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Posted on:
Sun, 13/11/2016 - 23:33

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Hey miss...I can remember my head chucking thoughts like that at me...it's a very unsettling feeling hun. ...keep pushing on...each day at a time...keep ranting on here....the fog will settle......and then eventually it will clear......stay strong...youre doing well x

Posted on:
Mon, 14/11/2016 - 09:35

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

I'm glad I can give you some hope..
Yes...lots of **** will come out/up whilst your fighting your addiction....PUSH through it ....your stronger than you think...
And don't forget to laugh along the way....something we forget to do when addiction had us chained to it...smileeee...it's your future love x

Posted on:
Sun, 20/11/2016 - 16:12

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Hey miss...how you doing hun. .
X

Posted on:
Sun, 20/11/2016 - 18:58

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Great...
You fight them hun. ...don't be bullied into what you can't afford...being skint is great amo for addiction to trick you into thinking you can win...
Do a budget and you tell them what you can afford. ...bet they'll except it after a bit of to and fro
No rush to repay it....knowbodues going to die if it takes a little longer to repay.....credit score shot....so what....it will improve in time xx

Posted on:
Mon, 21/11/2016 - 11:47

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hi lml thank you for post xx so sorry to see you've been struggling I really hope things better for you today. Emotions are a minefield aren't they? Despite how your feeling you still took time to encourage me hun that makes you pretty special person :) I hope you can get your counselling sorted. I've only read a bit of your diary but will read it all later. If I can help at all hun I'm here take care Lu xx

Posted on:
Mon, 21/11/2016 - 22:22

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Well, it's been over a week now since I've gambled.
Heads feeling in a better place than it was.
Problems still all around me but I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's amazing how your mental health suffers whilst you are gambling. When I lose I'm a wreck, (which I always seem to eventually do) If I had a big stick I'd probably beat myself with it!!
Yes I've had breaks from gambling before the longest been for 3 months but each time it's felt different.
Now I seem to be realising even more that I can never win. I won a fair bit last month. It should have helped me out and made my life better but I stupidly, gradually put it all back into the online slots.
That just proves to me that I cannot win because I cannot stop. That just tells me that there's no point in spending any money in the first place!
As time goes by it becomes more and more apparent to me.
I know all this, yet I still want to gamble. Yes, I feel it's a form of escapism. Yes, I love watching the reels spin but more importantly I realise that I would be a fool to do it again.
When I said each time I do things differently another example is before I'd go on free play thinking that because I wasn't spending any money I was OK.
I now see that doing this was stupid because it keeps my brain in gambling mode.
This time I stay off completely. It's the only way.
All good wishes to everyone who is struggling tonight.
You really aren't on your own. Loads on this site will understand you. I guess many will read your posts and send some strength across the airwaves even if we don't send you a post.
Take care all, sleep well.
Here's to better days x

Posted on:
Tue, 29/11/2016 - 01:16

alainepo

Joined:
2016-07-27

-

Posted on:
Tue, 29/11/2016 - 19:07

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Thank you for sharing such an honest post, it certainly made me think about things and realise more then ever the devastation this evil addiction causes.  Best wishes and stay strong and positive x 

Posted on:
Tue, 29/11/2016 - 20:14

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hi lml like anon I'd like to say thank you and I really hope your ok. Take care & best wishes Lu x

Posted on:
Mon, 05/12/2016 - 18:00

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Trying my best to stay gamble free but when I read some other people's posts and they say they've cleared some debts off through being gamble free in a matter of months I must say I feel upset with myself. It makes me realise what an idiot I've been even more.
I would love to be able to watch my debts fall but unfortunately I don't have much spare cash when I have paid my bills so I only have enough money to pay bits off all of my debts and they'll take ages to pay.
I wish being gamble free meant I could see a dent in my debts with each passing month.
Anyway, I'm just waffling and don't take offence if you've written about your debts getting paid. I'm not wishing you can't, I'm just wishing I could!!
As a footnote I suppose I am glad my debts are at least getting smaller, therefore going in the right direction , even if it's not by much!!!
Onward and upward x

Posted on:
Mon, 05/12/2016 - 18:09

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Hey miss..
Don't fret over the debts...it doesn't matter how long they take to clear. ..
What does matter ......Is today....and not gambling....and your doing well on that one....
You can't change the debt situation over night love....so try to let it go....
And the best thing hun. ....your not adding to them anymore......result !
Keep pushing love x

