GamCare Logo
Login / Register

Staying positive, remaining committed

30 posts / 0 new
Last post
Posted by
Messages
#1 Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 18:37

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Good evening ladies and gentlemen 

I’ve lurked these forums for a number of months now. Often visiting to read other people stories and insights after the inevitable heartache hits after a loss. I’m 22 years old and first gambled on Cheltenham races at 18 whilst at work with colleagues. Like most people who get gripped my first bet was a winner on the gold cup, IIRC the horse was many clouds. I then used the sign up bonuses to lay some football accumulators, a couple won and I’d turned a £10 deposit into well over a hundred. At the time you obviously feel euphroic but I believe this is the time we get hooked, our brains crave that quick easy thrill. It’s there somewhere at the back of our minds always, urging us to go again. Since then it’s been progressing over the course of 4yrs. What was initially a pastime and a way of earning a few extra pennies has gradually developed into an unhealthy obsession where I go on multiple hour long binges betting on any sport under the sun. I have good knowledge of sports and I’m a keen follower of the NBA, world cricket and tennis. I’ve turned small pots into well over thousands many times. The only issue is even when it occasionally gets withdrawn it inevitably always ends up back in the bookmakers hands. A saying that has stuck with me from this forum is “we can’t win because we can’t stop.” I believe this is always the issue and is routed somewhere in our psychology. Even when we are winning we are so wrapped up in the thrill of it all that we continue until we have lost it all. If I stuck to the sports I had genuine interest and understanding of and was disciplined with my staking maybe just maybe could I have made a wee bit. But would that be worth it? Absolutely not it’s a horrible way to spend your time and devalues what life is all about. When in the zone and reluctant to come down I’d bet on absolutely anything and suddenly become an expert in baseball, NFL and random other events that were knocking around in-play. This process warps our thought patterns and makes us irriational losers, we shouldn’t give it the light of day. I haven’t gambled since Friday when I lost a grand over the course of the day. I’ve been to that dark place one too many times now, when you come around from that zone and human emotion returns. The feeling of regret, self loathing and guilt. Today is day 3 for me and it was good to not be reaching for my phone every couple of minutes at work to see if the score had changed on some random Lithuanian basketball game. That feeling of anticipation is so addictive yet I’m sick of it. I felt calmer today at work, I’m quite an anxious guy at times any way and gambling definitely makes that more prevalent. Time to pack this in, gambling has shown me the darkness, but without darkness there can’t be light. I’m done with popping to the loo to check my bet slips and whether I should cash out during a tie-break. I’ve done this on nights out, at parties. Why? This habit disconnects us with everything that matters. Messes with our emotions and our bank accounts. I’m determined to get through this month and get back on my feet. I have ambitions to move out and that’ll never happen if every time I get financially stable then gambling comes through and sucker punches me. Why did we buy the lie? I need to accept what is lost is lost. My stakes increased gradually as the addiction sunk its teeth further into my mind. I’ve lost thousands but I’ve got to let it go and take this as a valuable lesson. How we respond to adversity defines our character. I’ll take it day by day and post updates. This forum is great so to connect with some people on similar journeys would be very beneficial.

Thanks for reading

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 21:59

Ak95

Joined:
2016-11-14

It's good that you've realised your problem and are so determined to get rid of it! I was the same, I suddenly became an expert on the Icelandic premier football league because of so many in play games. I've only just started my journey too from beating this horrible addiction but you can do it! Think of the house you're saving for and other things. Good luck with your journey :) 

Posted on:
Tue, 07/11/2017 - 17:44

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Thanks for the reply AK49, It’s madness isn’t it? I’m aware the majority seem to struggle with FOBTS and casinos but with sports it’s no different. Today is day 4 and I’ve given my debit card to a close relative who will withdraw the cash each Friday and keep it safe for me. It was a long day at work today and the thoughts of how stupid I’ve been are still there. As some say only time will heal, I’m going to live on a very strict budget before I have to pay my rent at the end of the month. I aim to at least have over thousand by Christmas so I can enjoy it and buy my family nice gifts. That means living within my means for the next few weeks and getting back on my feet and beyond where gambling has put me. 

