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Stephen ~ Stopped Gambling 27th January 2018

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 14:44

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

My mindset has changed a lot since joining GamCare and meeting friends on the diaries.

Although I gambled yesterday, I feel I am very close to overcoming my compulsion to gamble. I need just a little bit more courage, faith and determination. 

This chapter in my diary will record my final break from the gambling addiction...stephen 

Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 15:20

Nicenormalfamily

Joined:
2017-12-15

Is there anything more we can do to help you through this? I am thinking more practical stuff such as come and write something short every morning and every night in your diary would that help?

Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 16:03

volcano

Joined:
2010-07-05

Hello Stephen, I know it’s been said before but how about sticking with the same diary. Also, a bit of a cliche but don’t beat yourself up and appolgise about letting people down and finally as I’m on a roll don’t put yourself under so much pressure by telling the Gamcare world and trying to convince yourself that you will never gamble again. My moral here is, stop putting pressure on yourself. 

Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 16:47

Christer1

Joined:
2016-02-29

Hello Stephen sorry to hear bout ur relapse again well done for being honest

Posted on:
Mon, 29/01/2018 - 15:02

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Nicenormalfamily, Volcano, Christer and Changemylife. I really do appreciate the support, encouragement and advice. I will get back to you soon.

Not been feeling very good. I woke up last night dreaming I was drowning and today I have just felt really down in the dumps. I have my CT Thorax Scan @ 4-20 so a bit worried about my chest/breathing also. That's because of smoking, I stopped when I was 50 but the damage was done by than. I've only had one enemy in my life and that's been me.

Self pity reading is about 99.9%. Why oh why oh why am I such a fool. Whatever compels me to gamble i really don't know. Sheer madness. 

Anyway Day 2 now and just got to try harder this time.

Posted on:
Mon, 29/01/2018 - 18:30

SEL87

Joined:
2017-10-18

Sad to hear this mate but glad uve a positive mindset to beat it this time with this diary,I think uve had a few now since I've joined the site it would be good to see you racking up a few months gamble-free and once you get to that stage im sure the compulsion to gamble will weaken day by day..good luck 

Posted on:
Mon, 29/01/2018 - 23:23

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the support and encouragement Sel. 

Congratulations on 100 days gamble free, you are doing really well.

I look forward to following your journey...stephen 

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 00:10

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Just started my 3rd day gamble free.

Most of yesterday I spent looking at myself with nothing but contempt. Regardless of whether it helps or hinders it is just the way it is.The unpalatable truth, my weakness, is right there staring me in the face. Over the years i have repeatedly promised myself, and others, that I would never gamble again. Time after time I have reneged on that promise.

They say a man's as good as his word but my word is obviously worth nothing.

"Stand up and be counted" or be like me and run to the fobt machine in the bookies.

I hope I can summon up the strength, courage and sense of decency that will empower me in my fight. It is only by complete abstinence from gambling that I can hope to find any peace of mind, happiness and self respect....stephen 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 00:17

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Stephen,

I'm really sorry to read you're still in the wars my friend. Goodness me, you've got your stresses mate, I can't even put myself in your shoes and imagine. Please go easy on yourself. You're a good man. You're up against it, and have health worries that would affect anyone! You have a strong spirit and that will always put you in very good stead.

Thinking of you.

Mixer

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 06:51

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Stephen just saying hello. Good luck with the scan this afternoon. It's impossible to say 'never'. You're human. I think this is a tough time of year and not feeling 100% doesn't help. Just for today.

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 09:45

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Mixer & Merry go round for your support and encouragement.

Had my scan yesterday afternoon. Panicked because I felt nauseous but the technician said it was ok. I will see the chest consultant next tuesday.

My last episode of gambling has had a profound affect on me. I have felt utter contempt for my relapse and have been shocked at my own self-betrayal. I accept life has it's ups and downs but what I can't accept is my own attempts at self-destruction, through compulsive gambling.

Everyone has challenges to face.I will navigate through them as best I can,  with a clear conscience, a smile on my face and hope in my heart.

