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New start 2018

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 22:07

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

I can’t control my gambling. Been trying to do it for too long and need to stop for good. Finding it really difficult to stop for good and had so many relapses. Starting a diary to document the struggle and give me something to be accountable towards. Please help me on this journey.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 08:36

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

 

Day 1

Another day 1 for me but this time I really need to focus and do much better.  I know my main problem is that I have harboured thoughts that I can still gamble in moderation but it just doesn’t work out like that.

Very thankful that I’m not in any debt but I struggle by in life rather than enjoying days. It’s a very stressful existence to be a compulsive gambler.  I want an easier life. It’s been too out of control for the past through years and like they say at GA it’s become unmanageable.

Last bet 14 February 2018.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 08:40

Sha999

Joined:
2017-08-29

Hi 2018

You are not alone, your story is mirrored on here 1000 times, my advice, put blocks in place, write on the diary section as often as time permits and take one day at a time. The last one is most important, if you say I will never gamble again then you will get overwhelmed, just say today I will not gamble.

Good luck.

Shaun

 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 10:18

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Thanks Sha999. I’ve got some good blocks in place now. Self-excluded from online accounts. Reduced the amount I can withdraw on cards. Got plans to stay busy for the next few days and nights. Blocks ease the pressure but don’t remove it as it’s always possible for a compulsive gambler to circumvent them. I’ve managed to put in place more and more blocks over the years so it’s becoming harder to gamble... thankfully. I need to improve my willpower and focus. Most importantly I think that each and every day I need to acknowledge I have a problem and do someone to ‘nod my cap’ at it and see it’s there. Too often I drift into thinking I’ll be fine and then weeks or months later I’m faced with another loss and more wasted time.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 15:05

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Same as you. I am not in debt but I lost a lot and am still struggling daily not to think about the losses and not to gamble again. 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 22:45

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Stayed really busy tonight and navigated day 1. Onwards.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 08:23

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 2

I’m making a conscious effort to acknowledge recovery rather than to try and distance myself from the problem and hope it just fades away over time. I’m reading more and listening to more podcasts around the topic. Really early days but it’s something different to try.

Learning not to hate myself is also a big step. I’m not a bad person. I just have a problem.

Last bet 14 February 2018

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 10:29

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Have a great day today and breeze through day too because you are right, you are not a bad person, you just developed a problem like many of us which you didn't choose or ask for, it just took over. You are doing something about it now so be very proud of yourself because I am proud of you.

The days will soon build up, just don't give in to those urges anymore

Wilsy

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 12:44

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Thanks Wilsy - it was really great of you to send that. Really helped me along today.

I was listening to a podcast last night about why so many people fail with New Years resolutions / wanting to make change in their lives (lose weight etc).

There were a few nuggets of conversation there stuck with me.

Accountability - you need to be accountable to someone or something to make a change.

Belief in the possibility - you need to believe it’s possible; even if just 1% latch onto that percent and make it widen to 5%, 10% and up etc.

Negativity basis - needs to be overridden with positivity; the default thoughts for the majority are that things will go bad. You’ve got to flip the script.

I found these all obvious but I hadn’t thought about them and their impact before. I definitely need to work on believing I can live a life without gambling. It’s definitely possible to do so but I need to creep up my belief in myself.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 13:31

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Thats the spirit mate, I find it hard to remain positive but I must be at least 25% positive in my life to have given up gambling. We all have to hope and try our best without gambling we will return to our more positive selfs each day

Wilsy

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 10:42

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 3

Keeping busy with jobs round the house so hoping the day will fly by without any issues. 

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 17:22

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Hmm. A few thinks for me to think about. What you said makes sense.

Accountability: I have none. Belief: I am going to gamble again sometime. Negativity: I have loads (See Belief)

 

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 17:31

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 4

Been a mega stressful day. Had constant urges to gamble on various sporting events. Thankfully all my exclusions prevented me from placing any bets.

Degenerate - I agree with you. I need to work on all three aspects.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 07:50

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 5

Glad the weekend is over. Had a really diffuclt time with constant urges. I was scanning for websites where I might not be excluded at one point. Felt so desperate and pathetic when I came round from it. Been really down. Just hoping it’ll get easier.

Last bet 14 February 2018.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 13:17

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi 2018,

you made it through the weekend in your first week of being gamble free, that is some achievement and be proud of yourself. The first few weeks are the hardest, like giving up any addiction, the urges are at their highest and you will feel really down. Hang in there as it will get better.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 21:05

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 6

Another really stressful day. Just got to hope they will pass over time. I know that if I can stay focused things will turn and things will get better.

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 22:48

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Just wanted to add some more tickers to keep me focused.

4 days to 10 days

24 days to 30 days

94 days to the ton

308 days till Christmas

994 days till a bag of sand

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 08:30

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 7

I feel slightly more focused today. Not sure why but I pray it remains. Got to keep accumulating days and working at recovery. I spend all my free time reading this forum and others as well as listening to podcasts trying to learn as much as I can.

