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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 16:21

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Well i have looked at these forums for a few months thinking it will not be me posting...................but here i am!!  I just looked online and have gambled every day of 2017 with a profit of £12,500 and have gambled for two days in 2018 at a loss of £11,800 it has made me feel sick, restless, self hatred, impatient, analyzing, re analyzing feeling zero motivation for family, life, friends and certainly not work.................................................ho can i be motivated to earn £22 an hour when i just lost £8,000 in 6 minutes online, help, i am in turmoil

 

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 20:40

BW555

Joined:
2017-11-10

Hi rafa

Unfortunately the bookie always wins in the end as no win for us is enough. Please do not try and win that money back you will end up losing more.by the sounds of it you have nearly broke even, don't beat yourself up about it. Try not to concentrate on the money lost. Open up to someone close to you about how your feeling or if your not ready have you called gamcare? You will need to put some blocks in place. Remember your not alone in this we have all been through the same awful anxious, guilt and depressive time. Have a look through the forum and take some advice from other people's diaries.that helped me alot. You will find so much help and support on here.

Bw

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 08:52

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Wow, finally what i need some empathy and not sympathy thanks BW555. It is the most stupid thoughts as yousay ishould not beat myself up as i am even and maybe a tad up but all i keep thinking about is how on earth after months and months of slowly building a pot of profit i can lose it in 8 minutes. I have spoken to Gamcare and waiting for a call back re seeing a councillor. I used to wake up and have in my mind that although hard day ahead with work or kinds i would have a cheeky wageron tennis, golf, cricket etc that i could check up on thus making my day exciting.......i feel mad even writing like that but it is the sad truth to how i been feeling. Now, i wake up feeling empty, not wanting to work or be active as i feel bored and lack of excitement and i hate feeling like this i have amazing family that should complete me

 

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 09:59

Phil83

Joined:
2017-01-17

Hi Rafa,

Welcome to the forum.

Personally, I would echo what BW said and maybe add that money is, pretty much, an irrelevant concept to a CG. It is merely a means by which we can feed the addiction and debt is a byproduct.

I know that I could win £20k tomorrow but it would be entirely irrelevant as, whether it took a day or a year, I'd lose the money again so really, what's the point? Fortunately it doesn't sound like you've done too much financial damage so far so draw a line under the money before you do but, more importantly, before it's no-longer money you're losing. Money is the easiest loss to deal with, trust me, there's plenty more than follows it.

You've done a great thing signing up here, there is loads of good advice but, for now, get some blocks in place and talk to someone.

Good Luck and all the best.

Phil

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 15:47

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks Phil. This is like a new lease of life am I allowed to post at anytime of day? Sometimes urges are worst when downtime or is there a limit? I have been reading lots of other posts and your words make sense total sense and I need to continue this momentum to make sure no regressions or chasing of losses etc

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 19:50

BW555

Joined:
2017-11-10

I used to feel exactly the same, could not wait for that moment I could quickly log into my gambling account, all I could think about was gambling. I'd feel irritated if I was interupted. Wanted to escape then id Come out in a daze. I didn't even realise how much I was addicted until I had stopped. And it completely floored me mentally. As with any addiction the withdrawal period is the worst. I couldn't believe what I'd done and the anxiety and guilt are the worst I still struggle with this every day. It is honestly not worth the pain to yourself. You need to stop before this becomes a bigger problem. You have done a great thing coming here to open up and asking for help. Do not hold onto that lost money, it's gone, you cannot win it back, and if you did, you would only hand it straight back. Good luck in your recovery. Keep us posted.

Bw

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 21:32

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks so much. It's 9.21pm UK time my wife flicking through channels says she wants to have early night and says I will be happy as their is tennis FA Cup football etc on. I am NOT happy because now I not betting on the outcomes it doesn't seem fun to watch sport anymore. .....how sad is that

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 21:47

Fighter_1

Joined:
2014-01-07

Hi Rafa,

 

I know that feeling about football...however give it some time and you will come to realise you never really enjoyed watching football before.  You only enjoy the buzz of wondering if your bed will come in.

I would be waiting for a certain amount of corners or goals in a half etc,  i didn’t care about the game; it’s very sad really.

When I stopped before for over 2 years I fell in love with football all over again after a few months, actually watching it for what it is and not for some ridiculous bet.

I am not sure of your age etc but something I find great is to focus on fitness.  Really through yourself into improving physically as the mental side comes too.  

Us compulsive souls love a success and transformation your body etc is a great way to start, also as it is not a ‘quick fix’ it helps change the mindset from needing instant outcomes.

