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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 23/01/2018 - 09:05

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

Not sure how to start these type of things, but I'll just go ahead.

My gambling started about 2 to 3 years ago on sports betting with a small wager on a both team to score. Came close so tried another and then another (you can see where this is going). Although I never put more than 5 to 10 pounds a bet, it's the frequency of these bets per day or even hour that is the problem. I lose 5 or 10 pounds and then I'm back in.

I'm not in great debt, but I did lose approx a grand in savings over the 2 to 3 year period and I am always in my overdraft. I can't remember the last time I got paid and none of it went to the bank. Being able to save money is non existent and I always clear the overdraft at the end of the month.

In a future perspective this is dangerously damaging and can only go on for so long, before I'm in trouble.

I have a wife who I love dearly and I'm letting her down. Although she doesn't know about my problem, it's gambling or her. I want to provide a great future for us, I'm only 32 and can save myself now.

I'm currently 5 days gamble free and will battle on to 6.

This diary is mainly for me to record and track my progress, but if it helps anybody along the way the that would be good.

Posted on:
Tue, 23/01/2018 - 09:54

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi mate,

welcome to the forum, you'll get some great support here from people in the same position as you, people who are trying to chance their lives forever. Look for as many positives as you can, you aren't in debt and you want a great future for your family. You can do this and will do this. Keep up the good work, nearly a week done.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 23/01/2018 - 10:25

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

Hi Wilsy

Thank you for your kind words, I'm feeling determined and motivated to best this.

Posted on:
Wed, 24/01/2018 - 08:32

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

Day 6 GF

Day 6 was a success, was way too busy at work to get time to bet. We've been mourning the loss of our beloved cat, my mind has pretty much been thinking of him with not much taking my attention.

We loved him dearly and miss him greatly, I don't want this to be a trigger to start gambling again and must keep strong.

On to the next day, baby steps.

Posted on:
Thu, 25/01/2018 - 08:34

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

Day 7 GF

It's good to see that 7, a week without gambling. Been a sad week but I've kept strong. The weekend is coming up and there's loads of football on, I've got no accounts running so I've no access anyway.

Kept my attention away from gambling by watching films and playing games. Back to the gym next after a week off so more energy can go that way.

Have a good day people.

Posted on:
Fri, 26/01/2018 - 11:24

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

8 days GF

Gonna make it to 9. Weekend coming up, need to stay focused. It'll be hard seeing the football scores without putting anything on. Might be wise to switch off and stay away from them.

Posted on:
Mon, 29/01/2018 - 09:17

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

11 days GF

Weekend been and gone so fast. Had a discussion with my wife about savings, it hurt to have to lie as to where all my money goes. I've spent so much time and money on gambling that I have nothing to show for any eaarnings. Yes my bills are paid on time each month, but I'm not really living more just existing. I can't justify spending money on things I want but will go and blow £100 gambling like it's nothing.

The worst part is having to lie, but I can't tell her as it would destroy us. I need to best this demon and move forward in life.

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 12:01

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

12 Days GF

Another day down.

Pay day can't come quick enough, thinking of ways to clear that credit card that's been hanging over me the best part of 5 years.
Wife wants to help but I can't let her see my finances until I'm straight and keep putting her off. Only time and no gambling can fix this, I know full well I can't use gambling to get me out of this hole so must keep going.

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 09:27

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

13 Days GF

Things are going okay, I fancied a bet last night and if I had, the acca would've lost anyway. Inevitably I'd have gone in again to win that money back, so in a way I actually won last night by not betting.

If I'd bet £10 per day i'd have saved £130, that is a decent amount of money to me and could go on things I actually want instead of giving it to the bookies.

Onwards and upwards, I will not bet today.

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 09:45

Sha999

Joined:
2017-08-29

Good on you Id, I have just treated myself for not gambling by purchasing some Nike Air trainers costing £180. Keep up the good work, the days will soon rack up.

Shaun

Posted on:
Wed, 31/01/2018 - 11:54

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

Hi Shaun

I like the idea of rewards for not gambling, think I'm going to get to a month and treat myself to some Puma King Astros I've had my eye on.

Thank you for the comment and good luck with your journey.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 08:34

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

14 days GF

Another day GF and it went so quick. The football last night threw in a couple of upsets that would've seen my bets lose had I had placed them. Feels good that I have won by not gambling and shows how unpredictable games can be. The only winners are the bookies.

