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Looking For Advice

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 01/11/2017 - 20:56

Who Girl19

Joined:
2017-11-01

Hi everyone,

I'm here looking for some advice. My partner has a gambling problem, which I found out about after he took hundreds of pounds out of our joint account, we have been saving this money for our wedding next year. I confronted him and he admitted that he used it to gamble online, which I understand was a hard thing for him to admit. He told me that he'd been living in the red for the best part of 10 years due to online gambling. I believe this all stems back to when his mum passed away in his early 20s. He told me that he had a small debt he was paying off and that he didn't have any other debts.

Initially I was hurt and wondered how he could do this to me and keep this from me, but I now realise that he was going through an awful time and didn't seem to have any support. He has been actively seeking help and has been going to GA for the last few months and he has told a few members of his family. He told me has hasn't gambled since he told me about his problem. I have tried to be as supportive as I can and try not to be negitive about any of it. I have told him that I am proud of the progress he has made.

Today he received a letter demanding money he owed from a pay day loan from a few years ago, that he never paid back. I asked why he didn't tell me about this, he said he did have a few payday loans but he doesn't know how many or who with and didn't know what to do about it. I feel like this has set us back again. I told him he needs to look into finding out as I don't want us getting another letter and finding out there is even more debt.

I love him and can see a future with him, I am just worried that he isn't being fully honest with me and that there are more debts. I want to trust him and be there for him but feel like I'm just waiting for more debts to appear. I have noone to talk to as he doesn't want me telling my family or friends as it will affect how they see him. Which I do understand but I need support too.

Am I being a fool staying with him and planning a future with him? I know noone is perfect and can forgive him for taking the money (he is now paying it back) it's the fact he's kept this from me and more things keep coming out. I'm worried that his past will just keep coming back to haunt us. sorry for the long message.

Posted on:
Wed, 01/11/2017 - 21:54

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi whogirl sorry to read your story. I'm wife of cg and my cg did same, gambled savings for wedding. I knew nothing, his dad bailed him out and I found out 3 years later. It sounds like he's drip feeding you bits of debt, he may well not know for sure, hoping it all disappears. Don't have joint accounts, try to take control of finance if you can, that's the best way to limit damage and see what's going on. Get credit reports. It's good he's going to GA, is there a gamanon meeting you could go to at the same time? This is an addiction and will not be cured, they only stop if they really want to. It's better with support and meetings. Don't keep it a secret, gambling survives on secrets and lies. You're right you need support. Call gamcare and ask them for advice. No one can decide for you whether to continue or not. There are online software that can be downloaded onto gadgets to stop gambling sites. Also internet provider can stop access. Look after you and your money. Good luck!

Posted on:
Wed, 01/11/2017 - 22:35

Who Girl19

Joined:
2017-11-01

Thank you for your response, I will look into a gamaon meeting that I can go to as I feel that may help. He said he is going to get credit reports, so I will make sure he does. I own the house we live in and handle all the bills and he just transfers the money to me, so I know it won't affect the house. He told me he has blocked his online gambling accounts, I really think he does want to move on, but just worry about any hidden debts. Thank you so much for the advice :)