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Posted on:
Sat, 21/10/2017 - 09:41

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

lml to lml, i share your sorrow, we have and are suffering from the gambling demons, truly taking the enjoyment of life from us, Iv'e read your diary I hope your age (time on your side) allows to lead a better life again in the future - Paul

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 00:24

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi Paul lml, thanks for your post. I'm afraid my diary must read like a catalogue of failures.
Sounds like you're going through the mill too. Why do we allow this awful addiction do this to us?
I stop, start to feel better in myself then I start up again. Why? - who knows. It always ends the same with me losing so why would I fall for it again?
I can't bet online now but it upsets me that I still think about it and to be brutally honest I still crave the excitement of wondering where the reels are going to stop.
Thoughts - get out of my life. I don't want to know because really all that's going to happen is me 1lose my money and Mr gamble running all the way to the bank.
I want to be normal again. I will be normal again! We can do this Paul! X

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 09:04

AntAnt1

Joined:
2017-09-20

Keep going and keep posting.

You are open about everything and that is strength.

 

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 10:25

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks for your support AntAnt. I'm trying hard. I realise the only way I'm going to beat this is to not have the means to go online with a bank card. The temptation is always there if I can.
I also went on the demo play when I wasn't gambling, I'm not doing this now. It's obvious isn't it? - don't allow it in your life and then hopefully I won't need it.
Why I find it so difficult is beyond me. I know all the right things to do so why the heck don't I just do them?
All gambling causes is heartache, pain and a low self-worth.
The last two christmases have been an absolute nightmare with regards to how I have felt about myself, phone calls and emails to samaritans early hours of the morning sat in a freezing cold car made out of desperation. This Christmas I am not going there again.
When I have a break from gambling I feel better about myself - amazing how your emotions can change so quickly. It truly messes with your mind.
I'm feeling good at the moment, I'm nearly 3 weeks gamble free. My head is clearing again, my self-worth is returning, this time it has to be for good. Sorry for talking about Christmas now but that's my next goal. A gamble free Christmas spent with the family and not in a cold car with the samaritans!! Happy Sunday to all x
PS I'm forever grateful to charities like gamcare and the samaritans, without them I would be in a worse place than I am now. I had nobody to turn to because at the time I didn't want my family to know. They truly helped me through terrible times in my life. x

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 17:57

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Lml so many similarities in our stories, I can't even try and think about why I was so powerless in the past when  it came to online gambling as it does my head in. I had to draw a line on the losses and move on (easier said then done, big time!) I feel like I was in some bubble where literally nothing else matters except gambling almost like a weird love affair. I also have missed out on so many things because I had blown every pennyand even now it scares me to have more than a little bit of money.  Good on your for having a good Christmas as an incentive, mini goals are defo the way forward. Take care my friend S:)

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 22:36

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks sharon, youre right, we have to draw a line. If I truly thought about it, id probably crack up!
I have 2 close friends who know about my gambling. One who knows how I've struggled has just told me her son has admitted he's thousands of pounds in debt . . . due to gambling.
Needless to say, after seeing how difficult I've found it she's worried for him.
Just as I thought, youngsters of today are being brainwashed by these sites when they watch the sports. There's going to be such a rise in the gambling industry because gambling seems to be the norm to the youth of today. X

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 23:46

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Hi lml I’m sure you have been on this site at this time of the day when you have been struggling mentally with what gambling has left u with. I feel destroyed by this addiction and I’m not sure where I going with my life hour by hour , all I can think off are the terrible losses x sorry for posting on your diary again x

Posted on:
Tue, 24/10/2017 - 12:08

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi LML

Hope you are okay and firmly back on the gamble free path. It sounds like you are doing all you can to take away the tools needed for gambling, that is a good start. Just know this, things will start to turn the corner for you the longer you stay gamble free.

