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Posted on:
Sun, 02/04/2017 - 19:29

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Six months !

Things still on the up.

Contented in the main, but with niggles to keep me on my toes.

Happy days.

Sbb 

Posted on:
Wed, 05/04/2017 - 19:55

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

In the past this was THE gambling weekend of the year for me.

The Masters and the Grand National have always had a great allure for me.

I normally organise a sweep for both in the office, but advised all that I dont have the time or the inclination to do it this year.....Step One complete.

Step Two - stay well away from booze over the next few days, as I know that my defences (for everything) are at a low when under the influence.

Step Three - Keep busy and steer away from reading about, talking about and or watching either/both.

This weekend will not become my Waterloo, instead it will be water off a ducks back !

Staying aware, staying prepared, staying clean.

Sbb 

Posted on:
Fri, 07/04/2017 - 19:48

Sillycow

Joined:
2016-12-09

SBB :)

I am indeed 'back' and feeling stronger than ever! 

I am actually beaming with both clarity and positivity...a new experience for me I have to say lol..

Enjoy your love of the sport....So much sweeter than an empty wallet & cluttered mind.

Have a great weekend!!

Mari xx

Posted on:
Sat, 08/04/2017 - 09:25

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Life is so much better without gambling.

I dont really have any urge, and am over the looking back in anger part now too.

Its my plans and goals that engulf me now.

Bills and debts being paid, family holiday booked (and paid), and so much lighter/fitter.

Proud, Strong, and for today in control.

I am the master of my own destiny.

Sbb  

Posted on:
Sat, 08/04/2017 - 10:24

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

Hi sbb.

Just wanted to say a huge well done on passing the six month mark. This is excellent.  No wonder you feel so good.  Yes today is the worlds biggest horse race of the year (and in my hometown too)!, but like you, I am able to enjoy it for what it is, look on with interest, knowing that I have already won before the race even starts, by not placing a single bet.

Take care and enjoy another lovely g.f weekend.

Our Lady 

Posted on:
Sat, 08/04/2017 - 17:11

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

How strange life can be !

One evening a couple of months ago whilst keeping industrious and gamble free i wrote to all my old banking and credit card companies.

This morning rather than picking the losers in the National and at the Masters i found myself opening a letter with an offer of PPI compensation from Clydesdale Bank.

So this weekend i am a winner twice, via a PPI windfall and remaining gamble free.

The sun is shining and two four day week's to follow.

Life is Good.

Sbb 

Posted on:
Sun, 09/04/2017 - 15:08

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

A stroll along the beach with my daughter's yesterday gathering shells.

Relaxed all evening watching the Masters.

This morning took littlest to Sunday School, after the service I made pot of Chilli con Carne, then prepped for next few days at work. My team won 3 - 0 away from home, now relaxing with a great book.

Later I hope to see Sergio break his major duck.

Was there a big race yesterday ?

If Carling made simple but contented weekends.... 

Sbb

Posted on:
Fri, 14/04/2017 - 23:06

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Tiny urges, easy to put in check...mostly...but the illness/addiction is clearly still there, hiding in the dark corner, waiting to pounce.

There are no beams of light ever going to give that destuctive force the opportunity - never !

Alcohol and gambling seem to me as bedfellows.

When i drink, i am not the same force......but now and again want to and will continue to drink.

But in doing so, i give the virus a chance to awaken and attack.

My drinking is moderate and i enjoy it, but how to keep Pandora's box shut, when i do so ?

Anyone ? Any thoughts/advice ?

Sbb 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 15/04/2017 - 09:18

cardhue

Joined:
2013-01-18

Hi SSB

Think that's a really important point you raise about gambling and alcohol.

No easy answer but the bottom line is you need to do whatever it takes to stay gamble free - and to keep those associated benefits. If that means cutting all booze, then there's your answer.

Otherwise it's maybe about moderation and cutting it out from risky situations. Eg maybe not drinking more than a beer alone.

Weird one alcohol. It's so embedded in UK society and social interaction. Heavy drinking is kind of acceptable. Even though it's incredibly bad for us.

I heard recently (again) though that regular low alcohol intake is better than none. Small glass of wine a day type thing.

So low intake/moderation seems the key. Especially as we get a bit older. If we keep heavy boozing it's an early grave.