Posted on:
Mon, 05/12/2016 - 20:05

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hiya, come on stay strong and positive, the main thing to concentrate on like Loxxie said is that the debts have not got any higher and you remaining gf.  If you read one of my posts I'm one of them that has paid off a couple of payday loans in the last couple of months etc., since being gf.  Read post 21 on my diary in my short gambling spell from 2010 till 67 days ago I lost 147,000, I've drawn a line under that as I had to so that I could start recovery.  Whilst my debts will be paid of in 14/18 months if I'm careful it's going to take me years and years to save the money I lost and a lot of overtime.  But what's more important then all the money I lost is the memories I'm making now spending precious time with family , friends and helping other people.  Keep fighting this everyday, life is so much better x best wishes x X 

Posted on:
Wed, 07/12/2016 - 17:52

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hi lml thanks for post hun hope your ok? Yes I will and have stayed gf and your post gave me a real boost hun thank you. Can I do same for you keep going hun and the money will sort it self out and debt advice. I've got to catch up on your diary still but just wanted to give you a boost too hun Take care Lu xx

Posted on:
Sun, 18/12/2016 - 10:48

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

If there's anybody out there can you please give me hope because I'm in such a bad place at the minute, I've just lost the plot.
I feel I'm going to be like this forever and probably end up in the gutter.
Hate me so much. Total mess with finances. Don't want to sell my house but that's the direction I'm heading in. I know I've got to put blocks - why can't I???
So sorry to put this on you all. Please don't have a go, I know what I should do but at the moment I need a hug and hope x

Posted on:
Sun, 18/12/2016 - 11:31

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I don't think decent people who use this forum would have a go at you. Have you heard of Step Change? It is a charity that helps people pay off their debts at an affordable rate per month proportionatally to each creditor so the creditor you owe the most to gets the most. If you can't afford to pay off a lot each month that's not a problem - it'll just take longer to clear your debts but no more phone calls, letters etc and a monthly statement from Step Change.

Regarding gambling - I believe and this is just my view that you have to make a 100 per cent commitment from day one not to gamble. My philosophy is to take it one day at a time which makes it more realistic. I still feel I'm in my early days but life really does get better. Whatever it takes - blocking, self-exclusion, counselling, Gamblers Anonymous - it is your journey. I wish you all the best and will follow your progress. Best wishes, Phil

Posted on:
Sun, 18/12/2016 - 11:40

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks samephil.
I've contacted step change. There were problems with it but I'll have to ring them again. I can't carry on like this.
It's just my debts will never get paid because I have so little money left.
They recommend I sell my house because it's got some collateral.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/12/2016 - 22:36

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Hi LML. I can feel your worries and anxiety over debt, bills and everything. I know it clouds over our emotions causing sleepless nights and irrational thinking with negativity and despair. But you must keep in mind that others have been in a similar position to yourself and have come through it. You can find the strength and belief to survive. We cannot always make the outcome perfect, but if we have to sell assets or employ debt management in order to progress, then whatever-will-be-will-be. Sometimes things happen for a reason. What's more important is your wellbeing, then gradually you will gain control and each day will become a little bit brighter.

Posted on:
Tue, 20/12/2016 - 23:30

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hi sorry your feeling so low, no one is going to judge you but you will have to put the  blocks in place and people do turn things around from being so low.  I would get some advice about selling the house before you make any decision about selling.  If you have to pay private rent for another house you could end up paying more then your mortgage.  Sending you a cyber hug and hope that you can stay gf X 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/12/2016 - 13:37

Glint

Joined:
2016-01-08

It's a difficult situation to be in Little miss lost, I'm in a not too dissimilar situation myself minus any collateral - which strangely probably makes owning nothing easier because I have nothing to lose.

You know what needs to be done but seem to feel helpless with the debt and gambling provides the escape and pseudo-solution that keeps dragging you back. Like gambling has you dancing the recovery hokey-cokey.

Gambling is the appealing short-cut but the only way to progress is to sort something out long-term.

Don't sell yorself short Little miss lost.

If you can get a second and third opinions about the debt from people who know about such matters, know all your options then mull over and commit to something you are comfortable with.

Still seem to worry too much about what other people think for my liking, which makes me worry it puts you off posting. Your contribution counts and is very relatable. Unfortunately others will come here in your situation, you can pave the way for them.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." - Frederick Douglass.

That's real and worth remembering.

