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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 11:37

dazzerardo

Joined:
2017-09-25

This is my second post on here following on from my opening intro post a few weeks back.

Since writing my first post on here i must admit that i am struggling to come to terms with everything. What i mean is that i know gambling i do is wrong and that i know i need to stop doing this for the sake of my family and my health.

The urge to gamble is unreal and it is like a little voice in my head saying ''go on, do it, have a bet'' and its just something chipping away at me everytime and i admit i have been gambling on and off the past few weeks

The steps i have taken to prevent me gambling are that i have self excluded myself from so many betting apps which is a start and the main issue i have now is facing up to how much debt i am in. 8 credit cards and a bank loan with a Very online shopping account with a £5000 balance and its bill after bill after monthly payment after monthly payment. I have been in contact with all my creditors to explain the situation that i am in and that some months i will struggle to even meet the minimum payments. Thankfully there are 3/4 of them that are fully understanding and the help they are offering is great but with the others it just seems as though they do not care and just want their payments or just dont believe what i say.

I have got into contact with Step change debt charity to maybe put a plan in place but i dont know if this is the right option as basically after paying mortgage and utility bills etc, whatever i have left over per month will be distributed between each creditor i owe.

Yes i see the benefits of doing this and it relieves some of the pressure from me as my debts will be dealt with by them but with that i will no longer have use of my credit cards to which i sometimes use them to pay my phone bill or to get a few groceries from the shop, and to which i will not have any money for myself to use if needed. Also with the black marks on my credit file for 6 years i feel as though i am just going to make things worse

With suffering from depression also and falling into this habit i feel like its the depression feeding the gambling and the gambling aiding the depression.

I know its not an overnight fix and it will take a long time to get on the right track again and clear most of this debt but im too affraid to admit everything to my partner or my family. They know i have an addiction but they do not know the damage i have done financially.

I dont fund the habit by stealing or selling items to gain a few pounds but i always gamble what money i have left from my wages and if there is some money on my credit cards i will use that so in reality its just a vicious circle that i am in.

I am sitting on the fence at the moment with what to do with Step change and any advice is greatly accepted. Sorry for the long winded post but i just want to give people an understanding of where i am at

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 12:05

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi  dazzerado I'm wife of cg who also has depression, which came first I've no idea. Anyway you need some help, you need to be honest. You need to get support and help with debt, you also need to make decisions. So call gamcare. I would suggest you tell your partner. You are probably not in the right frame of mind to choose who gets paid first, money  for you or your credit card. In my experience the worst people with money are the cg. They can borrow, juggle , hide finances but when it comes to steady repayments forget it. If you confess you will relieve your burden. You will get some help making a decision. Realistically your credit score is the least of your worries. Get some help. Good luck!

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 12:28

Bal

Joined:
2015-04-18

Hi

I would recommend going with Stepchange. They ask you to fill out all.your income and expenses and they work out a monthly figure to pay them.

They take into account your living expenses, travel expenses and anything else before deciding on the final figure.

Rest assured they will not leave you short of cash each month. I appreciate it is an outlay but the debt is being slowly paid off and you learn to live with that

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 12:28

Bal

Joined:
2015-04-18

Duplicate

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 13:30

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi Dazz and welcome back :))

I spoke to you on your original post and wondered where you'd gone so it's good to have an update even if it's not all rosy in the garden .

I would urge you firstly to come clean with your wife , I know it's not something that you'll relish doing just as I didn't want to do it when my gambling got the better of me but you simply can't do this alone and as much as your wife's going to be shocked, upset at what youv'e done , having her alongside to support you will be invaluable as you begin to recover , addiction loves secrecy as it gives you the green light to pick up where you left off because if no one else knows it still remains your dirty little secret ? . 

As for the debt/ finances as Bal said the whole Stepchange thing would make things more managable for you but as rightly pointed out it means your credit rating is shot for a while , that being said " Recoveries " for life so what's the rush ? .

The other possible option is a Re mortgage ? obviously though this is something you would have to discuss with your wife which kinda brings us back around to you telling her all ? 

I've still got a fair bit of gambling related debt hanging around but as Bal again pointed out it's being Chipped away at and is going down instead of up , I actually quite like having it around as a reminder of where I was , how far I've come and where I'm headed in a strange kinda way . 

Dealing with all of these things must have as with all of us made your head spin a fair bit , that day of the realisation that we simply can't run and hide from our problems anymore is alway's a toughie but be assuired it does and will get better for you over time .

I wish you well 

Alan 

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 14:25

dazzerardo

Joined:
2017-09-25

I really appreciate the feedback.