Keep going

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 24/10/2017 - 22:34

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

LML, I wish I had that magic wand to help you. All I can do is let you know that I'm thinking of you and tell you that in my darkest hours, I rung the samaritans. It helped just to have a listening ear and helped me to put some things into perspective.
Thanks Matt, changing my bank card to cashpoint only, leaves me with no other option than to stop playing online. In my stupidly addicted head I hate it and think, why did you do this? In my sensible , sort yourself out head, it's amazing. No point in thinking shall I put just a tenner on -because I can't!
I have to ask myself,
Why would I want to gamble after reading some of the heartbreaking diaries on here?
My thoughts go out to everyone tonight who need to gather some strength from somewhere.
A bucketful for you all to help you on your way. X

Posted on:
Sat, 28/10/2017 - 22:07

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Saturday night, pay day soon. Looked at my bank account a week ago and noticed they'd put £10 in for me for having direct debits, using chip and pin etc, . It meant that I now have a grand total of £16 in it. (Terrible slip at beginning of month)
Never bothered but tonight I thought bust it, I'll have a go on online slots with that tenner. Then realised I can't because now I've got a card that I can't use online.
Feeling pretty gutted with myself for still getting the urge and wanting to gamble but I'm positive that bank card will save me money in the future. I've not gone on demo for over 3 weeks now. I must get myself off this destructive path. Can't wait for the day when I give gambling no thought, get no urges and, as in all the best stories live happily ever after!!
Night all xx

Posted on:
Sun, 29/10/2017 - 05:50

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Just reading the struggles of others on this site. I'm grateful that today I am not in a place of hopeless despair. I have been there and I don't want to go back.
I'm just ticking along . . . yes thoughts of gambling still in my head but unable to act on them so therefore cannot beat myself up for losing yet more money.
Thoughts I keep in a box at the back of my head are my debts. I'll never be debt free. I pay a small amount to all debts every month through stepchange and I'll probably be doing so till the end of my days.
My friend asked if I could order something online for him today. (He doesn't like using his card details!) I had to admit to not being able to do it, he asked why, I just replied I can no longer use my card online. He didn't ask any more, probably just thinks I've no money. (Which is right of course, I've no credit card now either) Some say I should tell him. I say keep it to the select few. Why should I tell him? Our relationship is not perfect. It's more a friendship than a relationship but that's another matter.
I look at other people's lives - I shouldn't. When you have an addiction which has robbed you of not just money but your own self respect and dignity you see others living what appears to be an easy life and moaning at the slightest thing. I wish the only thing I had to get upset about was a neighbour banging their dustbins in the morning or parking their car, making it slightly difficult to get out the drive.
Having to take their car for an MOT knowing it will probably fail but also knowing that they have excess money in the bank to pay for it anyway.
All problems that others have moaned about in the last few days to me. I just nod and agree and think try living my life but of course they don't know because I'm too ashamed to admit it to all and sundry. Maybe one day I will, but not today. x

Posted on:
Sun, 29/10/2017 - 09:11

Dean0

Joined:
2017-09-14

Morning lml.

Have you thought about swapping your payment plan to an Iva instead?  That way you’ll still pay the same amount each month but you’ll be debt free in 5 years and the rest gets written off. 

That’s worth considering because there’s light at the end of the tunnel then. 

Not playing the demo games is the right thing to do as in a way it just keeps the embers burning

Posted on:
Sun, 29/10/2017 - 11:09

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks deano, when I went to citizens advice they told me I'd be best not to go down the Iva road. I think it's because I have some collateral in my house.
Stepchange recently sent me an email saying I could be eligible. When I contacted them they said they'd probably advise me against it but the option is there if I want it. They also said I'd have to go with someone else to do it. I came off the phone thinking what was the point in that??
It is difficult wondering which would be the best option. They've both got things for and against.

Ps I'm sick of getting emails for so called free spins etc. I try to unsubscribe but they won't let me.wish they'd get the message I don't even open them.
Happy Sunday everyone x

Posted on:
Sun, 29/10/2017 - 11:33

Dean0

Joined:
2017-09-14

Hi again they do ask you to remortgage if you have equity.  But it’s not often someone especially with a bad credit history can even get a remortgage. Even then you can only have 85 percent no higher . You can’t go past your original mortgage date and payments should not increase more than 50 percent of you Iva monthly fee for your remortgage.  Have a look in debt camel all the terms are there to see.  It’s worrh considering if you’re going to be paying step change for years on end ?   As for the emails change your email address . Or google how to block domains through your email . 

