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Today is my beginning

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 11/11/2016 - 19:06

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

As I write this I am 1 hour away from my 1st 24s hours without gambling, this is the first time I have tried to stop and I am telling myself it will be my only time, I will not, cannot and must not relapse. 

I am feeling anxious and nervous, not feeling like I want to gamble but feeling a bit lost really. Am wondering if my anxiety and depression is caused by gambling or if they make me gamble. Either way, I hope these feelings of constant worry will go away, I want to be able to truly enjoy life rather than feeling like I can't leave the house, constant tiredness and low mood. 

I will write again tomorrow diary as this will give me something to look forward to through day 2. 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 12/11/2016 - 22:44

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Dear diary, I have successfully made it to 51hrs without gambling.  Today has been relatively easy as I have been busy with family so haven't had time for urges. I'll login tomorrow for a full update 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/11/2016 - 19:31

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Day 3

Hi diary, well in 30 minutes I have been 72hrs gf. This is the longest I have spent away from the online slots in 4yrs. 4yrs that I have nearly lost everything and now have £10s k of debt to show for my "fun" . What a joke. I don't feel tempted today, I feel angry at myself for allowing this to get so bad before I got help. Anyway, tomorrow I have my first counselling session which I am looking forward to. I think it will be good to share my feelings with someone as I don't feel ready to tell hubby yet. Will speak tomorrow

 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/11/2016 - 23:59

Emonster

Joined:
2016-09-25

Well done on being gamble free. Stick with it and if you get urges come on here or even just think of here if it's not possible to come on. Take one day at a time and you will see this days soon mount up. Good luck

Posted on:
Mon, 14/11/2016 - 20:11

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

I am feeling good! I am today 97hrs gf and feeling great! No urges today but have kept busy at work. Will write again tomorrow x

Posted on:
Tue, 15/11/2016 - 00:19

Emonster

Joined:
2016-09-25

Good stuff. Be strong and keep posting on here even if it's more than once a day and especially if you feel any urges..

Posted on:
Tue, 09/05/2017 - 02:15

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

So today I'm back with my new beginning. Will update more in the morning x

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 09:26

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Day 1. After spending all of my wages within 4hrs yesterday, I'm done. I've hit my rock bottom. I cannot live my life like this any more, month after month same old s£*t. I am just about to call the helpline as I desperately need to break this cycle. I'm trapped in an unhappy vicious circle and I need out. If it means posting on here every hour, that's wat I'll do

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 12:40

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Hi

You sound a bit lost with all of this but a good idea is to keep looking back over the posts you have written and keep reading the post that said you went "96" hours without gambling. Ok, it is not a lifetime but you should look on that as an achievement and you have shown you have tried to help yourself and you achieved what you wanted - so build on that and be proud of that "96 hours".  If you try and stay calm now and start to think carefully you can do that again and add go even further than that 96 days.  First of all, you need to get yourself a bit organised.  Get a pen and paper and make a list of the following suggestions for you to help yourself - try and carry them out and tick them off as you go and it will be like a little project that will keep you busy!!

1.  Ring Gamcare for some support and advice. They will give you moral support and info on debt advisers and self- excluding from sites, casios, bookies etc.

2.  Start keeping a diary on here and keep counting the days as you have been doing at the start

3.  Before you get paid next time make a budget of what you can put your wages towards and any spare money towards anything other than gambling i.e a treat for your family or a holiday, a meal out, anything.  because what you are spending on gambling is denying you all of these really nice things. 

4.  Look at finding other interests - plenty out there that do not cost a lot of money. Try and remember what you were interested in before you were with your partner or when you were younger.

5.  Keep posting or reading threads on here. Don't let the negative ones get you down.  Gamcare is a great place to come where you are not judged and you can learn a lot and perhaps gain a little more confidence to ask for help.

I know how hard it is for anyone to tell their family or friends they have a problem like this but it is the secrecy that is enabling you to carry on.  Try and be really brave and tell either your hubby or another family member.  After all the more debt you get into is going to affect him in the long run and he would probably rather know now before it all gets out of hand.  You know him better than anyone and how he may react but if he really cares he will try and support you.  I would suggest you ask either him or a family member to moniter your finances and oversee your wages coming in each month.  That is such a deterrent and a help with recovery. 

