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#1 Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 20:10

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Hi All,

First time poster, so go easy :)

I've recently realised I have a problem with online slots, I got sucked in about 2 years ago when I had one big win (£2.5k) at that point I wasn't really addicted and used that money to good use. Having won that money I felt I could do it again, so over the past year or so I have registered on countless websites (and also self excluded from many too for 5 years+). I have had many more big wins but the problem now was I wanted to win more and more, winning £2k no longer felt like enough. I have almost kind of lost the appreciation/value of money, which is crazy.

One thing I always do is ensure my bills are paid and put some money in savings, I just gamble pretty much all my spare cash :(

Last month I had a bad month, gambled all my overdraft (£1500) and then took out a £2k loan to get me sorted, I then began to gamble that money, thankfully I had some big wins and saw some sense - I paid off the £2k loan, paid off my overdraft straight away and also took the decision to reduce my overdraft down to £300. I still had over £3k in winnings left and did treat my wife and kids which felt great. I had about £2k left but stupidly decided to gamble and lost it all (within hours, sickening!!).

Thanfully I haven't got the point where I've accumulated any debt (but I have lost countless £1,000's over the last 2 year that I could have spent on my family, which makes me feel terrible. They don't do without but I could have got them so much more :( ) but can feel this addiction taking a hold of me and that scares me, so before it becomes too late I want to get it sorted once and for all.

Things I've done:

- Self excluded from every single site I can find / registered on. Right now I have no active accounts and no way to bet.
- Applied a gambling filter to my home internet connection (I only every gambled on the laptop) so I can't access anysites - what I did do was check some sites and if I could still access them I reproted them to BT so they could add them to their filter (might be good for other to do this! :-)
- Closed my skrill account
- Stopped watching slot streamers on Youtube / Twitch

I'm currently on day 2 of no gambling and have had a great day, rather than sitting on the laptop gambling I've done countless jobs around the house and garden that I've been putting off doing for months, been out with the family for a bit of shopping and having lunch out, it's been great!

I fully intent to stop this nasty addiction, my brother is also having similar problems (sports betting) and I'm doing my best to offer him as much support as I can.

I won't be updating this diary on a daily basis but I would like to call in regularly to give updates on how I'm going and if I've had any temptations and how I dealt with them!

It's been great reading other peoples journey and that has certainly motivated me, wishing everyone all the best in becoming free of gambling.

It's also feels great fetting this off my chest and sharing with other...

I'll be back soon within the next week to give an update, I'm certain it will be a postive update too!

Posted on:
Sat, 07/10/2017 - 21:59

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi gambler999 and the warmest of welcomes!

It's always unfortunate when dipping into this destructive world for the first time and winning a large sum - it makes you think 'wow', 'this is easy money' and, inevitably, 'can I do this again!'.

Sadly, the law of averages is such that repitition is unlikely, and a cycle of trying to emulate that moment begins. But you realise this and, even better, have started to put some blockers in place.

You've emptied your feelings here, which is great. It must feel cathartic! I'm wondering, have you let your family know. It might be worth sharing this with them, you will know if this is the best thing to do or not. A problem shared, and all that. It might help to relieve the pressure and reduce the chance of a 'sneaky' relapse. It's worth serious consideration. And, what's more, maybe a trusted love one could look after your finances. No money availability = no gambling. Emasculating? Nope, a sign of strength.

You need to consider whether the blockers you've put in place are enough. If tempted, could you gamble, you need to ask yourself. Now's a good time to plug those weak spots.

It takes a big loss, usually, to draw a line in the sand, and your recent losses have given you that impetus. It's great you've come here, started a diary, because it shows you have a serious intent. 

So consider, whilst licking your wounds, counselling. There might be an underlying reason to all this (or there might not be!). It's always good to talk things through, and Gamcare offer this free and anonymously.

It's a shame your brother is similarly afflicted and you can suggest he can get help too, if he is open to the idea. Let him know you're not gambling any more, though - don't fall back into bad habits yourself.

Remember, it's not just the money you're wasting but time. Time is valuable, and you've already noticed - on Day 2 - how that time can be better used rather than gambling / thinking about gambling / being miserable about gambling!!!!

I wish you all the best. Keep writing if you can, and if you have any questions or thoughts fire away. 

Welcome to the chance of the life you deserve; you don't need the misery of gambling :)

Mixer

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 06:10

c43herb

Joined:
2015-03-28

Dr Luke Clark found out that we get our highs from the near miss. Ie we love almost to win. So if your wondering why its like putting handcufs on when you sit infront of a slot you will have the awnser. Keep writing, forgive yourself. Build self confidence and turn of the autopilot. Mindfullness helps in being more self aware. Best of luck in your recovery!

Posted on:
Mon, 09/10/2017 - 10:57

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Thank you c43herb and Mixer for the words.

