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Staying Strong to end the misery .

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 26/05/2017 - 20:35

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

15 Days since I joined Gamcare and 15 days free from gambling . Early days in my recovery . Being a member of .Gamcare seems to be giving me more confidence and strengthening my resolve not to gamble .When possible I wil leave debit card at home , taking out only what monies I might need whilst keeping some in my Asda card ( never did like having no money for food ). Not to get complacent or cocky . Their will be occasions of depression , shame or feeling sorry for myself and my predicament .The  addiction will try to get me back on the machines when I am feeling down . I will endeavour to remain positive and live a healthy lifestyle . I am 66 now and cant change the past or undo the hurt I have caused myself and others . Would be good at the end of the day to go out on a high ........" FROM 11th MAY 2017 I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT "

Posted on:
Sun, 28/05/2017 - 10:22

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Not gambled for 17 days . Giving it my best shot and going for it this time "  an end to my association with any form of gambling for financial gain . I will have choices to make and gamble on uncertainties to achieve my goals and ambitions . After all life itself is one big gamble and can be a source of adventure and achievement . Going to a 5 Rhythm Dance tonight which should be fun and an excellent alternative to sitting in front of a fobt pouring my money into the coffers of the betting shops .

Posted on:
Sun, 28/05/2017 - 13:29

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Very best of luck abstainer! 

You're doing really well so far. Keep it up buddy!

Day 0 for me. 54 minutes to be precise... 

Posted on:
Sun, 28/05/2017 - 14:01

Redbar

Joined:
2017-05-13

All ages and walks of life have addictive issues well done that man!! I believe support is a good answer I've tryed doing it alone but we only kid ourselves and end up back on the dreaded machines or betting shops etc etc.. I'm 21 days gf but with a difference my partner knows my close freinds my family knows, and do u know what they are supporting me so I'm going to do it for myself and them to prove I can. I feel stronger than my attempts before when I tryed to go it alone so supportive is the key word!! There loads of things we can do out there young or old I'm sure you will find what makes you tick again...   Redbar xxx

Posted on:
Sun, 28/05/2017 - 16:39

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou for the support and encouragement your kind words give me . Wishing yourself and all our fellow gamblers in recovery the strength to win their battles with this awful addiction . 

Posted on:
Mon, 29/05/2017 - 10:41

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah , Zip-a-dee-ay

My , oh , my , What a wonderful day

Plenty of sunshine heading my way 

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah , zip-a-dee-ay 

NOT GAMBLED SINCE 11th MAY 2017 .

 

Posted on:
Mon, 29/05/2017 - 11:58

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Well done on not gambling since 11th May! :) Stay strong.

Posted on:
Mon, 29/05/2017 - 19:21

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Fantastic Abstainer. Well done on doing so well!

Posted on:
Tue, 30/05/2017 - 11:02

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

WALK TALL  WALK STRAIGHT AND LOOK THE WORLD RIGHT IN THE EYE

THATS WHAT MY MAMA TOLD ME WHEN I WAS ABOUT KNEE HIGH

SHE SAID SON BE A PROUD MAN AND HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH

WALK TALL WALK STRAIGHT AND LOOK THE WORLD RIGHT IN THE EYE

NOT GAMBLED FOR 19 DAYS ....WHATEVER THE UPS AND DOWNS I WILL FOCUS ON MY RECOVERY .

Posted on:
Tue, 30/05/2017 - 11:12

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Good stuff Abstainer! Keep it up. 

Not long until you hit 3 whole weeks gamble free! 

Posted on:
Tue, 30/05/2017 - 12:44

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

PHEW STILL 19 DAYS SINCE I LAST GAMBLED . 

ROUND 19 AGAINST THE INSIDIOUS FOBT MACHINES WHO KNOW I GET MY WORKS PENSION TOMORROW .

IN MY CORNER IS GAMCARE WILLING ME TO STAY STRONG AND GIVE ME SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT BETWEEN ROUNDS .

I AM STEPHEN THE ABSTAINER AND I AM NOT GOING TO WIN THIS BATTLE ONCE AND FOR ALL 

Posted on:
Tue, 30/05/2017 - 13:00

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

That should have read I AM GOING TO WIN THIS BATTLE ONCE AND FOR ALL . My heads all over the place . Going for a swim now than going Salsa dancing tonight to get my thoughts together . Like standing in a corner and trying not to think about a White Bear , its impossible . Need to distract myself from negative thoughts.