Please don't give up and I hope you feel you can try some of the above. 

Good luck and hope next payday is a happier story.

 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 02/07/2017 - 11:10

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Thank you for your advice. I've called the helpline and am in the process of arranging counselling.

I have kept busy since Friday and have started reading literature online and will be going to my first GA meeting on Tuesday. I am 48 hrs into my new beginning, I will not go back. 

Posted on:
Sun, 02/07/2017 - 21:53

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Thanks for replying.  You sound more confident already and be proud of that 48 hours because you have packed a lot into that time in making a good effort to turn your life around.  I really hope it all works out well for you and your family.  Good luck and keep us posted on how you are getting on or if you need any more support.

Posted on:
Wed, 05/07/2017 - 10:34

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Hi diary, well today is day 6 and I'm doing ok. still reading lots of literature and have been to my first meeting. Counselling starts in 2 weeks which I am really scared about, not sure why because walking into GA last night was gut wrenching but I managed it. Day 6 of my new beginning, I don't want to get complacent but am looking forward to adding some 0s to that 6. I can break this crappy cycle 

Posted on:
Fri, 14/07/2017 - 23:34

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

14 whole days!!!! I am so unbelievably proud and can't believe how much I have achieved in such a short time. I have attended GA meetings, seen a counsellor for the first time and generally feel happy for the first time in many years! Well done me, keep with it ODAAT 

Posted on:
Sun, 16/07/2017 - 12:36

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

hi diary. Today I feel tired and drained. Not sure why as I am sleeping really well for the first time in ages. I'll do some mindfulness in a bit to help me realise that IT IS OK TO HAVE DOWN DAYS- every day is an up day when I haven't / don't gamble.  Today is day 16 of being gf and I will not return to those slots. Everywhere I turn there are ads on to, radio and newspapers. I will take a nap to quiet my mind. One hour at a time today 

 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 16/07/2017 - 14:41

g-doggy

Joined:
2010-01-25

Day 16 is good! I lost 2500 to the online slots Wednesday, unbelievable eh. Got 10k of debt to explain away and added another year of payments!! Four years to clear this so long as I stay strong!! Done loads of reading and soul searching. Feel guilty but the money has gone now and a positive is I stopped when I did. Sorry to go on on your diary. Damn the slots, what a bloody trap eh. 

Posted on:
Sun, 16/07/2017 - 21:50

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Thanks g-doggy. I'm not losing any more of my life to them. I too have debt which will take me a couple of years to pay off but as the days go by, it feels a little easier to swallow knowing that I'm working it off not making it bigger. 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 18/07/2017 - 15:36

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Today is DAY 18! I have had money in my bank for over a week now and it feels great!!! Feeling good today, still sleeping a lot which I need to keep my eye on but if it's working I shall let it be for now. 

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 20:48

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

3 weeks. 21 days. 504 hrs. I am so so proud of myself. I will not get complacent, I will continue attending GA, I will continue seeing my counsellor and I will continue reading as much as I can. I have done 3 weeks, it hasn't been easy and I've found myself sleeping to fill my time but it's 3 weeks without losing a single penny in a slot machine. I can and I will ODAAT

Posted on:
Sat, 22/07/2017 - 00:36

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Well done itsme. 3 weeks is a great start. It really does get easier. Obviously everyone has their own journey but I usually get cocky at this point the and get complacent. Enjoy the happiness and freedom that goes without being addiction's [email protected] Enjoy the smalls things that normal people do and never forget the pain that that first punt causes. It is not worth it. Good luck!

Markman

Posted on:
Sat, 22/07/2017 - 16:37

Todayisanewday

Joined:
2017-07-22

Well done - hope things are now going well xxx

Posted on:
Thu, 10/08/2017 - 21:54

Itsme123

Joined:
2016-11-11

Sorry I haven't written in a while, I have been busy enjoying a gamble free life! Not merely existing but actually living! Today I am 42 days gamble free and honestly didn't think I could ever be this happy. Each day that passes gets a little easier, I don't have urges any more but understand I need to keep working my program. I have money in my bank and that's a great feeling. To anyone out there struggling, you can beat this x