All the best 

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 06:06

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks Fighter

I am mid 30''s in age. Right now feeling depressed because lots of sport in Australia tennis and cricket and last few weeks I have been going to bathroom during night checking scores switching on in morning checking up on my accumulators. I am now checking the scores thinking 'I would have won that' and it's like giving me a FOMO (fear of missing out ). Being able to actually speak openly like this is unbelievably therapeutic but I still feeling empty without my betting but this is now day number 3

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 08:13

Fighter_1

Joined:
2014-01-07

I know that feeling too well on late night checking etc....especially when it used to involve the most random leagues just to get a fix, even if I knew virtually nothing about them!

Getting over the fear of missing out will come,  unfortunately I think our brains are programmed to only think about the things we would when won instead of what we would of lost too as a way to offer some balance. 

One way to try and view it is that it is only winning you would have then ultimately lost on the next, or next, or next bet as we have the inability to self control on this front. 

Keep posting,  as much as you need to.  The first week is a big one especially if there is plenty of sport on.  Good luck 

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 08:29

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks so much

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 09:53

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

I went to GA  and remember someone saying “Give it 3 months  staying off betting , if it doesn’t improve your life then you are welcome to go back to your life of misery “ . I can see that you are still in the earliest stage and your brain is still trying to play tricks on you . After a couple of weeks you will see the benefit of stopping , not just financial but other areas of your life . 

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 16:43

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks Vulture. I really struggling. I don't have big ego and I not too macho to admit I am so scared. I keep checking bloody scores thinking in my brain the prediction's I would have selected. I keep thinking back to my six minutes of madness and the 8,000 that frittered away and I struggling to hold together. Even worse because I work in sports everyone talks about it and results and form and I just don't want to hear about it as makes me want to log in redeposit but now the £200 wins seem irrelevant i keep having visions of betting 20,000 to win back my 8,000. Today, wife wanted to go for lunch with kids, this time last week I was winning so I said 'sure let's all go out for gourmet burgers' she asked me today and I just said let's stay in and chillax with jam sandwiches. It's like now I feel I need to save money and make changes. Mind is a rolercoaster this forum is a release because no one else would understand

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 16:52

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

You need to unplug yourself from the betting . Don’t look out for football scores . If you won big next week it will be all gone next week. Bit of a rubbish transaction to bet all of your money , win, lose it all again and go through the stress of it all, with nothing to show . From the outside looking in to a non CG it looks bananas ! Write the losses off in your head , tell yourself that’s it and move on 

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 19:26

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

Hi Rafa

Just want to reiterate what Vulture said .. even if you won some, you’d think you were on a streak and would lose it all and more, and feel terrible again. You also might just lose straight away. You’re not alone ... 2 weeks ago today I lost £48k in less than an hour, telling myself to keep upping the stakes as my luck was bound to change. I’ve actually accepted though that even if I had won, i’d have lost the next time or time after. I feel almost lucky in that I lost so big ... it’s not like I can even try and get it back as would need huge stake. You’re in a similar position ... forget about the £8k ... I know it’s not easy, I haven’t forgotten mine and replaying the decisions that day in my head. What I won’t do though is make that hole any bigger. We all feel for you but don’t chase it ... try and see it as the price for a less stressful future. Stay strong and we can win by giving them no more of our money. Rich

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 19:30

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Powerful stuff guys thanks very much. Kids asleep going to try and watch film with wife and tick off day three of being bet free. Thanks for helping me on my journey to being a happier person goodnight

Posted on:
Sun, 07/01/2018 - 07:17

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Good morning. Day 4 has started and yet again (I don't want to sound needy just honesty) I am struggling with the concept of going out my house to work in freezing cold weather all day and my total wages will be less than 2% of my losses last week. I keep trying to remind myself that they weren't losses fortunately they were winnings and that at least I broke even and didn't deposit more to lose but my rational thinking doesn't last long goes back to irrational impatient and selfish and thus leaving me contemplating not going to work. .....but hold on a ray of sunshine. ...I have just thought if I stay at home I am excluded from everywhere anyway so I would be bored....so I am going to get changed and try and make sure Day 4 has some productive work daytime and maybe meal and to try out board games with my wife tonight. Have a good Sunday guys I am a compulsive gambler but day 4 and looking to move forward

Posted on:
Sun, 07/01/2018 - 11:55

Big_Brad

Joined:
2017-12-22

Keep it going rafa. The important thing is to stay busy - do something productive. Have an urge to gamble, go for a walk, do some drawing, learn to play an instrument, watch some TV. Gambling makes you so unproductive. I used to spend hours studying form, then I'd spend my whole day watching matches I have no interest in other than betting purposes. 9/10 you end up losing money that day and you start to question your sanity. It may seem hard at the minute but theres more to life than gambling.