Deano

Posted on:
Sun, 29/10/2017 - 14:11

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Hi LML, your comment about "you've worked for it....you can spend your money on slots".....that used to be my thinking...in fact it probably still is my thinking, but banning myself from casinos has made it harder to gamble, and I know that if I once place a bet online I will be lost. But it isn't about our right to spend money is it, whether it is our, or an OD or a credit card? It's tackling why we feel driven to keep pouring money into watching those reels. Even when we win we put it all back in, because I think we are only happy when we lose, then we are freed to stop gambling by having no funds left. I remember the sense of relief I used to feel, because then I could go home. Come on LML, get all those blocks in place...we all know what we need to do....make it harder for yourself to gamble, get some good gamble free time under your belt. Come on, you have your family, your grandson...you have you. You deserve a better life. You deserve peace. One day at a time. Keep posting, keep talking. We need one another. Helen.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/11/2017 - 00:11

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks Helen, yes I had lots of reasons that I used to kid myself with. When the debts became bigger I used to think . . . 'some people buy new cars that depreciate, getting a loan because of gambling is just the same!'
I also used to think 'stuff it, I'm an adult. I've only myself to look after. No one can tell me what to do so why can't I do something that makes me happy? '
Only thing is, it rarely did make me happy and it never did in the long run.
I've read on others diaries about watching programmes which point out how the gambling industry draws you in.
I can't bring myself to watch them because I don't want to have to face the fact that I was that fool that they were trying to brainwash. I fell for their tricks. I got sacked in, chewed about and then spat out.
Well, my pay is in bank. So grateful I cannot spend what little I have left (after paying bills) of it online. I know the temptation would be too much.
I must beat this. I will not be an addicted gran. I will not be one who is stressed out all the time whilst beating oneself up. When you stop gambling for a bit life does feel worth living again.
I want to live. I want to be happy, content with myself. I know how to do it. I've just got to get on with it and make the correct choices. Keep those blocks in place!
Good wishes and strength to all X
All good wishes x

Posted on:
Wed, 01/11/2017 - 13:31

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi LML

The urges live with us all but you have to stop beating yourself up now, put the stick away. 

If you have one bet you know eventually you will lose so you have to avoid that first spin. If you manage that it can only get better from here on in.

As regard to your friend and whether to tell them or not, that is up to you. All you need to do is say no and you did that. You don't need to people please, you need to look after number 1. It may sound and feel selfish but you now have a life to embark on and have chosen that life to be gamble free. For you this involves taking one of the tools away that you needed to gamble. Without those cards you have a better chance to a better life.

If the DMP is working for you then stick to it, at  least you are paying your debt and keeping the creditors at bay sensibly.

Keep going LML you will get there.

Matt

Posted on:
Wed, 01/11/2017 - 19:38

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks Matt, it is hard to know whether I am doing the right thing with regard to debts.
I do have to look after number one. I'm 53 years old yet i still cant tell people what i really think. I dont want to hurt anyones feelings, yet stupidly I allow mine to get hurt on the process! The life I always thought I'd have hasn't worked out.
Gambling has made me feel not worthy. I've got to build myself back up and go from there.
X

Posted on:
Thu, 02/11/2017 - 13:09

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi LML

I have suffered with the same problem for a long time, it is called co-dependency, another book worth a read/listen is co-dependant no more by Melodie Beattie. Putting others needs before your own should not be the norm, hard one as I have struggled with this for a long time. That sense of shame you carry and desire to please others lives deep within, maybe seek some councelling?

You are 53 years young and completely worthy, you need to start working on making you happy not others.

Good luck LML

Matt 

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 10:30

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks for your advice matt. Changes need to be made but having to deal with the consequences can be daunting.

