that the addiction forms neuron paths in just the same way as men.

Everyone should open up and try everything. I dont always know what to say on the chatrooms as there can be alot going on. However its a good focus that you are there and people are type talking in real time

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 15:32

Bornagain

Joined:
2013-12-14

This make me sick to my stomach! Gamcare is now an openly sexist organisation.

When is the men only chat, how about the trans only chat, and while we are here how about a chatroom for people who don't asscoiate with any gender?

One poster comes to my mind who I've only seen on a Friday afternoon chat. So what if he asn't allowed to chat last Friday afternoon and ended up in a bookies?

Disgraceful sexism from this site, it just gets worse by the day!

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 16:01

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello bornagain,

This was one chat room intended to publicise our services on social media, in order to reach out to women (Including those who might not be aware of our services or who might feel tentative about using our services).  Given that we ordinarily offer 14 chat rooms a week, that is over 700 chat rooms a year, and given that users may also use our forum, helpline and netline, your reaction to this one chat room seems very strong.

Kind regards,

Forum admin.

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 16:30

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

I feel its the exclusion part that is the problem forum admin.  Perhaps the compromise might be to say its a female encouraging session and have admin on there who are actively bringing up topics that you think might be appropriate as well as suggested in the room.  However you do this whilst still allowing men to participate if they wish? 

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 16:35

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Born....if he ended up in the bookies, i hope that he would be wise enough to realise blaming chat would be an excuse...there are other places to reach out when feeling challenged.

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 17:25

Bornagain

Joined:
2013-12-14

Forum admin wrote:

Hello bornagain,

This was one chat room intended to publicise our services on social media, in order to reach out to women (Including those who might not be aware of our services or who might feel tentative about using our services).  Given that we ordinarily offer 14 chat rooms a week, that is over 700 chat rooms a year, and given that users may also use our forum, helpline and netline, your reaction to this one chat room seems very strong.

Kind regards,

Forum admin.

Sexism is against the law and it is wrong. Is Gamecare now a sexist organisation or will it also be offering a men only chat service? Can you please answer this Admin?

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 18:25

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Am I missing something here...surely any offer of help and support to any walk of life....men. .women..***..straight...fat ..thin..old..young...whatever...is better than not trying to maybe move with the times.....if I'm honest when I was trying to accept my addiction I remember thinking...." no way..that's a blokes problem in the bookies "...so maybe other women have felt the same...who knows ?
Anyway....I'm not looking for an online argument...we all have different ideas of rights and wrongs....if if helps just one person to open up and fight the fight by having "segregated groups"...then it's got to be a good thing....

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 18:33

Bornagain

Joined:
2013-12-14

Loxxie wrote:
Am I missing something here...surely any offer of help and support to any walk of life....men. .women..***..straight...fat ..thin..old..young...whatever...is better than not trying to maybe move with the times.....if I'm honest when I was trying to accept my addiction I remember thinking...." no way..that's a blokes problem in the bookies "...so maybe other women have felt the same...who knows ? Anyway....I'm not looking for an online argument...we all have different ideas of rights and wrongs....if if helps just one person to open up and fight the fight by having "segregated groups"...then it's got to be a good thing....

I have no issue with a women only chat as long as its not something that discriminates against others. If Gamcare is to do a women only chat then it needs to also offer a men only chat. 

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 18:47

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

I was in that chat room...Myself, not needing any emotional support, & the moderator.  I was told that it was something to do with Women's awareness day...I think GamCare may have been a little misguided?

As someone who has used every excuse under the sun to justify my gambling & why I didn't have a problem, I err on the side of it being an excuse when it comes to gender specifics affecting recovery but I accept not everyone is like me!  

Perhaps consideration could be given to running a male only room alongside any future offerings.  I'm all for equality but when that means better treatment for women, it makes me ashamed.  Battling a gambling addiction is hard regardless of our gender, excuses for not putting on software, attending meetings, getting help are aplenty but the help is out there & I for one am grateful for the effort put in by this site & the people on here.  There was nothing malicious intended, sometimes the chat room doesn't run for circumstances beyond our control, we can't let it affect our recovery!

 

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 21:39

Joydivider

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi all.

Its one afternoons chat room. There is no need to over react like its a sexism issue of any importance. Gamcare are trying an idea. It may be an idea that would work like themed topic chats or new members

I accept the premise behind it that a womens only chat room may be very helpful to some people

I dont need a men only chat and I am not aware of the gender of quite a few posters. Eventually I work it out but it doesnt matter to me on this or any other forum.

I dont think there is any need to bring up an issue of sexism

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

 

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 22:15

twinklyr

Joined:
2016-01-16

That's the joy of a debates section Joydivider, we can all have different opinions and debate it without having to close anyone else down. 

