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My life - unbelievable story

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 21:44

gdl900

Joined:
2018-06-27

Hi, first post here. Hope you don't mind reading my story... It's unbelievable. I understand you will find some of it truly shocking but i want to make you aware what gambling can do to you. I personally believe i am one of the worst compulsive gamblers in the world.

I am 27 years of age and have wasted my entire 20's so far because of gambling -

I started working in a bookmakers in 2011. When i first started working there I could not believe the amount people were staking on some bets. I thought £40 on a football accumulator bet was absolutely insane. (it is for non gamblers)

During my job there from 2011 to 2014, I gradually became more and more obsessed with gambling, and after a few big lucky wins on horse racing I thought I knew how to beat the odds and win. I thought I had inside knowledge because I worked in a bookmakers and saw what bets everyone was placing.

My gambling got so out of hand that I was taking out payday loan after payday loan, huge overdrafts, mobile phone contracts (then sell the phone). I must have took out about 6 phone contracts and sold the phone instantly to get money. I also shamefully admit to selling a phone on ebay once that didnt exist. (I lost the money sent to my paypal to gambling and then the guy had no phone off me) I was planning on doubling the money and then refunding him back the money he sent me.

When my credit history started becoming worse and i was unable to get more credit, I turned to stealing from my workplace. I would place bets using the companies money out of the safe. If the bet lost I would keep placing more bets until I won it all back and had some to pocket myself (and put the rest of it back in the safe). I got away with doing this for sometime until one day it all went wrong and i ended up losing everything. I cleared the shop out. I was very lucky to not go to prison.

Since 2014 and losing the job at bookmakers, my gambling has got even worse. I have on numberous occasions stayed up all night on payday and lost every last penny of my wages by 6am. I sold my car for £400 (it was worth over a grand) and lost all the money within half an hour. I sold my expensive phone (also for £400) and lost it all instantly.

In January this year i got evicted from my council flat because I stopped paying the rent because i gambled it all.

I once took out a payday loan for a grand and put it all on a horse at 11/10 odds. The bet won - I then lost the 2 grand within a few hours.

I admit to stealing food from supermarkets because I was so starving as gambled all my money.

I have no friends and have had no friends the entire time ive been a compulsive gambler. Ive had no girlfriend. My life has been devoted to gambling every single month for the past 6 years. I havent had a break from gambling this entire time.

I havent bought any new clothes or anything for myself for years, I often don't buy my family birthday or christmas presents because I gambled all my money.

Without my Mum's continued support (constantly lending me money for food) I would without doubt be in prison or most probably dead.

I have an awful job as I havent been bothered about my career as gambling has been my only priority all this time.

If i lose a bet I become very irate - I have to win this money back instantly. If i lose again then I keep gambling until either I win it back or lose it all. If i win a load of money I will lose it all.

I used to gamble £5 a week on the football (before i was a compulsive gambler), then I turned to horse racing, then higher stakes on football, then FOBT machines, then tennis betting, then absolutely anything and everything. (anything to get the fix) Basically I will gamble on absolutely anything in an instant without a thought on what I am doing. I will gamble on players/teams I have never even heard of and know nothing about whatsover. I have even gambled on badminton matches at 2am.

I am a severe pathological gambler. Ive wasted my life :(

Just wanted to share it all with you.

I will read this everyday to remind myself what a severe compulsive, pathological gambler I truly am.

Before I gambled I had pretty much never committed a crime in my life and was a nice lad with a decent upbringing. Gambling can turn you into a monster.

Thanks and good luck to everyone else. I will read other stories and start posting more often.

(Last bet, 27/6/2018)

 

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 22:40

Sjr12

Joined:
2018-06-01

Hi Gdl900, 

Thanks for sharing your story and well done in doing so, it takes a lot of courage sometimes to face up to our mistakes from gambling. 

I’m certain that the majority of people on here, including myself, have make some terrible mistakes and have endless regrets on the decisions we have made. Please don’t wallow in this like I did, accepting it is hard but just remember if you want to change, this will become the ‘old’ you. 

I noticed your last bet was today, have you researched tools and tips to help you stop as of now? I personally would recommend registering for GamStop and GamBan. Both block access to online accounts, the latter is an app on your phone and GamStop restricts access to your existing and potentially new online accounts. 

