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Will it ever get better

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 28/09/2014 - 09:56

Jilly3107

Joined:
2014-09-28

Hi there

I am new to this website although not new to gambling, my husband of 17 years has been gambling on and off since we met, although it was very small amounts in the beginning and I barely noticed it’s risen over the years and has amounted to over 21k over the last few years.

He took on a second job to bring in extra cash when things were really bad and it was the worst thing that could have happened as it was a job where he had access to quite a bit of money, having the money in his pocket just caused him to gamble hundreds of pounds at a time, it has broken down any trust that was left and now causing me to want to walk away from it all.

Having packed in the part time job (he also works full time) he was off gambling for a few months and I really thought we had turned a corner until a few weeks ago again and he lost some money from his pocket on the way to work, he said he was scared to tell me as I would accuse him of gambling so he borrowed and went to bookies to try win it back. He has lied so much now and borrowed so much money, I have done everything I can, he attends GA and has done for about 7 years now which to me just seems a waste but it gives him support I suppose, he only gets “pocket money” every week now and has done for several years, the money he is now gambling comes from a credit card he owns as I refuse to let it come from our children’s and my money, although he hands over his wage every month and has nothing to do with our finances I just can’t see any way forward anymore.

I love him with all my heart and he is a very kind person, he has his faults as we all do but the gambling has just about ended our marriage, I suppose I’m just on here to let off steam, I think it’s the end as I just can’t keep giving him chance after chance, we are not in debt as such and both have reasonably good jobs but I just can’t get the thought out of my head that we could have had so much more if he had not gambled it and could it keep going to the stage where we have no house, we keep paying off the debts with his credit cards and then topping up loans to clear the credit cards.

How do other people manage to break away from someone they love so much and don’t want to hurt and in doing so hurt themselves too? I’m worried he will only get worse if we do break up. He keeps telling me that I am money orientated and that its only money and as long as we have money then why should I worry, I think that’s a desperate bid to save us but I just feel so low and really don’t know where else to turn now, I’m not looking for answers from anyone I just needed to get it off my chest to someone who actually can maybe understand what I’m going through and maybe get some advice if anyone's ever worked through this sort of situation and came out the other end with a "happyish" ending.

Sorry for my rant but just needed to get it all out somewhere.

Posted on:
Sun, 28/09/2014 - 11:54

Jilly3107

Joined:
2014-09-28

Hi Half life

Thanks for replying, he has been going to GA for over 7 years now I think and he knows what he is doing is wrong but he just cant stop, I will never fully understand gambling as probably many friends and family of a CG will know. He has a sponsor and has started the steps but put on hold due to time etc.

I do have full access to all money, he has no bank access whatsoever but he does have a credit card due to the fact that I refuse to let him use our household money to pay back people he borrows from, probably sounds silly but he has threatened to hurt himself over me not giving him household money so now he has the credit card he has to figure out to pay that back from his own "pocket money" rather than taking from us.

Do you know as I type this I realise how silly and stupid I sound, I try and make excuses for him all the time, its been going on for so long now, I know what I need to do but I am struggling to do it. Every time I say this is the last time and then I give him another chance and another.

Thanks for taking the time to reply and listening.

Posted on:
Tue, 07/10/2014 - 21:24

JTC

Joined:
2014-10-07

I feel for you, I have a son who is only 24 and he already has a serious gambling probelm. :Like you I want to know if there is a solution, can a gambler really make headway and build a life for themselves. My son is at the begining of his life and I fear for his future if he doesn't get a grip. I am desparate and at my wits end. I don't know how to help him and I can't understan why he continues to gamble even when he knows the outcomes for him and his relationships are so negative. He is laways depressed after gambling. I would like to hear a sucess story if anyone has one.

Posted on:
Thu, 09/10/2014 - 03:03

Orchid

Joined:
2013-10-26

Hi

I can't really say that I have a success story but I know exactly how you feel. My marriage has, I think, finally come to an end because of gambling. I found out about it a year and a half ago and we have been living separately for the best part of a year now. Unfortunately during that time, I just haven't seen the progress or the commitment that I needed from my husband and, in fact, it has just got worse. As much as I love him and care for him deeply, I know it is over for us, but it has taken me a long time to come to terms with it and, to be honest, I still struggle now. My husband and I haven't had any contact for a week or so now and it really hurts. How can someone be such a big part of your life for such a long time, then disappear.... So, I can't say I have a happy ending but I do know that if I dig really deep down inside myself, I can't live like that any more. I don't want to be someone's financial controller, a walking ATM, constantly worried or mis-trusting any more. I don't want to be the responsible 'adult' in our relationship any more. I want to be put first, made to feel special and happy every day of my life. I guess only time will tell.... Best of luck and be strong x

Posted on:
Fri, 10/10/2014 - 13:00

dave1963

Joined:
2010-10-22

Jilly and Jtc
If you look at my posts you will see the consequences at the age of 51 GAMBLING has done to me although i am Renting and getting by i am happy and have been on two holidays abroad this year by giving up so far .

Previous split with my wife and other relationships through Gambling which also resulted in not seeing son as not enough money to fight in courts , being broke homeless lived in a tent , depressed , in trouble with the police and taken to court Pleaded Guilty had to find 500 for fine all due to Gambling it does make you a selfish and a unlikable fellow you don't look after your self don't wash your cloths and your self .
The Gamblers Smell a losers smell ! symptoms to look for ! They Smell and some become in a quiet daze transfixed in silence with the thoughts of their next bet or the losers mode self pity wishing they were dead and they will spend days in bed with self pity ! .
I started with small and nothing to worry about bets for 20 years then modern technology came in slots , roulette , football bets then the road to hell .
I prayed to god and pleaded to get rid of these thoughts this illnessand infliction with so many coincidences and happy breaks they are all gone the urges and thoughts ? is that possible ? bet free for months now :o) .
You cant make people prey or go to church or believe but you can suggest to them to take their bank cards off them so they cant lose everything i did it and has helped and it has stopped large amounts being wasted and i have my Card back now and only two lapses :o) .
Dave

Posted on:
Thu, 23/10/2014 - 19:19

Mel-35

Joined:
2011-01-16

HI Orchid, just wanted to say your post echoes my feeling exactly. My six year relationship ended a few weeks ago & it's really hard but like you i'd had enough. The thought of being all the things you 've said in your post were just unbearable & i'd been all them for my partner for far too long & never should have allowed myself to be - the crazy things you do when you love & care about someone but everyone has their breaking point.

I want my partner to be my equal and ultimately he wasn't, and the relationship became more like a parent/(selfish) child relationship. I hope you can now start to rebuild your life and look forward to a much happier, positive future. x

Posted on:
Fri, 24/10/2014 - 02:59

redbeamer1

Joined:
2014-10-24

I am 49 years old and have just come out of a 5 year relationship that was not good my ex partner is an alcoholic and the last year has been terrible which has lead me to start gambling I am so ashamed as I could not stop due to my antics on the website I now find myself in 6 thousand pound of debt I have now contacted all the gaming sites and have done a self exclusion programme for 5 years I lost 1500 pounds today and feel so weak which is why I contacted the gaming sites to close the accounts down A few weeks ago I tried to commit suicide fortunately my friend found me and the rest is history I know that it will not be easy but I know I am stopping as of now !!!!