Posted on:
Tue, 07/11/2017 - 18:20

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

I also urge anyone reading this to YouTube - ‘The role of dopamine in gambling addiction’

Posted on:
Wed, 08/11/2017 - 18:05

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Day 5 GF today and another long day at work where I’ve felt down, I’m at the early stages of rebuilding from zilch. I know that I can get through this but I’m disheartened by the fact I know this month will be long, probably the longest of my life in terms of how it will feel. I know things will start to look up once November is out of the way. I’ve got to stay committed to this, true commitment is staying true to your word way after the mood has passed which you set your goal in. I need to push through to the weekend and relax. I’ll minimise my spending and then rinse and reapeat. l will feel better once I’ve made it to the end of the third week, when the ‘finish line’ is In sight for partial fiananical recovery. At that point will I have enough expendable income and I can begin to enjoy the finer things of life again. It won’t be the finish line for me to get complacent about gambling though. I won’t go back to that life, I just wish I could zone out until Christmas but this isn’t supposed to be easy. I’ve got to prove to myself for the first time in a long while that I can achieve what I set my mind to.

anyone else in the early days of their recovery?

Posted on:
Wed, 08/11/2017 - 20:16

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

I'm also day 5 after gambling every penny I had over 2 days last week, sounds like we in the same position, gonna be a very long month for me aswell, worrying about how I'll manage to get my daughter's Christmas presents. Having a bad day today, was really postive up till now thinking of the money I'll save over time and trying to forget the money that's alrady gone, but today all I've thought of is how I can get one last win to see me through, not going to give in though I know there's no such thing as a win anymore! I've got help from family to get me through the month and can't wait for pay day so I can pay off my bills then spend the rest getting as many Christmas presents as I can! good luck to you, hopefully this time next year we'll both be enjoying a gamble free life !!

Posted on:
Wed, 08/11/2017 - 20:43

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Keep your head up mate. You know what you need to do. Think about it, you wait this out GF and your finances will begin to look up or you continue to gamble and the months tick by and your still in this hole.

It hurts to accept we messed up but it also takes great strength and courage to open up and admit defeat. None of us beat this until we get to that point.

All the best

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 18:39

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

I’d like to wholeheartedly thank you both, fun has stopped & sjw for your recent comments and support. I read them today at work on my morning break and they instilled great strength in me to push through to the weekend. But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t another extremely long day. I’ve been thinking quite clearly since I’ve removed betting from my lifestyle. I thought about one of my best friends today and his current situation of coming to terms with the fact he will lose his mother soon to cancer. We are so wrapped up when risking our money as if it’s a toy that we forget about what’s important, we disconnect from the people around us. We must continue to abstain my friends, tomorrow I will be 1 week gamble free. I want to say a few more but again will check myself before I wreck myself. This is a day by day thing, being shortsighted is what caused our gambling mistakes. We must forgive ourselves and take this gradually. Take strength from each other and we will remove this burden together. Christmas will be merry and we will be around those who we care about the most. No distractions or lingering negativity, we will be the real us this Christmas, no excuses. 

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 20:16

Melonade

Joined:
2017-10-31

I too am in early days, I'm on day 9 and I've had a good day today. No urges, but I don't have the money to gamble even if I wanted to. The last few months I took a turn for the worse, in denial I was addicted and convinced myself I was in control. It took spending 3 lots of wages in 30 minutes and no money to pay my bills to realise it and eventually face up to the fact I'm not in control. I won't just deposit once, I'll keep going until it's all gone. If I have a win and just throw that away trying to get more. I wonder at what point would I actually be satisfied with the amount won? Would I ever be?? 

I'm now at a point if I carry on like I have I will loose my house as there is only so many arrears a mortgage can go into. 

Why did I put myself into a state where each time I lost I was rocking, in tears still pushing the god damn spin button and muttering "please please please" in desperation. If I had looked in I would of thought that girl is nuts. 

I don't come out of that till I've lost. Check my bank and there is nothing left, apart from misery, self loathing and anger. 