I do feel I've put in place all the blocks I can - I can't get on anysite that would allow me to bet and even if I could I've self excluded for a minimum of 5 years off every single one of them (and their sister sites too).

Quick update to say had a great weekend with the family, got round to emptying the garage, been putting this off for ages and also tidying away the garden furniture for the winter, felt productive! Also got out for 2 early morning runs. I'm off today with my youngest and rather than be tempted to gamble I've kept myself busy going to the local butchers and stocking up, about to head out to the park for a nice Autumn walk.

I can't say I've felt any urges to gamble, I feel in a much better state of mind and it's going to be nice to look at my bank statement soon and rather than see a constant stream of deposits I see normal every day bills, I think that mentally will make me feel good.

Day 4 and feeling good and motivated, I call by on the forum most mornings just to read others stories and keep myself on track and motivated, it's great reading other peoples success stories.

Posted on:
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 08:46

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Quick Update - Day 6 and happy to say things are on track, not one single wobble. I've had no temptation to "try find that one last site". I'm in a great place mentally, feel like I'm heading in the right direction and just generally feel better in myself. No longer am I rushing home to get on the laptop to try hit that big win, I'm out running and just spending more time with my family. It's great!

One thing I felt proud of was convincing my brother to close all his accounts. He had closed a couple of sites for 30 days but I convinced him to ring up and close them permanantly. He did it and I was really proud of him, he's trying hard and succeeding, he's in a good place mentally and I hope he stays that way.

Posted on:
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 10:46

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Hi gambler999

Congratulations on the 6 days, keep it up.

Think we may be in similar positions. Not ended up with huge debts yet but looking at other diaries on here, so easy to end up on the slippery slope and the next thing you realise you are £50k in debt. Our families deserve so much more.

You currently seem to be keeping very positive and I will try and use that as an example for myself.

Keep it up. I am about a day ahead of you and sorry but you are not getting past!

Muststop123

Posted on:
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 17:09

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Muststop123 wrote:

Hi gambler999

Congratulations on the 6 days, keep it up.

Think we may be in similar positions. Not ended up with huge debts yet but looking at other diaries on here, so easy to end up on the slippery slope and the next thing you realise you are £50k in debt. Our families deserve so much more.

You currently seem to be keeping very positive and I will try and use that as an example for myself.

Keep it up. I am about a day ahead of you and sorry but you are not getting past!

Muststop123

Ahh that's great to hear Muststop123 - very similar situation, thankfully no debt but if I wasn't to stop now who knows where it could have ended? I'm happy I've realised this before things get out of control. Great to hear you're a day ahead, lets keep it that way eh? :) Don't give up and lets keep each other motivated! 

Posted on:
Thu, 12/10/2017 - 14:15

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 7 - My first week GF and it feels good :-)

I have began to levitate towards hating online gambling and the horrible places it took me. I will never gamble again.

Looking forward to a weekend ahead with the family again. Next target 2 weeks GF!

To everyone that might read this keep up the fight and be strong, we can all do it.

Posted on:
Fri, 13/10/2017 - 19:40

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 8 - Almost done and not a single thought or temptation to gamble. I find coming on here daily and reading the forums a big help. Thank you.

Posted on:
Fri, 13/10/2017 - 21:06

ste_ven

Joined:
2012-05-11

Hi G

Well done on 8 days, your positive approach and attitude is great to read and I hope it continues for you over the weekend. 

Sounds like you are finding a balance here too, reading daily but posting now and then. Strongly encourage you to try the chat room too sometime soon, plenty of experience in there.

Stay safe and GF. 

Posted on:
Sat, 14/10/2017 - 16:03

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Thanks Ste_ven I'll be sure to call by the chat rooms one night :)

Posted on:
Sun, 15/10/2017 - 18:14

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 10 - Double figures! Small milestone. Feeling good, still motivated. Had a great weekend with my family with no thoughts of gambling. Hope everyone else is succeeding! 

Posted on:
Tue, 17/10/2017 - 10:33

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 12 - Still motivated to beat this addiction. No temptation to gamble.

Posted on:
Wed, 18/10/2017 - 18:37

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 13 - No wobbles, still regularly checking the forum to keep me on track.

Posted on:
Fri, 20/10/2017 - 10:18

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 15 - Happy to have made it two weeks. My attitutde towards gambling has totally changed, I now despise the thought of gambling. It's been so nice having some money in the account rather than gamble the majoirty away and the living off pennies for the remainder of the month.

I now have a week off with the family to enjoy, can't wait and there will be no gambling.

I hope everyeone else is fighting hard against this awful disease / addiction! Be strong.

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 11:31

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 17 - Still going strong. No thoughts of gambling. Next min target is to get to 3 weeks.