Posted on:
Fri, 23/12/2016 - 10:46

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks change my life and anon for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
Once again glint you reach me at a time when things seem bleak and come up with a quote which hits the mark - thank you.
The latest news is I've had a terrible week. One night at 1am I spent a freezing hour outside in my car talking to the samaritans.( I did not want my daughter to overhear me.) Over the course of the week I thought I'd lost all of my £2000 overdraft gambling. The next night when I forced myself to look at my bank statement (withdrawals shame) I realised I had a couple of hundred left so promptly lost that as well - total and utter madness!!!
Follow that with self-hatred, despair, soul searching and a phone call to stepchange who, let's just say, can't help me unless I do something I don't want to do.
Follow that by running around like a headless chicken for my family and Christmas, constantly thinking I'll confess to my children whilst I'm with them then deciding It's for the best that I don't.
Follow that by hours pondering what to do next regarding debt.
Ring my bank. They were very kind. Gave me a short term reprieve on loan payment. Have to take it. Not quite sure what the future holds. Debt collectors?
I'm hoping it will bring peace of mind.
Only way is to stop the gambling and sort my finances.
I will best this addiction. I'm starting again. Building myself up.
I can do this. I have stopped for months before. This time it's got to be for good.
Seasons greetings everyone xx

Posted on:
Fri, 23/12/2016 - 12:00

ScottM

Joined:
2011-07-06

Hey LML,

This sounds all too familiar. The pressure you are are feeling from the financial issues can be paralysing. But there are solutions and these are only temporary problems. 

Like you said, the only way to solve this entire headache is to stop gambling. The fact you are here is a great sign, you clearly want to stop. That determination and desire will take you a long way. It has to come from within, but remember there are a lot of people here that are willing to support you with advice and encouragement. The support this forum offered me all those years ago played a massive part in my (ongoing) recovery.

Wishing you all the best for the future.

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 23/12/2016 - 19:33

Katiecoo

Joined:
2016-11-25

I am an online slot addict. I am 22 days free, but still dream of slots, can't look at bank statements as if I know I have money I panic. I dread payday,? I have purchased a lockable tin and am now removing money ..for two reasons really, as an emergency backup and also to feel and see the money , it's therapeutic and brings value to it. When we gamble online it doesn't feel like real money just numbers.. until we see the damage on our statements. My husband said to me today, you must have some money in that tin, he just expects me to have nothing as I used to always cry poverty..spare cash what's that?. This is a perfect time for us to stop. 2017 looms and we hold the key to our own destiny. I know I never want to feel panic like this again

Posted on:
Sat, 24/12/2016 - 10:32

ScottM

Joined:
2011-07-06

Breaking that cycle is the hardest thing of all, Katiecoo. It makes us ill with worry and panic, then we somehow survive until the next time it happens. I live by the one day at a time mantra and have done for the last few years, since I first visited this forum. It's helped a lot, because I've learned to keep this addiction in the forefront of my mind. I know I can only win by not playing. I wish you and Em and everyone else here the very best, stick with it. We can do this.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/12/2016 - 11:34

Glint

Joined:
2016-01-08

Yes you can Little miss lost!

Want to be reading how well you are doing and how far you have come this time next year.

24/12/17 - I'll be here.

Make it happen.

Merry Christmas.

Posted on:
Sun, 25/12/2016 - 23:07

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Seasons greetings everyone!
This evening just goes to show the pull for the online slots is very strong in my brain.
I am very fortunate to be blessed with a wonderful family and I have had a lovely day.
I have now come home to a quiet house and my head has stopped thinking about the fab day I have had but has started to visualise the turning of the online slot reels in my imagination.
I'm asking myself why and all I can think of is it's because I have time on my own and also because I just love the thrill of seeing 3 bonus's come up!
I've now got to go one step further and think of the feeling of despair it gives you when you lose - which I inevitably do!!
I've come on here and seen the kind posts on my account.
Glint - it would be wonderful to 'make it happen' in 2017.
So for now I've got to say "go away hurtful spinning reels.all you have given me is misery and pain.
This urge will pass. I will not falter.

Good wishes to one and all. x

Posted on:
Mon, 26/12/2016 - 00:12

Katiecoo

Joined:
2016-11-25

I share your fight. I am keeping my lowest moment at the forefront of my mind and I made a promise. I won't let those slots make a liar out of me

Posted on:
Sat, 31/12/2016 - 13:40

barney2909

Joined:
2014-12-01

 

Hi LML,

Thanks for stopping by on my diary. We certainly share the same addiction, thoughts etc. I am also up to my ears in debt, loans, credit cards but i am now caught up in payday loans = hell, bascially. I loath gambling sites and i feel physically sick at the thought of depositing any money to these parasite websites. But i still have the urges to just think, sod it, one bet might sort me out....i have fallen for that too many times now but my addicted brain just will not accept the truth - as in, i will lose!!!