Cheers

Louis

Posted on:
Mon, 24/04/2017 - 08:16

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

I have decided to stop posting and reading for a while.

This has been an inspiration and saviour for me, but i feel i have reached a part of my recovery where reading about other peoples illness and crisis is not helping me....i now want to remove gambling from my thought and daily routine completely.

I will pop back intermittently,  but for now wish you all the best on your recoveries.

Stay strong - the world can be a far better place by staying Gamble Free.

Sbb 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 24/04/2017 - 10:17

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Do what you need to do SBB. Thanks for everything. You know we will be here for you.

Markman

Posted on:
Tue, 09/05/2017 - 20:05

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

217 and not looking back !

Stay GF and happy all.

Sbb

Posted on:
Fri, 12/05/2017 - 06:53

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Enjoying life and making plans.

How my world has changed since I decided to take responsibility for my actions.

Believe its possible, life is so much better without gambling.

Content.

Sbb 

Posted on:
Fri, 12/05/2017 - 11:41

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

Hi sbb.

Lovely to read your last post and see everything is still going really well for you.  Remain strong and happy going forward.

Take care.

Our Lady 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 16/05/2017 - 10:01

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Posted on:
Thu, 18/05/2017 - 17:48

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Mind playing tricks with me today.

PPI cheque clears tomorrow and annual bonus due next week - life is good.....so why am i struggling today ?

Just re-read my diary and steeled up.

Strange how the mind works, im doing well so lets gamble - No I have this under control.

Dont even try Mr G - I have you exactly where i want you !

Sbb

Posted on:
Fri, 19/05/2017 - 07:20

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Well into my eight month of being gamble free.

Debts falling nicely (if slowly), more importantly I am in control and not burying my head in the sand.

Family holiday in four weeks time - all paid for in advance.

And have dropped 45 pounds in weight in the last four months.

Still have urges to gamble but have become bloodyminded about making the most of things and wont be going back there.

Life is so much better, and it feels so good.

I hope you are all staying strong and focussed - I am still new to this side of the fence, but can report the grass IS greener.

Have a content and successful day all!

Sbb 

Posted on:
Fri, 19/05/2017 - 08:20

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Strange where the urges come from huh SBB?  Good job in recognising them & finding a safe way to work through them :-)

& WOW, 45 pounds :-0  That's something to be incredibly proud of!

Posted on:
Wed, 05/07/2017 - 05:56

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Still here, still moving forward.

I think less and less about gambling with each week that passes, and with that inch by inch the old me is returning.

Finances getting better (slowly), weight falling (slowly), all in all life is far far better.

We are all a box of jigsaw pieces and its not until you lay them on the table and really work at them that the vision that you desire emerges.

Honesty with myself is where I began, and as my confidence continues to grow so will my desire to delve deeper into my dark places and be fully truthful to myself and family.

One step at a time is something I really understand now, but with each small step we take...we move away from the problem and closer to the goal.

Life is really good right now, and is in the large majority due to my abstention from my addiction.

Cured never, in control 100 percent !

Stay strong and believe everyone.

Sbb

 

Posted on:
Wed, 05/07/2017 - 19:51

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

 

 

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

 

 

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;

not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

 

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories,

but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

 

 

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters

Posted on:
Tue, 11/07/2017 - 18:08

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Day 280 - Mortgage arrears cleared....totally up to date - Stoked :)

Posted on:
Tue, 11/07/2017 - 19:53

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Some beautiful posts.

Great news you are no longer in arrears, your hard work is starting to pay off, stay strong.

Posted on:
Sun, 23/07/2017 - 08:23

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

I wrote this on here eight months ago and have returned to it regulary over the 292 days gamble free since.

Its only my ramblings and thoughts but thought I would share it, in the hope someone somewhere might get something out of it.

Keep up the positivity and belief in yourselves folks, its great to read how others are progressing.

