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Posted on:
Tue, 28/11/2017 - 12:58

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Equinox wrote:
I'm sure the new year won't weaken your granite-like resolve - plus I imagine it's near impossible to play online roulette while scuba diving!

Well if it comes to it I will toss my tablet and phones into the pool to stop myself gambling, think I could quite easily live "off the grid" for a while although I would obviously miss this place!

So day 55 GF and still do not want to gamble.

Think my new hobby has become swearing at the television when casino/bingo/bookies adverts or sponsorship come on. Little worried this will be my next addiction but figure it will still be cheaper and better for my self esteem than gambling. 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 28/11/2017 - 13:42

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

Muststop123 wrote:

Think my new hobby has become swearing at the television when casino/bingo/bookies adverts or sponsorship come on. Little worried this will be my next addiction but figure it will still be cheaper and better for my self esteem than gambling. 

Well I don't know about that ... we all know how addictions start small but build over time. Today, yes it's just shouting and swearing at the TV ... but tomorrow, the TV goes flying out the window. A replacement TV needed each day. Then it's no longer daily, it's every advert break. We're looking at major spending, might even make roulette seem the cheaper option. Wise to put blocks on your Currys, Dixons and Argos accounts now! And self-exclude from any Bang and Olufsen shops. Stick to the BBC and binge watch endless costume dramas. 

And well done with 55 days! Nearly two longs months.

Posted on:
Wed, 29/11/2017 - 11:50

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Day 56 GF and no broken televisions so all is good.

Really busy at work at the moment so little time to think about much else.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 09:27

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Day 57 GF and my resolve to not gamble remains 100%. I am not fighting urges, I just see it as a dirty bad thing to do.

Had a bit of an emotional wobble yesterday when I got a bit upset with myself thinking about my four months of stupidity. I think most of this emotion is still how ashamed I feel about my behaviour. I don't deliberately drag these negative emotions up to the front of my mind but I think my now deeply entrenched mindset that gambling equals very bad outcomes and horrible emotions/feelings is probably a major contributor to the lack of any significant urges (apart from that one unexplained episode a week ago).

I read some of the dreadful impacts gambling has had on peoples lives and do appreciate I have probably dodged a bullet here as long as I can maintain this current level of resolve to never gamble again.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 13:51

paulll

Joined:
2009-10-16

 

Hi muststop,

Thanks for your support. I won’t be gambling today, was just feeling a bit sorry for myself earlier. It can be an emotional rollercoaster this recovery, just got to try and remain positive.

Posted on:
Fri, 01/12/2017 - 09:52

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Day 58 GF and feeling pretty good. No urges to gamble or negative thoughts.

Busy at work and home. Will probably get the Christmas decorations/tree out of the loft tonight ready for decorating tomorrow swiftly followed by a couple of well earnt glasses of wine.

Noticed that I have been sleeping really soundly the last few nights. Out for the count almost instantly about 11.00pm and woken up by alarm at 6.30am a bit surprised it is morning. Complete opposite of when I was gambling when I would be either gambling or worrying about gambling until the early hours and then get a couple of hours of interupted sleep until I woke up with a sickening feeling in my stomach when I realised it was all actually happening and was not a nighmare. Difficult to believe we put ourselves through this for the "enjoyment" of watching a few computer graphics spin round on a screen. 

Hope everyone is keeping strong and GF.

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 09:55

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Day 59 GF and busy weekend coming up. Gambling is not going to be any part of it.

 

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 10:09

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Checking in day 60 GF.

Hope online casinos aren't expecting any donations from me because they aren't getting any. 

Christmas tree is up and decorated. Bit of Christmas shopping today then out for an hours power walking, been a bit lazy about that recently.

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 10:11

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Congratulations on 60 days and your determination to rid your life of gambling, take care S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 10:15

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Day 61 GF which I am counting as 2 months or approximately half the total time I was gambling irresponsibily so time for a bit of a stocktake:

1. Generally feeling a lot more at ease with myself. Whilst I still get upset about my past behaviour if I think about it too much, I don't get these thoughts too much. I would not say I have forgiven myself for what I did (not sure if I ever really will) but I can live with it. I don't like having this black mark on my life but there is no way to erase it so just need to accept it and learn from it.

2. Strong dislike for anything to do with gambling remains and quite happy with this as I think it helps to fight off any potential urges to gamble. I don't really feel like I am having to fight that hard because I just don't want to gamble but know I need to maintain on guard and not become complacent. I read too many diaries on here where people have managed 3 months, 6 months, a year or longer and then still relapse - really do not want to join that club. Must not forget I had one instance of wanting to gamble so still poison in my mind.

3. Financial blocks obviously still in place and to be honest I am quite happy for this to be how my wife and I manage our finances going forward indefinitely. We never had "my money" and "her money" anyway. Previously we paid all the bills and the remainder went into a savings account which happened to be in my name because I was the one most likely to hunt around for the best interest rates and move the money around. Turns out that was a rubbish idea because I would spend an evening looking for an account that gave 0.1% better rate and then waste £1000s on online casinos. So now the bills get paid and the remainder goes into a savings account in her name. Does not stop us making decisions together but gives us both peace of mind.   