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 23:00

Guestuser9

Joined:
Before 2009

I believe it was a good idea although I've only just read about it. If I cross reference the the woman only chat and then the newcomers section which has the arrival of a few new faces over the weekend mainly woman . Then maybe they signed up as a follow up from the publicity appeal , so it's a good move imo,  as for the men only one , since when have men started moaning about equality? 

Posted on:
Sun, 26/03/2017 - 23:24

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Since they came here & realised it was ok to talk about their feelings maybe ;-)

Posted on:
Mon, 27/03/2017 - 07:29

Guestuser9

Joined:
Before 2009

Lol

Posted on:
Mon, 27/03/2017 - 12:37

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

There were some heated and angry comments made in last night's chatroom about the women only chatroom which as far as I am aware was a one-off. There were also comments along the lines of users trying to dictate the topic(s) under discussion which I do not believe was true. I think several people including myself felt that in a "gentle" way it would be good to move the discussion on and also to give a couple of people who hadn't used the chatroom before a chance to open up. I know one of the new people last night made a comment about all the bickering going on. Thankfully, that is not always the case. Lots of fellowships including AA have female-only meetings and I've never heard anyone complain about that or say it is sexist. Say only two women used the female-only chatroom so what? I think we've all got bigger things to worry about than a one-off (maybe?) decision by GamCare and as the organisation pointed out there around 700 chatroom sessions a year here. Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Mon, 27/03/2017 - 13:48

[email protected]

Joined:
2014-12-31

More misinformation. AA have Men only meetings also, which is the point that was being raised. GA had women preferred meetings which i believe no longer run due to lack of interest.

Posted on:
Mon, 27/03/2017 - 14:17

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Well I'm sorry about the unintended "misinformation". That was my understanding from people who I knew when I lived in Brighton ten years ago who attended AA. I never heard of men-only meetings but if that's the case fair enough.

Posted on:
Mon, 27/03/2017 - 18:52

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

I looked for a women's only GA meeting.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 28/03/2017 - 11:40

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

A reply from AA to satisfy my curiousity:

Hi Phil
My name is Sally and I’m an alcoholic in recovery, a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous and I’m one of the team answering emails today.
Thanks for your email about men only meetings.
For your specific question.... the tradition of AA is that the the only
requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking and that the
hand of AA should always be there to help the alcoholic that needs it.
For this reason, some AA meetings are listed as for men or women but the
expectation is that if a suffering alcoholic attended the meeting they
would be helped regardless of their ***, not turned away.
Some areas DO have meetings listed for specific groups of people but
this is very much down to what has been developed by alcoholics in the
area.
Some of the meetings will have a name suggesting they are mainly for men
e.g. men's breakfast meeting.
If I can be of further help, please let me know.
Best Wishes
Sally Murphy

---
This reply may include the opinions and experience of the individual
responder, which may cover matters on which Alcoholics Anonymous itself
has no collective view.

Further information about AA is available on our website at
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

On 28/03/2017 10:24 am, Phil X wrote:
> Hi, I just wondered - does AA do men-only meetings?
>
> Thank you,
>
> Phil X

Posted on:
Tue, 28/03/2017 - 11:42

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

S-E-X. So I was wrong but obviously unintentionally. I still don't see "segrerated" meetings as sexist though although I'm starting to come round to people's views on the change of chatroom being "imposed" last Friday. Best wishes, Phil.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 29/03/2017 - 22:56

cardhue

Joined:
2013-01-18

Context. This forum is male dominated. There's no need for a male only forum. Surely that's just being petty?

How anyone can feel sick to the stomach about this really baffles me. Diddums

Gambling is generally a male dominated world. Yet more and more women are affected. Intuitively, there must be a place for a female only forum.

Louis

Posted on:
Thu, 30/03/2017 - 10:25

ITDamo

Joined:
2016-01-26

Couldnt agree more Louis.....actually baffles me that this bothers people.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/03/2017 - 10:42

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

Sure there are things that bother you that others may think were petty?  Maybe a bit of empathy?

Posted on:
Thu, 30/03/2017 - 13:21

cardhue

Joined:
2013-01-18

I don't think empathy is possible here.

I've tried empathy, to put my self into the 'outraged by a female chat room' mindset - but I'm just not getting that 'sick to the stomach feeling'. Sorry, it's just not happening.

All I'm tapping into is an overwhelming sense of self-pity

Posted on:
Thu, 30/03/2017 - 18:44

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

Sorry to hear that cardhue. I try and remain open to all points.  Some i agree with, some i don't.  This i can see both sides.