I just need to understand the damage it has already done to me and the furthur impact it will have if i dont do something sooner rather than later and by that point it might be too late.

My partner does know that i have a problem and i have explained to her what i am trying to do i.e with discussing things on here and the help i am trying to get from step change and my creditors but the one thing i am afraid of mentioning is the total i owe to them all.

Of course i am not expecting her to be over the moon by the total i owe but i dont want her to be ashamed of me and what i have fallen into.

With regards to step change i did have a thorough discussion with them yesterday going over my finances and what they paln to do if i agree with them so i think once i recieve the information in the post i will give it a thorough read to make sure every bit of expense is correct so i dont leave myself short when it comes to paying the mortgage or utilities as i need to do this for my kids benefit if anything and to ease the burden on myself

In a strange way i am glad i am not in this alone as it helps reading other peoples posts to see what they have done to get through this and little bits of advice that makes each day less tempting to have a gamble.

hopefully i can end this year on a high note and start 2018 with a positive attitude to wipe the slate clean

I guess if we gambled with stones it wouldnt be as fun lol but money is the cause and solution to majority of lifes problems

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 13:37

dazzerardo

Joined:
2017-09-25

i

Following on from yesterdays post its not been a good 24 hours. Had such a bad night an morning an started gambling again. About £500 gone. 

Just feel pathetic and useless. Cant even go one day without doing it. Just feel so low at the moment with nowhere to turn to . Im just in that frame of mind where i cant beat this an will end up doing something stupid. I cant believe i have allowed myself to get like this

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 14:06

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi Dazz. 

It's all about change mate , your not the first and you certainly won't be the last to come on here one day and tell everyone your tale of woe and 24 hrs later start throwing money down the drain again ! . 

I didn't do that on here but tried many times before I came here all of them half hearted one's before I did stop , It's hard and I fully appreciate that but if your serious about giving up then it just has to stop , feeling " Pathetic and useless " is just gamblings way of drawing you back in almost like " Well if I can't stop I might as well keep going " which is far easier for us as a life without gambling just doesn't seem possible does it ? . 

The truth is though " It is very possible " but you have to make that effort to kickstart everything . 

Two questions :  If you can't control your gambling at the moment why do you have access to money ? 

                           If you can't control your gambling yet , why haven't you self excluded from anywhere you gamble ? 

Both quite simple things to do but one's that will keep you safe and afford you a little time to think before placing that first bet !

It's the whiole Time , money , location thing on here and if you remove one then you can't gamble ! 

If you don't want to keep feeling this way , then it has to be about you stepping up to the plate , having a rummage around in yer boxers and finding a pair ! Grab addiction by the scruff of the neck and start taking control to get your life back mate because it's so worth doing :))  and you can do it !!!

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 19:28

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello dazzerardo,

Well done for being honest about the 'Slip-up'.  As Alan has pointed out, examining slip-ups can help to identify loopholes in relapse prevention arrangements.  From what what you've said before, it sounds like you have self-excluded at times in the past, if you haven't already then you might like to combine self-exclusion with parental controls on your phone, to block you from downloading more gambling apps/joining new gambling accounts.  Maybe this could be a way to involve your partner or someone close to you, you could allow her to install the parental controls for you?  There is more information on restrictions/ blocking software/ parental controls here:

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software

You've mentioned that you suffer with depression, and perhaps you could benefit from using more support with managing your depression, so it is less likely to hamper your recovery from your gambling problem.  How do you feel about talking with your GP about how you've been feeling?  In your post you refer to the possibility of 'Doing something stupid'; do you mean gambling, or that you've been having suicidal feelings at times?  If you've had suicidal feelings, or if you're struggling with feelings of despair or hopelessness, you could also talk with the Samaritans on their freephone 116 123.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

You may be aware that GamCare offers free therapy, 1-2-1 counselling appointments, group therapy sessions, online or face-to-face, and there are other service providers like the NHS National Problem Gambling Clinic (Where they offer cognitive behavioural therapy), and there are sources of peer support like Gamblers Anonymous.  So there are various ways you might choose to increase the support you have for your recovery, to help you to feel more resilient and able to manage the challenges and rewards of your recovery going forward.  You're welcome to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 for emotional support or information on local or online services.

Take care,

Forum admin.

Posted on:
Tue, 10/10/2017 - 10:29

dazzerardo

Joined:
2017-09-25

Little update from my post on Saturday.

I have managed to resist the urge to want to gamble. I guess it only being 3 days is not a long time but for me it does feel like an age. Every small step is a step in the right direction i suppose. Also probably not having any money available helps matters.

