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Is there a future ?

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 10:12

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Hi, I'm back, suffice to say i have been gambling again, and i hope reached rock bottom at 02.00 hours this morning. I have been on here numerous times, but have been unable to kick the habit (roulette wheel that is). I just don't to be capable of stopping, all the money I have lost thousands and thousands, yet still i go back, - the cycle begins win,win,win,win,win,win,win then I lose and i can't hack it - yet its obvious you will lose sometime. So i chase those losses till I completely wreck any money I have. I am very raw right now, and I guess appealing for support from the understanding people on this site. You now how it feels after a major loss, ...................... like utter hell. Catch you all later.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 13:05

wal1957

Joined:
2013-02-15

Hy Lost my life

I am a recovering CG.

Do you want to stop gambling? Only if you do want to stop, will you have a chance to stop.

I think we all know how you feel. The last 3 years of my gambling days were the worst of my life, and still, every day, I did the same bloody thing, day in, day out. Why? I know why I did it, but do you?

The cycle will continue until you do something to stop it. Your willpower won't prevent you from gambling.

Have you been to GA meetings or seen a counsellor? Have you told any of your family of your problem? Have you tried to limit your access to money?

These are just some of the things that you should be doing to help yourself. Your family can offer you support, GA or counselling can offer both guidance and support. Your situation is not hopeless, unless you do nothing to change the cycle.

You do have a future if you want it.

Best wishes

 

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 14:31

cov87

Joined:
2015-03-05

What is it going to take to make you stop ?

This may sound harsh but you have obviously not yet reached rock bottom.  You said on a few occasions over the past couple of years you have reached rock bottom but you havent.   

If you keep reopening accounts and gambling you will reach rock bottom and believe me it is horrible.  You will lose all of your family, home, friends.......  I could go on.

If you had won last night you would not have posted on here again until you had lost these winnings.  You are NEVER going to win, no matter how much you win you will gamble it again.

Please take it seriously this time.  I dont understand how you manage to gamble if you are taking this seriously, you must limit access to all money, have salary paid into partners account, have NO debit cards or credit cards, close bank account if need be, install gamblock, attend GA, be honest with people, allocate all your time........

There are so many blocks we can put in place but you must want to quit.

I lied and cheated for years, I made out I wanted to quit to keep loved ones happy but deep down I was hoping for the big win. The big win did come and I lost it within a week.  10 years later and tens of thousands in debt I am serious for the first time and have lasted 58 days.  I really hope you beat this horrible addiction.

Darren

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 15:06

[email protected]

Joined:
2014-12-31

Great advice you have had there Lost. It really is a choice for you to make. Without making changes to how you deal with your addiction nothing will ever change.

I understand it seems daunting & overwhelming to step away from something that makes all your problems disappear for a short while. This is where GA or counselling can help you. It will offer you new solutions on how to cope with life without addictions soothing comfort blanket.

You have a choice, continue to keep trying to do it your way(& that hasnt worked out too well so far) or accept others may have a better solution for you.

Stop searching for reasons why things wont work & start trying new things that just might

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 16:28

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Hi there Lost, glad you have come back, and don't you worry about posting anything negative or otherwise on my diary, it no problem at all, I just wished I could take your pain away, but you know only you can do this.

As Dan has said you have already been given some good advice, abstaining is the only way to go forwards for us.

100% commitment from yourself Lost, putting every block and barrier in place, GA meetings, but you must really want this otherwise it won't happen my friend. I tried so many times to stop and because I did not committ 100% and be honest with myself and my OH and my sons, I could not stop. Yes for a week or even two at a time, but the addiction was still very much at the front, because I had not changed one thing to stop gambling.I know I keep repeating this but nothing changes if nothing changes.

You have my unconditional support Lost, but you have to do this yourself and you will with support and 100% commitment, make this your time now to change your life, recovery is the only way we can go forwards to a proper life.

Take care and keep posting.

Suzanne xxx

 

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 16:28

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Thanks for all the advice, I have had 20 sessions with a counsellor and it still did not stop me gambling. I had savings for my pension which I have butchered. I kept saying no lower then I would play the fotb's and build up to £K3 over five weeks say, so I was able to put back more savings from my salary than usual by playing the fotb's. However i just cannot accept losing on roulette in anyway, bookies (i have self-excluded from so many - yet a car drive of four miles ..............) on-line (removed k9 blocker) casino (only four miles away). I guess i just could not accept losing £..,000.00 pounds - just kept going back - winning a bit - its tragic really five years ago I said no lower than £..,000.00 and now £75,000.00 pounds lost. They say you have to reach rock bottom to re-alise, I hope I am there. Thanks to you all for posting and offering advice, I need to stop, I want to stop.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 16:46

[email protected]

Joined:
2014-12-31

Your still clinging onto the belief that gambling is a solution that can work for you despite everything in your history telling you thats not going to work. Even the machine your playing on tells you that you will lose. Your believing your lie that skill & good judgement on a completely FIXED ODDS BETTING TERMINAL will solve your financial woes. It wont. Accept your beaten.