Lets see 2017 gf and rebuilding our lives, i have started to read again...something i havent done for years! 

Choose life!! xxxx

Posted on:
Sat, 31/12/2016 - 21:38

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks for your post Mel.
I certainly wouldn't wish this addiction on my worse enemy.
Last year at this time I was in a really bad place mentally through gambling.
I've had an off and on year with it but I've completely lost the plot on a couple of occasions this year which has cost me thousands.
Now I've ended up in an even worse place than this time last year although mentally I seem to have become more resigned to the fact that I'm up the Creek without a paddle when it comes to my debts.
I miss playing the slots, the excitement of waiting for a bonus to come up but I have to keep reminding myself that even if I get the bonus I never end up winning and I always end up in despair.
Here's to a gamble free and stressful new year x

Posted on:
Tue, 10/01/2017 - 12:13

Sillycow

Joined:
2016-12-09

Hi LML

Thank you so much for posting in my diary, it never ceases to amaze me how much support is offered by others on these forums, and I know that it's this support that is helping me stay true to myself...Getting my head around the debt is proving difficult, I know exactly how you feel, it can be all consuming but giving in to gambling will result in nothing else but further debt, despair and eventually total self destruction. It's time to change..... if nothing changes..Nothing changes!

Thank you once again...I wish you all the very best in your battle and stand proud beside every single person here fighting this awful addiction.

Take Care

M x

 

Posted on:
Tue, 10/01/2017 - 12:52

LHN-050793

Joined:
2017-01-01

Keep going. No matter what stage we're all at with clearing debts and being gamble free, we are all putting every inch of motivation and effort we have into not gambling, whether we realise it or not. You can do this. Depending on the size of your current debt, you have one or two options, sell your house (which seems a bit drastic) or speak to the companies and set up payment plans that you feel comfortable with. Have faith in yourself and be thankful everyday for the good things in your life. Always here to listen x

Posted on:
Tue, 10/01/2017 - 23:24

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks to the above kind words.
It's a long journey trying to sort my finances out.
Today I finally got an appointment with a financial advisor from citizens advice for next week.
That's 3 weeks after I first went in.
I have already spoken to stepchange and rung my bank/credit card companies
There are problems I need to get sorted so I'm hoping they can advise me the best way to do things.
20 days gamble free and to be honest the samaritans have been a godsend. I send them an email when I feel things getting on top of me. I find it helps just to put my thoughts into words.
I know I have this site but sometimes I feel what I want to say isn't suitable for on here.
Keep battling on, it's up to us to make a better tomorrow for ourselves.
LML x

Posted on:
Fri, 13/01/2017 - 00:19

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hi, just dropped by to say well done on your gf days, they are soon mounting up, each day you don't gamble your winning x stay strong x best wishes 

Posted on:
Fri, 13/01/2017 - 07:41

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Thanks for popping over to my diary.I'm glad the older stories help you..
Don't ever feel you can't write certain things in your diary..you can...no one will judge..your doing great love...x

Posted on:
Fri, 13/01/2017 - 08:44

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Hi LML, pleased the appointment come through to help sort your finances, I'm sure once you have a proper plan in place you will start to feel in control. You write whatever you need /want to in your diary ...it's ok to shout for help...but if emailing Samaritans works, that's good too...as long as you keep your head above the water. Take care x

Posted on:
Fri, 13/01/2017 - 17:18

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks to the above for your kind comments.
Day 23 today. Absolutely avoiding anything to do with gambling.
Gradually starting to feel happier, weight on my shoulders is not so heavy. Rays of hope for a better future are starting to break through.
Hopeful that my appointments with financial advisor from citizens advice will be productive.
Counselling sessions are helpful.
Anyone reading this who are new to the site, don't give up.
Take all the help you can get. Gamcare counselling is free.
Look on this website for debt help or ring the helpline.
Do not be embarrassed by your situation. You will not be judged and they understand the difficulties you are going through.
Gambling can put us in a very scary position but with help you can get your life back on track. x

Posted on:
Sun, 15/01/2017 - 10:58

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Well done miss. ..
Keep it up....your doing great...
Hope your appointments being some releif to the debts...that in turn will make you feel more in control : - )