Life is good

Sbb

  1. Time is the most valuable commodity on the planet, and we all have it in equal amounts. It’s how we spend it that matters. Spend it with people who make your heart sing, spend it with those people who would break your heart if they were not around.
  2. Too much of one thing normally means not enough of another. If you are spending too long at work, too long on in the pub or too long on the golf course, it means that not enough of your time is being spent elsewhere. In the end you will miss wonderful moments you can never get back.
  3. Really appreciate people, and savour every moment with them. One day sadly you will find they have gone.
  4. We are all exactly the same, colour, religion, location, age, size and shape may label us, but we all came from the same place and will return there.
  5. Empathy, Love, Compassion, Forgiveness, and Respect are paths to contentment. When we wander off these paths or someone blocks our way, we make bad decisions which hurt us deep inside.
  6. School is really is the best time of your life. The ability to learn is a wonderful gift, as is the art of teaching and passing on knowledge. It’s a microcosm of evolution itself, it is the survival of the fittest so grab every piece of knowledge that you can.
  7. Read a book every month. It takes you to places you have never been and may never go to. It introduces places that you may end up travelling to. It offers insight into different lives and thoughts, situations and cultures, people and times. It shows us what it is to be humans.
  8. When you feel something is wrong, it almost every time is wrong…the sooner you understand and act on this the better.
  9. When you feel something is right, it isn’t always the case…follow the feeling until it feels wrong.
  10. It’s hard to walk away from trouble, but it really is less painful in the long run. Long term grudges or vendettas eat away at the soul. Lashing out may hurt you as much, or more than the other person, and tends to mean lawyer’s fees and fines.  
  11. Travel whenever possible, the places with the least to offer materialistically always offer far more spiritually.
  12. Feel every emotion and learn to enjoy each one for what it is…..part of the wonder which is life.
  13. Be brave! Tell that girl she is beautiful, ask for a pay rise (if you know you deserve it), …….Fortune does favour it!
  14. Be wary of those who don’t drink. They remember the next day, and take great joy in reminding you and telling others about things you cannot.
  15. Great Britain is the best little place in the world. We have a rich history of invention, we have four very different seasons, our scenery is up there with the best and our beer hits the spot.
  16. Some people are needy and selfish, it’s not something they are necessarily aware of or can alter. If you have the energy give them your time, if you don’t have, walk away politely.
  17. If someone enters your mind, take a moment to email, call, text, snapchat or what’s app them and ask them how they are! Knowing we are not alone is a fundamental need, and letting someone know you care costs nothing at all.    
  18. Make lists, have goals, prioritise them and do everything you can to achieve them however big or small. There are not many better feelings than a sense of purpose and a sense of achievement.
  19. Aim high, think big, it is all possible…but you have to visualise it and believe it possible!
  20. Dance – Dance even if no one else is, Dance in the rain, Dance in the light, it’s your song that’s playing right now.
  21. All 7.5 billion of us exist on a speck of dust which is revolving around a slightly larger speck of dust at 67,000 miles an hour in an indefinable space without any control over our destiny. Your tiny little life is therefore not that important in the big scheme of things, however every single word you speak and action you take has an impact on others all around the globe, so choose what you say and do very carefully. 
  22. Friends and Colleagues are important, Family is all. Resolve issues, don’t let them fester. If you have let them fester, resolve them today…there may not be a tomorrow.
  23. Eat what you like, when you like. Why would you eat what you don’t like, when you don’t want to?
  24. Exercise is healthy but then again so is sleeping, do as you feel – it’s your life and no one can alter that fact.
  25. We all make mistakes, and instead of learning from them, tend to repeat them despite the obvious pain they cause. The secret really is listening to yourself before you take action, consider options and probable outcomes wherever possible…..We tend to know how things will pan out.  
  26. Be good, if you have the time, the skill or the financial means help with no expectation of return…it feels amazing for the giver just as much as the receiver….try it!
  27. On each of the 1500 times the average couple make love the man releases 500 million sperm, of which one will connect with one of the 2 million eggs  that the woman was born with. That’s odds of 500,000,000 x 2,000,000 x 1,500 that you are here at all. You are very special – remember that!
  28. For you to exist and produce a specific child has odds of 500,000,000 x 2,000,000 x 1,500 x 500,000,000 x 2,000,000 x 1,500. Children are the most amazing, wondrous things, treat them with love, awe and light them the paths.
  29. Today is all that matters. Don’t forget the past, but don’t dwell on it, By all means make plans, but that’s all they are at this stage. Today is the day, today is your day!
  30. Slow down and admire the view. A journey gets you from A to B, it is the journey itself that takes time and therefore provides an opportunity to reflect and take stock.
  31. However you see yourself and whatever you think of yourself, it’s is a million light years away from how you portray yourself and how others see you. If you are brave enough ask!
  32. Everyone has fears and failings, everyone! From the top CEO to mega-rich sportsmen/women and rock stars. They are no better than you, in fact you may well be a better person than they are.
  33. Don’t have a dig at your boss, they may frustrate you, but they are generally trying their best in a difficult set of circumstances. Remember the emperor may be wearing new clothes, but the emperor is still the emperor, naked or not!
  34. Television is designed to dumb us down. Watching actors and actresses playing out fictional lives in soaps is to stop us thinking about and challenging our own.
  35. Break the rules wherever possible. If we all adhered and complied we as a race would not evolve. Challenge what you are told, break the mould, smash through the glass ceilings and if necessary kick down the statues.
  36. It’s good to have faith but keep it personal. Organised religion can be divisive, dangerous and thrives on the insecurities of us humans. King Zog of Albania may well have had it right!
  37. Karaoke’s should never be held in the same location more than once a year. The same people singing the same songs poorly each week is not what should be viewed as entertainment.
  38. People are generally a disappointment, but when someone comes up trumps, it’s worth the wait. Keep believing.
  39. One hour of glory may seem worth far more than a week of mediocrity but a week lasts 167 hours longer!.
  40. Horror films are not good. They teach us that hatred and evil are acceptable and commonplace. If you need to stay in and watch a movie, choose Shawshank, Green Mile, Elf or It’s a Wonderful life.
  41. Musically the 60s were where it all began, the 70s where it happened and the 80s where it ended.
  42. Looks do attract, but it is what is inside that matters, go with the latter if you can’t have both.
  43. Don’t marry young, play the field, but sensibly and with respect. Learn to understand yourself and what you like and dislike before jumping in. Marriage is costly emotionally and financially so choose well.
  44. Believe. Believe in yourself, believe in your friends and family, believe in humanity, believe in something higher than all of us – they all exist and have limitless possibilities.
  45. Look for the good. Everything is made of positive and negative energy, there is bound therefore to be some bad news, but if we all recognise, talk up and celebrate the positive, amazing things happen.
  46. Be an agent for change. Everything happens with a first word, or first step be that person that initiates it, you have permission, there is nothing to stop you.
  47. Document the moment. Take a picture, write it down…in the years and months to come these records will make you feel alive, whether tears or laughter they will take you right back to the place and time.
  48. Tuck a little cash away every month and ensure you take family holidays while the kids are still young enough and still interested, these truly are golden moments.
  49. Communicate. Listen as well as talk, question and try to understand….in everything you do!
  50. Love. Love yourself, your parents, your children, your friends, your colleagues, even your enemies. John Lennon was right – Love really is all you need!