Today I will not gamble my hard earned money.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 13:52

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi mate,

well done on 2 weeks abstaining, really proud of you and keep making the right choices and those giant steps you would have to make to have a better life will become pigeon steps... in time. I'm sure you understand what I am saying.

Look forward to waking up tomorrow and slamming a huge '15' days at the top of your next post!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 01/02/2018 - 14:56

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

Congrats on the 2 weeks without gambling. 

I love the line - 'today I will not gamble my hard earned money' - I'm feeling that more and more since quitting. There's a real agony in taking hours to earn money just to lose it in a few minutes. 

Keep bottling up that good feeling of how clean life can be without the time, money and mental energy wasted on gambling. 

Wishing you all the best.

Equinox

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 08:25

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

15 Days GF

Thanks for the comments Wilsy and Equinox.

Half way through a month and I'm determined to go the whole way.
Yet again the weekend is upon us and this is where the gambling lure is strongest. I'm slowly learning to watch sport without throwing money at it.

Have a good day all.

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 09:00

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Well done mate, positive post and this weekend relax and enjoy your sport or whatever else you choose to do.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 08:50

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

0 Days GF

Back to the start, I'm so disappointed with myself. Had an account that I thought was closed pop up via email with a free bet, I won and then went on to deposit £30 Saturday and £30 sunday.

I was 16 days GF then I went and ruined it, it may not seem alot of money to some but it's the fact I broke my own rules, rather than the money lost.

I could lie and say I had a successful weekend, but i'd only be lying to myself. So today is another new start and I will keep this thread as a reminder of my own journey and to record my progress.

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 11:07

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Don't worry mate, just start again, no damage done just a bit of disappointment, you'll be stronger for this slip.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 11:07

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

1 Day GF

1 day under my belt, still disappointed about the weekend. It's actually reaffirmed why I can't gamble, I'm always the loser.

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 11:49

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

You aren't a loser but we do always lose at gambling which is why it is no good. Well done mate on posting, keep waking up each day and start your day by postively posting on your diary.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 13:42

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

Cheers Wilsy

I took a look at your diary yesterday and you've come a long way from your day 1. I will try and keep up to date with your progress. Well done on your journey so far.

Posted on:
Wed, 07/02/2018 - 09:37

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

2 Days GF

Had the urge to drop a bet on the football last night, it was quite strong too. Instead I went to the the gym and put my phone in the locker.

I felt better on my previous clear run than on this one, Not sure why but it was easier a week ago. Is it boredom? Idle thumbs? I work on my own alot and it can be quite lonely, maybe I use gambling to keep my mind off being bored at work. I think it becomes habit at the weekend lots of football and always had accumalators on. It was part of the weekend activities.

I need to toughen up mentally and keep fighting.

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 09:13

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

3 Days GF

Another day down and another evening in the gym locking my phone away so I can't bet.
It seems to work, I get fit and healthy and my bank balance remains healthier.

Since stopping gambling (1 Day relapse admittedly) I've halved my use of my overdraft. Every month I was going £700 into the red and with pay day looming next week I should just touch half of that.

Going to see a Metallica tribute band the weekend with the thought in the back of my mind about not spending too much. If it wasn't for gambling this would not have bothered me. But as I've been over spending for 2 years+ I'm trying to get comfortable.

Positives are coming in the form of reducing the overdraft use, once this is in order it will allow me to pay off my credit card and save for the future.

Have a good day all.

Posted on:
Fri, 09/02/2018 - 11:53

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

4 Days GF

As I'm writing this I have a temptation to place an accumulator. There's not even much on today, I guess it's the feeling of putting a bet on for the sake of it.

With weekend coming up I will not gamble, this is where I am weakest as it is part of my weekend. Off out Saturday night so funds will go on that instead of losing.

I've done a fair bit of reflecting and noticed how many things I have turned down due to gambling. I've wasted a couple of years giving my money to the bookies, Instead of going places and gaining new experiences. I even had to give up fishing as I couldn't afford to go, it's not the cheapest hobby but still cheaper than gamblimg. I had to sell my car as the repairs were becoming too high, had to lie to my wife that it was becoming unreliable. When in fact I had to sell it to pay for repairs and get some money back from it.

I borrowed money from my dad and could only pay half back, I avoided the issue and it caused things to become awkward. This hurt alot as I was embarrassed. He let me Off, but I will repay once I'm straight.