Posted on:
Sun, 15/01/2017 - 14:44

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks Loxxie I know I've failed a couple of times before but this time I've got to come good.
Im at the stage where I'm feeling better with myself and a bit more optimistic that I can get through this and come out at the other side.
I'm just pinning all my hopes on Tuesday. Hoping i can get some good advice and direction
If I can manage to get my finances in order then it will enable me to have a future I can look forward to and to be honest, with the way I'm feeling today this excites me because for the last 3/4 years I've lived under what feels like a black cloud with heavy weights on my shoulders.
I've been gambling for 5 years but the first year it was just bits and bobs then it just took control and my life went downhill from there.
I just want to feel content again, in control and safe. I'm lucky I have so many good things in my life. Gambling makes me blind, changes my personality and pushes me away from loved ones.
I'm determined to beat this.
I just hope I'm not disappointed with the options available come Tuesday.
I'm keeping everything crossed!!
Luv and strength to all fellow sufferers x

Posted on:
Tue, 17/01/2017 - 23:00

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hi, just thought I would drop by and say well done and hope today went ok for you x 

Posted on:
Wed, 18/01/2017 - 00:03

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks Anon,
Well, I finally got to see a financial advisor through citizens advice and he gave me the one option that I had available to me.
Because I have some collateral in my house it rules out all other options.
I have to go down the road of offering to pay a minimal amount to my creditors and hope they'll accept. Either way the debt will probably get passed on to debt collectors so I'll just have to deal with that when it happens.
At least I know where I'm going now and that it's the best/only thing I can do.
I've got to go through the process of changing my bank account etc
But on the whole it went OK.
The gentleman I saw was really kind and helpful.
Bonus is, I've decided to give my Sunday job up. By the time I've taken expenses off and tax I'm not working for much. Seen as my credit rating is now going to be shot and I'm going to be paying back for ever more I thought I may as well have a full weekend off instead of just one day a week.
Try to get a quality of life back.
Anybody reading this who are struggling with debt, go to your local citizens advice bureau . Be honest with your debts and they will advise what is best for your circumstances.
I have to get this sorted and start living life again and not just existing. The only way I can do this is to stay gf. The ball is in my court. x

Posted on:
Wed, 18/01/2017 - 00:55

Sillycow

Joined:
2016-12-09

Hey LML you've done well, facing up to the debt is the hardest thing, I'm only just beginning the process of sorting out my mess so I can totally relate to how you must have felt in that meeting. It's a step forward .... and forward is good :)

Stay safe, best wishes

M x

Posted on:
Thu, 26/01/2017 - 18:44

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Happy to report I'm still gamble free.
I've still got finances to sort because I can't change bank account till beginning of next month. After that it's all systems go sending out letters with offers of payments and keeping fingers crossed for positive replies.
I've noticed lately that sometimes, whilst at work I walk along and it hits me how much better I feel in myself.
May sound strange but I feel lighter as though now I walk along and have a big of a spring in my step.
I'm having coversations with people whereas a month ago I would probably have avoided them. For no other reason than I just didn't feel I wanted to chat.
I felt low and unhappy. Why would I want to inflict that on people? It was better just to say nothing.
Anyway to anyone reading, keep going. It's difficult but I feel there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel xx

Posted on:
Thu, 26/01/2017 - 22:26

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hi, great to see such a positive post, your doing well, keep it up x 

Posted on:
Sat, 04/02/2017 - 08:31

Glint

Joined:
2016-01-08

Little miss lost wrote:
Happy to report I'm still gamble free.
I've still got finances to sort because I can't change bank account till beginning of next month. After that it's all systems go sending out letters with offers of payments and keeping fingers crossed for positive replies.
I've noticed lately that sometimes, whilst at work I walk along and it hits me how much better I feel in myself.
May sound strange but I feel lighter as though now I walk along and have a big of a spring in my step.
I'm having coversations with people whereas a month ago I would probably have avoided them. For no other reason than I just didn't feel I wanted to chat.
I felt low and unhappy. Why would I want to inflict that on people? It was better just to say nothing.
Anyway to anyone reading, keep going. It's difficult but I feel there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel xx

Great post Little miss lost.

Welcome reading, thoroughly deserved progress.

Says a lot about you that you want to avoid inflicting negativity on others. That's nice. Really cannot imagine that you would be capable of that though Little miss lost.

Do sense a lot of unnecessary worry from you. Particularly regarding what others think.

Your situation is tough and feel you hold back a bit due to the idea of bringing negativity or self-pity to the forum. Two things I've certainly been guilty of in the past, I know what it looks like and that has never been how your posts come across to me.

Genuinely trying hard amid adversity with a lot of kindness is what I see.

