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Last gamble was 5mins ago that is it!!!

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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 05/03/2015 - 22:05

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Hi I am new on here I have just spent the last if my life savings literally 5 mins ago , it has been 3 yrs of downs downs ups and mainly downs. This is the end of the road and I have turned to this site to kick start my life again. 

 

Day 1 starts when I wake up tomorrow and I will update as I have not gone a day without gambling on some type of sporting event for about 3 yrs. any live sports event was tempting me and I have now closed my accounts and looking forward to a life without my heart racing everyday . I need to concentrate on my daughter and wife. 

 

I hope with the help of this site and people in a similar situation we can all get through our addictions. 

Thank you for reading my diary page.

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 06/03/2015 - 06:19

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 1 up and off to work , just had a coffee and checked last nights sports results, still feel a real urge as I believe I could have made some money last night but I know this is the start of my life and will not give in this time. 3rd time lucky this is my last attempt. 

Posted on:
Sun, 22/05/2016 - 14:14

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

 

Fresh start today cannot get any lower . Huge relapse sick of feeling so low , I will get through this for my daughter

 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 22/05/2016 - 17:08

ADT785

Joined:
2016-05-11

Hello tomh admiting is the first step mate so well done!! I know its hard but u have to resist the urge. Give gamcare a call their helpline is v good have a chin wag bit of a cry it is all good they will give u advice and support. Also find a ga meeting in ur area they are brilliant and u will get so much support. I am on day 15 and yes im up and down like a yo yo but like u spent 3 years of my life living and breathing fobt finally starting to see things clearly!! Good luck mate!!

 

Posted on:
Sun, 22/05/2016 - 21:31

SwordFish

Joined:
2015-10-31

Hi tom.

You have made the first step by coming here again. You realise you have a serious problem and know you have to tackle it. It's an awful feeling mate. We have all been there. Give gamcare a ring. They are great. Use this diary to write in every day. Read other diaries. Most are very inspirational. You say you WILL get through this for your daughter. You sound determined. Please keep in touch mate. This place is great with some great people on here. 

Take care mate and remember "we will not win because we will not stop"

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 13:35

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Thank you for the comments we are all in this together and I get the feeling there are some great people on here who motivate others to succeed in this fight I am looking forward to seeing that no2 telling me when my last bet was growing and growing until it gets to 365! I will have a nice few beers that day!

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 14:14

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi Tomh, and welcome to the forum buddy .  You can do this my friend , you just have to want to enough !  You said in your first post that you " Want to concentrate on your daughter and your wife " but in order to make them feel the benefit of what your doing , you need to focus on yourself at the moment , they will benefit for the rest of there live's , just as you will in time from what your doing now but stay safe and focus on one day at a time , put all the blocks and barriers you can in front of you and gambling , make sure the time, money , location triangle remains broken at all time ( remove one and you cannot gamble ) it sounds easy but it works .

I look forward to hearing some more of your story soon ! 

Best wishes for now and welcome to recovery ! 

Alan 

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 15:17

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Thanks Alan the support since joining the site is really overwhelming I wish i had discussed more on here a while back , I joined the site a couple of years back but did not interact and maximise the benefits , I am now fully committed and enjoy talking and interacting with people who have and continue to go through this terrible addiction, I will always be available to chat whenever anyone wants support 

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 17:44

SwordFish

Joined:
2015-10-31

Tom

I know your only two days in but sound very up for this fight! Stay close to this site. I'm not long into this either (read my diary) I know your confident but remember this habit can and will come to try and bite us at any point! We must be ready for it! Stay strong my friend! I'm pleased it's working for you at the moment

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 17:51

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

 

Day 2 , its been a busy day out and about at work no thoughts of gambling at all 

Reading the forums throughout my spare time is my new thing which then helps me not gamble and also reminds me of the low points in which I found myself a few moths back . I am looking forward to day 3 and the challenge which I have ahead of me it's going to a long hard slog but I am going to tackle this head on and do this once for all , I know I willl never be cured and there could be a relapse at anytime which makes me remain vigilant and determined 

Thank you for reading my diary , apologies if I update too much but this keeps me busy:-)

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 17:53

SwordFish

Joined:
2015-10-31

Don't apologise! Post as much as you can! I do! This place is saving me! Along with my missus and daughter of course!