When do you stop self harming by gambling? What good does it bring? You have to change your mindset and almost retrain your thinking. That's what I'm trying to do and I have a bad day, where my brain is resisting, telling me lies, trying to convince me to deposit and my life will change. It will change that's right... but not for the better.

I'm trying to remember this negatively and concentrate each time have the urge to go online to remember my lowest point and try and reassociate this feeling with gambling. So eventually hopefully I won't even want to think about it anymore as brings too much pain. 

Sorry rambled on. Just be strong and take a day at a time or even an hour by hour. 

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 21:38

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Not rambling Melonade, very interesting post. I never suffered with slots, casino or flashy light games. But the anticipation you get from watching sports with bets on certain random outcomes is no different. It’s taken me some time to realise this and shut off the arrogant part of my brain which thought I could use knowledge to my benefit. Even if I did utilise some of it I’d soon be betting on something I didn’t have a clue about. The odds are calculated with house advantage, just like in any form of gambling. I’ve been on knees watching scores on my phone change, I can relate to begging to a higher power for something out of your hands to fall into place. I’m not sure if I even believe in a deity yet when we are in our escapism gamble induced haze we make irriational decisions and like you said, we self harm and punish ourselves. This process overrides our character and we make reckless decisions, the only way we can stop is by never starting again. How will things look for you by Christmas if you abstain Melonade? A lovely Christmas where I can focus on being a pleasure to be around like I used to be is my main motivation to continue with vigour.

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 22:30

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

I was also thinking today about how betting companies congratulate us every time we “win” in some manor. This got me thinking about how in my mind I’ve under achieved a bit since leaving school with good grades. I’m happy with my current life but somewhere in my psyche I’ve got this feeling of disappointment I believe. I’m going to try and deal with this over time, start to love myself again and be proud of who I am. But back to the congratulations point I think I used to feel a sense of achievement when gambling and winning. I’d long for this feeling so repeatedly play the game until I had nothing left. I’m going to note down quite a lot of things down in this journal when they occur in my mind. I hope that doesn’t tick anyone off, I’ll try not to make them constant hahaha

Peace & love 

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 06:58

Melonade

Joined:
2017-10-31

I think it's great to note down how your feeling and your thoughts in your diary. I've been doing the same and it's very up and down at the moment. I also use as a reflection as I started it feeling my lowest after loosing my wages again. I was shocked and disgusted with myself. I came on here as enough is enough. I thought I was in control. Clearly I wasn't.

Christmas isn't really a massive deal to me (sounds a bit bah humbug!! I'm sorry!!) but if I can keep my wages and my bonus would be a start and lead me into a positive new year. The debt I have is one of the drivers for gambling as it's a quick fix in my mind. I know deep down it's actually making the situation worse. And has. 

To know I'm not alone with the feelings and understood also is a massive help. :)

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 15:34

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

You are definitely not alone Melonade and I’m surprised to hear Christmas isn’t a big deal to you. I can agree about the festivities to an extent but who doesn’t enjoy time of work and space to meet up with those dearest to you. Today is 1 week gamble free for me and it’s been a long one. But at the same time I think if I have a quiet weekend and dust myself off and go again next week I’ll be able to see the end of the month, I can’t wait until December is here and I can see the finish line to feeling like I’ve rised above the point I was at financially before my most recent binge. I then can build on that after Christmas/new year and beyond without gambling halting my progress not only financially but with my character/well-being.

I hope you all have good weekends, mine won’t be eventful but I’ll try to take pleasure out of the smaller things in life.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 16:07

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

I took a moment outside in the garden just now to reminisce after finishing work for the week. I finish at 3PM which is quite nice on a Friday afternoon. I was reflecting on things when I realised I’m an incredibly deep thinker. I often get trapped in my own mind, the constant commentary at times is needless. I took a few minutes to look over the rolling hills of the Cotswolds, the view I have is something to be thankful for. Why would I want to hide away and gamble when the world is outside, not on a screen. Life is beautiful and gambling is not.

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 21:47

Melonade

Joined:
2017-10-31

Sadly I don't get time off at Christmas apart from Christmas Day and Boxing Day... :( I don't have a huge family and I see my closest friends regularly.