Kept us in the loop on how you’re getting on and I wish you the best on our journey. 

Sjr

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 22:47

bluescreen

Joined:
2018-03-13

Hi gdl900,

welcome to the forums. :)
You might be surprised that there are actually a lot more people on here who can relate to your story than you might have thought. A typical 'career' for the likes of us. Who hasn't been there yet will eventually get there - and beyond - if we don't stop it. It's progressive and unforgiving.

It's good to see you coming here and admitting that you have a problem. That takes some courage.
Admitting defeat isn't something that comes easily for us. We'd usually rather go on hiding it than facing up to reality. That's in the nature of this addiction, I guess, we have done that for the most part of our adult lives.

Breaking the cycle is tough. Our brains are hooked on this cocktail of extreme emotions, the buzz of anticipation, being totally lost in your own little world and that sinking feeling in your stomach when you wake up the next morning and realize what you've done - again. Even the struggle to somehow go on and 'living on the edge' plays a part in that cocktail, at least I think it did for me, which in itself is actually quite disturbing.

To tackle this, you will need a 'strategy'. Willpower and determination alone might do the trick for a while - until the anger and self-loathing of the last loss fade. That's when that little voice will start coming back... selective memory is a deceiptful thing. Be one step ahead of yourself. Self-exclude, register with Gamstop, install blocking software.

Welcome aboard. Today is the first day of a better life. You can do it. :)

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 23:03

gdl900

Joined:
2018-06-27

Sjr12 wrote:

Hi Gdl900, 

Thanks for sharing your story and well done in doing so, it takes a lot of courage sometimes to face up to our mistakes from gambling. 

I’m certain that the majority of people on here, including myself, have make some terrible mistakes and have endless regrets on the decisions we have made. Please don’t wallow in this like I did, accepting it is hard but just remember if you want to change, this will become the ‘old’ you. 

I noticed your last bet was today, have you researched tools and tips to help you stop as of now? I personally would recommend registering for GamStop and GamBan. Both block access to online accounts, the latter is an app on your phone and GamStop restricts access to your existing and potentially new online accounts. 

Kept us in the loop on how you’re getting on and I wish you the best on our journey. 

Sjr

Hi Sjr12, thanks for the reply. I have just registered on gamstop. Bit annoying how it doesnt apply to all bookmakers yet, but hopefully will this year sometime from what i understand?

How long have you been gambling free for?

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 23:08

gdl900

Joined:
2018-06-27

bluescreen wrote:
Hi gdl900, welcome to the forums. :) You might be surprised that there are actually a lot more people on here who can relate to your story than you might have thought. A typical 'career' for the likes of us. Who hasn't been there yet will eventually get there - and beyond - if we don't stop it. It's progressive and unforgiving. It's good to see you coming here and admitting that you have a problem. That takes some courage. Admitting defeat isn't something that comes easily for us. We'd usually rather go on hiding it than facing up to reality. That's in the nature of this addiction, I guess, we have done that for the most part of our adult lives. Breaking the cycle is tough. Our brains are hooked on this cocktail of extreme emotions, the buzz of anticipation, being totally lost in your own little world and that sinking feeling in your stomach when you wake up the next morning and realize what you've done - again. Even the struggle to somehow go on and 'living on the edge' plays a part in that cocktail, at least I think it did for me, which in itself is actually quite disturbing. To tackle this, you will need a 'strategy'. Willpower and determination alone might do the trick for a while - until the anger and self-loathing of the last loss fade. That's when that little voice will start coming back... selective memory is a deceiptful thing. Be one step ahead of yourself. Self-exclude, register with Gamstop, install blocking software. Welcome aboard. Today is the first day of a better life. You can do it. :)

cheers bluescreen. My problem is, even after just a few hours after losing everything, I think to myself that my latest compulsive gambling episode was just a mistake and that next time it will be different - even though it has happened thousands of times before and will again (if i gamble)

I think that next time, i will manage to put a bet on and then that is it, like normal people can. How can you deal with this? I seem to think i am cured when not gambling

Posted on:
Thu, 28/06/2018 - 08:54

bluescreen

Joined:
2018-03-13

We will never be cured.
We can recover, mentally and financially, we can break the cycle, but we can't ever have another bet. I know it's hard to come to terms with the fact that you cannot ever gamble again. If I'd try... well... it wouldn't take long to get sucked back in. In fact that would most likely happen the moment I started. It will be like that for the rest of my life and I have to accept it to move along. That's just how I am. Thinking otherwise would only be that little demon trying to fool me. Years of madness have brought me to a point where playing for fun and shrugging it off when I lose is something that I can't do anymore (and I would eventually lose, that's only a question of time, because I couldn't stop)- no matter how hard the voice in my head tries to convince myself that this time I could...
...and if I won it would be even worse...