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 18:00

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

I agree mate , I joined 2 yrs ago but mainly read stories and the forums didn't really post any myself but the past couple of days I have realised just venting your feelings and releasing those thoughts really help and can also help others so I will likely be posting a few times a day 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 23/05/2016 - 18:20

ADT785

Joined:
2016-05-11

Hi tomh if you look at my diary mate i have had days were i have gone right off the deep ends take it a day at a time and mate u have to be selfish at the moment. A few people have mentioned ramble rather than gamble and a diary is a really great way to do this!!  Take care mate slow and steady wins the race!! 

Posted on:
Tue, 24/05/2016 - 06:31

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 3 , getting there slowly . This has now been the longest I have not gambled in nearly 5 years and it feels great! I really do feel as though the weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can concentrate on normal life again, I'm even going into work early today to make a start on a few things I need to do! 

Hopefully today will be a successful day for everybody keep up the good work and let's keep focused

Thanks for reading my day 3 morning natter il no doubt be back later!

Posted on:
Tue, 24/05/2016 - 10:01

SwordFish

Joined:
2015-10-31

Well done Tom can sense the positivity in you posts! It will get hard at some point and you must be ready for it! Don't get complacent! It can strike at any time and leave you unaware! You must keep your guard up at all times! Are you having councilling or anything aswell? I had my second session last night went very well !

Posted on:
Tue, 24/05/2016 - 11:38

ADT785

Joined:
2016-05-11

Hey Tom your doing great pal!! i second the counciling from Mr Swordfish it will help you talk to someone 1 on 1! I actually tried GA last week and was such a good feeling wasnt sure at first but i am 100% going back on thursday and am actually looking forward to it! There is somthing good about a room full of gamblers who have been there done that and got the T shirt with what you are feeling and can offer great advice! have a great day Tom

Posted on:
Tue, 24/05/2016 - 20:35

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Hi fellas , I have not had counselling do you recommend it? I'm not going to get complacent , I know how low I have been and the places where i have been emotionally I never want to see again , I will never see the money again and that is something I will live with but I have now started a fresh start I am 31 so I have learnt from my mistake and will continue to remain focused and keep posting on here with my progress

Posted on:
Tue, 24/05/2016 - 20:55

ADT785

Joined:
2016-05-11

Hi tom counciling is a great thing. If you apeak to gamcare they arrange for it for u for free. You will use cbt methods for coping. Its good for all aspects of ur life mate im 32 and i have had a couple of sessions and it has really helped me. It will help you find the root of the issue. You need to try future proof yourself. Look its free will make you feel even beter and help u its a win win.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 24/05/2016 - 21:29

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Just registered online for the counselling so hopefully I can get talking to a counsellor soon . Looking forward to payday on Friday ! Payday has never been relevant in my last 5 yrs as Iv never seen much of it well not for long anyway but now il be spending wisely and treating my daughter :-) she deserves it after suffering due to my stupidity 

Oh well onwards and upwards day 4 tomorrow!

Posted on:
Wed, 25/05/2016 - 06:17

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 4 , didn't sleep very well and been up since 5 tossing and turning . It's not the gambling which is now my issue although I am very much aware of keeping my guard up , it is the money I have lost . I am beating myself up about the losses and really need to start a fresh . The figures I have calculated are eye watering and really do hit me hard. I need to realise quickly that the money has gone and will be gone forever , the new me won't let this happen again.

Have a good day everyone and thanks for reading . Let's have it day 4!