The road to hell is lined with casinos, betting shops and compulsions to gamble.

The good news is I am now back on the GamCare road with my friends. It is only on this road that I will find my way home. My intention is to embrace the opportunities that come my way and deal with misfortune as best I can.

Love and best wishes to all on the diaries...stephen 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 21:01

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 3 of my gamble free life. 

Feeling super confident, self assured and ready to rock n roll.

Swim and a steam this afternoon. Salsa has been cancelled tonight which is a shame. Going to go swimming at least every other day. Dance twice a week. Get out about when possible and be hsppy and calm.

A challenging few days ahead. My monthly works pension go's in the bank tomorrow and my weekly state pension the day after. Part of me thinks I have a battle on my hands but nobody means me any harm. The staff in the bookies will not be out and about looking for me. The only danger I face is from a little circuitry in my brain which will probably encourage me to gamble. I'm not falling for that again. My gambling days are over.

Love and best wishes to all on the diaries. We don't have to gamble. We make the decisions...Abstainer The Free.  x x x

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 21:22

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Hey Stephen, just dropping in to add my support to you. Glad you are feeling confident, I really hope your gambling day are over bud, success or setback, we are here. Scott 

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 22:47

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

Hi Stephen - sorry to hear about the relapse but glad that you're back here armed with that rock solid determination to tackle it again. It's great to see you jump right back on to the bucking bronco. It's a challenge but your positive mindset will work wonders. Stick at it buddy - let this stumble just be a stumble, the fight is still very much on.  

And best of luck with the scan results next week. 

Take care and know we are all here for you, fighting this together. 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 00:11

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

I know you have us & your Angels but are we enough?  Have you turned yourself over to your Higher Power or are you reliant on your willpower?  You’ve been in the grip of addiction a very long time & being unwell is incredibly stressful...I really think you would benefit from the real life support you will get from the rooms.  

If the gambling devil comes a calling, post your tune & we’ll all crank it up & help drown him out.

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 02:00

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

This should be your defining chapter of your life and your diary. Your health should be your No.1 priority! You know what you have to do (or NOT do!) and we're all totally with you. You've made some great friends on this forum and have touched others with your empathy and encouragement. I can't really add any more at this time as you've already spelt it out:

"I HOPE I CAN SUMMON UP THE STRENGTH, COURAGE AND SENSE OF DECENCY THAT WILL EMPOWER ME IN MY FIGHT. IT IS ONLY BY COMPLETE ABSTINENCE FROM GAMBLING THAT I CAN HOPE TO FIND ANY PIECE OF MIND, HAPPINESS AND SELF RESPECT.... STEPHEN

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 12:34

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Scott, Equinox, ODAAT & Changemylife. Your support and encouragement strengthens my resolve.

Feeling at ease today.The recovery road beckons. The highway of hope leading off into the distance.

Come rain or shine I intend to keep going forward alongside my gamcare friends. I am blessed to be sharing the road with wonderful people who are looking to improve their lives. Like me they have suffered torment and misery through their association with compulsive gambling. 

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 20:20

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Go for it Stephen, the GF life is yours to grab with both hands! Sorry haven't commented lately have been working really hard but am reaping the rewards of not gambling,  keeping busy and saving cash. Best wishes and am with you 100% Sx

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 21:24

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Hi Stephen. We are both on day 4 and I have just read all your posts on this diary. In the last 4 days you have been on a rollercoaster of lows and highs. Am glad that you now feel on a more even keel. Like you I have money going into the bank today and this also plays on my mind. As my weakness is always online I plan to take out cash so no access to money Online. Could you maybe do the opposite and put some money into an account you can't access for a given amount of time. Going swimming alternate days sounds like a great plan and full of positive rewards. Keeping busy, staying fit. I hope all goes well with your appointment next week and as everyone else says just be kind to yourself and take it bit by bit. Ok you relapsed but you also managed many days gamble free which is cause for celebration. Take care my friend. 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 22:18

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for posting on my diary Sharon. Hope your having a good week. Congratulations on 321 days gamble free. It is heartwarming to see your good progress.You are a  great example to all of us who are following your journey.

