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Taking over

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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 06:22

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Hi everyone, I am sick and tired of gambling, play online slots for about two years, sometimes I am so controlled, withdraw and make most of winnings and other times I join new sites and have massive blow outs where I cant stop, win or lose. Luckily I am not in too deep with my financies, (about even) but annoyed myself the other day when won a good amount and then I would of been well up, thought I could win more by putting on higher spin...obviously lost it, but my finger just keeps pressing spin even though I know I am likely to lose, why do we do that? Then I stayed up all night, so got no sleep at all and put more money in to try get that back win again, obviously desperately trying, with no luck. I know now is the time to give up... as not down with my money too much, but have been and know if I dont stop it will get worse. I have borrowed money to fund and hate the feeling I get when lose, hate myself... even punched myself in the face enough to leave a bruise, a few weeks ago, so frustrusted with my stupid self. It takes over my thinking, feel sick when lose. I have self excluded from most sites, but still try open new ones, my mum is aware I gambled but doesnt know I still do, my husband has no clue, (try yo be the best wife and mother possible, dont want him thinking so bad of me) been very secretive and I am missing out on life and not living to the full as absorbed in the thought of how much money I need to win back etc. I have a lovely family, we often struggle for money which is maybe why I satrted in the first place, did used to have bulimna when I was yonger and I managed to combat that addiction, wonder if any mental link. How do I stop thinking about it? I do have a couple of sites open but set a small wager amount on just so I can take advantage of the frees, I know I should just close these down completely.. again won off frees the other day then yes put all back in again. I sit for hours sometimes in chat rooms so can win £2 but then dont think twice about depositing so much more to lose. How do I get out while I can and before get too deep???

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 10:21

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi caughtup. The answer lies with you. You are the only person who can stop you. Tell your partner, no excuses. If you tell you are accountable. Hand over cards, finances, cancel cards, online software to block sites. Find something far more productive to do with your time. Compulsive gambling is destructive and if you really want to stop you have to change something. 100% honesty and transparency. Don't wait until the debts become impossible. Do they class bulimia as addiction? Then yes you are an addict. Get help and support. Call gamcare.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 11:30

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Thank you merry go round, appreciate you taking the time to help! It helps to talk and nice we all been there in same boat! Ok, watch this space! Don’t know if ready to tell my husband but I know I should to get on road to recovery! I am in charge of financial affairs, bills etc so think if give card to someone that will help! Wonder what I should do if I pay using PayPal which sometimes do sometimes, do you know what gamble blocks I can use on IPhone? This is first step to help stop so thank you! 

Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 12:05

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Caughtup, well done on making this effort to set up a diary and to try and stop, that takes a lot of effort and bravery. Take the right steps to protect yourself and stay as strong as you can and don't act on any urges.

Wishing you well in your recovery and yes we are all in the same boat none of us are any different.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 14:21

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi caughtup just to clarify I'm wife of cg. My husband used k9 on his iPad. He also gave up all access to money, that helped him a lot. There's never a good time to tell, so soonest is best to stop more damage. Addiction feeds on secrets and lies. 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 08:51

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

 Thank you Wilsy, yoir support means a lot! Thanks Merry go around, will look into that block software! Been up early this morning when am often tempted, felt better yestersday after joining and starting diary, and not so anxious! Been concentrating on new work projects to get my teeth into to stop thinking about temptation! 

Will check in soon 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 14:32

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hi caught up well done on gf still keep st it! Best of wishes Lulu x

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 17:15

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Aww thank you lulu! I have treat myself to a magazine tonight and gonna have a rewarding evening! Have a fab gamble free weekend! Gonna be strong and get inspiration from you all, thank you xx 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 12:45

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Hi All, just checking in! Feel so positive today, not anxious, been focused on my work this morning and feel proud I am making baby steps! I sat last night and read through some of your stories, there is certainly more to life than the grip of this horrible darkness that can take over! Keeping strong and  thankfully not had mega urges, looking at things very differently so all good today! Xx knowing you are all out there fighting these demons too, we can get through it! 

Posted on:
Sun, 04/03/2018 - 19:48

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Well, been keeping myself busy all day but felt really irritated, generally annoyed and moody! Am cracking on and staying strong! 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 11:47

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Today I feel like can take on the world, busy with work, not had any urges just looking at things in a new way! Feeling good! Fingers crossed on way up! Don’t even wanna play any games and waste my precious time and money when I work so hard for it 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/03/2018 - 17:54

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Check me.... another day! Tick :)

Posted on:
Wed, 07/03/2018 - 13:28

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Proud of me! Feel like making abit of a break through! I haven’t deposited anywhere and had money in my bank to play all week, I do feel like thinking very differently, when I feel alittle bored and would usually be a time I might play I have been on here, reading all your stories and get strength from you all and see you are trying to get things together too! 

I will let keep checking in daily just for my own diary but feel everyday so much better and know I will continue and try hard to be gamble free because life is too short to be stuck in front of a screen throwing money away when I could be enjoying my hard earned money instead x I have tried half heartedly to give up before but now I really do want to and need to! But this time I mean business, you can do one slots, I have won this time 

Posted on:
Fri, 09/03/2018 - 11:47

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Hello, just checking in, missed yesterday but back again today cos felt the urge but then remembered the sick, horrible feeling I get when I lose and thought not worth the risk! Stop I resisted! No turning back! Doing this...day by day! Busy and bringing money in from working and putting my efforts into that more! Feeling good and the sun is shinning xxx

Posted on:
Fri, 09/03/2018 - 12:27

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Realised I have made 8 days! :) 8 days of less stress and happiness