I suppose not a huge family takes the pressure off buying lots of presents and finances!

I too am a deep thinker, sometimes the smallest things just put a smile on my face.

The world feels such a dark place when I'm gambling. I cannot see anything positive. I don't want to be in that situation anymore. I've still coming to terms with grieving over the losses. I wish I could just push a rewind button and start again knowing what I know now. It will probably take me 10/11 years to recover from my financially damaging year thinking I was invincible and I could get one up on Gambling sites. Feel like a mug. 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 26/11/2017 - 13:41

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Hello all, I hope you’re all well 

I made it to 22 days without a bet but relapsed this weekend and lost my savings. It’s irritating that I slipped back into old habits and found myself repeating actions, betting on similar markets in a similar fashion yet expecting a different outcome, of course it always ends the same way.

Trying not to be too hard of myself this time as have a feeling that dwelling on the situation tempts us back to try and make amends. The only way to make amends is by staying away completely.

The next time I get the urge I will repeat to myself, “I don’t do that anymore.”

Right then day 1, this can’t become a cycle.

Posted on:
Wed, 29/11/2017 - 18:19

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

4 days GF, still experiencing urges but determined not to slip up again. I’ve self excluded from the gambling site I used when I relapsed on the weekend. It was one where my exclusion period had ended and my details were previously saved. Reading back on this thread makes me pretty disapointed in myself though. It’s so strange how our addiction can override clear memories of how we have felt utter heartache and we take the risk all over again. The consequences are not worth the experience. Gambling is a mugs game and will result in misery. I know and acknowledge this now but still have betting thoughts. I suppose as it’s something I spent a lot of time on over the duration of years I’ve reprogrammed my brain somewhat. I assume this will mean it will take a long period of abstinence for these thoughts to leave my mind. The only issue is I’m extremely impatient. Going to revert back to the day by day advice and try to remain active on the forum as it’s a huge help. I stopped posting for a fair while before my relapse. It’s important to remind ourselves of the reality of gambling daily.

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 23:03

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Relapsed again and so fed up of doing this to myself. I've noticed I almost always gamble when feeling down. I’ve got to fix a few things in my life and I know this. I’m not happy with where I’m at and I gamble to escape. It works for a short while but I continue until I’ve done as much damage as I possibly can. Then I think to myself, why did I just do that? But I’ve done it over and over again. When the pain fades I go back rinse then repeat. It’s like we are masochists and take satisfaction from inflicting pain upon ourselves. It’s madness, right now I feel like I never want to gamble again. I must remember how this feels and not let the addiction cloud the painful memories. What has gambling done for me? Offered me temporary thrills in exchange for inevitable heartache. It’s essentially a trap that I keep falling into to time after time. I’ve got to wise up and rise above this. I’ve got to believe in myself once again. I’m better than this, we all are.

Posted on:
Sun, 17/12/2017 - 00:55

Lh8609

Joined:
2017-11-20

I was 5 days gf and relapsed. Lost almost 2k in a week. I still feel sick and disgusted now but the money I can replace. My dignity and self worth however is going to take time. I'm on day 2 again now. The last week has seen my biggest loss and has been absolutely rock bottom for me. It has shocked me and really opened my eyes to what I have become.
I'm going to beat this one day at a time I will repay my debts and I will replace the money I have squandered. 12 months from now I will be living a different life gamble free.

Hang in there, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again. It's all we can do. Good luck

Posted on:
Sun, 17/12/2017 - 21:44

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Thanks LH, I’m going to do exactly what you suggest and dust myself off, hopefully for the last time. I’ve proven to myself I can abstain for short periods and rebuild somewhat. The true test is when I’ve made it past the inital phase and the pain has faded to an extent. It’s at that point I throw all that progress out of the window. I’m so weak minded these days it seems. I think gambling has taken away my faith and self respect. It’s made me a shadow of the person I was before I gambled. I can often be with friends and family and just feel empty with circling negative thoughts. I struggle to connect and engage with things I should be grateful for because I’m too exhausted from my gambling binges. I’ve checked back into the challenge and I must for the sake of my sanity have a real good go at it this time. I can’t be half hearted anymore, I know this habit is destroying me and I must prevent it from doing anymore damage from this day forth. 