Posted on:
Sun, 07/01/2018 - 15:53

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Hey Brad....agreed and have just come home having wotked seven hours and i feeling good

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 07:17

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Morning guys day 5. I have made myself a breakfast smoothie a recipe I saw online......I NEVER normally have breakfast as normally wagering on sports that I have no idea about on remote places just to get my fix. I am starting to try and develop some of the principles of advice and wisdom from Gamcare forum members. I think it would be arrogant and complacent to go a single day without posting on here. I am an addicted gambler and I know an urge is just around the corner but for now I am feeling positive about Day 5.

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 20:59

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day five almost over . Came home from work wife was tired and already in bed with one of out kids. So much sport on and struggling tonight. Going to eat loads of food feed my belly and try and get a good night's sleep. Hate this addiction

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 21:31

Shimla

Joined:
2018-01-07

Not sure if this helps - Forget the 8k man. 8k is a huge loss (I lost 2.5k and am battered), but I don't think it's being miserable over, hoping that if you put a few grand here and there you will get to 20k. Not going to happen. Even if it does, you will surely only remember the Win side and keep betting - losing way more than 8k by the time you hit 40. Do what I am doing, enjoy the 'clean feeling' and treat it as a lucky escape. Sounds like some people have lost absolutely everything. Do the decent honourable thing a man in his 30's should do and work hard and save honestly. I do that, I am just mad that I ate some of it online gamling over Xmas :(

Posted on:
Tue, 09/01/2018 - 06:52

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day Six. Woken up far more negative than yesterday. Went down and BBC sport showing two channels live tennis . Making me hate the sport because for some reason I thinking if I cannot gamble on the sport it has no fun. How did my thinking ever become so so screwed up. As a young boy I loved every sport for athletic reasons not money/gambling. Sorry seems I have regressed in thoughts after a positive day 5. Going to sports club shortly for work. .......my motivation is less than 10% to work

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 09:18

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day 7. I am feeling so strange. Doing bizarre things like flash backs to this time last week, why did i not do this or do that? Is it normal for me to feel more deluded on the exact week anniversary of the lost £8,000? I am pretending that it is a week ago and i still had the profits and coud still check th form, place wagers, keep my mind entertained all day with sports betting. Definitely my worst start to the day out of all 7. Not getting easier...struggling!!!!

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 10:04

ThroMoney

Joined:
2011-06-05

hi Rafa , in tbeo rt u have only lost £700, try to think of it like that and draw a line under it. It’s gone.this is my fifth day off gambling and it is bloody hard but I didn’t treatise how much it affected my mood and home life, I feel happier but still have strong urges to gamble. The winning buzz is better than sthe sex but the loosing feeling is worse than ******** ur pants. Try to associate the loosing feeling anytime u have a strong urge. Apologies for the typos, this forum isn’t really mobile friendly .

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 14:19

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Lol about the typos I am trying but truly struggling I want to make this life change and I wish to one day write day 777 off gambling. Just giving today my best shot.

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 15:49

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

3.48pm.....this time last week was exact time i lost my money.....by 15.56pm was £8,000 less!!!! Hate that i did that

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 20:40

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

Try and give yourself a break and don't think about it too much ... I blew mine between 8 and 9 on a Saturday night (£48k!), and it hurts at the same time every week ... I always make sure I have a few drinks earlier on a Saturday, but a bit trickier on a Wed afternoon!  What I try and think is that the specifics don't actually matter .. I could have won then, but would only have lost in the end, and it took a big loss to shake me into getting out of this addiction ... in some ways less damaging than losing the same amount gradually over the next few years ... at least it's done and we can crack on with our gamble free lives.  I do know exactly how you feel though ... you can't solve it though by trying to win it back ... you can make up for it though by not doing it again.  Hang in there.  Rich

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 22:53

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks Rich. Great wisdom. Ending a tough day 7 with a high five to all of you. Goodnight

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 00:44

jjones 77

Joined:
2018-01-11

hi mate i have to agree with all previous posters on here i have lost nearly 60k in past 4 years after intially being 20k up. i used to up until recently make 100+ bets a day on anything usually on certainies for small profits and then lose it when the shock happens then as always increase the stake and the risk to try and win it back then lose a lot.you will never win at gambling here is why.
you win a bet for £100 great you say you make another bet you win another £100 you feel great again much better than working you start to think what i can spend that on a new car maybe keep winning like this it wont take long but £100 winnings not giving you a buzz now so a bit more risk so you try to win £200 yes another win easy money on a roll here.upto £400 already.Go for £300 now oh hell a loss back to where i started ****** off now need to get back to £400 oh hell i have lost £400. In ensecnce when you win you get a buzz and want to win more so keep gambling at higher and higher stakes until you eventually lose when you lose you are ****** and will bet big to try and recoup your losses.i have lost 80k in last 4 years all my savings and a zombie exsistence dont try and get it back else you will be here next week telling us about the 20k you just lost.

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 06:32

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Very powerful post jjones thanks for the share/insight. Wishing you only good things.

