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#1 Posted on:
Mon, 12/10/2015 - 21:16

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

 

 

 

I've been reading this site for a while knowing that I am showing all the signs of a compulsive gambler. 

A brief background...starting my gambling at a young age regularly going racing with my dad and grandad. University followed and I mixed university life with working in the local bookies. I'd always like a bet but gradually horse racing moved towards on line sports betting platforms. I'd never bet huge amounts in cash but the ease of on-line gambling and availability of easy credit to gamble on made typing numbers into the screen a very easy way to lose a lot of money! 

At university I built up a credit card debt of around £3k and then I had the fabulous idea of erasing my debt but gambling on my credit card!! From this point onwards I was always chasing losses. Big wins were never enough and since I left uni at 21 I have built up around £30k of credit card debt. Luckily I've built a good career and earn a fair bit of money that I managed to get this debt down to around £5k but continued to gamble in the process. I've always known I've had a problem as at the weekends I'd be up late at night trying to chase more money gambling on random collage football games and research my next big bet. 

I made a decision 6 months ago to shread the cards and it worked. Until the rugby World Cup started and I re-opened an account. This weekend I lost £1.5k in 24 hours. 

I've never been debt free and this is my aim in 12 months time. I've taken out a loan to pay off the final credit cards and despite the cc having no interest this is a way I can control it as I cannot use this to gamble.my on line betting accounts are now closed via self exclusion facilities. My bank account is a joint account with my wife. I closed my own account 9 months ago to control my gambling as my wife hates seeing any form of gambling on this so I just don't do it.

Wish me luck - Day 1

Posted on:
Mon, 12/10/2015 - 22:36

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

You don't need luck, just some good barriers & a willingness to do what it takes to beat this!  Welcome to recovery NeilDoug :-)

If you've been reading, you'll know what is out there & will be able to choose what tools work for you!

We cannot win because we cannot stop...By stopping, we win everyday!  Time to start really living - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Mon, 12/10/2015 - 23:09

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

 

Good advice. In past periods when I have stopped I've always been happier, sleep better and enjoy life more plus I'm a pleasure to be around and don't have those massive unnecessary mood swings. Always had those nagging debts in my mind and I'm so impatient with this I just lost it and relapse chasing these amounts believing I could repay the debt by continuing to gamble! Even when I win I never keep it for long as I just want to win more to repay my debts. I believe my issue has always been with debt and i've seen numerous posts on here similar. Everyone has their own reasons for gambling but now I've finally come to accept my problem and the cause, things are now in place to help. Hopefully my diary of recovery isn't full of massive relapses but I will continue to post my progress as It helps with with seeing the odd person post support. 

36 hours without a bet. 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/10/2015 - 00:03

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Still doing ok. No bets since Sunday morning. I never really struggle in the week as I'm far too busy at work to think about my next bet in the week. The hard part will be the weekend as the sheer volume of sport to gamble on plus Ascot champions day will test me. The saving grace I have is that I've taken away the ability to gamble on line as my accounts with large limits are closed. Just remembed I have one open with a £15 daily limit...need to get rid of that one as otherwise I will be tempted! 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/10/2015 - 00:14

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Just logged into the account that I had the small deposit limits with and look to withdraw the remaining £1 instead of having a bet - unfortunately they wouldn't let me withdraw back to a cc so rather than having a bet for £1 I pressed the self exclude button for a month to stop myself - this way I can't deposit more and I didn't want to gamble that £1 as I didn't know what dangerous cycle that would lead too. 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/10/2015 - 12:22

The bear

Joined:
2012-11-19

My friend it's a pound self exclude yourself for 5 years that pound could cost you a fortune let the website have it or you will give it back times 5000 keep it up you can do this I'm sure :)

The bear 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/10/2015 - 23:54

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Day 5 - still gamble free. No urges - but my heavy gambling always occurs at weekends. I am really busy this weekend so that is good as if I was at home all weekend I might struggle. 

Posted on:
Sat, 17/10/2015 - 00:11

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Day 6 - all good again and even managed to watch the last 15 mins of the rugby without reaching for a bet..,although it helps knowing that I have no means to gambling the self exclude feature is there and those cc are gone. I actually enjoyed watching the game without stressing about how many points were being scored!! Busy all day Sat so that will help. Going to the rugby on Sunday and the last rugby match I went to watch I had £2k riding on the outcome. Sunday will be different as I'll be going as a spectator to enjoy it rather than thinking about what to bet on. 

