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Suicide result

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#1 Posted on:
Sat, 16/09/2017 - 12:22

apple

Joined:
2017-09-16

My son gambles all his money and his pay.  I pay the mortgage and give him money to keep him and his three children.  I know I should stop and will need to stop soon as I am getting into debt.  He has tried sucicide once before.  If I do not give him money etc he feels he will lose his wife and family.  What can I do realistically now ??

Posted on:
Sat, 16/09/2017 - 13:00

Dean0

Joined:
2017-09-14

I'm sorry to say he's basically blackmailing you . If he was so concerned about losing his family he wouldn't be wasting his money and he would get his addiction into check, if you're funding his every day life I'm afraid you're contributing to his problem. As hard as it may seem you need to cut him off no more hand outs.  

Posted on:
Sat, 16/09/2017 - 13:04

Xenedra

Joined:
2017-08-16

MSuch an awful situation that I can sympathise with. I am a compulsive gambler in recovery but also a mental health social worker so I can see both sides. 

My CG side knows that bail outs and extra money makes my condition worse. Gambling removes reality and makes money worthless. More money never helps as more drugs doesn't help a drug user. 

What I also know is that those contemplating or with a history of suicide attempts need specialist help. So he needs to address these issues first! If you can, get him to contact Gamcare and they will put him in touch with specialist counselling services. 

Next he needs to address his debts. One of the biggest things for me was regaining control over my life and finances with a DMP with StepChange! They are great and the little bit of control he will get back will boost his self esteem and hopefully spur him to take charge. It's a commitment but a powerful one that I certainly don't want to damage. 

I hope this helps. 

I am sorry for your situation. But know that it is not your fault! 

Posted on:
Sat, 16/09/2017 - 14:18

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi apple. If you continue he will continue. If you change your behaviour he will have to address his. So no more money. He needs to tell his wife, if not, you need to. This has to stop you are in debt and most definitely he is. He needs to admit his problem. Enabling him to continue is more damaging in the long run. He needs to call gamcare but also go to his gp. He needs to get help and support. He needs to sort his own money out. As wife of a cg I know I would tell my son's girlfriend, wife, if he went/goes down the same road. Telling will help him, that's what you want. It will only get worse if you continue and so will his mental health. You can also call gamcare for advice. There are many parents at my gamanon meeting, that is also a place of advice and support. Good luck. Keep posting and asking questions. Don't blame yourself, seek help!

Posted on:
Sat, 16/09/2017 - 16:50

Amom

Joined:
2014-10-09

Hi apple.

I am so sorry for your situation. I too am the mom of a compulsive gambler who has attempted suicide and gets so low it is terrifying. Please get yourself some support . Can you find a gamanon meeting? Call gamcare?

The best way for you to help him is by helping yourself. The two of you are in an awful cycle and it needs to be broken. That has to start with you.

"You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it"

Cathyx

Posted on:
Sat, 16/09/2017 - 20:08

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Apple,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for your story.

You seem to have been put into a difficult situation by your son’s gambling problem, and with threats of commiting suicide if you don’t continue to feed his gambling habit.

Offering him money for his daily expenses is actually not doing any favours; at worse it’s giving him the wrong signal – that he can continue to gamble, and mum will pick up the pieces.

I do echo some of the responses offered to you by fellow forum members. You must look after yourself first, and then you can try and support your son in a way that would help him to overcome his gambling problem. I thinks it would be a step in the right direction if you can encourage your son to contact us for the help that he needs.

Gamcare is ready to help and support both of you every step of the way with advice and some counselling where needed.

I’ll advise you to contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers to find out the options available to both of you. Our lines are open from 8.00am to midnight every day.

My best wishes to you, and please keep posting.

Kind regards,

Beatrice

Posted on:
Sun, 17/09/2017 - 16:55

Phoenix67

Joined:
2016-03-31

Hi apple.

I too am the mum of compulsive gambler. My son has not attempted suicide but threatened it several times, the last time we had to get the Police involved as he'd gone missing after saying he was going to do it. Thankfully he was found safe although in a very distressed state. Its terrifying. 

I understand your worries and why you're trying to help, but you cant save him from himself, you cant force him ito get help it doesnt work like that.

Compulsive gambling thrives on secrecy, again all its doing is letting him continue, at the very least his wife should know. Cg's are very manipulative and good liars he could be borrowing money from other people who dont know he has a problem. 

We've all done what you are doing thinking we're helping or because we worry what they might do but the cycle needs to be broken and only you can do that.

It took me a long time to accept that the best thing for my son and me was to do nothing and take a step back. Incredibly difficult but absolutely necessary, let him get on with his life and you yours.

Of course you can support him but it should only ever be moral support never financial. It is a case of using tough love.

Its vital you get yourself some support, call Gamcare they can arrange counselling for you, cant praise it highly enough,. Gamanon for families is definetly worth going to as well if possible and of course theres everyone on this forum.

It goes against our instincts as parents not to help our kids, but not helping is vital if they are to ever want recovery. If we keep protecting from the consequences they wont want to stop.

Call Gamcare x