Day 8 has started for me. Read the posts for an hour......feeling empathetic and that I have read enough to know I am a compulsive gambler and will try not to gamble today

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 22:55

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day 8 almost up. Feeling a bit bored sometimes but trying to not dwell or stare at screen. Do regress and check scores but 8 days in and delighted to be eight days of not giving into this horrible illness. Goodnight

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 15:30

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day 9. Struggling lots if urges. Have tried to resolve by taking on couple of extra hours of work at sports club today. I have also just paid online for a sports massage to treat myself. I NEVER EVER do this as I normally ring-fence this as gambling money . Is this okay that I treat myself

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 16:14

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

 

Hi Rafa,

Hang in there and definitely treat yourself.  Gambling gives you a perverse sense of money ... I went for a year not having lunch at work to save a tenner, and would then bet £5k on a hand of blackjack. I’ve told myself that I will treat myself to something every pay day, if i’ve not gambled .... not sure what yet, but need some carrot as well as the stick! Just think, if you were gambling, you would off betting, not taking on extra hours, so you deserve the upside from your hard work ...double figures tomorrow! Rich

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 20:59

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks mate thanks so much. Signing off day 9 feeling content. Goodnight and wishing everyone an enjoyable weekend

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 07:39

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day 10. Stupidly looked on BBC sport and saw a darts player was 4-1 down in sets and won 5-4 and keep thinking I definitely would have backed him as opponent would bottle it. U almost deluding myself to think I did win and I an back in profit and ready to gamble again. Gosh I hate this illness and need to stay clear

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 06:55

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day 11. Feeling great to not be gambling but feeling crappie to not gambling complete contradiction but that is what illness does to ones mind. Got to stay busy and distance myself from all these sports events

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 11:49

GamHelp

Joined:
2017-11-07

Good start..

If you want to keep it going click on my username and the follow the link to my blog. There you will see everything I have done to keep the problem at bay. 

Read the whole thing, and send the link to everyone involved in your recovery so that they can understand how best to help you.

All the best
Mike

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 18:16

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks Mike will do

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 10:50

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi and welcome to the GamCare forum!

I see you are off to a great start. Well done on reaching Day 11! You are quite right to try and keep yourself busy. 

You seem to have really settled in to the forum and have been posting on your introduction thread every day. Why not start a Recovery Diary over in the Recovery Diaries section? Just go to http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forums/recovery-diaries, scroll to the bottom and click 'new topic'.

Best wishes for your continued recovery - we look forward to reading more of your posts.

Best wishes

Deirdre

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 20:47

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Thanks so much. ...will investigate tomorrow. Currently day 12 struggling but surviving

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 01:30

jjones 77

Joined:
2018-01-11

your doing very well keep it going the reason you maybe struggling a little is you a lacking the highs that you felt when you won at gambling you need to replace them find an activity or maybe take a course also maybe post on others forums on here especially if they are new to the site supporting others can often make you feel better also.

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 08:52

KST

Joined:
2018-01-16

sorry didn't mean to hijack another members posts...

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 07:06

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Understood and thank you. Day 14 underway feeling positive people say I looking well and I starting to realise just how many hours my eye's were glued to rotating odds and prices and odds comparisons and form sites.....it took over my life and time. Now the bags under eyes have gone and I am starting to look like a sports coach and not a tired bloke

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 23:24

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Day 14 finishing with rather bored emotions again playing back a fortnight ago I was 8,000 richer and all the results i may have predicted correctly since. ....but I forget that I wouldn't be happy even with all correct predictions because I would then play more and more and not be satisfied

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 03:02

Joe-90

Joined:
2016-10-05

Hi mate, 

You should look up your nearest GA meeting and start attending. It has helped change my outlook completely. Before I was like yourself, obsessed with chasing my losses and only remembering my wins. Checking results and imagining what you might have won is a sure sign of the hold it has on you and is a recipe for a relapse. You need support, something you will find at your GA meeting. 

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 12:47

LHN-050793

Joined:
2017-01-01

You have a very similar situation to me, albeit I am in my mid 20’s and don’t have kids. I dread to think how many thousands I have lost since I was 21 but my family are aware of my problem, are yours? My partner is unbelievably supportive and will randomly ask to check my bank account. I would say the first couple of weeks are the hardest and just before the day 100 mark too. I am currently on day 144 and on my life, I never would have thought I’d reach this point. You can do this, it won’t be easy but take each day as it comes. End the day thinking of the positives in your life and don’t let the negative thoughts take over. L 

Posted on:
Fri, 19/01/2018 - 08:54

Disgraced86

Joined:
2018-01-04

Wow thanks amazing supportive post and congratulations on your continued evolvement very impressive and inspiring. Day 16 want to stay strong and get to triple figures but will take one day at a time. Take care keep up the good work