Its a small victory in a way but i was so low on Saturday i just felt like locking myself away in a dark room and just letting the world pass by.

I am trying to be positive about this and move forward with a can do attitude and just be greatful of what i have in my life rather than what i could have if i gamble and win. Im not going to chase these silly dreams of what i want if i win as there is probably more chance of me winning best actor award at the oscars but instead just work hard and see the effort reward me.

I just need to be positive but im just so easily swayed by mood swings which was the catalyst to lead me to gamble. I have signed up to a gym to get me out the house and to at least de-stress from things so thats a start. Will be mr universe in no time lol.

I will beat this

Posted on:
Tue, 10/10/2017 - 14:31

Joe-90

Joined:
2016-10-05

Hi dazzerardo, 3 days is not easy for a compulsive gambler, make no mistake. The fact you are on here means you recognise you have a serious issue. These forums are good but its much bettter to talk aloud with other people about this issue, I would suggest giving GA a go. You will find people tackling the same issue who will have advice and knowledge that can be invaluable as you battle this. Most importantly though it is a 12 step program which has been shown to work for people tackling their addictions.

You say you are depressed, it would be no wonder given the stress this has caused you, I was the very same, my mind was like a tornado. I could not sleep at night, work, relationsships, everything in my life suffered as my addiciton consumed me. But once I fianlly accepted that I had a problem and started attneding GA meetings my lifer has changed around. Its still one day at a time but I genuinily never want to gamble aagain. I am still paying off my debt it caused but workign with my partner I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

First thing I would do if I were you is come clean, its not easy as we feel angry and ashamed but its a huge weight off once you start being totally honest. Your partner will be upset at first as was mine, but once she could see I was doing everything possible to fight it (she has fincial control, she has access to my credit history so can see any debts or credit cards I have) invcluding my GA meetings and now we have a much better relationship as a result. I wish I came celan sooner to be honest but I had to hit rock bottom before I did.

I wish strength and courage in tackling this mate, all the best.

Posted on:
Wed, 25/10/2017 - 12:55

dazzerardo

Joined:
2017-09-25

18 days since one of the worst days ive probably ever had and its still small steps in a long road. Although the temptation and urge to gamble are still very strong i have managed to resist thus far.

Being a gamble addicted to the betting apps i do find it odd how i dont find the urge to go to a betting shop but i guess that is a good thing. I still think of doing it, dont get me wrong but i know that i have the blocks in place to prevent me from doing this. It doesnt drive me mad that i am unable to do this to a point where i need a fix but just knowing that they are there is reassuring enough.

I still have bad days where all i can think about is how on earth i can pay off all these debts. I have done the leg work in letting all these creditors know about the problems i am experiencing and if there is any help they can give with helping me get back on track and to be fair most of them have be able to offer me some sort of relief from payment holidays to freezing interest and charges for a set duration. any help is help so i am appreciative of this but i cant help but think that after this time it will have barely scratched the surface of this mountain of debt.

I still try and look for ways to get a little bit of extra money whether it be getting a little part time job working evenings and weekends or just selling old stuff at a car boot or ebay. My wages alone will not cover my debts and the mortgage and bill etc and i am left scratching my head on what to do about it.

I guess this is just the clearing up part after the storm

I havent come here just to moan and look for sympathy as i am not deserving of any. Just a little update really an hopefully the next time i post i will be more positive and happier about my progress

Just looking to getting the rest of 2017 out the way and starting 2018 with a more positive and determined approach

Posted on:
Wed, 25/10/2017 - 20:23

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello dazzerardo,

Well done for returning to the forum with an update. 

Regarding the debt issue, as forum members have mentioned, they have have good experiences with free debt advice services like StepChange 0800 138 1111.

How about starting an online diary in our 'Recovery diaries' section?

Take care,

Forum admin.

Posted on:
Fri, 27/10/2017 - 12:04

dazzerardo

Joined:
2017-09-25

Hello.

 

I have been in contact with stepchange over the financial problems i am having and they have been really helpful.

As mentioned in my last post, i have been in contact with my creditors and explained my circumstances and what step i am taking to get on top of the situation. The majority of them have been very helpful with allowing me a payment holiday or even freezing the interest for 3-6 months which is amazing help.

All i can do is chip away at the total debt i have amassed but just getting in contact with the creditors rather than burying my head in the sand and hoping it will blow over is a step in the right direction and shows that i intend to do something about it.

I get inspiration from reading other peoples posts and helpful tips which can make each day that little bit easier.

Again it will take one day at a time and hopefully the next time i post my improvement and recovery will have gained some more momentum to push harder