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Winning the battles... Win the war... Life back.

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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 13:51

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Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 15:43

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

Thank You for sharing and staying strong, it is good that you were able to not gamble to extinction.  I don't know if it would have have successful to just get and keep the two hundred.  I have done that a couple of times ie. left with an amount that I needed for something despite all the gambling losses that make that small amount  seem like nothing.  Walking out with that certain amount win a couple times did nothing for me at all!  Just kept the doorway open to thinking that I could do it again and as we all know, there is not a drop of certainty of any win and eventually there are so many money draining experiences that we are off worse than before.  But yes, of coarse, it is great that you were able to stop.  I totally hear you on all the points of your post grip.  March 1st will be a marking point for further success .  tara2

Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 15:50

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

mate great postive post, this is your diary to write what you choose that will help you. I admire your honesty and courage and what is done is done, it's what you do from here which is right.

Regarding living with debt, i have £6,100 owed to creditors which are in a debt management plan, can you look down this route, might take some stress off if like me you only pay something like £150 back once you have done a budget review, at least interest is stopped. I owe another £3k plus to parents and I have a £1500 overdraft. To cope I have just told myself to stop worrying about it, by not gambling it will be reduced gradually instead of being increased and all my family know my outgoings and support me when I run out last 7-10 days of the month with money for petrol and food. Just write debts down in book and abstain from anymore gambling, easier said than done I know. It's about acceptance of the debt you have and not adding to it moving forward which you know.

You'll be fine my friend, just try to relax and go with the flow, think of thousands of families that have loads of debt and have a mortgage to pay and kids to feed etc etc, they might have loans and credit cards and they can't take the bankruptcy route or start a IVA or DMP for whatever reasons. Just try to accept the debt is there and seek ways of freezing interest with creditors or paying them back smaller amounts which are affordable to you, anything to take the stress away so you don't revert to gambling again, and don't open anymore gambling accounts, that is where you need to show a bit more strength because it is you that chooses to gamble, nobody forces you. Hope that helps.

All the best, Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 18:47

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 20:29

adam123

Joined:
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Does grip stand for god rest on peace ?

Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 22:35

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 09:04

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi mate, thanks for your post. 

Yes call Step Change mate, they are a charity and don't charge to set you up a DMP, they are very good. I don't know what you earn but when you go through your budget with them, make things up, say you have pets, you use public services, you smoke etc etc so that there is a little month left to give to your creditors. Paying £153 a month for me has reduced so much stress and the important thing is all interest is stopped, I had one loan and four card. You're offering to pay it all back which to them is better than nothing and if you ever get tight, ie the car goes from etc, you can stop a payment up to 3-4 times a year, I did this in January and February, called them up and told them I needed money to fix my car and for Christmas. Look into it a DMP will help you or an IVA.

Have a good day try and remain strong to urges.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 13:08

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hi Positive action really glad to see you back and gf now. It’s so easy to slip I understand completely as I nearly did today for the same reasons as you to make the month more comfortable and pay some more debt. I’m getting my hair done tomorrow and that’s rare occurrence as I gambled before instead and hardly ever had money left for hair, clothes etc it really is desperate can’t believe I chose gambling over feeling better about myself but that’s the addiction isn’t it. I wanted to pay some more debts and thought I could win and what will £50 hurt usual gambling devil on the shoulder but I shot it down you will too. Wilsey given fab advice if you took the pressure off yourself a bit like with Step change you’ll probably find the urges easier to handle. Wish you all the best :) Lulu x

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 15:36

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 17:06

tara2

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In one of your posts here, grip, you spoke of the comments on a youtube video.  Comments can be very triggering, esp. by those who have not been through it.  The things people say, and think for that matter argh.  Guess that is really none of our business and something that we can not change so let's find serenity and just keep on taking care of our own thoughts, words and behaviors.  here here.  :)   tara2

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 20:06

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Positive Action,

Youtube comments in general are full of some **** that you shouldn't worry yourself about. You are right that anyone that hasn't lived the problem isn't in a position to judge those who have/are. More then that i would just say in life in general that peoples opionons often say more about them then their words say about others. Don't take them to heart. Be true to yourself and listen to what you think of what you are/aren't doing.

With regards to the DMP i see you mention about your worry as to the impact on your credit rating. As you say your rating will be poor anyway and while im not in a DMP myself with my gambling debt i can see the advantages to some. Do you have a reason to worry about the level of your credit rating? Its got to be worth talking to them and asking, no harm in that and if that release of financial pressure can help you in the short and long term it has to be a good thing?

All the best mate.

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 13:27

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 07/03/2018 - 13:23

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sat, 10/03/2018 - 23:59

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sat, 17/03/2018 - 12:08

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Tue, 20/03/2018 - 22:50

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 21/03/2018 - 10:21

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 21/03/2018 - 10:38

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 21/03/2018 - 10:59

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 21/03/2018 - 20:42

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 21/03/2018 - 20:53

sjw

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2017-10-27

Hello PA,

Glad to hear you talking in a more positive frame of mind. Sounds like you are really diving into sorting the money side out. I get that as you say its not a big matter but we all know that the pressure of debts can suffocate us at times. GL with the PDL i say if you can get something back off them then there are STRONG reasons for them paying out, so go after it if there is a chance they will agree with your side of things. Nothing to lose. You know the main issue is the gambling but anyone that feels they have been wronged by a lender, gambler or not should feel entitled to get their money back.