 

Posted on:
Wed, 02/08/2017 - 19:51

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hi, I don't come on here very often now but just wanted to say well done.  I'm happy to say still gf, looking forward never back, take care x x

Posted on:
Mon, 14/08/2017 - 08:26

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

This morning I decided to remove my days counter.

For me counting has changed from a psychological positive to a negative one. 

I have no numerical goal - my changes have to be for life.

I feel i have found a safe place where i have washed the problem out of my hair.

No complacency, but what i have regained in the last ten months, i am not prepared to give away again.

I have had my first in a while really tough month financially (but for reasons outwith my control), and this feeling has just acted as a wonderful reminder of how awful it is having to live this way. 

The desire is still there, but it comes in waves (big golfing tournaments especially), but i have worked round that by entering free to enter fantasy leagues which seem to fulfil my desire and need to 'win'.

As an extra bonus i got an email from a betting company on Saturday to advise that 'due to non activity would be closing my account and refunding by credit balance of £35'. I thanked them and immediatley self excluded.

£35 quid up by not gambling this weekend.

Life saved and turned around in last ten months.

Have a great day all.

Sbb 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 14/08/2017 - 12:17

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Sbb, thank you for your welcome back. I've just printed off your list of 50 things (a few posts up) and pinned it to my desk wall at work (behind my monitor, just out of main sight, but easy for me to read). Therefore a constant reminder of what really matters. Thank you.