Thankyou Annie. We are on the move now, 4 days gamble free and settling in nicely. Pleased to see you see enjoying your running. I imagine that would be a fun way to combat the urges to gamble. You will be fit and healthy as well. 

Hello Diary. Feeling positive about my gamble free future. I have behaved like an idiot in the past but now this is a fresh start. 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 10:11

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

The thing I've always admired about you Stephen is that despite setbacks (not keen on the word "relapse" personally) you are very honest and have the guts to come here and say what's happened - many people don't.

Please just try and keep the one day at a time approach in mind - in WHATEVER way you as an individual want to interpret it.

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 13:41

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Stephen, keep up the positivity and desire as well as fight, to keep this cruel addiction at bay, good luck in your journey

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 17:04

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Stephen

Remember not to be defined by your relapses but your determination to beat the addiction. Keep it going my friend you got this.

Matt

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 20:27

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen, thanks for posting.Absolutely havechad so many times of trying to work out why I couldn't stop.But now I feel stable, confident and believe in myself. Take care my friend andclove your new title Sx

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 01:25

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary. Very much appreciated . I know I am very fortunate to be amongst the gamcare diaries with friends who support each other.

Phil ...  Hope your ok my friend. I believe your wife has gone away for a month which will give you some quality "Phil Time." Don't waste it by loafing around lol. If she rings when your having a party tell everybody to shoosh when you answer the phone. Ha ha only pulling your leg. Congratulations on paying off your debt and nearing 2 years gamble free. Great achievements.

Wilsy ...Congratulations on 3 months gamble free. In GA groups 90 days is recognised as an important milestone. You have left the gambling behind but still not out of the woods. Them pesky gambling urges can sometimes turn up unannounced so we need to exercise caution at all times. Sorry you sometimes felt anxious and a little depressed. I don't know but I would imagine that compulsive gambling would make these feelings much worse. I hope you can discover happiness, peace and contentment.

Matt... An absolutely wonderful journey. Working hard, enjoying adventures and turning your life around for the better. You continue to expand your horizons, setting your sights on new goals and relishing your new found freedom. Many on the diaries have been inspired by your humility, honesty and your courage. Approaching 500 days gamble free which is a great achievement and you have the wisdom to avoid complacency. It really is an awful addiction and it rarely just goes away. I suppose we will always be vulnerable. Stay strong my friend.

Sharon... A precious jewel in the gamcare treasure chest. Wonderful progress on your gamble free journey. For a long time I was proud to be 56 days behind you and it was your fine example that kept me on the road. Sadly I lost my way a few times which was really stupid. Hopefully I have learnt my lesson and will do better this time.

Hello Diary. Yesterday was good. English @ Adult Education ~ Dentist for check-up (all ok). ~ Swim and Steam @ the gym.

 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 08:21

Cynical wife

Joined:
2015-06-23

It’s said in the rooms that the same man will drink again. Or gamble.

Beating yourself up (Post 8) isn’t cutting it, trying harder isn’t cutting it (Post 5), new diaries aren’t cutting it, nor is positivity from your Gamcare friends.

Most people who achieve daily sobriety achieve it via working a Twelve Step program so that they are indeed no longer the person  who gambled/drank/used.

Echo ODAAT’s suggestion to try an approach outside the comfort zone. Because nothing changes if nothing changes.

CW

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 09:50

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

No disrespect CW and I agree with much in your post above but unfortunately in my experience 12 steps programs are not for everyone as I found when I went REGULARLY to a fellowship in Brighton for a different issue a long time as I've described elsewhere. 

I prefer SMART Recovery which I've been attending since last July which is based on Cognitive Behavourial Therapy. I have almost 2 years under my belt without gambling on anything whether it be lottery tickets, horses (my main poison), machines etc. and I've never relied on a higher power or got on my knees and prayed for a gamble-free day.

These comments are not meant arrogantly or in a bragging sense - far from it but what works for one person doesn't work for another.