After responding to katiecoos post it's made me think again about what is going to happen in the future. All of these gambling sites creating new addicts every day who spend money that they haven't got on credit cards etc. Relationships in tatters. Young people starting out lives with massive debts and mental health problems. Companies/banks been owed thousands having to write most of them off and the list goes on. What effect is this going to have on society?
Why oh why are these gambling sites still been allowed to advertise like they do when it is plain for all to see the damage that they're doing?
OK, people say it's the government creaming off the tax. It just makes me feel sad that so many people's lives are getting ruined. Mine and my families included x

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 00:40

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Well, can you believe it. After writing the above post aswell. . .
Met up with a couple of friends tonight. One who knows about my gambling problems and told me her son had confessed to problems a few weeks ago. And my other friend (who doesn't know about my problem) goes and tells us tonight that her daughter, who only got married this year, has split up from her husband because she's found out he is in thousands of pounds worth of debt through gambling. He's also taken thousands out of her banking account without her knowing. So so sad. People getting into trouble through gambing is becoming such a problem now. My heart goes out to them all xx

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 08:13

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

In bed, reading posts on here. So many people struggling, hitting rock bottom, have had the walls come tumbling down around them so why oh why is it when I read about a post where someone has had a big win my stupid addicted brain immediately goes into overdrive and the heartbreaking posts before it are amazingly forgotten!!!
So grateful to the fact that because of my previous lapses common sense comes back and reminds myself that this is only one post out of hundreds and I will never win because I can never stop.
Feeling good with myself at the moment. Got enough money in bank to last me the month.
It was the 5th October when I last played online slots. One month of not gambling, one month of no demos, and it feels good.
Here's to another. Strength to all xx

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 08:54

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi lol, me too, in bed reading posts. What a mess, so young. Have a good day!

Posted on:
Sun, 05/11/2017 - 23:06

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks merry go round. Yes they are young, I just hope they manage to recover from it.
Just as I was saying though, so many lives going through turmoil, yet the glorified advertising is still allowed on our tv screens.
I said going through turmoil because I want to believe they can get through this and lead a fulfilling and happy life.
I'm pleased to report another gf day. I did think about demo slots but then I made myself happy by thinking what's the point? I don't win anything, it's just a waste of time. I hope I continue to go from strength to strength. It's not easy but then nobody ever said it was xx

Posted on:
Sun, 12/11/2017 - 18:18

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Sunday, usually a day when I thought even more about slots. I'd either be quite happy whilst at work because I had won the night before so it meant I could go home and have another few hours online or else I'd be totally distraught, hating life, hating the fact that I had to do a Sunday job to pay for my debts, basically hating being me, the person who just couldn't stop until I'd lost hundreds of pounds the previous night.
Today, roughly 5/6 weeks since my last bet I'm feeling OK.
I no longer do my Sunday job because I now do more hours during the week at work and I've been out with a friend, had a walk along the seafront (well wrapped up) and enjoyed some fish and chips.
I wouldn't normally do this because I'd be a bit of a recluse when I gambled. I didn't really want to mix with people. I'd just stay at home, usually licking my wounds.
How people say they don't get any urges to gamble is beyond me. I still do even I totally know what a mugs game it is. They're lucky if that's the case.
I'll just keep batting the urges away, continue to fight the good fight and learn to live again x

Posted on:
Sun, 12/11/2017 - 22:57

Chris30z

Joined:
2017-10-15

 

 

 

Hi LML,

 

I have just spent the last couple hours reading through all of your diary. I just wanted to say, I really appreciate your complete honesty in your posts, good and bad, despair or hope. I want to be another person to be there for you through this, be there for all of us.

 

I feel that this connection we all have, this shared experience of being addicted to gambling helps us move forward through this and all of the inevitable ups and down, relapses etc. We are here to spur  everyone on. It’s a very difficult path that we are on but we can all walk it together and beat this awful addiction...