Will keep this diary going to help in the fight against becoming complacent.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 10:02

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Checking in Day 62 GF.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 09:01

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Checking in day 63 GF.

Stupid busy so no time to ramble on. Seriously doubt I could find time to gamble if I wanted which I don't.

Nothing to report really - all is good.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 11:40

Chris30z

Joined:
2017-10-15

Really proud of you man, you’ve done so well. I’ve been following your diary closely.

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 12:10

Wilsy

Joined:
2012-02-22

MustStop well done on racking up the days and pleased to hear all is good.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 09:27

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Thanks for the kind words, Chris and Wilsy, very much appreciated.

Day 64 GF and not even a thought that I would consider gambling today.

Talk on the radio this morning about sports sponsorship and trying to give sportpeople support to help them avoid problem gambling. All good stuff. Representative from gambling industry comes on and is obviously just bored with whole issue, "we already do this, comply with that, fully support responsible gambling, blah blah blah". He fairly obviously wanted to get back to day job of destroying peoples lives and making them miserable. Then started talking about the take over of one big gambling company by another. Just the talk of their names still upsets me - sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Have a good day all. 

Posted on:
Fri, 08/12/2017 - 09:03

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Checking in for Day 65 GF and all good.

Still really busy and weekend away with friends straight after work tonight.

Getting to the point that the only time I really think about gambling is when I post on here or when I see adverts/sponsorship on television or it is mentioned on the radio. 

 

 

   

Posted on:
Sat, 09/12/2017 - 21:33

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Checking in 66 days GF.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 10:31

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Into day 67 GF and will not be gambling today or tomorrow.

Last week at work before finishing for Christmas on Friday so stupid busy getting everything cleared that I need to do.

Keep strong everyone.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 11:40

Wilsy

Joined:
2012-02-22

Well done on 67 days GF and thanks for your support on my diary.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 19:48

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Thanks for your message on my diary mate! 

You’re 2/3’s of the way to that magical century yourself

Not long now until you can really enjoy the true aspect of a gamble free Christmas. 

It’s there, waiting for us. We’re in touching distance of it. 

Keep up the good work, Muststop123

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 08:58

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Checking in day 68 GF

 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 10:42

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

Hi Muststop123 - well done. I read through your diary again and your recovery is truly inspiring. I'm hoping some of your Olympic level strength and resolve rubs off on me. Congratulations and thanks. 

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 09:39

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Equinox wrote:

Hi Muststop123 - well done. I read through your diary again and your recovery is truly inspiring. I'm hoping some of your Olympic level strength and resolve rubs off on me. Congratulations and thanks. 

Equinox - keep to the code!

 

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 09:46

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Day 69 GF today and will not gamble today.

I can keep this really simple for myself. I can have a really good life without gambling or I can throw it all away for the desire to watch a few graphics spin around on a computer screen. Not really a difficult decision.

   

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 18:06

paulll

Joined:
2009-10-16

Well done, muststop. I like what you’ve written about keeping things simple. Why make life harder than it needs to be by gambling? 

Posted on:
Thu, 14/12/2017 - 09:58

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Checking in day 70 GF.

Not much to say today, busy and no thought of gambling which I guess is normal for 95% of the population.

Posted on:
Fri, 15/12/2017 - 09:21

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Day 71 GF today and all good.

Last day at work today before Christmas as have a week's holiday away with my son before Christmas while my wife prepares Christmas. Don't ask how I got away with that because still not sure I have worked that one out but figure she maybe just wants us out of the way. Guess I owe her even more and that is on top of the trouble I have caused over the last six months. I was just about to write that staying gamble free would be the best thing I could do for her but then realised just how incredibly selfish that sounds - not gambling is part of the absolute bare minimum that she should expect from a decent husband, its not something she should be grateful for. I feel suitably chastised for even momentarily thinking that.

So away with my son for a week so definitely not going to be in a position to gamble, not that I want to anyway, and then back just before Christmas which will be busy as have quite a lot of family over for Christmas and then busy until I go back to work in the New Year so fairly confident there are no likely opportunities/triggers over the next couple of weeks which is good.       

That brings me to the New Year and whilst this is not something I actively worry about, I do keep telling myself that I need to take extra care when things get a bit less busy. I know it would sound crazy to someone would has not gambled complusively to suggest that a slightly quieter period of your life could cause someone to act irresponsibly but I am not taking any risks here.

No urges to gamble but advertising on television still makes me feel really uncomfortable, particularly if I am with my wife or son, I feel like leaving the room as if I am guilty of doing something wrong just by being in the same room. I notice myself picking up my phone to look at something or leaving the room pretending to go and do something when they come on. Watching a comedy on a popular digital channel last night and in one set of adverts there were three adverts for gambling, two casinos and one bingo. This is blatantly ridiculous but I don't think society as a whole has yet woken to the damage being done, hopefully at some point in the future gambling will be seen a bit like cigarettes and the advertising will be controlled a bit more. Guess the gambling industry will continue to take advantage for as long as it can.

Keep strong everyone and get through another day GF. 

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