Keep up the good work Little miss lost.

I'll be back in 5 days d;-)

Posted on:
Sat, 04/02/2017 - 10:45

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks Anon, kind words and they all help to keep me gf.
Glint - you've done it again. You've an uncanny knack of seeing through me. Such lovely words, they truly lift my spirits. It's hard dealing with this practically on my own. Anybody reading my early posts will know why I do.
Thanks to this forum for giving me strength. I'll keep fighting the good fight. Day by day my life will change for the better x

Posted on:
Sat, 04/02/2017 - 18:40

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Been out with my daughter and baby grandson today.
Had a lovely day. This may sound terrible to some but I bought lunch today for us. This is terrible because my daughter usually insists on paying and to be honest because I've usually little money I let her. I then sit feeling bad about myself, beating myself up for being a bad mother. Telling myself it should be me buying for her. My lovely daughter knows I'm on my own and struggling with bills so she insists. She doesn't know I also gamble.
Today I have little money available to myself but the money I have I know I can buy lunch because I don't need any of it to gamble with.
I love this feeling. I want to keep it.
That's the good news, here's the bad. . .
I want to still gamble. I still get the urges. I still fantasise that if I bet with higher bets I could clear some debts.
I'm being honest. I must be mad. I just have to keep telling my urges to go and swing for it.
I love treating my daughter. I love buying the odd take-away without feeling guilty. I love looking at my bank statements and not seeing any gambling transactions.
Keep going everyone, we can do this. We deserve happiness. xx

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2017 - 01:23

I will save mys...

Joined:
2016-06-15

Bless you, it must have felt wonderful and made you feel good about yourself.

The urge to gamble is so hard to fight, I have had the same urges, but I am excluded and no finances in my control.

You so deserve to feel inner peace and you can and will overcome this time.

You deserve to be happy and I am right beside you on that x

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2017 - 08:25

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks IWSM your reply is appreciated. You may be interested to know that
I went to my friends last night. She knows about my gambling but doesn't know the extent.
Driving there I had the devil and angel shoulder talk going on in my head.
I really want to get my life back on track, I want peace of mind and to feel good about myself, be able to look at myself in the mirror again and stop inwardly beating myself up.
So there I am, two hands on the steering wheel and an angel on my shoulder telling me to give my one remaining usable credit card which has no balance on it and which I've kept for emergencies to my friend. She already has my others, (this one I'd previously cut up but sent for a new one after Christmas - just in case! )
On the other shoulder I had the devil telling me that if I handed it over, that would be it. There would be no way of clearing my debts. No chance of betting big enabling me to have a big win. I would be in debt for the rest of my life and there'd be nothing I could do about it. My wages cover my bills and cost of living, very little else.
At my friends house I had to make a decision - hand the card over or not.
I'm getting tired of stopping myself from being tempted to use it. I used to visualise how I'd feel in the morning if I had lost. Waking up to the realisation that i'd failed again. Beating my fists into my pillows.Telling myself i was useless and there's another debt to add to the list. Wondering if I'd ever be free from this hell. Writing on the 1 year challenge that I was back to day one.

I'm loving having the black cloud and the heavy weights from my shoulders lifted. Going out with my grown up children and treating them. I want to do that more often, so (and it took me till the end of the night) I handed the card over to my friends safe keeping.
Driving home I said goodbye to the hopes of a big win and clearing some debts ( I know it doesn't happen because we just put it back in if we do win, but try telling my stupid addicted brain that!!!) So I said goodbye to my fantasy big win and now I'm hoping it's hello to a brighter future!! ☺ xx

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2017 - 13:04

I will save mys...

Joined:
2016-06-15

Wow yes I loved reading that !

Totally understand what it took to hand your comfort blanket over !!!

Ever seen the film ghost and Oda Mae Brown , she hands her cheque over to the nuns and the pain on her face lol

I am so proud of you ! You could have gone home as you say, tried , win or lose or would lose.

You would be off this site for a while, feeling all great or bad and the level it would take your mental health would be very very shhhitttyyy. 

What you have done has really lifted my spirits today :)xxxx

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2017 - 13:36

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Hiya LML, so good to read your posts, well done on handing the card over. looking at those bank statements with no gambling transactions is such a good feeling, isn't it? Keep on doing what you are doing, it's working x 

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2017 - 18:40

Loxxie

Joined:
2016-01-15

Wow.....such lovely posative posts love....very proud of you....you're doing so well hun. ...you've fought so hard.....keep doing what your doing....xxxx

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