I DO feel a sense of humility about how lucky I am that I've maintained my decision one day at a time and have re-built my marriage, relationships, respect and almost re-paid my gambling related debts.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Stephen!

Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 20:57

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Stephen,

I've been away for a few days but back now, and one of the first things I do is visit your diary and see how you're getting on :) 

I know you've been in the wars but like any trooper you keep getting up when you do fall, with absolute honesty for which I always applaud. Every time!

Never feel like a fool. This is a bizarre condition with its own set of rules. We have to be permanently on guard because if we let it bite us, bite us it will. A septic bite at that, always difficult to heal. But we - you - keep trying. Keep it, Stephen - with you all the way, my friend!

Mixer

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 20:59

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Well done Stephen and thanks for posting on my diary. Day 6 nearly done and dusted. I have a sense of optimism about both of us this time. Take care x

Posted on:
Sat, 03/02/2018 - 09:15

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary.

Cynical Wife ... I understand the cynicism that may be present when someone is lied to, cheated and betrayed. Partners of compulsive gamblers really go through the mill and have my utmost sympathy.

I don't attend GA because meeting nights are my dance nights. I have in the past enjoyed the camaraderie of GA meetings but the 12 steps are not my cup of tea. Step 3 was my stumbling block: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a higher power of our understanding." I value my free will immensely and have no intention of turning it over to anyone, be it a person or a god. I do consider myself a spiritual being and enjoy a good chinwag with my angels, they usually let me know what is in my best interests but they leave the decision making to me. Rightly or wrongly I will be the master of my own destiny.

Phil.. Hope everything is ok with you. I understand your wife is away for a spell so you may find it a bit strange. We are your friends so if you have any doubts or misgivings, don't forget, we are all in your corner willing you on.

Mixer...It is good to see you getting back your drive and ambition in worthwhile pursuits. Gamble free can mean more time and energy,  thereby making life more meaningful.

Annie.. Early days for me and thee. Obviously the gambling must stop if our lives are to have any meaning. We have both enjoyed periods of abstinence, we know the dangers associated with compulsive gambling and we are not stupid. With all my heart I wish for the strength and courage we will both need on the journey ahead

Gambling addiction hijacks all our enthusiasm, hopes and dreams, it just leaves an empty shell all bitter and sad.

Morning Diary... Day 7 and raring to go. Yesterday was good. I joined in the Aqua Fit class at the gym, great fun and my kind of music from a bygone era. Last night was 5 rhythm dancing with snacks afterwards. Still very breathless but I can still get involved and have some fun.

 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/02/2018 - 10:38

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

Hi Stephen

Just popping bye to say hello and glad you’re doing ok.  Not sure what would fill me with more fear ... a GA meeting (i’m a natural cynic and couldn’t do the 12 steps...even gave up on Russell Brand book as soon as he mentioned higher power), or dancing (I literally have two left feet and have always been embarrassed anywhere near a dance floor, would love to have some sense of rhythm). Don’t know what your music is, but i’m stuck in 80s ... my last 3 concerts have been erasure, pet shop boys and depeche mode ... have a great weekend. Rich

 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/02/2018 - 13:17

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen great to see 7 days which will thrn be a month thrn a year! Have been chocoblock busy but just wanted to smile and wave, take care S:)

Posted on:
Sat, 03/02/2018 - 14:16

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Aqua fit sounds amazing, well done you. Well done on day 7 and let's make it to day 8 xx

Posted on:
Sun, 04/02/2018 - 10:21

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary. 

Rich...Well done on your continuing good progress. Your first goal was 3 months without a bet and your almost half way there. Sad to read of your mistreatment at the hands of unscrupulous bookmakers, it makes me wonder why the powers to be don't exercise more control over them.

Sorry your suffering with the flu and pain around the jaw, hope your soon feeling better.

The concerts you attended "Pet Shop Boys," "Depeche Mode" & "Erasure" ~ must have been awesome. Nothing beats the sound and atmosphere of a live music event.

Sharon...Thank you for the smile and wave. Your so far ahead of me now but on a clear day I can still see you in the distance. You look amazing climbing them recovery mountains and steadily going forward. 