Why should I want that? It would be a one way ticket to misery.

Treating myself to a little gamble after a certain amount of gf time... bad idea.... I've made it out of that pit... why don't I just jump back in right again?...

Thinking that this time it will be different is addiction speaking, trying to lure you back in. We can't get rid of it for good, we can only learn to live with it, let those thoughts pass to keep the upper hand. It will get easier with time.

Small chunks. Bit by bit. Just for today you won't give in. :)

Posted on:
Thu, 28/06/2018 - 09:56

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Hi gdl900

Unfortunately your story is not so unbelievable, the number of people who have wasted 10, 20, 30 years of their lives to this sickening addiction is astonishing.

I appeciate you feel like you have wasted the last few years but you have to concentrate on the future where you do not gamble that can be a much better place. The past is gone and spending too long regreting it is going to do nothing to improve your future.

Loads of great advise already on here so only one thing I wanted to mention and that was to make sure you find something else to fill the time you were previously gambling. If your life was previously filled with gambling then you are potentially going to have a lot of spare time on your hands suddenly which is going to be a great opportunity for your gambling demons to start trying to tempt you back. Get some exercise, get a new hobby, rekindle some of those friendships you let go of while you gambling, sort your career out. Anything really to fill the gap.

Good luck

  

Posted on:
Thu, 28/06/2018 - 20:55

Sjr12

Joined:
2018-06-01

gdl900 wrote:

Sjr12 wrote:

Hi Gdl900, 

Thanks for sharing your story and well done in doing so, it takes a lot of courage sometimes to face up to our mistakes from gambling. 

I’m certain that the majority of people on here, including myself, have make some terrible mistakes and have endless regrets on the decisions we have made. Please don’t wallow in this like I did, accepting it is hard but just remember if you want to change, this will become the ‘old’ you. 

I noticed your last bet was today, have you researched tools and tips to help you stop as of now? I personally would recommend registering for GamStop and GamBan. Both block access to online accounts, the latter is an app on your phone and GamStop restricts access to your existing and potentially new online accounts. 

Kept us in the loop on how you’re getting on and I wish you the best on our journey. 

Sjr

Hi Sjr12, thanks for the reply. I have just registered on gamstop. Bit annoying how it doesnt apply to all bookmakers yet, but hopefully will this year sometime from what i understand?

How long have you been gambling free for?

Hi Gdl900, how’s today been for you? It is annoying and that part takes a bit of willpower. Some people just get fed up, me personally I had a massive wake up call. In my mind I feel like I need to win back what I’ve lost but then if by micracle I do, it’s never been enough to stop me wasting it again. 

That made me realise, it’s never been about the money. Sounds stupid I know. I once built up win after win and had enough to be debt free plus loads left to use towards something like a mortgage deposit (I had £18k pending in my account to be withdrawn). Then it was gone, all gone. That wasn’t actually my wake up call, but like with any addiction you need to WANT to give up too. 

I’m now 28 days GF so approaching my first month. It is a massive change but I read stories on here and it really helps. I once saw someone post a quote on here “nothing changes if nothing changes”. It helps to keep that in my mind. 

GamCare also offer 121 counselling so maybe give them a buzz and talk to them at least. Does anyone close to you know of your struggle with gambling? 

Sjr

Posted on:
Fri, 29/06/2018 - 12:57

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi gd900,

You have made a very good start in posting here and you have had much support already. It can be very difficult to accept your losses and how your life has been in order to move forward. But you can make changes and you can change the way this is going for you by making good decisions for yourself and for your future.

The past you cannot change.

As people said, you can contact us on 0800 80 20 133 and talk about practical steps which could he useful to you moving forward and we have face to face counselling services available to you, too.

There is much support for you.

I have copied this thread into the "recovery diary" section of this Forum as it can really help to monitor your journey and look back at it at some point.

You can do this!

Kind wishes

Gabriele