Posted on:
Sun, 18/10/2015 - 05:05

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Relapsed again this weekend - now I'm here at 5am in the morning not able to sleep. Whilst the amount was only £20 I'm really disappointed in myself as I thought I could do it. The money isn't as important as the impact it has on my life. Sunday should have been a really enjoyable day for my seeing my friends and watching the rugby but now I'll be tired as likely to only have had 2-3 hours sleep and just look forward to getting home to try and catch up on some sleep - all because I had to stay awake overnight to gradually watch my £20 lose. Why do we do this?!!! 

Posted on:
Sun, 18/10/2015 - 21:53

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

When you have lost £2k in one day £20 is small in comparison. But I know that the amount lost is irrelevant as whether it is 50p or £50k it still leads to the same behavioural traits and problems. I'm determined to beat this. No bet today and went to the most amazing rugby game and just enjoyed it. I can beat this and all your messages from of support really help. Thank you 

Posted on:
Sat, 24/10/2015 - 15:30

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

I'm struggling. Thought I would be ok but got given a free bet offer and away I went again...losIng another £500 in 3 hours on stupid pointless rugby matches that I don't even care about!! I just need to ban myself from the one remaining site. Why do I do this!!! I'm so annoyed with myself 

Posted on:
Sat, 24/10/2015 - 21:15

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

Have you considered counselling or other help like GA?

Posted on:
Sun, 25/10/2015 - 01:17

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

I just need to take away the ability to gamble by cancelling my credit card. I did it successfully for 7 months by just shredding my cards...but then re-opened a card and away I went! If you take away the ability to gamble I won't do it as I have shown before. I have just been weak over the last couple of weeks and need to sort myself out. Another £1,000 gambled away today. 

Posted on:
Sun, 25/10/2015 - 08:57

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi there , My names Alan , and like you I'm a compulsive gambler !.   So why don't you use today to exclude yourself from all remaining sites and shred your cards again as you said you did before ?.  And as for the free bet ?  Whats free when you give them another £500 of your own money ?  Nothings for nothing and it certainly isn't where bookies are concerned .  If your serious about stopping then its time to go the whole hog and put all those blocks in place my friend !.   Best wishes for your recovery Neil   ..........      Alan who will not gamble today !!!

Posted on:
Sun, 25/10/2015 - 13:13

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Thanks for all the support everyone. As one post says I got myself back into this hole. Just need to take away that one remaining cc. I'll keep you updated.  Thanks 

Posted on:
Mon, 26/10/2015 - 00:22

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

The last remaining cc has been shredded and also phoned them up to close it. They will close it once the gambling transactions have processed and I have enough money to make the final payment to cover the debt. Like I said before I have never bet on my joint account with my wife so it takes away the physical ability to gamble as I closed my own account to help myself. My problem has never been cash betting - It is those numbers on a screen that I struggle with as the realisation of typing huge sums of money into a computer screen! You never consider the consequences until it is too late. 26th October 2015 - the journey begins. 

Posted on:
Mon, 26/10/2015 - 23:09

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Day 1 - no bet. Much more relaxed today and better in myself. Sleeping better as not watching a random college football game that I had placed £500 on! I know I can do this - much more to life than gambling and thinking about the next bet. 

Posted on:
Tue, 27/10/2015 - 23:02

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Day 2 - no bet. Even watched the football and had no desire to bet. Feeling good today and even went for a 5 mile run! The final credit card payment is done! 

Posted on:
Wed, 28/10/2015 - 22:51

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Nothing to report..let's hope this forum remains boring! As normal the challenge will come at the weekend as my long hours in the week with work mean i never find weekdays too difficult. The challenge will come at the weekend. 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 30/10/2015 - 23:29

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

 

Guess what happened...got to the weekend and away I went! £300 lost in one bet on the rugby. i'm so annoyed with myself! Found a cc that I thought I'd closed and away I went! I always thought it was money problems that caused this but I just paid it off afterwards. Clearly an addition. I just need to close it down now and be done. Only one site that I haven't self excluded from so why cannot I not force myself to close it!!!! I keep thinking this is easy but it isn't...I commend all of you that have done this as it is hard. 