Posted on:
Wed, 25/05/2016 - 11:01

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi Tom , look the easiest way to deal with the losses are to write them off to good old experience , a life lesson if you want , if your unable to do that then it's going to be difficult to draw a line under the gambling and walk away , what you could do is think of it in another way ? . You could see the losses as just expenses incurred because of a hobby or entertainment ? , if you'd been going to the cinema everyday for six months or had an expensive gym membership that no longer appealed to you , then that wouldn't bother you as much ? . What about if you had a really bad illness ? , gambling is sometimes classed as an illness , so you could look on it as paying for treatment , if your treatment cost £1000, £5000 or £ 10,000 but meant that you could live a normal heathy life free from pain ( the pain of gambling ) then you'd be more than happy to pay for that cure , right ? .

Sometimes we need to think outside the box a bit and look through different eyes in order to see what's really in front of us !!

Take care buddy  and I'll catch up soon !

Alan

Posted on:
Wed, 25/05/2016 - 16:24

ADT785

Joined:
2016-05-11

HI Tom

Look Money is Money Like me we are in our Early 30s you have a long long time to make up for the loss of that cash. Like Alan says this is a life experince and admiting this issue and accepting and dealing with this are going to make you are very strong and happy person. Did you ring gamcare after for a chat?? Cheers

Posted on:
Wed, 25/05/2016 - 19:57

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Thanks guys really appreciate that , great way of looking at it Alan. I have paid a large price but am fit and healthy and hopefully mentally tougher from these experiences .  Day 4 has been a busy 1 at work and time has flown by going to look at a new car tomorrow so that is something to look forward to n day 5 , not far off a week free of gambling then! 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 26/05/2016 - 19:39

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 5 nearly complete its been a very progressive week and something il be honest , I really couldn't imagine doing even a couple of weeks ago not gambling for 5 days seemed impossible . I'm really determined and have put the barriers in place to keep this up . Day 6 tomorrow , payday! These days have been my day to go in the bookies and go crazy betting on all sorts but not tomorrow , il be enjoying my bank holiday weekend! 

Posted on:
Fri, 27/05/2016 - 15:09

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 6 , felt a little down today but didn't feel like gambling have these up and downs regarding guilt and feeling ashamed of myself but feeling better now my daughter is on her way round and its bank holiday weekend .

6 days has been difficult but I know this is the beginning of my new life , a new life without gambling and I cannot wait to get back on my feet and feel good about myself. Confidence personally is at its lowest ever but it's a slow rebuilding process which is not going to complete in 6 days or even 6 month , this is a long term issue . 5 yrs of constant gambling cannot be turned round easily but I'm giving it my best shot and I will progress . It's great to see people with huge numbers of days without gambling , I will have those huge numbers 1 days buts it's baby steps at the minute . Thanks for reading my page , have a great bank holiday 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 28/05/2016 - 12:52

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

1 week down feel really proud of myself for not gambling for a full week, I never would have thought done a week gamble free and here I am! Taking my daughter out today sun is shining think we ll stop off and have a couple of drinks by the canal and keep week away from any sport or betting shops, looking forward to watching the play off final later with no pressure of having huge money on it and also the boxing later tonight , I think it's going to be good watching sport properly rather than my heart pounding . Today is a milestone , 1 week looking forward to making double figures now 

Posted on:
Sat, 28/05/2016 - 18:18

ADT785

Joined:
2016-05-11

Congrats on ur week mate fantastic

Posted on:
Mon, 30/05/2016 - 11:40

ADT785

Joined:
2016-05-11

Hi Tom i wanted t say thank you for your messages on my post. Your a good guy and your right we may never meet but support comes in lots of ways! me and another member have added exchanged email adresses your more than welcome to swap with me? Your doing great by the way your going to be up and down but we will get there mate!

Posted on:
Wed, 01/06/2016 - 21:32

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

11 days! Il be honest it was the hardest day so far and one il be glad to get over and done with. Need to keep strong and keep progressing , these hard days are going to come but I need to make sure they come and go and my 11 days move on to 12 and so on , come on Tom!!!!!