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 08:21

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Quietly moving into month 12. 

Its almost dormant now (I know it still lies in my depths).

The daily mantras, the financial spreadsheet and a set of clear very personal goals have made me stronger than i have ever felt before.

Life is a thousand light years better than it was this time last year, but i am always just one bad decision away from disaster.

I wake every morning and remind myself of my illness, I then promise myself that I will not waiver that day. I read my goals and visualise them one step closer.

Then I get up and smash the day !  

We all have different approaches, techniques and opinions on how to beat this, however this is mine.

Not posting as much these days, but still reading diaries - keep stepping forward and keep reminding yourself of why you need and want to stop.

Most importantly believe its possible and believe in you !!

Sbb 

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 10:37

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Hi SBB, always pleased to see your posts....keep believing. Helen.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 22:06

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi SBB, your 50 reasons to enjoy life are good to languish here so I hope you don't mind me copying them on my new Challnege thread so they can get a better readership. 10 a day, over the next 5 days. Let me know if you do mind; I'll remove them straightaway.

Really glad you're well and enjoying life. 

Mixer

 

Posted on:
Thu, 14/09/2017 - 16:56

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Hello diary - I just wanted to tell you i may not be around as much, but i still need you and respect you.

I have managed to identify that I used to gamble, drink and dabble in recreationals to hide from my troubles, to fill my voids and to find a quick way of becoming numb/emotionless/detached.

Well today I have reasons to become numb, but I no longer hide away from life's tougher moments.

I may not know how to beat them, but I no longer let them beat me.

These days i dont lose - i stand still and strong and at least get a draw each time.

I return here and read you when i feel this way, you help to remind me of what i want and who i want to be.  

Im better than this, i walk strong and tall for my children.

Sbb

Posted on:
Mon, 09/10/2017 - 21:53

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Met with Mr Complacency and got a right lesson in reality.

One year and one day.....now back to zero.

Not even hurting, just numb.

I think I needed this reminder, so happy to use it to refocus and become even more determined.

No real damage done, or certainly not any that cant be repaired.

SBB Resetting to Day 1 tomorrow. 

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 10/10/2017 - 10:30

Dean0

Joined:
2017-09-14

A message that was passed to me was be careful of the wobble around key dates. Bad points you scratched the itch and now have to go through the misery of the withdrawal period again.  Key point and most valuable is you’ve only gamble once in a year chances are a year ago you would of snatched someone’s hand off for that gift to only gamble once in a year?   Stay close to your diary it got you through before it can again.  Best wishes

Posted on:
Tue, 10/10/2017 - 12:46

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Sbb - and you know, having had a momentary blip, why you're straight back on the GF road again. I have your list of 50 inspirational sentences about getting the best out of life on my wall and this one seems pertinent right now:

We all make mistakes, and instead of learning from them, tend to repeat them despite the obvious pain they cause. The secret really is listening to yourself before you take action, consider options and probable outcomes wherever possible…..We tend to know how things will pan out.

We're human SkyBlueBlue... but I sense you're re- re-building your defenses as you campaign for another day, month, year, lifetime ... one hard-won day at a time.

All the best to you Sbb

Posted on:
Tue, 10/10/2017 - 17:23

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Thank you for your positive comments.

I think the milestone or Key Dates may well hold some water Wentworth, I was thinking that i seem to get a bit down/off the rails at this time of year.....not at all sure why at this stage.

Life has been so good for the last year although i have let all areas slip in the last couple of months.

I know its part reaction to stressful situations and part the desire to try and win myself out of my tighter financial spots.

In the light of day I can see with total clarity that thinking and logic stinks.   

So its back to clarifying what i want and what i want to be....back to goals and targets, back to enjoying each small step forward on my journey.

I am James and I have a gambling problem.

I am also James that knows what he wants and what he wants to be!

SBB  

(Mixer - Thanks for the support, looks like we are back in it together !)