I AM STEPHEN . I AM COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY .

Posted on:
Tue, 30/05/2017 - 15:29

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

I did have to read that twice - you definitely will win this battle! Enjoy your swim - time much better spent than gambling! Keep going!

Posted on:
Tue, 30/05/2017 - 19:56

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

So proud of you going for a swim and then salsa. It is great that you are taking part in positive social activities whilst your head is all over the place. Keep believing in yourself. 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/05/2017 - 09:31

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

It feels good looking at my profile page ' 20 DAYS SINCE I LAST HAD A BET ' so pleased with my progress . Works pension goes in the bank today but happily I have no urge to gamble with it . However will be wary of complacancy which has caught me out several times before .

Went for a swim yesterday afternoon and salsa dancing in the evening which was great fun . Would be good to get back some kind of social life after 6 years tormented by my addiction to the fobt .How many times have I cancelled social occasions because I was in the bookies or I had lost everything earlier in the day .

KRYSALLIS are ringing me at 11 this morning to assess my suitability for counselling sessions . Part of me thinks I dont need    it ,  but realistically I need all the help I can get if I am to finally to put this addiction behind me for good .

 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/05/2017 - 11:17

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Well done on 20 days Abstainer. Never underestimate what an achievment that is! Give yourself a massive pat on the back. 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/05/2017 - 11:38

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Good luck with the phone call. Hope all goes well. You have worked hard for your works pension - it is for you - not the bookies! Keep strong and maybe buy something nice to reward yourself for your progress so far. x

Posted on:
Wed, 31/05/2017 - 13:23

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

ANGELS MAY NOT COME WHEN YOU CALL THEM 

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE WHEN YOU NEED THEM

WE ARE ALL ANGELS IN TRAINING

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS SPREAD OUR WINGS AND FLY 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/05/2017 - 22:03

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Well thats it than . Day 20 nearly over in what to me is probably the Last Chance Saloon . It is early days ,  nevertheless it is the the foundations for my recovery . Repayments of my debts are arranged in a manageable way which will not cause me undue hardship . I now have sufficient in the bank to lead a reasonable life . A number of people are willing me to succeed and will be saddened if I fail . Through Gamcare , Counselling Sessions are planned for the near future . During these 20 days I have not felt threatened by the addiction and now have nothing but contempt for the fobt's which bring about so much misery for addicts and their loved ones. Knowing all this , I so much hope I can succeed . Their can be no justification for me returning to the tormented life of a gambling addict and causing more pain and misery ....... IT IS OVER .....MY NAME IS STEPHEN....I AM COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY

Posted on:
Wed, 31/05/2017 - 22:19

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Stephen, so so proud of you!! Live your life, love your life.

Looking forward to hearing many more happy stories of what you have been getting upto :)

 

Posted on:
Thu, 01/06/2017 - 08:44

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 21....No Urge to gamble . Will be a good day for me as my aromatherapist friend is visiting for our monthly healing day after which I am doing a nice veggie meal . Always feel grounded after giving and receiving holistic therapies but sadly it has never before diminished my urge to gamble . 

Hope today is good for Gamcare members fighting their battles with gambling addiction . Some peoples lives are so very difficult and sad but gambling can only make it worse .

MY NAME IS STEPHEN ..... A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER ..... I AM TOTALLY COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY

Posted on:
Thu, 01/06/2017 - 22:10

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Day 21, well done and what a lovely way to enjoy it! 

Stay strong!

Posted on:
Thu, 01/06/2017 - 22:14

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

3 weeks Abstainer!!! Another milestone checked off. Well done pal! Hope you had a great day!

Posted on:
Thu, 01/06/2017 - 22:38

Ianherts

Joined:
2017-05-19

Well done on your 3 weeks mate.

I'm only 5 days behind you so hope we can both carry on winning by abstaining!