Posted on:
Wed, 01/06/2016 - 21:48

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Well done Tom on your 11 day's of getting your life back ! , It's not all plain sailing and you will have days where you feel down in the dumps and others where your flying in the clouds , just deal with the bad ones as they happen and sit and reflect on how bad life could be if you went back to gambling  or look back at your opening diary page when you were so down , that'll soon bring you back on track , it  does get much easier Tom , the more time and distance you put between you and your last bet will allow you to build strength and continue with your fight to beat this addiction .

Remember we are always here to chat to , if you feel the need and your never alone with this .

Pleasure to walk alongside you Tom .

Best wishes .............Alan  

Posted on:
Sat, 04/06/2016 - 11:29

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Thanks Alan all the nice messages really do inspire and keep me on the right track . 2 weeks today and still feeling good ups and downs but 14 days and I am sooo proud of myself! I really am chuffed to bits I can inagine iv saved myself well over £500 in these 14 days long may it continue , thanks guys what an amazing site this is with some great people

 

Posted on:
Tue, 07/06/2016 - 21:13

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Right , day 17! It's been a hard slog a lot harder than I imagined but I'm going to keep going! I came sooo close to placing a bet today but I fought it and roll on to day 18 tomorrow, very proud of myself and like people have told me on here the fight is never over , I will fight it everyday!!!

Posted on:
Tue, 07/06/2016 - 22:07

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

Tomh wrote:

 

Fresh start today cannot get any lower . Huge relapse sick of feeling so low , I will get through this for my daughter

 

 

Not bad motivation Tom, but if your still struggling give the counselling some thought.  Equally Gamblers Anonymous and that sort of thing.

Posted on:
Tue, 07/06/2016 - 23:11

SwordFish

Joined:
2015-10-31

Hi tom! Good to hear from you. Please your still going strong and keeping the urges at bay

Take care mate

Gaz

Posted on:
Sat, 11/06/2016 - 08:26

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

3 weeks today!!!! Come on let's do this, with the football on at the moment it's going to a tough few weeks to stay out of the bookies but i can do it ! Keep strong tom

Posted on:
Wed, 15/06/2016 - 07:29

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

25 days now, I have not been on for a few days been working hard at work and gym and keeping my head down . Feeling good at the minute still rebuilding my life both mentally and financially but I will get there in the end , were only here once so can't let my past stop me now gotta keep moving forward . Looking forward to Father's Day and spending some quality time with my daughter , this is what life is all about not watching irrelevant sporting events sweating with nerves and anxiety. Thanks for reading hope everyone's doing well! :-) 

Posted on:
Thu, 16/06/2016 - 10:59

SwordFish

Joined:
2015-10-31

Hi tom pleased to see your still doing well (very well in fact) enjoy Father's Day mate.

Stay safe

Gaz

Posted on:
Sun, 03/07/2016 - 20:44

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Hi everyone not been on for a couple of weeks working and taking my daughter out , it's been a hard few weeks and there are times when I desperately wNt to have a little flutter , I know I cannot just have a little bet and that's where it all started but iv done so well to get this far that even £5 can turn into £500 rapidly and I need to stay strong , hope everyone is staying strong and keep fighting this terrible illness 

Tom x

Posted on:
Sun, 04/09/2016 - 14:23

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Hi everyone not been on for a while thinking I was doing great , I must admit i was doing fine , caved in today and put a £10 bet on!:-( 

Even though I put £10 on and left it at that I know that cannot be the start so I have re-set my gambling days to zero and I am ready to go again . I feel like I have let myself down though on the positive side I didn't like the feeling 1 bit! Bit like not smoking for a while then trying a *** again and being sick! Here's to a fresh start shame iv thrown away so many good days trying my hardest though I am so dedicated again now. Got to 100 days last time need to see that to 365 this time! Thanks for reading hope everyone is doing great

 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/09/2016 - 21:30

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 2 I know it's a long road but no feelings to gamble need to keep this mindset it's such a difficult and horrible addiction , keep strong tom

Posted on:
Mon, 09/01/2017 - 06:31

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 127 now , how time flies when your enjoying yourself !