I wish you luck on your journey LH and hope to stay connected.

Posted on:
Sun, 17/12/2017 - 22:11

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

It’s mad how at multiple intervals I could of moved on and started building towards a brighter GF future but once again I’m sat here with nothing having scurried back to the rat trap once again. The addiction tells me sweet lies that I can escape with the bit of cheese this time, but I never do. Mental note to self - you have zero control when you gamble, it’s a lifestyle choice which you have to leave in the past and learn from. With each relapse I feel I’ve learnt more and more about my addiction. I’ve read before that you can see your losses as tuition fees for an important life lesson which put you on the right track. I need to occupy my mind in the days to come with things that aren’t gambling related. I’m not too different from a coke addict who splurges hundreds to get a short lived buzz. I’ve been doing this for far too long and could be living a comfortable life by now but instead I’m broke once again, why am I broke? Because I chose to gamble. What am I going to do differently this time? Not gamble and remain strong for longer, I will also revisit this post whenever I’m feeling down. I will regain my inner belief and do it right this time. 

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 00:33

Lh8609

Joined:
2017-11-20

Keep fighting it, I'm on day 3 now had a horrible day, me and my ex tried to patch things up today and it didn't go well (the break up a few weeks ago caused my latest booze and gambling binge) But I'm not crying into a bottle of wine and throwing my last pennies down the drain. I am strong enough to beat this and so are you!

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 03:25

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

I decided to look back into some online support to stay gf.  The cycle of relapse , recover , repeat.  Years of this.  I know, I see that others also know.  And this disease escalates.  If you want to call it a disease or an addiction or behavior malfunction.  I don't like to clean but I've dusted myself off so many times.  I've gotten back up.  And then again.  somehow at a point I was beginning to see progress amongst the sorry attempts to stay quit.  I kept on trying and was able to get to this place of having something to show for myself.  Still I continued.  But, still I keep on trying and I do have something after 13 or so years of all this hell on earth.  I'll never give up.  I'm going to keep on building a better life with better choices.  I get nervous,  I get so afraid of the future that I can not sleep for days.  I have some cash saved now but with my work being cut back recently and putting so much time and energy into 'what's next?'  , or what is the smart move.  Well, I'm often exhausted.  I manange to recover from this exhaustion and have some periods of grace and sanity.  Times when I can count my blessings.   this is going to take time.  And what do I really want?  I want some security financially and a greater sense of well being.  I want to feel grounded and well rested.  a little at a time, I tell myself.  I really believe that this binge cycle of gamble recover gamble recover is wearing itself out with me.  Gamble , recover ... it ends with recover.  It's two words repeated.  I want to put a great big exclamation point after recover!  just two words.. gamble, recover and stop right there. Recover recover recover.  Now it's just one word.  Soon we can add a 'd'.  recovered!  Finally we can do this.  yay  Ah, it's been a long haul.  I think that any of us who have been in this recovery process must have built somethings to be greatful about along the way.  We never lose those things unless we totally give up.  Keep on trying , that is what I say.  And I am so happy that when I need to revisit these help sights that they are still active.  Thanks for everyones words.  God Bless.  tara2

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 09:43

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Great post Tara, I’ll try to respond in greater detail once I’ve got through this Monday. From here on in it must be recover recover recover like you say! 

Another morning spent with the thoughts of why didn’t I stop when ahead or even. I know why, it’s because I’m physically unable to stop once I start. I have enough evidence now to know that I’m incapable of walking away until I have nothing left. I’ve got to move on, I’m making a mockery of my username by moving forward only to revert backwards once again, I’ve had enough now.