Posted on:
Fri, 02/06/2017 - 01:19

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Dear friends . Who am I , Moorey & Ian . Thankyou so much for your words of encouragement posted on my diary ..So pleased to.have got the first 3 weeks gamble free. Not felt the urge to gamble so far , I put that down to the support of Gamcare and wonderful people like yourselves who share with me a common desire to stop gambling . Wishing we can all regain our lifes and put behind us the  nightmare existence that is  compulsive gambling . Lets go forward together and beat this . We will have days when we're not feeling too good and life looks bleak but its got to be better than the shame and torment we've been through as  gambling addicts .....  stephen. 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/06/2017 - 08:46

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

WELL IT AINT NO USE TO SIT AND WONDER WHY BABE

IFIN ' YOU DON'T KNOW BY NOW

IT AINT NO USE TO SIT AND WONDER WHY , BABE

IT'LL NEVER DO SOME HOW

WHEN YOUR ROOSTER CROWS AT THE BREAK OF DAWN

LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW AND I'LL BE GONE

YOUR THE REASON I'M TRAVELLING ON 

DON'T THINK TWICE , IT'S ALLRIGHT .

DAY 22 .....I AM NOT GOING TO GAMBLE TODAY......I AM COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/06/2017 - 00:30

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

AINT NO STOPPING US NOW !

WE'RE ON THE MOVE

AINT NO STOPPING US NOW !

WE'VE GOT THE GROOVE

23 DAYS SINCE I LAST HAD A BET ..... I AM STEPHEN .... I AM CONFIDENT & DETERMINED NOT TO GAMBLE AGAIN .

Posted on:
Sat, 03/06/2017 - 07:57

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Welome to saturday , bit dull outside but the sun is shining  on me as I relish  my recovery . Having a coffee whilst I browse the Diaries than going for a swim . Lazy afternoon than pictures tonight followed by Quorn Burgers,at my friends house . Wishing my friends in recovery a happy weekend free fro gambling .

I AM STEPHEN ..... 23 DAYS SINCE MY LAST BET ..... I AM NOT GOING TO GAMBLE TODAY .

Posted on:
Sat, 03/06/2017 - 08:35

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Have a fantastic day today Stephen.

It is lovely to read your statement 'I am confident'. It's amazing how much our emotionally wellbeing can change for the better over such a short period of time.

Fantastic to hear of your lovely plans. Have fun! :)

Stay strong!

 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/06/2017 - 08:57

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Many thanks 'Who am I ' for your kind encouraging words . I guess its all in the mind but I feel Gamcare has made my so.much stronger mentally for the challenges I will face in recovery . Fighting the addiction I will sometimes feel battered and tired but I wont throw in the towel . Knowing Gamcare is in my corner willing me on and friends in recovery supporting me between rounds . I am going to beat this monster that has tormented me for so long .

I AM STEPHEN..... A RECOVERING GAMBLING ADDICT .... I WILL NOT GAMBLE TODAY 

Posted on:
Sun, 04/06/2017 - 01:12

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 24 ..... Yesterday was excellent . Had a game of chess at the library in the morning ...... Steam and swim at the gym in the afternoon . Cinema In the evening ( Pirates of the Caribbean : Salazar's Revenge ) which was a laugh . Than back to my friends for Quorn Burgers with melted cheese , salad and relish ( delicous ) . Back home now reflecting on life .

I AM STEPHEN .....A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER ......CONFIDENT AND 100% COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY

Posted on:
Sun, 04/06/2017 - 11:32

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Just checking in to see how you are doing - so pleased to read you last post - well done!!! Life is so much better with out the dreaded gambling isn't it. Opens you up to more possibilities! Good going!! x

Posted on:
Sun, 04/06/2017 - 17:36

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Annie .your kind words of encouragement make me sfronger . Well done today  - 15 Days without gambling gives you a good foundation for your journey of recovery ........ stephen. X

I AM RESPONSIBLE  ROR MY ACTIONS . IT IS MY CHOICE TO GAMBLE OR NOT TO GAMBLE ....

I ACCEPT THIS RESPONSIBILITY AND CHOOSE NOT TO GAMBLE .....

I AM STEPHEN ..... A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER .....I AM COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY .....DAY 24 

I

Posted on:
Mon, 05/06/2017 - 01:00

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

DAY 25 ON MY JOURNEY OF RECOVERY ..... SETTLING INTO MY NEW LIFE RELAXED AND CONFIDENT .....

I GAVE THE CASINO / BOOKIES £ 50,000 SINCE RETIRING FROM WORK - 6 YEARS WASTED AND I FELT BAD ABOUT IT ......