Even though I do not post very often on here Ian constantly reading stories and taking inspiration from each story . It's going to be a long slog but I'm getting there il never get my money back and iv moved on from that . My focus remains Day to day and will do for the rest of my life I will  it gamble a penny more . Thanks for reading my little comment 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 23/01/2017 - 20:46

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 141 still remain focused and keep working hard , for the first time since I stopped I hav openly discussed betting and odds with friends and never felt like gambling even ignoring "tips" and "certain" winners . Things are looking up il never recoup the money iv lost but that's beginning to be a distant memory . I know how hard it is but I believe it's about day to day focus and building blocks day by day . I have come a long way since driving my car down the motorway crying as I had lost another £1000 but I stil look back at those days for motivation . If your reading this and your struggling please get in Touch ID love to chat to people who may need help 

Posted on:
Mon, 23/01/2017 - 22:55

Pwm101

Joined:
2017-01-23

Enjoyed reading your diary . I'm only 6 days clean but I can relate to your feelings I like the sports betting to. Make it to 150 tom that would be an impressive landmark . All the best 

Posted on:
Tue, 24/01/2017 - 09:17

Phil83

Joined:
2017-01-17

Hi Tom,

Keep up the great work mate, like pwm says, it will soon be 150 (and not far off half a year!). You seem to be so much happier without the gambling so keep it that way :)

Have  great day.

Phil

Posted on:
Wed, 29/03/2017 - 07:35

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Here I am on day 206! Never would have thought back then that I would be sat here 206 days gamble free but little milestones along the way have kept me going , I have read so many stories all very similar to my own literally losing everything well over £30k in life savings and my girlfriend so was really rock bottom , I am far from finished though and will not get complacent at all I want to hit the 365 day mark and then 400 then 450. I have totally removed myself from any gambling means even though I Ann sure if I wanted to I could find a way although I really do not feel the urge mainly due to the hurt I cause myself and people around me . I love reading the stories hope everyone keeps strong we ll get through this together ! 

Posted on:
Sat, 24/02/2018 - 18:44

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Well here I am , thought I was through my addiction let my guard down and today gambled and lost £500 with in 20 mins. I feel awful and all my hard work and dedication has now gone ... I will pick myself up and go again . Day 1 starts tomorrow my life has been amazing lately and I feel like Iv been pulled back into my old life I need to stop!! X

Posted on:
Sat, 24/02/2018 - 19:50

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello tomh,

Sorry to hear you are gambling again but well done on getting back on here and looking to stop before it gets bad. You did well in the past, none of that time GF was wasted. It should have built up a strength and realisation that you can (because you have) do this and stay GF.

Get yourself back focused on each day again and you'll soon be back in the GF flow. Relapses are a lesson to us all that we have to be on our guards at all times from here on out.

Don't beat yourself up, get back to that GF life you had.

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 08:25

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Thank you for the lovely message , I love this site for its positive energy and to see people's commitment to get through these dark days . I will get through this again and with the help of others and by reading stories I will beat this addiction once and for all . This is day 1 again and it's going to be a good day! Gamble free x

Posted on:
Sun, 04/03/2018 - 19:34

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Well yet another bad day! I really feel like Iv let myself slip badly lately and I cannot and will not get dragged into the trouble I found myself in last time . Focus focus focus , I need to keep busy and get myself into a routine .i have too much time in my hands and I need to switch on and get myself sorted this is no good . Back to day 1 I have re-set my last gambled date for the very last time! This is it now! Il keep you all up to date with my new start . I have a baby due in April this is for her . Thanks for reading x

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 06:03

Tomh

Joined:
2013-05-07

Day 1 of the new beginning , busy day today which is how I need to be over the coming days and weeks , the urge will come and go and I will remain strong and keep my head down and find other , rewarding things to do . Just making a coffee then off to work knowing that I will lose £0.00 today! Have a good day everybody 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 10:55

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Stay strong today, ride out the urges, you can do this as you have shown you can before :)

 

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