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My First Step

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 20:01

Louis_92

Joined:
2018-02-25

Hello

I don’t really know why I’m writing this, or where to begin, but I need to do something with my life before it spirals out of control, hopefully this could do something.

I’m 25 years old and today is the first day I’ve ever admitted to anyone that I am completely addicted to gambling.

It first started when I was 18 and I opened my first betting account online. I remember it so clearly, I deposited £15, which game me a total of £30 to play with. I went onto the roulette wheel and just clicked some random numbers. The number 18 landed and the next thing I know there was £180 sitting in my account. It was that exact moment I was hooked. Over the next month that £180 turned into £1500, which is when I told my parents how much I had won. They were happy but extremely concerned over my gambling online

I them remember adding around £1K to my bank account in cash that I had saved / received from my 18th birthday. I was saving to learn how to drive and buy my first car. *Spoiler alert* I still don’t know how to drive or own a car

I continued to bet on sports, which was all fine and what I enjoyed, but before another month was up I had completely wiped my account clean from deposits

The feeling was disgusting and I felt sick to my stomach

The next 6 years have been a continuation of me winning money, working hard and even stealing money from my parents, for it all to go straight to the gambling companies

Last month is when it got extremely out of hand. I had around £8K of withdrawals pending from my account. I thought this was going to be my big win to finally leave with. Unfortunately the money never even hit my account before I cancelled the withdrawals and lost it all in the space of a few hours. £8K in a few hours.

I’m now lying down and wondering if my next wage packet, which comes in on Tuesday night, will be enough to cover my current pending transactions and still get me through the month. I owe so many people money, including banks and payday loans and I can’t see any light at the moment. I just hope my girlfriend and family will understand what I’m going through. I haven’t had the courage to tell my family yet, but my girlfriend has had mixed reactions. Let’s just hope I haven’t stopped the bleeding too late.

I’m about 4 hours gambling free, I pray that no one has to go through what I am feeling right now. I’m not sure if anyone’s reading this, but it feels real putting thoughts to paper. 

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 20:40

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello louis,

Welcome to the forum, i know you are struggling right now but you are not alone and its not too late at all. Many people have been and are in your situation but there is help out there that can get you to stop, as long as thats REALLY what you want. Some people still come here and cling to that hope that the losing will stop, that the big win will come in and thats them, done with gambling.

As great as that sentence sounds its not a reality to us compulsive gamblers. It doesn't matter if we win or lose along the way, "we cannot win because we cannot stop!". Any money won is just more tokens to keep playing with, any losses we chase hoping to "get even" again and the cycle goes on and on.

If you are truely ready to stop now is the time to blow this secret open. Its much harder to gamble when people know to look out for you. When the blocks have been put into place. When your money has been handed over to someone you can trust to stop you having the access to your credit thats allowing you to do this to yourselve. When they are checking your bank statements.

You are young, life is there for the taking. I know it hurts right now. Accept that you have been beaten, that the money lost has gone. You have many good years ahead of you to earn all the money you could ever want. Get the help, talk to family, arrange counselling and put everything between yourself and your ability to gamble anymore. You have to want to work at recovery. Get to the root. Why do you gamble? What does it fill? There are many questions to answer within ourselves and our addiction but this will come from time away from gambling.

Get the blocks in place, get out of the madness and confusion gambling puts us in by getting a couple of weeks gamble free behind you and start working on the rest. Take it one day at a time, you can do this.

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 21:41

Louis_92

Joined:
2018-02-25

These are some of the nicest comments I have ever had written to me. Thank you so much for the support. I still haven’t found the will to tell my parents yet, and I think the major reason is because I will have to tell them of the money I have stolen recently. It will just break my heart to see them hurt at the thought of what I have done.

My girlfriend has been so good to me in all of this, I don’t know what I would have done without her. I know telling my family would just help me out even more, but I would like to try maybe a bit of counselling first. 

Thank you for listening x

Posted on:
Mon, 26/02/2018 - 20:08

Louis_92

Joined:
2018-02-25

It’s only 1 day gamble free but it just feels amazing. The hardest part will be getting through this month after gambling most of my wages away. Although it’s going to be tough, I just feel great about my new outlook on life. I’m excited for my new future and can’t wait to start switching my energy from gambling to my family, friends and career

Posted on:
Wed, 28/02/2018 - 03:58

Louis_92

Joined:
2018-02-25

girkfi After a really positive start to my gamble free life, I’ve hit a new low. All of my pending transactions from my last weekend of gambling have just wiped my account. I’ve just been paid for the month and I have no idea how I’m going to get through it now :( . I’ve been in this type of situation before and always been able to source some type of cash to help me out, but this time it will mean having to come clean to my family, as I have to send my uncle money every month as a payback for a loan he gave me to finance my studies. I cannot even bare the thought of having to tell my parents and family how much money I’ve lost to gambling. I took £350 out of a safe where my dad keep cash In the house. He still hasn’t noticed, but I’m sure he’ll check once I’ve come clean to him. I thought coming clean to my girlfriend was hard enough, but this is going to be a complete **** storm. I just hope they understand enough to forgive me