 

Chris

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 11:11

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Lml glad you had an enjoyable Sunday, I can relate to every line of your post! I realise now that gambling transformed me into a shell with nothing inside, almost like there was nothing there because I was consumed by the thought of the next spin either to spend my 'winnings' or try to win back my losses. I spent most of yesterday pottering around and met a friend for coffee, so nice to do everyday stuff and not think about gsmbling/money/debts. Thanks for putting your thoughts out there, is v,reassuring for me and others to know you're not alone Take care S :) 

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 11:37

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Glad you had a lovely Sunday love..
Simple things make us smile now....we all become walnuts when we're in the heart of addiction...trapped in a shell that seems impossible to crack...but very slowly the cracks of freedom come along....happy glimpses of a new future....yes...the urges do come...often totally out of the blue...but you're fighting them. ..that's what counts...so well done to you...
Hope you're Monday's...as good as Sunday...take care xx

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 22:32

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Chris30z, amazed and humbled that you got through my whole diary.
It's made me read a few pages from the beginning again.
Reading about my relapses annoys me so much. What a flipping idiot! I could slap myself when I read about them lol!
I need to thank you because
It's just reinforced to me how I could never win because I can't stop and also makes me aware of the fact that I'm totally fed up with all the emotions that being an addict throws at you.
As I've stated in the past, I just want you feel 'normal'!!

Sharon, we seem to have so much in common. It's a great feeling to be able to go out with friends and buy a drink or even go mad and pay for some food with it. Madness, but unfortunately it's true. Actually feeling happy to be laying money out on such 'luxuries' is such an achievement in itself and gives us a real boost.

Loxxie, so many posts helping me along this rocky path in the past were from you. I've told you before, you have been (and still are) one of my biggest inspirations on here. You continuously show that it can be done. Gambling can be kicked into touch. I hope you are still enjoying reaping the benefits gained from remaining gf.

Ps all the Christmas adverts/films on tv are making me feel christmassy! The last 2 Christmases have been pretty horrendous. This year, through making changes, I'm hoping all will be different. No calls needed to the samaritans, no black clouds or heavy weights on my shoulder just happiness in abundance!!
Love and strength to all xx

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 08:34

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Love the Christmas bit. ..
Was the same for me. ..hated it for so many years...
Skint..
Desperately playing to win Christmas money...
And like you...couldn't wait for last year's...I was about 11 months free last year...and remember the excitment brewing...the pleasure in gift shopping...although small gifts were on the list was fantastic...and a great time was had by all...
And I'm looking forward to this year the same....can't wait to get decs up....lol....
Always waited till last minute before...and just did the normal addict thing of going through the motions...not now...tis all done with meaning....and pride. .
To be able to spend normally ...
Amazing....I spose it's because our sense of value of money is returning....Any way...it's good. .
And I'm glad you're experiencing that now. ...
Take care x

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 15:56

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi LML

Thanks for your comments on my diary, I appreciate your kind words. 

Really pleased to read your still on the path to a gamble free future. You can win if you stop and you are becoming proof life can be turned around no matter how far down the rabbit hole we may have gone. Realisation of our failures, our flaws and our past, addressing it rather than wallowing in it gives us the energy, desire and sheer will power to change. I am adamanty there is not many with will power stronger than a gambler. Why else would we continue to gamble knowing we will lose but trying to convince ourselves all we need is one big win. If we flick that gear from backwards to forwards and use that will power to stop we can achieve anything. The hardest part is wanting to stop and giving up on that quick fix. It is a long road back but a road back that is so rewarding.

Keep going and stay strong.

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 19:17

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou for posting on my diary, it is much appreciated.

Congratulations on your progress, you are doing really well and are helping others by sharing your experiences.

Just setting off to my Salsa class which should be fun ...stephen

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 21:33

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Feeling good at the moment. All the messages and kind words above have given me another boost so thank you for taking the time out to drop me a line.
Loxxies memories of Christmas past made me think. This year I have less money to pay for Christmas with (last year I could use credit cards/overdraft) even though I have less money I feel so much better in myself.
Firstly, because this year my family know why I've no money and they are supporting me with my addiction. They've said they don't want anything other than to see me get myself sorted get back on track and be happy with myself.
It helps so much them knowing. It doesn't feel like I have a sordid secret now. I don't have to live a double life, the one I showed to the world and the one I had in my head that I was too ashamed to share with anyone.
I have a full house at the moment because two of my daughters and husband/partner have moved in with me. One has sold their house and are in between moves. This means my lovely little grandson has moved in with me as well therefore my house is full of laughter and chatter again and I get lots of granny cuddles!!
Fortunately they're paying me board which is helping to pay towards Christmas so that's a bonus.
My head is feeling clearer and it's wonderful not feeling guilty or wasting hours watching the spinning reels.
I hope this feeling continues!
Best wishes to all x

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 12:46

TheFlagg

Joined:
2017-11-13

Good Afternoon,

I have recently returned to the forum and was having a read of some diaries to draw inspiration.