 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 31/10/2015 - 09:40

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

I've done it! Cancelled that last cc over the phone and self excluded from the one remaining site. Positive action...I can do this! 

Posted on:
Sat, 31/10/2015 - 19:07

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Well done buddy !. Great positivity will take you forward !   Best wishes with your recovery .  Alan 

Posted on:
Sat, 31/10/2015 - 19:50

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

NeilDoug wrote:

I've done it! Cancelled that last cc over the phone and self excluded from the one remaining site. Positive action...I can do this! 

Well done!!!

Posted on:
Sun, 01/11/2015 - 22:07

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Good day today. Actually watched a game without thinking about what to bet on. I am hoping I get my life back now. When I gave up before I was amazed how much more out of life I got. You learn these lessons yet still do it and it takes some guts to stand up and admit the problem. 

Posted on:
Thu, 05/11/2015 - 21:11

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

No urges now and it helps that I cannot actually gamble as haven't got the means too! 

Posted on:
Tue, 24/11/2015 - 22:02

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

No gambling since 31st October. All good and gradually getting my life back (and money!) 

Posted on:
Sat, 12/12/2015 - 11:38

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Still nothing... All good! 

Posted on:
Mon, 11/01/2016 - 23:03

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Anyone still following my thread there is nothing to report!! With the ability to gamble taken away by shredding those CC's I have not gambled. My CC debt as now been wiped and next target is a personal loan that I took about to plug some previous gambling debts (see October posts). I'm making regular overpayments on this and I cannot wait for the day where I can say for the first time since I was 18 that I am debt free!! My personal target is November 16! I'll keep posting periodically just in case anyone is interested..but typing this keeps me focused. Good luck everyone going through the same issues and struggles. 

Posted on:
Mon, 11/01/2016 - 23:16

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

ND1 wrote:

Anyone still following my thread there is nothing to report!! With the ability to gamble taken away by shredding those CC's I have not gambled. My CC debt as now been wiped and next target is a personal loan that I took about to plug some previous gambling debts (see October posts). I'm making regular overpayments on this and I cannot wait for the day where I can say for the first time since I was 18 that I am debt free!! My personal target is November 16! I'll keep posting periodically just in case anyone is interested..but typing this keeps me focused. Good luck everyone going through the same issues and struggles. 

Early days, well done so far.  tri x

Posted on:
Sat, 13/02/2016 - 16:52

Tom_2015

Joined:
2015-12-22

Great story. An inspiration for me anyway.

Posted on:
Thu, 25/02/2016 - 23:51

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Just to keep the update going. I've still not gambled and found myself with so much more money as a result. Looking back I always thought I needed to win to repay my debt but in reality with discipline and self control I have been able to make overpayments to my loan. The plan is to gain a early repayment figure for my loan and pay it off with money from my next pay day. This will be a massive day for me as it will be the first time I will be debt free since I was 18. I won't lie this hasn't been an easy process and as you can see from my log I have relapsed on a few occasions. For me the biggest challenge was admitting to myself that I needed help. I haven't gone down the counsellor route but just took away the ability to gamble and used the forums to see that other normal people were struggling with the same addiction and I wasn't alone in having this gambling urges and believing my only kick in life a large bet.  My new son gave me perspective 6 months ago - take responsibility for your own actions. Be honest to yourself and have clear goals in mind. If you are serious about changing it can be done. 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 25/02/2016 - 23:56

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

One thing to add is that I'm certainty not being complacent. Just one bet (however small) and it can start all over again

Posted on:
Sun, 27/03/2016 - 23:50

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Just to give a bit of an update. My credit cards and loans are all cleared and for the first time in my life (since 18!) I have no debt. Things are there to challenge me though as a close family member gave me their log in to place a bet for them and I gave them a small amount of money so I could have a bet....bad idea. As I got back all those feelings I had banished for 6 months. To make things worse I'm worried about my job as there is a real possibility of redundancy so I'm thinking about money again even though I am debt free. Keep strong!! 

Posted on:
Mon, 28/03/2016 - 00:39

critch

Joined:
2016-03-27

Stay strong ND1, you can do it. Don't give into temptation.