Annie... We are on day 8 already, time passes us by so quickly. We are fully aware of the challenges that lie ahead but by staying strong and standing up for ourselves we can succeed. Somewhere up ahead we will find peace and contentment.

Wishing everyone a good gamble free sunday.

 

Posted on:
Sun, 04/02/2018 - 11:14

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Day 8 and the sun is shining. Let's make it to day 9. I have confidence in us both. 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 21:07

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Hey Stephen. You ok? 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 21:25

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Today I gambled again until there was nothing else to lose.

Relapsing has now become a habit which I need to address.

I am leaving the diaries for the time being. I need to have a think and get my thoughts together.

So sorry to let everyone down.....stephen 

THIS DIARY IS CLOSED FOR THE TIME BEING BUT I WILL COME BACK WHEN I FEEL MORE CAPABLE.

 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 21:51

volcano

Joined:
2010-07-05

Hello Stephen,

This is going to be a somewhat rushed message, so bear with me.

Firstly you’ve not let any one down so banish them thoughts, despite very real to you in this moment in time. 

You’ve got a lot going on at the moment and it’s very very understandable heading towards that comfort blanket, something I’m very use to and many others. 

This ain’t easy but you are on the right path, and that’s not me saying something that’s trying to lift you but something I’ve learned in my time on these diary’s of someone who is on the right trip and a stayer. 

Your thoughts now, are the fight or flight that our ancestors had a thorsqnd years ago when then the big bad long toothed lions was trapping us in our caves but now it’s the ***** of gambling and in a fashion our ego via these diaries.

Your peeling the onion skins, hold tight and feel the emotions, your getting there - believe 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 07:13

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Stephen
Fella Paul writes a lot of truth in his posts, I can tell you through experience the worst thing you can do is isolate yourself, isolating yourself will gift addiction the upper hand, it will have you all to itself.
For me forget the six months gamble free, that is in the past, think of the future, there's no shame in admitting that you gave to addiction, there is for me however a great shame of another sorts you walking away from this forum.
Nobody here will judge you and believe me when I say even if you don't think it right now this forum will long term contribute more to your life than you realise.
A dear friend used to write
Never give up on giving up
That is profoundly true.
I hope to see you writing soon
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 08:48

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

Hi Stephen - I think I get why you want to stay away, but honestly buddy, this forum is where you need to be.

Relapsing hurts - but so what? you're a fighter! That's what's going to happen with gambling addicts ... it'll happen more for some, and less for others. But the main thing is you're here fighting this thing out, amongst friends and getting the support that the good people can and want to give.

Besides, if you look at it from a different perspective: instead of a few days of relapse, in the past months you've managed to gain a mountain of days gamble free. Don't let the sting of this new relapse outweigh all the good effort you've previously put into quitting. 

I totally respect that you need to make your own decisions and need to get your thoughts together - but please know there's an army of people here, with very similar experiences, who have nothing but fondness for you and want you back here fighting this together. 

That's why this place works so well, it comes with zero judgement and maximum support - which tends to be the direct opposite of how we treat ourselves when we isolate ourselves. 

I hope you come back from the wilderness as there's a nice warm campfire here with all your buds around it. 

Take care and hope to see you around

Equinox

 

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 09:49

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Sorry to read of your relapse, come back when you are ready, you'll get so much support here as you know.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 10:27

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

Hi Stephen just wanted to offer you some support and let you know you're not on your own :) 

I know right now you'll be feeling allsorts of mixed emotions but please be kind to yourself as most of us who are here battling this will have relapsed at some point in this journey and for most of us we'll keep on having relaspes but that doesn't mean you've failed or let anyone down .It means you are human and fighting a very serious addiction and can't expect miricles overnight .This is going to be a life long battle and unfortunatly there's no quick fix for us .You need to put this relaspe in a box and put a lid on it ,then throw it away and get back to your good place .I know its easier said than done as i was feeling completely gutted when i relapsed after nearly 2 years being gamble free but the main thing i tell myself is the fight is not over and because i got myself back here i know deep inside i want to give up so will never give up on giving up ! You are going to feel utter **** for a while and i totally respect you need some space but please even if you feel you can't write anything right now keep reading on here and don't isolate yourself as what has been a blip in the road could well turn into a full on spree if you let it .

