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One year on with my son

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 17/05/2017 - 01:15

ted21

Joined:
2011-11-17

 

 

I have posted many times on here in despair and my story was just like every other mum of a compulsive gambler. We did all the wrong things and bailed him out, but we also supported him going to therapy and GA. There is only one turning point and that is when they want to get help. No amount of nagging will make them change their ways and guilt and consequences have no part in a compulsive gamblers life. 

The obvious things had to change...his job involved collecting money, which he stole many times and we bailed him out. He actually resigned as he couldn't stand the pressure, but that was a good sign. He went to many therapists, but he still gambled and was also regularly attending GA. He found another therapist and said she helped and decided to stop as he felt a lot better. He also got a lot more involved in GA, made friends and went for a drink after meetings and is now the secretary! 

I look after his bank account, but he does have access to money...just not a lot. He has just bought a house and is doing it up and he seems happy. I worry every day (only feel at ease when he's on holiday!)  and I am under no illusions that 'the beast' has gone away. We call it that, because that's what it is....it controlled him.

Please may this be some hope to you all out there, bearing this terrible burden....it has taken me years to tell my closest friends.

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 18/05/2017 - 08:44

Malkie76

Joined:
2017-01-19

Brilliant post,

Well done for supporting your loved one, totally agree only once the person wants help will it stop they have to want it believe in it.

Again well done, without your support cuddles and tears this would have never happened your a star.

Malc

Posted on:
Thu, 25/05/2017 - 15:59

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi ted21,

Thanks so much for sharing your successful story with us, and well done for your efforts. I hope it goes a long way to inspire and encourage others to keep being supportive to others in similar situation. Your efforts has paid off!  The strategies do work when followed properly.

It also seemed like your son came to a stage where he wanted a change to his gambling life-style.  Thus the combination of both efforts yielded the desired result.

Glad also to learn that your son not just stopped gambling, but has moved on, and now progressing in other areas of his life – he has become a home owner!

Please keep to doing what is working for you, and Congratulations to both of you.

Kind regards,

Beatrice

Posted on:
Sat, 27/05/2017 - 07:49

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Thank you Ted.  This story is familiar to me and been in your shoes and it has given me hope. However,  It really is difficult to let your guard down.  We are  probably at the same stage as you at the moment and it will no doubt be a while yet before we stop watching every move or bank transaction!!  But the great thing is watching that monster side of them disappearing and seeing that lovely kid re-emerging and being happy once again.  Good luck to all of the young gamblers  trying to get their lives back on track and to all the parents supporting them. 

Posted on:
Sat, 27/05/2017 - 10:38

volcano

Joined:
2010-07-05

 

 

I have posted many times on here in despair and my story was just like every other mum of a compulsive gambler. We did all the wrong things and bailed him out, but we also supported him going to therapy and GA. There is only one turning point and that is when they want to get help. No amount of nagging will make them change their ways and guilt and consequences have no part in a compulsive gamblers life.

The obvious things had to change...his job involved collecting money, which he stole many times and we bailed him out. He actually resigned as he couldn't stand the pressure, but that was a good sign. He went to many therapists, but he still gambled and was also regularly attending GA. He found another therapist and said she helped and decided to stop as he felt a lot better. He also got a lot more involved in GA, made friends and went for a drink after meetings and is now the secretary!

I look after his bank account, but he does have access to money...just not a lot. He has just bought a house and is doing it up and he seems happy. I worry every day (only feel at ease when he's on holiday!)  and I am under no illusions that 'the beast' has gone away. We call it that, because that's what it is....it controlled him.

Please may this be some hope to you all out there, bearing this terrible burden....it has taken me years to tell my closest friends.

 

 

 

 

[/quote]

 

Absolutely a fantastic share. Very worthy of this 'success' section. Best to you and son

Posted on:
Sat, 11/11/2017 - 07:25

GamblerHelp

Joined:
2017-11-07

Hi Ted21,

Firstly very well done. As a mum it’s devasting to watch your son destroy himself. My mum went through the same with me.

The turning point for your son was specifically the involvement in GA. When a gambler is solely concerned with their own recovery, it is still a selfish endeavour - how long have I not had a bet, am I safe, all about MY debts and MY problems, etc.

But when you help others share your recovery with others and give them a helping hand, you yourself get a massive lift and reinforcement of the new behaviours. It’s the best way to reprogram your damaged mind.

I’ve been in GA for 25 years now and have helped run groups, start groups, do TV and other media, run their magazine, organise prison visits and more. All of that has helped ME stay off gambling. 

Tell your son from me he is doing all of the right things and not to change a thing.

And that if he does that you will come down on him like a ton of bricks.

All the best,

Mike