I saw no mention of handing over financial control. Blocking software that you dont have the password to. GA meetings. Trying a different counsellor. Complete honesty with those around you. Try something new

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 16:53

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Hi Paul,

This is just me, but I think you will know when you have reached your rock bottom, and I sincerely hope its now because it will keep taking more and destroying you more, mentally, physically, until you have absolutely nothing to give anymore.

I know it is so very hard to let go of big losses, but we have to, to move on, just let thst money go, it's not going to come back,once you resign to this, you are well on the way to recovery, sort a debt plan out again(if you have already done one) I changed mine at least 3 times, tiny small steps and don't look to far ahead and don't look back, it's so hard but it can be achieved.

Can someone take over your money so you have no access to it,

Suzanne xxx

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 17:08

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Hi Suzanne, thanks for your support - you are a top lady - today has been very tough, I know now because my funds are so low I cannot risk any-more gambling (thats the reality of it - lack of funds - i don't have any debt or loans fortunately, they scare me senseless) No-one can take control of my funds, i live alone, I only see my partner at week-ends, when I first confessed to her two years ago she managed them for a while, but found the endless scrutnity of my bank wearing. I confessed maybe five/six times to her stating in August last year I had so much money (which is actually twice what i have now) she accepted my statement, but said anymore gambling our relationship is over .................... Its second time around for both of us and I really care for her ............. but not enough to stop the gambling till I had nearly lost it all why oh why did I start on roulette. I never gambled until 5/6 years ago . I am 58. I have completely f....d my financial future.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 17:24

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Paul,

You say that debt frightens you, but my dear if you don't take steps NOW you will be in so much debt, you won't believe it.

That will become a different rock bottom believe me when you can't get any more funds from borrowing or stealing, I don't want you to go there, it is hell, because all you think about is getting more money to get out of debt, if you carry on gambling the addiction will totally consume you of any money.

Now is the time to stop before you get into debt, I know you are thinking about your future, but if you carry on your future will be a 100% bleaker. The good news is you are not in debt please keep it that way, it's taken me 11 months to just pay off those horrible PD loans, I still have long term debt around 23000 and it will take forever to pay off, and I am not a spring chicken either 

lol, you can do this for you, your future and your partners future you deserve this.

PS have bumped your diary up, incase you want to use it 

Suzanne xxx

 

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 17:32

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

You make a lot of sense Suzanne, I need really need to beat this problem, accept whats gone is gone, i have been to work to-day how i got through it I do not know, so gonna make my way home now, thanks for being there for me, its no fun being so down and on your own. Catch you later or tomorrow.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 17:38

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Ok Paul, am here for you, whenever, don't beat yourself up too much, it's a horrible addiction/illness and every time you come back you are making progress and you will get there.

Take care and try not to think too much tonight.

Suzanne xxx

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 18:10

cov87

Joined:
2015-03-05

What are you going to do different this time ?

Previous methods/blocks have failed so you need to have a new strategy

 

Posted on:
Wed, 01/04/2015 - 19:31

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

i'm not sure darren, fear is beginning to mess with me, fear of being unable to cope with daily finances, so  I guess fear for now.

Posted on:
Thu, 02/04/2015 - 09:41

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Morning Gamcare, I started ten years ago this week in my current job, where the position of the company geographically initially started my gambling life (a small broken north-west english town filled now with bookies and take-aways), i was asked yesterday what steps i am going to take to stop this downward spiral to bankruptcy. Today I now have a card attached to pc screen looking at me which says ' Apr'2005 savings £K.., Apr'2015 savings £K.., (Reduction due to incessant and ridiculous gambling) Its looking at me now and will be every hour of every working day). Feeling like utter s..t as I re-alise my gambling life is at an end and there is no way I can ever re-cover what I have lost, I can't feel like this forever.

Posted on:
Thu, 02/04/2015 - 11:18

cov87

Joined:
2015-03-05

You somehow need to forget what has gone.  The danger of having a constant reminder is that you might want to try and win this back.  Its a really hard one to call, others might think its a good idea.   

Maybe have a picture of something that is a reward for staying off the gambling, picture of your partner perhaps ???

If you get back to the gambling then bankruptcy will be least of your problems, you will lose everything :(  

As said yesterday please consider giving control of money to somebody else and be completely honest.

Good luck

Posted on:
Thu, 02/04/2015 - 12:22

Garydav5

Joined:
2014-10-08

Hi Paul 

sorry you are in a bad place again. Me too now think we must stop and look forward. We cannot keep looking back at what we have lost. : (

Posted on:
Thu, 02/04/2015 - 14:01

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Hi Gary, thanks for your post, i will catch up with you over forthcoming weeks, cant post over easter holidays (at girlfriends) how I will get through it without appearing utterly miserable i don't know.

Posted on:
Thu, 02/04/2015 - 15:16

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Paul, sorry I have not got back sooner been really busy and having an unusual day so far.