I will admit to not reading every post but I was struck by your determination and resolve to not let this addiction defeat you.

I refer to your first ever post about 3 months bet free as you wanted to tell your counsellor. I could relate to this. I wrote on my diary each and every day, and attended my GA meetings every week without fail. For me it was a little like the tick in the register at school and the reward of 100% attendance was gratifying in the end. 

What we have to remember in reality is our 100% attendance and commitment now has far greater rewards.The love and support of those closest to us and the chance of a better life. Christmas is a challenge, the financial expectation can be overwhelming but your last post really highlights what matters most. Being around those we care about.

I will look forward to following your journey and wish you continued success and strength in abstinence.

Flagg 

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 20:54

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks for your kind words Flagg.
With regards to telling my councillor that I was still gamble free, I'm not sure whether it was me wanting to please again or me wanting to receive praise!
I wish I could say I will never gamble again but I can't. I know I should never gamble again so that's why I've put the blocks in place. If I didn't have them, i know for a fact that at some point I would gamble again. This upsets me knowing it, but I can only do what I can and as long as this stops me throwing money away then this is what I have to do . I just have to take it a day at a time and go to bed thinking, that's another day ticked off. Another day when my head feels OK, I'm fine with myself and I'm not crying into my pillow calling myself all the stupid names under the sun.
Why would I still want to gamble after all the heartache it's caused? I haven't a clue. It truly baffles me.
It's a hard road to travel but we must. I deserve better and so do my family.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend x

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 23:10

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Just looked at my bank account. Past halfway in the month, still some money in my account. Can afford a small treat for myself if I want one. Not a casino withdrawal in sight - happy days!! x

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 00:02

Chris30z

Joined:
2017-10-15

Happy days indeed. It must be nice to know you can have a small treat and it’s due to staying GF. Well done LML

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 00:06

S_J_B

Joined:
2013-05-25

Well done LML and keep up the good work!

Thank you for your post...& for you lil prayer....i honestly think I need them now...anything to help us push through.

Look after yourself, take the world on the chin! It's worth it & you deserve it ☺

S&B xx

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 06:24

Glint

Joined:
2016-01-08

Always nice to see positive posts from you Little miss lost. Know how hard it must of been for you to tell your family, pleased to read it has helped you.

Long may these happy and content feelings continue and grow.

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 11:19

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks to all the above for your kind comments.
Glint, when I was reading over a few of my early posts I saw a few of yours which you sent to me. They brought back the memories of how i felt at those times. I was at my lowest on many occasions and I remember reading your messages and you gave me hope with your little sayings. At the time they brought tears to my eyes but they gave me the strength to say 'I'm not a lost cause, I can do this!'
I know that I feel at my happiest, mentally when not gambling so this is what I have to do. Live only using cash. It takes some getting used to when I'm just used to shopping using contactless and pin numbers. A bit of advanced planning is needed but I'm sooo glad of it when madness takes a hold of me and the devil on my shoulder whispers the names of my favourite slots in my ear, reminding me of the bonus spins. See - ridiculous isn't it??? A grown woman taken prisoner by spinning reels. Laughable in our stronger moments. Heartbreaking in our weaker.
I've been on here quite a bit lately. I'm conscious of the fact that I'm sounding upbeat and to some I may be sounding ' full of myself' I know I could easily mess this up and be made to eat my words. I must stay strong.
It's a Sunday, still grateful that I don't have to work it.
We are all capable of doing this. We are all worthy x

Posted on:
Mon, 20/11/2017 - 23:09

Stephen55570

Joined:
2017-11-07

Sorry to hear you had a bad evening . Hope you get some good rest tonight and feel better tomorrow

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