It's pay day next week and it's all I keep living for at the moment, no trips or holidays booked at the moment which will help. It's hard to say no when my wife wants a holiday and I have no acceptable reason not to, other than to come clean which would split us (her dad had a problem, but that's her story). I feel like I'm as bad as him and I'm letting her down.

I checked my deposits on an account and it read I'd put in £2k, I could've done anything with that money and it's not coming back. We can tell ourselves in our heads we haven't deposited a lot, but when it's on screen it proves that I'm just kidding myself. That could've gone into savings and now it's wasted.

Just for today I will not gamble.

Stay strong everyone.

Posted on:
Sat, 10/02/2018 - 10:25

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

5 Days GF

It was at this point last weekend that I have into temptation. Need to be on my guard and not give in.

Keeping this short and sweet today.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 11:12

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

7 Days GF

A successful weekend, no bets wagered. Had a good night out Saturday and was a tad hungover Sunday, wasn't able to think clearly to bet if I wanted to.

Man Utd got turned over by Newcastle, would've been in my acca as well. Seen so many surprising results that is have lost money on, Instead I watched the game for the game itself rather than a bet. Just shame about the result.

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 08:18

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

So after going 11 days straight, I relapsed. Unfortunately had a night out at the dogs that I couldn't get out of.

Stuck in between not gambling and giving my secret why, and not gambling and not really having an excuse and coming clean. I went with the latter and budgeted £20, but a gamble is a gamble and I start again. I actually spent more on booze rather than the other way round which is a slight positive.

But, let's do day 1 again. I kept my secret from work colleagues but a fall is a fall.

Posted on:
Thu, 08/03/2018 - 12:51

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

Haven't posted here for a while, I went 2 weeks gamble free and was doing well. Until that is I had a relapse and list £100 that I couldn't afford, part of me thought I could increase that amount and just ended up chasing.

Stupid thing to do I know. So I'm going to keep up this diary, I did think about starting a new one but this mistake will be here to remind me that I can be better.

Just an update of where I was at...

Was doing well for 2 weeks, then I let my guard down. I was a bit short on cash and gambled £10 which spiralled and became more, 1 win 1 lose 2 for example. Credit card clearance is going well and I have only 7 payments left. My main goals are to fight the gambling demon, clear my credit card and fight my way out of my overdraft.

I can and will do this.

Posted on:
Fri, 09/03/2018 - 08:11

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

1 Day GF (again)

Yesterday went okay, was busy with work to think about gambling.

Keeping this short as it is another busy day, the weekend is the real test.

Happy Friday all.

Posted on:
Fri, 09/03/2018 - 10:34

Cookie12

Joined:
2018-02-19

stay strong ...

Posted on:
Mon, 12/03/2018 - 08:49

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

4 days GF

I actually thought it was 3 days until I logged on which was a bit of a bonus.

Weekend went well, although there were urges but I suppose that is to be expected overcoming an addiction. The battle is not giving in.

I try to think back to a time when I didn't gamble and why I started. I don't have a bad life and have a happy home, just miss my cat who was like my little friend. Finances are not great but not awful either, they could be so much better. Wife has booked us to go to Rome so really need to knuckle down.

Here's to a gamble free day.

Posted on:
Tue, 13/03/2018 - 08:58

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

5 days GF

Too busy yesterday at work to look at my phone to gamble, not that I want to.

Left my phone in the locker at the gym which gave me another hour away from social media and any gambling thoughts.

I wonder how much gambling has increased with advancements if smart phones? I've never been in a bookies but it is so easy to tap a few buttons on a screen.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/03/2018 - 08:00

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

6 days GF

So close to a week, but been in this position and messed up before.

Pay day Friday and it will be a chance to clear a bit of debt off the credit card. Another session in the gym last night gave me chance to lock my phone away, get my headphones and lose myself in a workout.

One more day till a full week.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/03/2018 - 09:38

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

7 days GF

A full week GF, 1st milestone met. Aiming for 10 days now

Posted on:
Fri, 16/03/2018 - 09:06

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

8 days GF

It's payday and I have literally half my wages to pay bills and live on after clearing the overdraft. It's going to be another tight month. The bills will be paid but socially I won't be doing anything.

The only way to get out of this is by not gambling.

Posted on:
Thu, 22/03/2018 - 10:00

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

2 weeks GF

Hit the 2 week mark, struggling to not to give in to urges. I thought the first few days would be hard but this is the most difficult.