Posted on:
Sat, 02/04/2016 - 23:34

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Got into a bad habit again as am giving my friend money each time I want a bet on his account and the old feelings keep coming back. Today and yesterday I had a few bets on and then kept betting and betting with "winnings" until the entire £20 was gone. The only blessing is I don't have "gambling" all over my bank statements. The money isn't an issue. I'm more upset that the old thoughts came back..."what can I next bet on...what is the next game on tv" and just ignoring things I should be doing instead of watching that next game I have gambled on. I am moody and irritable when bets are losing and here we are again!! All those thoughts I had enjoyed not thinking about. 

I'll start counting again and I've asked my friend not to take money from me. 

Wish me luck again 

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 20/04/2016 - 22:41

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

15th April 2016 - no on line betting on my friends account. Told him to not let me use it. 5 days and counting 

Posted on:
Wed, 04/05/2016 - 21:47

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Still going strong. Almost to a month with no on-line betting ruining my life! 

Posted on:
Wed, 04/05/2016 - 22:14

DoubleJ

Joined:
2016-04-30

Well done ND1. A month is great. Keep it up.

I am at day zero again for the third time in 5 days.

Struggling but getting inspiration from members like you. Thanks.

JJT

Posted on:
Sun, 08/05/2016 - 06:17

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

JJT - I've struggled numerous times through this and lapsed on a number of occasion so it is never easy. Over time I'm realising that I just don't need gambling in my life dictating my behaviours. Keep going 

Posted on:
Mon, 16/05/2016 - 22:11

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

I'm going to keep posting even if I have nothing to report. Still no betting. Moving towards the two month mark. I'm not having the urges I used to and am finding things to fill the void whether it be running, sport or just seeing family and friends. 

Posted on:
Sat, 11/06/2016 - 19:17

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Let's start again - the football and rugby starting and the onset of Royal Ascot was too much. My 6 month exclusion had finished an account was re-opened £25 deposit, lost and then another £25. Now self-excluded again. Be strong 

Posted on:
Wed, 15/06/2016 - 06:40

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

I don't need to "come clean" as my wife has full visibility on everything I do. We share one joint account so there is no deceit and I am open and honest about everything. Self exclusion completed. 

Posted on:
Sat, 18/06/2016 - 10:08

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

I got through Ascot ok - some massive urges but managed to refain. 

Posted on:
Thu, 11/08/2016 - 23:47

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

found some new casino's who have also started doing on line sports betting. Same old routine - bet, win, lose, chase, lose. Self excluded and started again. 1st Day 11th August 2016

Posted on:
Thu, 18/08/2016 - 07:33

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Day One - 17th August 2016 - starting again 

Posted on:
Thu, 18/08/2016 - 07:56

Kryptonite

Joined:
2016-08-17

Hope and Despair are two powerful emotions I would use to describe the whole diary I just read, I'm at the very start of my journey. Hope and despair is apt as they are the two feelings I feel most when gambling, the hope of a big win, the despair of reccuring failure and money losses. I hope you keep battling ND1, it was a good feeling when I read you were x months without gambling and had more money. I think it's harder when the bank balance actually recovers, makes you feel like oh I can afford a little bit of betting and for me can swing from a positive balance of £1000 to £200 overdrawn. Recover and do it again. Keep fighting the fight.

Posted on:
Thu, 18/08/2016 - 15:42

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

Thank you for the support. The hardest thing is that you think that you have recovered and in control again but obviously you never are. Constant lessons being learnt! 

Posted on:
Sat, 20/08/2016 - 09:00

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

The hardest thing now is that all those thoughts about which bet next and chasing money has all come back. I managed to control it  for long periods last year. I need to start again and close a newly reopened card that I have been gambling on. Once my latest loss has cleared then I'll pay it off and close it. Wish me luck again! 

Posted on:
Sun, 21/08/2016 - 07:48

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

My last bet was Saturday 20th August. 24 hours without a bet is an achievement for me at the moment as I had gone back to what I was doing back in October last year. I'll keep posting each day as it keeps me focused. 

Posted on:
Mon, 22/08/2016 - 13:07

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

48 hours so still doing ok?!

Posted on:
Sat, 03/09/2016 - 02:40

ND1

Joined:
2015-10-11

I'm back in deep again. Credit card gambling after being so strong. 

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