 ANYWAY IT'S OVER NOW AND ALL IN THE PAST . I HAVE LEARNT FROM IT AND INTEND TO  MOVE ON .....

 MY OBSESSION WITH PLAYING ROULETTE ( EITHER ON A TABLE OR ON A FOBT MACHINE ) IS OVER ....

I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY I WILL NEVER EVER AGAIN GAMBLE FOR FINANCIAL GAIN .....

LIVING LIFE IS A GAMBLE AND I WILL GET MY PLEASURE FROM THAT ....

I AM STEPHEN ......CONFIDENT AND 100% COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY ..... 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/06/2017 - 09:36

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Thank you for my beautiful poem. It brought a tear to my eye.

I don't think anyone has ever written me a poem before, thank you it is beautiful.

I'm glad you have had a good weekend. Have a lovely day today.

Stay strong. I believe in you.

Posted on:
Tue, 06/06/2017 - 02:52

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hey there last of the big spenders ;-)  I don't know whether I'm more excited by your Hawaiian shirt, the salsa or your zest for life?!? 

It's good to see you decided to make the leap across & what delightful footprints you are leaving around the forum :-)  I'm loving the poems esp the one to WAI.  

I get your style & it's a comfort to me to feel the difference between someone like yourself with a GA background to people who come here @ the very start of their journey.  

Good skills on accepting the counselling (I'm sure it would have been very easy to continue down the road of thinking you didn't need it)...Sounds like you're putting your addict brain in it's place :-)  I really hope you get something out of it!

Keep up the commitment - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/06/2017 - 12:13

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Haha thankyou so much for your delightful post on my diary , I will look a Bobby Dazzler tonight .

Have realised now the obvious meaning of ODAAT :-     Oasis   -   Delicate ,  Abstaining   Addict   Therapy .

When I first joined Gamcare and wrote on the New Members Intro Page , you were there to welcome me aboard with kind words of advice and encouragement . Thank so much , you are an angel . 

Love and best wishes to you Odaat for happy times ahead and jolly adventures in your gamble free life .  Stephen  x 

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/06/2017 - 17:40

Westsider

Joined:
2012-05-23

Hi Stephen

I've just had a read through your diary and I admire your positivity and upbeat writing style. You seem very determined to beat this addiction. Not long until you have been 1 month gamble free! Keep up the good work

Posted on:
Tue, 06/06/2017 - 18:18

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Westsider for your kind words of encouragement . Friends in Gamcare such as yourself have been a massive help in the early days of my recovery ( 26 Days ) , I am over the moon .

This addiction is insidious , it is cruel , it shows no.mercy and all the time it masquerades as our friend . It feeds us delusions conjured up in never never land . It meddles with our sanity . It results in people taking their own lifes , domestic violence , family breakups , job losses , prison , disgrace . Unbelievable sadness as we wallow in or own pitiful self loathing . But sadly this is all forgotten as the confused addict thinks 'maybe one more bet wont do any harm ' .

Wishing you well in your recovery and happy days ahead ....... stephen 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 07/06/2017 - 17:39

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

DAY 27 . Feeling quite euphoric as I distance myself from the addiction . I know its early days but I also know with absolute certainty it is over . Got my pension last wednesday , all bills / debt repayments up to date and a bit of cash in the bank , in my wallet and on my asda card for shopping . Keeping myself active and restarting my social life which has been in meltdown for several years . 

I love and respect all my friends in Gamcare who have given me so much inspiration and hope .

Self exclusion has never stopped me finding somewhere to gamble so this time I decided to face the fobt machines head on . Every day or fwo I have spent 30 mins in the bookies just looking at the fobt machines and the people coming along to feed them their hard earned cash . This morning , looking at a machine I had put over a £ 1,000 on one occasion , I was mortified that I could have have gambled like I did , difficult to comprehend how I could have been such a fool . From that instant I knew it was over , that  I will never again gamble . Life is a gamble , I will get my excitement from living .

I appreciate this approach could be frowned upon and was not going to mention it . However I would rather be honest with the forum . 

 

IAM STEPHEN .... I AM A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER ..... I AM COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY .

Posted on:
Wed, 07/06/2017 - 18:46

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

27 Days gambling free, well done!! 

I'm glad your getting your excitement from living, hope you had a blast at salsa last night in your new hawaiian shirt!

