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My road to recovery! Hopefully!

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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 01/03/2018 - 21:55

tornsoldier

Joined:
2018-02-12

Hi there,

I have not gambled since I have joined this site and told my wife about it. However, today the memory of loss (20k) have been going on and on in my mind. From the pay, I have paid all my bills and there is some left that I think should wait out the whole month before moving them to savings or to invest in stocks. But, I am really battling my mind today who is telling me to take 200 out of it to make 400 and stop for the month. The same trick of the devil mind that has brought me to this at first place.

Secondly, while my Mrs has been supportive, she said something about my situation unexpectedly that I did not really apprecaite. I am really hurt by it and just want to reverse the whole thing somehow and get out of this mess. I know it is not possible and will only sink me deeper. 

Anyway, I am just feeling absolutely horrible to bring me in such a situation and do not really see a way out. I believe I will hopefully better once I have saved to get my savings back but that will not happen any sooner. Just waiting on the salary to fill the pit back feels like climbing a mountain. 
 
Seeing my savings account sit at 0 since it was first opened is really killing me.

I do think i should give in and try a 200. So, trying to fight it atm

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 12:21

tornsoldier

Joined:
2018-02-12

Somehow managed to not gamble yesterday. Since the bad weather has caused to stay at home, the urges are getting stronger to play and get some. May be 200 can be used to make 400 to pay towards the loan...trying to distract myself... but the demons are trying harder.. i feel so broken in so many ways inside that I cannot really share with anyone exactly how i feel for a lot of things. I am missing my days when I did not know about online casinos and was in a healthy financial and mental space. I am struggling to focus on the laptop to write what i need to write. Instead i am browsing all wrong stuff.

 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 11:43

tornsoldier

Joined:
2018-02-12

no one seems to bother. I guess everyone has their own battles to fight. No gambling yet but seriously considering to try slots for the first time but I am sure it is a downhill from there ... so will not 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 11:55

CM3003

Joined:
2015-03-27

 

 

DO NOT GAMBLE. 

So many times I had similar thoughts, ‘what if i can turn this £100 into £200’. Sometimes i did but most of the time I woud then be left chasing and eventually lose so much more.

I am 98 days gamble free, I have had to put a lot of blocks in place but life is so much better without gambling.

I get the urge every now and then and think what if i can make a quick £50 or £100 but I know it will only result in me losing a lot more. 

You can do it, but you have to want to do it and take it seriously

Good luck 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 12:52

tornsoldier

Joined:
2018-02-12

Hi CM3003,

Thanks for your post. I have not gambled yet.. weekdays now ..trying to get busy in work. Came really close to do a deposit on the weekend but instead went to sleep

 

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 10:33

tornsoldier

Joined:
2018-02-12

Got my annual bonus and it is not too bad after the bloodbath from tax industry. I am now thinking if I should use 500 to gain 100-200 but my heart is saying it is a bad idea. Still thinking about it.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 11:41

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Do not think of it as bonus money. You earned it just like your evenly distributed regular monthly wage you just got paid at a different time. I used to think bonus money wasnt real and spent every £ on gambling. Not good.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 12:54

judy

Joined:
2012-07-23

We don't win because we don't stop. Every time it's the same.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 12:56

judy

Joined:
2012-07-23

We don't win because we don't stop. It's the same every time. Sorry to repeat myself but there's a point in there somewhere. :-)

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 14:08

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Afternoon fella.
I will ask you a question
Do you want to stop??
It is a whole life choice to stop.
If you do really want to stop beyond and above everything else in your life you have to give up control, the ability to access money.
There is a triangle
Time-location-money
Break it and the ability to gamble is impossible.
You wrote that you nearly deposited at the weekend, have you not put blocking software in place,self excluded from the place you gamble.
You wrote about buying stocks, is that not a form of gambling??
This might sound harsh but until you really are ready to commit to a different life you are simply leaving doors wide open.
I know where that leads.
I can't justify any compulsive gambler to have a punt but it's your choice.
Do we all share a trait were we become twisted to think it's free money, I know I did.
Lastly fair play to you if you can go punt two hundred of your monkey.
If I had a pound for every time in my life I was off to gamble a fixed amount in my mind only to deplete my entire bank account I would be able to retire!!!
My friend you have received some great advice here.
It's all in black and white.
When you are truly ready please take it.
Gambling will take everything you have and some if not.
Duncs.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 15:12

Starmix

Joined:
2018-03-05

Sorry for the late response, but alarm bells were ringing when you mentioned investing your money. Please stop and think carefully. It’s a slightly more socially acceptable form of gambling. The same idea applies to this, as other forms of gambling- you might make money, but you probably won’t if you are investing in dodgy shares. My OH is addicted to spread betting and investments. At first, I didn’t realise how devastating this was. It somehow escalated into a problem, which has left me financially unstable. Please keep working on your issues, and I hope that things improve soon.

 

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2018 - 11:55

tornsoldier

Joined:
2018-02-12

Hi All,

Update! No gambling. But, I have invested in stocks as done previously. It is still a gamble but a bit less fraud and has a long time turn over. Moreover, i have not invested a huge amount or in a penny stock. But, I am not getting close to a roulette table.

I had self-exculded from the ones i knew but then youtube showed me the channel of a gambler who uploads his games (wins/loss), which told me of a new site that i signed up to play for FREE (to show me i will not win). 

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2018 - 16:56

PositiveAction

Joined:
Before 2009

Deleted

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2018 - 18:47

Lethe

Joined:
2016-12-10

Close off doors to your usual poison and the addiction will look for another outlet. Investing in stocks and shares is still gambling.