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This must be the last time

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#1 Posted on:
Mon, 16/10/2017 - 06:48

MeefUK

Joined:
2017-07-31

Hi I'm a CG and would like to start a daily diary on overcoming problem gambling.

Im 29 and I have have gambled since I was young, I recently nearly went a whole year gamble free and I felt brilliant and I don't know what it was but I felt the urge to gamble again and I did, I lost about £1000 and I borrowed from my savings won it all back but carried on and lost that also.

Since then I would win then lose and win and lose again, I just didn't know how to stop, I could of broken even but I don't think that is what any compulsive gambler is looking for, we want more.

Yesterday took me over the edge when I lost £800, I'm slightly short on my rent and had to approach my parents to help me take control of my finances, I gave them my bank card and explained to them, they have been through this with me before.
I know I can go without gambling as I've done it before I just need the temptation taken away from me (my card) also knowing they can look through my statements now makes me not want to do it even more.

I am down in myself from all of this, I slept well last night but as soon as I wake up and think about what happened I'm fully awake.

I know from doing this I will be a better husband and dad as I will not be on my phone as much.

I want to be able to look back at all this in 6months, 1year, 2 years time and think how stupid I was and how things are better now.
I want to feel proud of myself not ashamed of myself!

This is it now, I'm doing this and I'm going to get myself straight!

Posted on:
Mon, 16/10/2017 - 13:23

MeefUK

Joined:
2017-07-31

Thought I would post again whilst waiting between jobs.
Today I actually feel quite positive and looking forwards in how I can straighten this all out, including making sure bills are paid and putting money back and learning that money isn't everything.

My problem is I'm not happy unless I have a good some of money in my bank and I panic alot.

Me and my wife have our second on the way in 6 months time so it's time I start bucking my ideas up.

No thoughts about gambling today only the odd one about how stupid I was to keep chasing the money and losing it.

Posted on:
Mon, 16/10/2017 - 19:00

ste_ven

Joined:
2012-05-11

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I'll cut to the chase and apologise if this comes across as blunt, but do you want to stop... 100% want to stop? The reason I ask is the title of your diary... "this must be the last time". Not "this WILL be the last time"... the harsh reality is that as CGs we all know that if we want to find a way to bet, we will. 

I said this in the past, I said that this had to be the last time, or it must be the last time... but looking back I didn't want it to be the last time. I wasn't honest with myself and as a result I went back to gambling, similar to you, cleared debts and now as a result of my own stupidity they are back.

Giving up your card is a great step, also look at putting as many blocks in place as possible e.g. Self exclusion, software to block sites on computer and mobile etc.

I wish you well in your journey, this is a great place for help and I would encourage you to pop into the chat room in the near future also.

Take care and stay GF. 

Posted on:
Tue, 17/10/2017 - 01:00

MeefUK

Joined:
2017-07-31

Hi ste_ven, thanks for your honest words and don't apologise as I would prefer to be given advice straight to the point.

This will be the last time, I don't want to gamble anymore for sure.
I have been back and forth also going back in to it but this time I'm going to quit for good, as nothing good ever comes of it. I have lost count the amount of times I've said "oh I'll deposit £50 and if I don't win I won't deposit anymore" but when I lose that £50 I want it back or more. This then leads to losing more money so then you look back and think I could of just been £50 down but now I'm £800 down.

So that, it's ruining my life and will eventually ruin others around me so it has to stop. It's not enjoyable and nothing is gained from it as in the end we never win.

I will have a look in to the chat one day.

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 22:08

Nonchaser

Joined:
2016-11-25

Hi, Thank-you for your encouragement on my post. I like you panic about money when I have it, I panic is it enough then if I gamble I panic that's it gone. I recently has a conversation at work with a colleague and it was almost refreshing to realise that they carried debt also. In this day and age most families have debt and money worries ...the wise ones just live their lives without being consumed by it..how I wish.