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 09:34

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Well, I'm back here, struggling again with gambling. I've been battling for the last few months, losing hundreds of pounds to online slots. Yesterday, got paid blew £500 on slots, I have enough money to see me through to the end of the month, but that's not the point, I'm throwing money away all the time... money that could be put to much better use. I've self excluded from every single casino I've ever joined and all for a minium of 5 years (I wish they could all be permanent). I've also been in contact with GamStop to volunteer help them with their new online self exclusion system. I am desperate for this system to go live, the thought of being able to blanket self exclude from every online casino is amazing. I really feel this will help me in my battle. 

This constant battle with this addiction has been going on to long now, I've got an amazing wife and gorgeous children and don't want this to get to the point where I will lose everything.

I am going to try log back in daily and document how I'm getting on.

So today is day 1, I'm focused and determined. Lets beat this.

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 14:19

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 2, keeping busy at work and keeping myself distracted from thinking about gambling.

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 14:54

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

Hi Gambler999 just wanted to drop by and offer some support :)

Online slots are my weakness too :( and for the past few months i've been spending hundreds on them after being gamble free for over 2 years .I'm so angry with myself that i'm right back at square one but know i can beat this again and you can too .

I've gambled today so tomorrow will be a fresh start .You've done all the right things getting the blocks in place and self excluding so that's a great start ! Keep going and once those gamble free days are racking up you'll be feeling better in no time .

Just remember you cannot win because you cannot stop ! i keep telling myself this as even when i do win it all goes straight back to them one way or another .Anyway goodluck and keep going :) Sunshine x

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 08:57

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Hey Sunshine16 - Thank you for the kind words, I know we can both beat this! On to day 3 so the days are slowly racking up, my urge to gamble is quiet low and right now I have no casinos I think I can atually register at, I've self excluded everywhere. 

Goodluck to you too, today might be day 1 for you but I'm sure you can make it to another 2 years and more. All the best :)

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 13:48

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Gambler999,

refreshing to read your last post and your positivity this early into your recovery and that your urges aren't bad. Keep that mentality going and the days will very soon rack up into double figures and beyond.

Well done mate!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 12:34

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Hey Wilsy,

Thanks for the kind words, still going to try check in daily and just give a quick update on how I'm feeling etc.. So today still feeling positive, no temptations as of yet and hopefully it will stay that way. I've recently been getting an Xbox and I've found that has really helped distract me from gambling, the more I play that the less I feel any gambling temptation :)

Hope everyone has a positive and hopefully gamble free weekend. I'll be back for another update likely on Monday. Weekend time is family time :)

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 13:41

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Nice one mate, I've found computer games, films and TV Series really helpful, keep up the positivity, you are doing really well. What XBOX game floats your boat at present?

Wilsy

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 17:20

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

I'm totally hooked on Battlefield 1 - such a deep and immersive game! I use to play loads back and the day then children come along so stopped, but it's great to get back into it. Like you say TV shows are a big help so getting into a series on Netflix has been great too, watched Stranger Things, The Punisher etc... all great and keep my mind away from Gambling.

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 07:48

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Well the weekend soon come and went, had a great weekend with the family, out for breakfast early Saturday morning and a bit of shopping. The wife and the kids went clothes shopping on Sunday, I thought I'd give it a miss :) Happy to report no gambling, 1 week ago today was my last bet, so a little landmark. Hope everyone else is doing well.

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 11:12

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Pleased you had a great weekend with the family, really does matter and great to hear you are a week into your recovery, keep making the right choices

Wilsy

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 15:11

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Thank you Wilsy :)

Posted on:
Wed, 07/02/2018 - 08:00

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

I think this is day 8 now without any gambling, small urge to gamble but fighting that urge and trying to keep myself occupied. Hope everyone else is doing well.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 09:42

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

2 weeks today since my last big blowout, happy to say I've not gambled since, I'm trying hard to keep myself preoccupied, no longer watching Gambling streams either. Had a research call with GAMSTOP last week, looking forward to that service launching soon, will be a great help. 

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 10:49

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Gambler999

well done on not gambling for 2 weeks, go and add another week to your tally, nice and easy does it

Wilsy

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 14:05

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

I'm on it Wilsy, hoping to report back same time next with another week added to the tally. Hope you're doing well too.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 07:42

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

Day 16, no urges trying to remain focused. Hoping to be beat the 17 days I lasted back in October last year.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 15:49

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

3 weeks today since my last big blowout. Really want to make it through to a month, feeling strong and motivated.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 15:51

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Excellent work Gambler999 and you will make it way past a month because you are determined and will see it through.

Well done mate!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 08:26

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

23 days free, still no incline to gamble. Thanks Wilsy :)

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 13:06

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

23 days is massive, push on through onto Day 24, nice and easy does it.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Mon, 26/02/2018 - 09:56

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

28 Days since my last blowout. Feels good not to have gambled, especially looking forward to this month where I'll have more money to myself and family than I have in recent months.