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 10/10/2017 - 20:06

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Yup, I would say we are. Welcome back, friend; (both) stronger and wiser this time ;)

Posted on:
Tue, 10/10/2017 - 21:09

paulll

Joined:
2009-10-16

Hi there SBB,

I’ve just come back to the forum after a long absence and have read your diary from the beginning. Very inspiring stuff. You’ve done the right thing by coming back here straight away and admitting your recent relapse, that takes some doing, so well done! You’ve discovered that a better life is there for you without gambling, don’t get sucked in again. I say this from experience as I tend to go for long periods without gambling then always go back - it can be very frustrating.  Interesting what you say about feeling down/going off the rails at this time of year - I’m exactly the same. 

Best wishes

Posted on:
Fri, 13/10/2017 - 15:16

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Day four since my splurge, my head and focus have returned.

I felt like Alan Partridge having the Toblerone breakdown and driving to Dundee barefoot on Sunday......through a thick mindless fog.

Anyway the fog has lifted, i have socks and shoes on, and find myself 50 miles south of Dundee and appear not to want chocolate - so on we go :)  

Needed to feel numb, in the same way some people drink or take drugs to send them to oblivion.

I was (and still am) under a lot of stress) but i know after all these years, that getting numb doesnt help - Yet we still choose these paths. 

The mad logic of addicts. 

Triggers still allow us to stop at that crossroads and to make a decision, for right or left, right or wrong, for good or bad, for happiness or despair.

I think the key may well be to recognise that we have arrived at a crossroads.

Without flashing beacons we need to be aware enough to spot them ourselves.

(Note to self - The use of words like 'we' and 'us' when you should be using 'I' and 'me' are deflection tactics - Take FULL responsibility for your own actions - You are not quite smart enough !!)

Sbb

  

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 12:32

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Lost my way recently, no real damage done, but put up no fight and allowed myself to slip in to the numbness of gambling.

Doing well in a number of other aspects in life, but it all seems to hang together by a thread.

Back in focus today and aiming straight and forward.

Disappointed and low, but ill pick myself up.

Sbb

 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 20:53

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hang in there Sbb. I read an article today and thought of you; you'll approve. Google " Daily Mail happiness" and it's the first result returned :) 

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 14:33

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Sbb

This time last Year I was nearly at that rock bottom and you were a couple of days behind me in my recovery.

I am sorry to see your relapse but don't let it define you, keep going this is your chance now. I hope you can be exactly where I am in another years time.Needing to be numb we all know that feeling. Maybe try councilling and find the reasons why these feelings are essential to you. What I learn is we all gamble for a reason (deep within). I wish you all the best in your recovery.

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 23:06

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Hi James...hope you are doing ok...one day at a time.

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 14:09

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Thank you for your kind and positive words.

Just kind of lost my mojo recently and its so very easy to revert back to old ways.

I must have joined and Self Excluded from every on line bookie under the sun.

I have even used my Wife's name to circumnavigate restrictions over the years.

I keep trying to convince myself that 'controlled' betting is fine/I enjoy it.

Whilst i could argue that i do get a kick out of it, the lows far outweigh the highs, and the reality is that I can't control it.

Its always the same time of year (never worked out why), but didnt even want to, let alone have the resove to fight recent urges.

Anyway, here i am back again, my year of abstinence allowed me to have two wonderful holidays and buy a nearly new car...the benefits are clearly there.

I need to find an alternative focus in the evenings and at weekends, i spend my time watching sport (and like an interest).

No real urges, but a constant little voice in my head telling me i can have a controlled dabble, keeps creeping into my conscious at present.

Continuing to steer away from all other opportunities to indulge and take the wrong turning, but this vice remains a niggle.

One day at a time - I had this beat and will do again.

Sbb    

    

Posted on:
Thu, 16/11/2017 - 14:04

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

It's interesting, Sbb, that when we've gone gambling-free for a while the urges continue to call us ... despite, as you say, seeing and living with the fruits of success. It's as if we need to 'self-harm' (and I do see gambling as that) for some reason. I'm approaching 100 days and getting these thoughts in my periphery. 

But we've just got to keep strong. And 'cos you'[ve been here before, you can do it again, and more. You've been a terrific encouragement to many of us Sbb with your very engaging posts and we're all wishing you well as you seek a 'better life than the alternative' which is what it boils down to (as we all well know). Life will throw at us what life does; deciding to go gambling-free is our crucial 'smidgen' of control !

 

  

Posted on:
Sun, 17/12/2017 - 21:33

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Hi SBB, just wondering how you are doing. Helen.

 

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