Listen you are probably not going to like this but I have to be honest with you to help you, 

It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself friend, that will never change one thing, it's time to accept what you have done and let go, because if you don't you will be back here again and in debt. I know you say you can't tell your girlfriend or anybody, but believe me it is one of the first steps to move forwards, if you really want to stop, you will not be able to do this on your own without any support or more important being honest with those that share your life, 

Your Easter will only be miserable if you choose it to be, last Easter for me was a total blurr, I can't even remember it, I really can't, 

This addiction is hard to let go of, but feeling sorry for yourself will make it worse, it will thrive on everything you are, until you are really rock bottom, and that is not a place you want to go to.

You are not in debt (yet) keep it that way, think of the things you have and not of what you have lost through gambling, because believe me if you continue to gamble your losses now will be nothing to what you will have.

I wished I had stopped before I got into debt and lost half of my family (my brothers) think positive now, and do everything you can to stop gambling. Honesty with yourself, your loved ones, and get every available help out there, be it GA counsilling whatever, you have the choice Paul, don't make my mistakes, 

Suzanne xxx

Posted on:
Thu, 02/04/2015 - 17:43

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Suzanne, thanks for fantastic support, i know i have to let go (part of me is accepting that to-day, and that is while i feel so awful, knowing the funds are never coming back) its heart-renching to have worked for a financial stress free life and thrown it away - nothing to show for the spending of your money - not even a half-decent car.I know in time if i stop gambling i will get and feel better - one day at a time they say. one day ..................................... catch u next week. Enjoy the caravan - Paul

Posted on:
Fri, 03/04/2015 - 08:58

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Hi Paul,

Keep strong and determined over the weekend and win, you will feel sooo much better next week, 

Take care.

Suzanne xxx

 

Posted on:
Tue, 07/04/2015 - 15:48

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hi Lost, just noticed your last post to Suzanne & thought I'd drop by!

I know you didn't ask me for my advice but I have read your diary & implore you to draw a line under your losses!  I tried to stop gambling on a daily basis before coming here & couldnt figure it out until I stopped chasing!  You need to be honest with yourself & reconsider how much winning you actually did!  Your diary reads like you did it before so there's no reason why you can't do it again but there is because you are a CG so you cannot win because you cannot stop.  These 'wins' have only ever been gambling tokens!  You asked how to live with the guilt but what option do you have?  Co-exist with your addiction in recovery looking to the future or blast yourself back into oblivion with gambling until you have nothing.  If you don't keep fighting, it won't be house repairs you are worrying about, it will be finding next months rent! 

Don't underestimate the addiction...Pat yourself on the back for getting into recovery & keep on fighting!  It will get easier!

Stay strong - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Tue, 07/04/2015 - 16:03

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Afternoon Paul,

Looks like your Easter weekend turned out better than you thought it would. Mine was very quiet too quiet lol. Had to keep busy so my mind did not wander and the lovely weather helped.

To be honest I am coming up to a year of not having gambled, but I am not over it mentally, it cut very deep, all the carnage etc, if I ever forget over it all mentally it sure would be a big weight lifted from me, I have/am learning to live and accept what I have done, because I have no other choice and I am being kinder to myself as each day goes by, what we have done was ridiculous and utter madness, but this was the addiction controlling us, I have learnt to live along side with it, accept it and because my recovery is stronger than the addiction, gamblng does not beckon me too often, Gambling was one solution to my problems in life, I have got rid of some of my problems by change, but because I gambled it presented a bigger problem on its own, 

We have choices in life and gambling was an awful choice we made, but we can now make right choices to not make the situation even worse, through recovery we slowly but surely make the right choice, we will never ever get our losses back, the stakes got way too high and drowned us. 

Accept what has happened and move on, it's the only way Paul.

Stay strong, each day slightly gets easier with your thoughts.

Suzanne xxx

 

Posted on:
Tue, 07/04/2015 - 16:22

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

Lost my life wrote:

Suzanne, thanks for fantastic support, i know i have to let go (part of me is accepting that to-day, and that is while i feel so awful, knowing the funds are never coming back) its heart-renching to have worked for a financial stress free life and thrown it away - nothing to show for the spending of your money - not even a half-decent car.I know in time if i stop gambling i will get and feel better - one day at a time they say. one day ..................................... catch u next week. Enjoy the caravan - Paul

Hope this is the end of your gambling journey

Like ODAAT says don't under estimate how much worse gambling can get

Posted on:
Tue, 07/04/2015 - 17:45

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Hey Paul, you have put a big smile on my face because if I can be of help to anyone, to help them overcome gambling, it makes me feel worthwhile posting to others on here, I know sometimes I just say well done and keep going but it's people like you, me and plenty of others that love getting this simple support, I know I do, and that has truly helped me to get nearly one year gamble free.

Walking with you all the way Psul on this bloody hard road.

Suzanne xxx

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 06:57

Lost my life

Joined:
2012-12-17

Morning diary been reading an old thread of mine, so much truth in here from great gamcare contributors wish I had listened all those years ago x the basic pitch of all comments on the thread is let go the losses move on x that is so hard for me x but I won’t gamble again x never never never x I am in too much internal anguish to risk another penny to gambling x so here goes another day of my poor life is about to begin x

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 12:46

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Lost my life

This is just to let you know that we're moving this thread to Recovery Diaries, as it's become less of an introduction and more of a diary thread. Keep posting,

Best wishes

Forum Admin