Keep working recovery mate.

All the best!

Posted on:
Fri, 23/03/2018 - 10:25

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sun, 25/03/2018 - 21:12

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sun, 25/03/2018 - 22:07

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sun, 25/03/2018 - 22:10

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Interesting plan. Even though I have stopped gambling I have not being doing too good at clearing debts. I might look into setting some S.M.A.R.T goals myself. 

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2018 - 00:09

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Thu, 29/03/2018 - 19:49

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Thu, 29/03/2018 - 20:54

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Sorry to hear you've had a lapse, but atleast you've done the right thing and came straight back here. Stay strong, that low feeling will pass.

Posted on:
Thu, 29/03/2018 - 20:58

Stephen 67

Joined:
2017-05-10

So sorry to read of your disastrous return to gambling. You had almost completed a month gamble free which shows you can abstain for a period of time.

Is it possible your debts and large interest payments are holding you back?? Without any obligation you might care to think of a debt repayment plan. You have previously said you don't want to damage your credit rating but if you carry on like this your options will be limited. I personally approached Citizens Advice who were very helpful and sorted me out with affordable monthly payment plan with no interest or added charges. My credit rating is not good but at least I can pay off my debts and live a comfortable life.

I respect the way you keep picking yourself up and fighting on but you are tormenting yourself with frequent setbacks. My heart really goes out to you and I wish you well. This addiction is insidious to the extreme..stephen

Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 00:06

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 11:22

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 11:39

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Positive
I've read some of your posts on other diaries and the posts since ykur relapse. This is a bit same old but don't be too hard on yourself as I and others can totally relate to what has happened, look forward and focus on gwtting through odaat. I do feel your pain! Also with creditors yes they want their money but a) they are big companies b) a token small payment is better than nothing. Sorry if this sounds bossy best wishes S:)

Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 17:47

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Sorry to read of your troubles PositiveAction. Take note of what has worked well for you and what triggers your gambling. I have almost had enough of going to the gym, reading and logging into Gamcare Forums/Chat but I know it works when I do this every single day. 

Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 18:23

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

PositiveAction - Sorry to read about your relapse.

It's heartening to see you right back to fighting the addiction.  I totally understand why you feel furious with yourself - I've recently relapsed, and I'm in a stinking mood with myself. But I'm believing that each relaspse will help me to see gambling for the destructive force it is. There's only so many times we can be burnt by the fire before it finally sinks it that we're better off avoiding the fire. Although maybe it's not that simple. 

I hope you make the changes necessary to stop it happening again. 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 02/04/2018 - 21:45

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Mon, 02/04/2018 - 22:07

samba79

Joined:
2018-03-22

Sorry to read this PA, really am. I can totally understand the despair you are feeling at the moment but I think the Step Change advice is by far the best you can do for now.  I would think about you and your health in the here and now rather than worrying about mortgages and future credit.

There is obviously a huge pressure on you repaying that amount each month and to reduce that by as much as you can via Step Change would be a good move forward to ease the mental burden on you.

Wish you well mate

Posted on:
Tue, 03/04/2018 - 13:24

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Tue, 03/04/2018 - 13:29

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Tue, 03/04/2018 - 19:49

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Tue, 03/04/2018 - 21:43

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sun, 08/04/2018 - 12:16

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Tue, 10/04/2018 - 20:48

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 11/04/2018 - 13:51

volcano

Joined:
2010-07-05

 

Agreed on a few things you’ve said above. Just by reading between the lines and also following your time on Gamcare, you’ve definitely got a spark about you so electrician an appropriate trade. I work in the construction industry and there is a somewhat comraderie, probably not what your used too as a little bedraggled but none the less people out there who want to pass on there experience and trade to worthy people who strive to learn. . Then the next thing to jump out is that I would completely agree, your definitely not in the sinking game, Infact quite the contrary. 

There’s bu....gger all you can do about your finances apart from what your doing now, facing up to them, just as it seems you face up to life. 

Crawling is ok as long as it’s forward, the momentum will steadily take you where you want to be. 

Wishing you well 

Posted on:
Thu, 12/04/2018 - 21:47

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Thu, 12/04/2018 - 21:53

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Fri, 13/04/2018 - 01:27

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sat, 14/04/2018 - 13:46

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Sat, 14/04/2018 - 17:54

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello PA,

Hope your weekend is going well. One day at a time, always. We can beat this and come out the other side stronger from the battle. It does get easier just stick to the plan.

All the best!

Posted on:
Mon, 16/04/2018 - 03:34

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Tue, 17/04/2018 - 18:14

PositiveAction

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Posted on:
Wed, 18/04/2018 - 18:04

wittle71

Joined:
2018-04-17

Just read all these posts mate . Heartbreaking. Stay strong

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