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My Story

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 23:36

threesugars

Joined:
2017-11-17

Hi my names Joe, and I seem to have  a problem i cant seem to get myself out of. This would be my first post at something like this, but i guess i finally realise its time to try and find a way to stop this.
My first bet was at just 14 ( 23 now ) i remember have a fake ID and managed to place a £1 bet on a football team to win a match. i do wonder what would have changed if i hadn't of placed that bet, however i did, and as  the weeks progressed so did the bets. I started to find myself of a weekend just spending all my money on horses or roulette or greyhounds, or anything that was on at the time in the bookies. I had a small cash in hand part time job at the time, and yet all my money was going into the bookies. The same cycle carried on for a number of years, i missed out on going to collage as i'd rather of had a job to fund the gambling habit. i was spending everything, stealing what i could, hurting friends and family, just to spend everything in the bookies. 
I even started self harming during this time, mainly due to the problem, turned to drugs, alcohol, anything self destructive really. during this time i was gambling online, and somehow over the space of a month or to i'd accumulated a balance of £65000. I still remember the night it all crashed down, Still on the drugs, i placed a £500 bet on some random sport at 3am, and it lost, and in my drug fuelled state i chased the loss, i'd lost it all. i wish i could say that this was the end of the story, but as the days followed, i attempted suicide twice, was kept under watch, was fired from my job, and lost everyone close to me, once they saw what i was hiding and what i had become. i started applying for all kinds of loans and credit and lost it all. 
I remember using my fathers papal, spending everything i could in hope to win something back. i couldn't stop the chase. he took at a £15k loan to repay my debts, but instead i used to to try and win something back. all this happend  at 21.
Move on a few years, I've set up repayment plans to start to pay back what i owe, paid back my father,  have a job. and have stopped self harming. I guess its progress, but i still have relapses, and after saving for months and months i seem to lose it all in a day. This past week I've been gambling again, Live Blackjack online, I've won a little money, and have closed any account i can, but i don't trust it'll stay that way.
I've kept this as condensed as i can, and have missed out most of the details, but there we are. I look back at the major points and cant help but think, what if. 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 03:22

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hi threesugars, welcome to the forum :-)

What if eh?  I think we’ve all probably asked ourselves that @ one time or another but as far as gambling is concerned, it’s all just tokens to be given back another day.  I’m sorry to hear of the dark places addiction has led you & good on you taking this step on the recovery road!  Quitting self harming is huge progress (good on you) & that’s what recovery is about...Progress not perfection! You haven’t gone into detail regarding what therapy you have had but regardless of whether or not it is ongoing, you really should have a look @ a 12 Step Group near you (AA, GA, anything A that is relevant) because people there will get you!  Until you figure out how to live without the crutch of addiction they will keep creeping up in various guises & catching you unawares.

Gambling isn’t our solution, it’s our problem & we cannot win because we cannot stop...The only way to beat it is to leave it in our past & we can - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 08:58

Adamjamal2014-2017

Joined:
2017-06-11

To go through all of this at a really young age is tough enough. But i guess now you have experienced it all its time to make a wise decision about gambling,drugs and alcohol. Any sort of addiction especially gambling will lead to a life of misery. Now its time to believe in yourself and make the right decisions for your future.
Stop now before its too late. Goodluck in your recovery
Adam

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 19:59

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello Joe,

Welcome to the forum and well done for sharing your story. 

It is good to hear of the progress you've made.  I wonder how you might feel about using blocking software, to make it less easy to gamble instantly the next time the temptation arises.  There is more information about blocking software here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww

It sounds like you've come a long way already; it is good though that you aren't complacent and you're willing to reflect and to share peer support.  If you'd like information about additional types of support, like local GA meetings or 1-2-1 counselling appointment services or online group therapy sessions, you're welcome to call us on 0808 8020 133.  There are other sources of free treatment depending on your location, for example in London there is the National Problem Gambling Clinic https://www.cnwl.nhs.uk/cnwl-national-problem-gambling-clinic/refer/

Take care,

Forum admin.