Stephen i know you can do this so please stay close to this site and we'll all be here when you're ready :) Take care Sunshine xx

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 13:39

Pwm101

Joined:
2017-01-23

I’m sorry you’ve relapsed . I hope you come back stronger than ever I know how hard it is . Don’t beat yourself up too much . Starting again is the hardest part . Whenever you come back we will all be here for you . All the best 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 13:56

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

Hi Stephen,

You haven't let anyone down, other than yourself.  I don't want to repeat what everyone else has already said, but you've been a support to me and loads of others on this forum, so don't give up.  I know you will feel rubbish at the moment, but dust yourself down and bounce back.  You say you lost what you had ... sounds bad, but also doesn't sound like you took out a load of debt, borrowed off friends and family, so it could be worse, and sounds recoverable.  Best wishes.  Richard

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 20:04

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen I know you probably feel isolated and adrift right now but you really are not alone, Everyone here has experienced similar emotions, moods and senarios. Reading diaries has been an essential connection for me and a huge factor of recovering, so obviously you need to do what's best for you but don't be a stranger, take care my friend Sx 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 20:41

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Hey Stephen. I totally understand. Try to focus on the fact that since this time last year you have had many many days gamble free. The cumulative impact of all those gamble free days is a positive. The overall path is away from gambling and the fact that some days are not consecutive - then well c'est la vie. Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves which is counterproductive. Take care my friend and be kind to yourself. xx

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 22:10

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Come back Stephen,
Try not to desert us,
For your army of friends, it would truly hurt us.
We know that you're down, so please don't be alone,
Let's keep on marching together, through the tough danger zone.
There's bound to be challenges, to face on the way,
We just have to keep battling, day upon day.
So you gambled again - so flipping what?
You've improved since the past -
That counts for a lot.
We all understand, the hurt and the pain.
Let's keep on marching together, till the sun dries the rain.

Big hugs x

Posted on:
Wed, 07/02/2018 - 10:19

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi Stephen .. would just like to offer you my suppoort at ths difficult time for you and echo all the above posts,something needs to change my friend or you are only going to keep going round in circles, understand you need some time away to get yourself together but hope to see you back on here soon, you are a good person and a great help to many on here including myself , keep fighting mate never give up on giving up ........ 

Posted on:
Wed, 07/02/2018 - 18:50

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary. I appreciate your kind words of support, poetry by LML and inspirational music from S&B. There is so much warmth and compassion in the diaries which is wonderful to see.

I saw the consultant yesterday for the results of my Echocardiogram and Chest CT Scan. Good news, my heart is ok and the shadow on my lung has got smaller. He has given me a weeks steroid tablets so hopefully my breathing will steadily improve. I panic a bit when I can't get my breath and a few times it has brought on nightmares where I am underwater or trapped and struggling to breathe. 

Two days gamble free today. Time for me to resume my recovery. I do appreciate the solidarity that we share and will try to do better this time.

I will start a new thread.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 07/02/2018 - 21:05

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Stephen - I'm sure I'm not the only person on this forum who has a lot of respect for your kindness, considerate posts and honesty.

Ultimately I've been thinking about your situation and the question I think you need to address is what has caused you to get back on the "hamster wheel".

I don't want you to tell me and other forum users the answer to the question I pose but have you had in the past had or considered GamCare counselling to work out what's causing your "setbacks"? 

As always, best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 01:13

Stephen the Stoic

Joined:
2017-05-10

Congratulations Phil on 2 years gamble free. I truly respect your achievement and salute your continued good progress.

Thankyou for posting on my diary. I did enjoy my 12 counselling sessions through GamCare and found them very helpful. During the 6 months I was free from gambling I felt reasonably happy and contented...stephen 

 

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