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2018 - 13:22

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

18 days GF

I'm now 18 days gf and another weekend out the way. It's the weekends when I'm at my most vulnerable so it does seem strange to say I'm glad it is out of the way.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 08:44

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

19 days GF

Another day down. Being busy at work is really going to help, no time to gamble.

Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 10:15

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

22 Days GF

Another weekend to battle, but it's bank holiday and no work for 4 days. It's weekends like this that I would be glued to my phone betting, but not this weekend.

Have a good Easter everyone and stay GF.

Posted on:
Mon, 14/05/2018 - 08:19

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

0 Days GF

Back to my idiotic ways, so ashamed of myself. I'm ruining my life.

Posted on:
Mon, 14/05/2018 - 08:45

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Dust yourself down and start again. It’s the only way. 

It’s my Day 1 again too. 

Let’s take this one day at a time and beat this awful addiction that’s ruining our lives. 

Posted on:
Mon, 14/05/2018 - 15:33

ITDamo

Joined:
2016-01-26

Hi IdioticM,
Sorry to read about all your relpases, but its good that you are continuing to try.
There is a saying "Nothing changes if nothing changes". What are you going to do differently this time to help yourself?

Sounds like online gambling is your vice, so why not register with gamstop, and get yourself excluded from the sites, so that gambling would be more difficult for you. Always ways around it, if you really wanted to find them, but it might give you a bit more time to think about what you are doing.

Damo

Posted on:
Tue, 15/05/2018 - 09:38

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

1 Day GF

Thank you for your comments. I've installed gamban on my phone and it is working well so far.
Had a bit of problem yesterday self excluding from a sports betting site, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to name said company. But anyway, I tried to do it through the site and an apparent technical fault prevented me from doing so. Instead I emailed customer support with all my details to self exclude and still they wouldn't due to wrong details. Emails went back and forth all afternoon and it was getting tiresome, even admitting I had a problem didn't speed up the process.

It's ridiculous and immoral, I have a problem and they want to keep me as a customer. It just adds to pressure I've put on myself.

Has anyone else came across this?

Posted on:
Wed, 16/05/2018 - 10:38

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

2 Days GF

I'm still very much in the gambling hangover, just taking it one day at a time. Pay day in a few days, not that I'll see much of it.

Posted on:
Thu, 17/05/2018 - 12:21

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

3 Days GF

Another day down, going to keep plodding on.

Posted on:
Fri, 18/05/2018 - 08:28

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

4 Days GF

It's pay day, I should be happy its here but I'll literally see nothing of it after bills. It's going to be a slow month and it's my own fault.

Positive note though, it's cup final day tomorrow and hopefully the red devils can lift that trophy as we're not good enough to win anything else.

Posted on:
Fri, 18/05/2018 - 09:15

Ryanb

Joined:
2018-05-16

Keep going. Your doing well. Relapses are there to make you stronger and to remember that horrible feeling of when you’ve decided to put that bet on and ruin the hard work. 

Im currently on day 3 and I’m feeling fairly positive. Only problem I will have is a day at royal ascot in June.

These forums make it easier as you see your not the only one who’s decided to make a positive change in life. Good luck with the weekend. 

Posted on:
Fri, 18/05/2018 - 11:39

Ryanb

Joined:
2018-05-16

Keep going. Your doing well. Relapses are there to make you stronger and to remember that horrible feeling of when you’ve decided to put that bet on and ruin the hard work. 

Im currently on day 3 and I’m feeling fairly positive. Only problem I will have is a day at royal ascot in June.

These forums make it easier as you see your not the only one who’s decided to make a positive change in life. Good luck with the weekend. 

Posted on:
Sat, 19/05/2018 - 10:31

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

5 Days GF

Cup final day, come on United! Not one bet will be placed today, I'm just going to watch the game for the game. Apparently there's some sort of wedding going on as well.

Here's to another day GF

Posted on:
Sun, 20/05/2018 - 17:30

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

6 Days GF

What a terrible cup final.

A successful gamble free day yesterday, Saturday is normally my main gambling day.

I'm not going to gamble today, a week free is coming up

Posted on:
Mon, 21/05/2018 - 10:12

IdioticM

Joined:
2018-01-18

7 Days GF

Stress of money is really licking in today. Had to pay household bills and now leaves me with nothing.

Feel like **** and I know it's my fault.

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