Posted on:
Wed, 28/02/2018 - 10:58

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

1 month and 1 day since last gamble, I made it to a month, here is to another month gamble free. Keep strong everyone.

Posted on:
Wed, 28/02/2018 - 14:36

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Excellent work my friend, keep up the good work

Wilsy

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 07:43

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

5 weeks since my last bet, staying strong had a couple of voices in my head mention about gambling but avoiding them. Having self excluded from every casino I can imagine that has helped lots! I am looking forward to the launch of GamStop to completley self exclude from every casino online.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/03/2018 - 19:19

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

6 weeks without a bet :)

Posted on:
Mon, 19/03/2018 - 09:29

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

7 weeks without a bet :) Still going strong. Hoping GamStop launches soon so I can permanently self exclude from every online casino

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 07:07

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

1 night relapse, away with work bored in a hotel and blew £500. So depressing, must pick myself up and get back on track! Back to start :(  Now on day 2.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 11:38

CuppaT

Joined:
2017-08-28

gambler999 wrote:

7 weeks without a bet :) Still going strong. Hoping GamStop launches soon so I can permanently self exclude from every online casino

Regarding Gamstop: Me too!

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 11:47

CuppaT

Joined:
2017-08-28

gambler999 wrote:

1 night relapse, away with work bored in a hotel and blew £500. So depressing, must pick myself up and get back on track! Back to start :(  Now on day 2.

Exactly why Gamstop will be a Godsend to nearly all of us.. if it ever happens ( I'm starting to doubt it ever will.

I know about the "Spring start", but that is far too vague for my liking. It is spring now!

It seems that every other thread involves somebody who has self excluded only to register on one of the other thousands of sites available.

Rinse and repeat.

In fact I used to wonder why big internet bookies and casinos have multiple skins and smaller companies. I used to think it was for tax reasons, but am starting to wonder if it is to cater for those who have previously self excluded from other companies.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 18:36

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

CuppaT wrote:
gambler999 wrote:

1 night relapse, away with work bored in a hotel and blew £500. So depressing, must pick myself up and get back on track! Back to start :(  Now on day 2.

Exactly why Gamstop will be a Godsend to nearly all of us.. if it ever happens ( I'm starting to doubt it ever will. I know about the "Spring start", but that is far too vague for my liking. It is spring now! It seems that every other thread involves somebody who has self excluded only to register on one of the other thousands of sites available. Rinse and repeat. In fact I used to wonder why big internet bookies and casinos have multiple skins and smaller companies. I used to think it was for tax reasons, but am starting to wonder if it is to cater for those who have previously self excluded from other companies.

 

Hey Cuppa, I've recently read something that states that it might be launching next month! (https://twitter.com/GamCheckUK/status/977019691699982337) Fingers crossed this is the case, it really will be the end of online gambling for me! One and for all.

When you're talking about people who self exclude for 5+ years from a casino only to find another one to regiter on, that's me!!! :( I just don't want to be allowed to register on anymore and it's just to easy to find another casino, I must have self excluded from 50+ casinos and still found another one... I really want this to end. I do.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 21:13

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

They've been pushing the date back for a long time now. It'll be good when it gets here (does it stop ALL sites or just UK?) It can be another string to the bow as far as blocks go and i do fully support it. Recovery is more than just not gambling though. There are other blocks you can put in place to help you. I hope you can find the right mix that works for you.

All the best.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 21:25

CuppaT

Joined:
2017-08-28

That sounds very promising G999, cheers for the link.
You sound similar to myself in respect of self exclusion from numerous sites then signing on to others.
Hopefully we can both resist any temptation to do it again between now and when Gamstop goes live.
Let's not use this period as an excuse to have one last go. Instead let's challenge ourselves to stay 'clean' until it's launched.
Best of luck pal.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 22:26

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

CuppaT wrote:
That sounds very promising G999, cheers for the link. You sound similar to myself in respect of self exclusion from numerous sites then signing on to others. Hopefully we can both resist any temptation to do it again between now and when Gamstop goes live. Let's not use this period as an excuse to have one last go. Instead let's challenge ourselves to stay 'clean' until it's launched. Best of luck pal.

And you too Cuppa, keep strong mate. I've actually took it upon myself to approach casinos that are soon to be opening up in the UK asking them not to allow me to sign up, some have been very helpful and put blocks in place already. Lets hope GamStop don't face anymore delays. 

Posted on:
Sun, 25/03/2018 - 11:15

PositiveAction

Joined:
Before 2009

Deleted

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2018 - 15:21

gambler999

Joined:
2017-10-05

No problem at all PositiveAction :)

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