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 16:15

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

All true moving forward.  What you say is true to you and so many of us as cgs.  Just abandoning any restraint , maybe because there is no restraint to quit playing once engaged because it's' addiction by design'.  Yes, there is much written about how slots are designed to do exactly what you describe.  . . to have us , what THEY call, playing to extinction (until all available funds are exhausted. thanks for appreciating my post.  gamble recover, gamble recover, gamble recover.  recover! recover! recovered! done.  We will succeed by continuing on the path.  tara

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 18:28

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

It’s never been slots for me personally. I used to stupidly believe I was better than somebody who takes punts on slots, roulette or any of the other multiple forms of gambling. Truth is I’m not and I’m still wagering money on odds that are stacked against me. All these systems are designed with a house advantage and to occasionally throw you a bone to keep you hooked. They all also offer that feeling of anticipation mixed with the release of adrenaline/dopamine. These huge companies lure us in and bleed us dry. The thoughts I’ve been having today about walking away at points/not placing a bet on this or that are not helpful so I’m trying to suppress them. I know deep down I’m grateful for the fact I lost it all again because it’s further evidence that this is what happens when I and so many others partake in gambling. As soon as we place that first bet we are doomed, we set ourselves up for failure by treading down a path with only one destination. We know where we will arrive, in a place of darkness eventually. We’ve been to this place many times before. It’s as if a sick twisted part of my addicted brain is fond of this place. We may get wins along the way which delay the journey but we always continue until we reach the darkness. In one of my previous posts I wrote - “this can’t become a cycle”. Reading back on that I realise it’s already a cycle and has been for quite sometime. The only positives I can take from the relapses are with each one my resolve has grown stronger. 2017 has been quite a dark and disappointing year in general but I think it’d be unrealistic to think every year of your life will be care free and devoid of obstacles. Next year will be different Tara & LH, I hope we can stay connected and beat this together. As strange as it sounds I now feel obligated to payback those who have been kind enough to offer support by showing them I can beat this. 

All the very best, MF 

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 19:55

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Just read a line out of Allen Carr’s the easy way preview on google books. “Gambling becomes a problem the moment you think it can help you.” Resonated with me massively so felt the need to note it immediately, I’m also going to buy this book, I may even ask for it for Christmas.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 19:21

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Day 3 GF and it’s been a very long one. I could be at work feeling positive about adding to my earnings with Christmas just around the corner but I’m not because I chose to gamble again. Instead I’m building up from the ever so familiar zero. I’ve spent this year being a slave to gambling and I’m sick of it. What I’m starting to realise is I don’t need the money that I’ve lost, what I do need is a gamble free life away from all the stress it causes. It’s taken away my integrity and inner peace. I’ve read others on here talk about how compulsive gambling behaviour can often be a coping mechanism, I think this applies to me. It’s so twisted as I could cope a lot better with day to day life without gambling, I’m now sure of that. We all used to believe that gambling could offer us something, or provided something we needed, similar to a crutch. The truth is is doesn’t provide anything, it’s just takes your time and your treasure. After all that is exactly what it’s designed to do, we often seem to forget that. 

Mugs game, utter mugs game. 

“Luck often visits a fool, but never sits down with him” - German proverb. 

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 18:33

movingforward2017

Joined:
2017-11-06

Day 4 GF, had fleeting thoughts about gambling this morning but batted them away. Actually had quite a positive day in the end and was in good spirits. Feeling like I’m finally letting all of this go. I truly do feel different this time around, I’m no longer lying to myself, I really do want a life free of gambling. I lost a 5er on the way home somehow, that really irked me as I went to pay for my haircut and had less money than I thought. It’s kinda crazy to me how losing 5 pounds in physical money can really grate at me but losing large amounts as figures on a screen became routine. I don’t even long for wins gambling anymore, it’s dirty money and is worthless. The money we earn is for spending on things which bring us pleasure, I’ve spent the entire of 2018 spending my money on something which has caused me nothing but pain. 2018 will be different, it must be.

On we march.

Posted on:
Thu, 21/12/2017 - 00:03

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Just a fly by with a recommendation to consider Russell Brand’s book “Recovery” instead.  There is nothing easy about recovery & from what I managed of the book you were thinking of reminded me of a Joe Pasquale’s “I know a song that will get on your nerves” with lyrics by Grange Hill’s Zammo “Just say no”