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 08:59

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Well done on 1 week gamble free my friend! Keep those days mounting up. The memory of your last gamble is getting further and further away as each second passes...

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 11:29

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Echo Dan's post, congrats on a week, a full week gamble free is an achievement, so many poor souls struggle with one day so be proud.

Keep up the good work.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 12:35

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Thanks Dan and Wilsy!

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 12:48

Smashed

Joined:
2017-08-13

It's not easy to stop. Once your involved to any degree you are in danger but once addiction kicks in then the stopping becomes increasingly difficult, you are only a slight thought away from addiction pulling you back in, be aware daily of the addiction and keep distancing yourself from it as it's constantly waiting for any chance in your thought process to get you. Stay strong and resist.

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 15:04

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Many thanks for visiting my diary, 2018. I am very grateful for your kind words!

If my musings come across even remotely amusing I am a happy man! I think being constantly close to rock bottom as a gambling addict has made me a little cynical. It is very much a case of laugh or cry!

A big well done on achieving 7 days gamble free. Only addicts really know what kind of achievement that is.

It is still early days and still probably a struggle not thinking about gambling or what you have done, but feeling will soon wear off and the days will start to go a bit quicker.

Do not look back over your shoulder. Concentrate on looking forward and making the future better. You can do it!

Best wishes,

Markman

Posted on:
Fri, 23/02/2018 - 07:53

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 8

Got through yesterday ok. Weekend coming up which is always tough. Got to remain focused and get into double digits.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/02/2018 - 08:27

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 9

Got a bit upset this morning. I got up at 6 with my son and fed him breakfast, played with him, watched tv etc. I put some music on in the background and then my mean woke up and came downstairs. It felt so much more like a family than I had allowed it to do in the past. Previously I’d be watching Australian football or tennis in China and not as interested in my family. At least I’ve noticed the difference quickly. Got to improve as a human.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/02/2018 - 08:55

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

That’s nice to hear, 2018!

How much more satisfying is to feel this way than to wake up at a weekend stressing over some random tennis match in China?

I feel exactly the same mate.

You’re almost into double figures which is a great effort. 

Keep up the good work buddy!

Dan

Posted on:
Mon, 26/02/2018 - 07:58

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 12

Weekend is over. On to another week of gamble free days. Really need to keep focused. Every day is a struggle right now but it’s worth it.

Posted on:
Mon, 26/02/2018 - 08:11

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

It’s the same for me, 2018. 

12 days gamble free is a good platform to build from though. 

Think about how much money you’re saving each day from not gambling. It soon mounts up.

Keep talking on here when you’re struggling mate. Make this your ‘go-to’ place in times of trouble. Not the bookies! 

In this together!

Dan

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 28/02/2018 - 18:45

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 14

Been battling through the snow all week. Had really important week with some significant meetings and projects. Compared to giving up gambling it’s a piece of cake. I don’t get stressed and just deliver the best I can. I need to apply a similar simple mindset to my recovery otherwise I make it seem impossible to myself.

Might play snooker tonight for a break and a chance to be out of the car and the office. 5 min walk in the cold might be nice.

 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 20:33

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 19

Been away for a few days so got me through the weekend.

Posted on:
Tue, 06/03/2018 - 12:11

Tb1010

Joined:
2016-10-27

Hi 2018. Enjoying your story so far.. keep it going! I can relate to you as sports betting is my poison too and the story about the tennis game in China is all too familiar. What a stupid irrelevant event can do to your mood!!

You've inspired me to quit so this is my day 1. Any tips and advice much appreciated.

Well done again, T

Posted on:
Tue, 06/03/2018 - 21:42

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 20

Thanks T. I’ll try and help you as best I can. The first and most obvious things to do are exclude from online sites, exclude from bookies, phone bank and reduce amounts you can withdraw on cards, tell your wife or friends, read and listen to gambling recovery stories, look into GA, look into counselling, look into gambling blocking software and start telling your tale to as many people as possible. It’s crucial that in the early days you limit exposure to sport as much as possible. Set yourself a mini challenge to not turn on a sports channel, open a sport webpage, listen to Talksport etc each day. Talksport was a nightmare trigger for me... always have bookies on talking about odds! I had to sit in silence on car journeys for a while but then I found podcasts on recovery and other topics.

Really interesting podcast episode titled “problem gambling; owls and larks...”. The podcast is called All In The Mind - it appears to be an counselling / psycology podcast. However, there is a 10-15 min slot from the 3 min mark which is absolutely spot on in relation to gambling and sport bettting. Have a listen if you can and catch up tomorrow.

Posted on:
Tue, 13/03/2018 - 19:44

2018

Joined:
2018-02-14

Just flicking channels and saw eastenders and I instantly knew the story was about gambling. Guy is stuffing a ticket into pocket before family member walks in, quickly turns off radio, acts all strange, sofa all ripped up and worn as no money...