Although your approach may be 'unconventional' if its working for you in my opinion that's all that matters. Maybe over time you won't feel the need to do this and I guess if going in helps to remind you of the money, time, dignity wasted and helps you to focus on your recovery then that is the main thing. Only you know what is right for you.

Your honesty and integrity is a wonderful trait to have and I admire you for this. 

Stay strong.

Posted on:
Wed, 07/06/2017 - 20:08

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Haha it was perfect ' Who am I ' the Hawaiian Shirt was made to Salsa . I certainly looked out of place travelling their on the bus though  as it was raining and blowing a gale .Great night , I love to have a dance .

Thank you so much for your kind remarks and feedback , it has helped me so much in these early days of my recovery . 

Hope your happy and well . Take care .     Stephen. x

Posted on:
Wed, 07/06/2017 - 22:17

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

ITSY BITSY SPIDER CLIMBING UP THE SPOUT

DOWN CAME THE RAIN.AND WASHED THE SPIDER OUT

OUT CAME THE SUN AND DRIED UP ALL.THE RAIN

NOW ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE SPOUT AGAIN ! 

Posted on:
Thu, 08/06/2017 - 00:16

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Not had a bet for 28 Days . Its all behind me now as I look forward to my future .

On the 28th October 1990 .......I stopped drinking alcohol.

On the 25th June       2001.......I stopped smoking 

On the 11th May.       2017 ......I stopped gambling 

My head is focussed now as it was when I gave up alcohol and nicotine .

Finally got my treble up .

 Now 66 .... So maybe i left it a bit late in the day but ' If I should die tomorrow I'll go down with a smile on my face ' .

Final Score :   Addictions  0 Stephen    3  

Posted on:
Thu, 08/06/2017 - 09:58

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Diary ..... Day twenty eight and I'm alright 

         Feeling  calm with coffee and a bite

 GamCare came.... my wake up call

                                 Gave me strength to stop my fall

 Some Gamcare friends are so inspired

                                 Whilst others seem so sad and tired

                                  Laughters good ..... the heavens are high

                                  Lets spread our wings and learn to fly

                                   

Posted on:
Thu, 08/06/2017 - 22:52

split

Joined:
2017-02-28

Finally got that treble up! I like that! You have proven that you can beat an addiction and stay clean! Let this be another example of that. I wish you all the best! 

Posted on:
Fri, 09/06/2017 - 02:08

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 29 . Just been taking the night air for a couple of hours by the pier . So peaceful it was unreal .

Full moon in the southern sky , its brilliant white light illuminating the rippling waters of the river .

Low tide so no ships passing but the buoys and leading lights flashing and ready to help guide the ships and boats later .

A couple of gulls in the mud above the shoreline looking for their supper .

A lovely reminder how wonderful the world can be .

I think there are windows of opportunity in our life to make changes , I believe I am at one of those windows now .

With GamCare on one shoulder and my angels on the other , what could possibly go wrong ! 

I willingly accept responsibility for my actions . I have made a conscious decision not to gamble again . Life is a gamble , I will get my pleasure from life itself .

Time to start living the dream .

Posted on:
Fri, 09/06/2017 - 12:31

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello diary . Not feeling on top of the world but it will pass . My brain hurts . First counselling session for my gambling is at 1400 so maybe apprehensive about that . I guess everybody has off days . Goodnews is I have no inclination to have a bet . 

Posted on:
Fri, 09/06/2017 - 12:42

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Best wishes for your session, I had my assessment yesterday but it was really helpful. Made me look at myself from a different angle for sure. Like you say the not feeling great does pass so hope you feel cheerier soon. Take care S :)

Posted on:
Fri, 09/06/2017 - 18:13

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Sharon and Maybenow for your lovely posts in my diary . Your kind words make me stronger . Wishing you success and happiness in your recoveries .

Really enjoyed my Counselling this afternoon . Got loads of my chest and found the counsellor really helpful and supportive . Very beneficial . Looking forward to further sessions ( I can have up to 12 ) ...... stephen x x 

Posted on:
Sat, 10/06/2017 - 07:55

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Glad the counselling went well Stephen. 

A month gamble free! 1/12 of the year. How fantastic! You're doing well buddy. 

Isn't life peaceful and relaxing without the tension of gambling. A much happier life. 

Keep it up Stephen! :)

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