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Just hi

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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 19:12

Just

Joined:
2018-06-14

Hello

Nice to meet you. I am here because I am shocked and frustrated.

I had played roulette a few times, but it didn't impressed or influenced me at all. Last time I did it was 3 years ago.

But on the 4th of March 2018 for some reason I decided to join a betting site and tried on-line roulette. 

It was all right once a week £15, just for fun. Quite often I won +£5-10 and then withdrawed money and came back to the site in a week, usually on Fri evening.

Then I started spending £25 a week, and again I won(as I left just after I got small +), then I started playing longer, then after lost I added £10-15 more...And once I won 400 vs £25 I started with. It was start of my madness.

In June I already wasted £600, I do not win any more, if I do, I spend it again - standart scheme.

I lost about £1000 in total during these three months, not much and it's not critical for me.

I already blocked and self-exluded myself everywhere on all the sites i joined before. I bought gamban and cannot bet anymore, I found place where I can selfexlude myself for 5 years from all bet sites at once(I think I found the link here).

I haven't bet for two days and probably everything is going to be all right.

But I still do not feel safe: what has happened to me?! What it was?

I have normal life, family, lovely husband and daughter, normal job(not very well paid though, but still a bit higher than average in this country), I am 50+ and I thought I was a mature person. 

Now I am not sure if I am mentally healthy. I was like zomby: I knew I was going to lose and I kept depositing £20-30 every 10 minutes and i could not stop. 

I feel emotionaly empty now and that is why I am here.

Thank you for reading.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 20:40

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Just,

Welcome to the forum. There are many people that share your struggles. While your current losses are small compared to some i think you can even see that this is a progressive illness and the numbers and the pain caused grows quickly. The good news is that there is lots of help out there and many tools you can put into place to stop if thats REALLY what you are ready to do. Many, myself included have gone through the stage of wanting to stop the losses. Still holding on to the "i'll just win it back then stop" way of thinking. Enough is never enough. Gambling takes more than money anyway, money is only an issue when we run out of it (gambling tokens) and have to face up to where we are, even if thats just until we next get paid.

I was totally lost to gambling. It was everything i did and took every £ i could get my hands on. I lived to gamble, it just became what i did, who i was and where i hid from the world. I maxed out my credit lines and only then accepted i was beat by this. I blew it open, told my family, self excluded, got counselling, handed over finances the lot. Everything i had read to do on here i did in one hit. I had mood swings, a lot of highs and lows the first 100+ days gamble free even but im living a greater, far more stable life then i ever thought possible and i've turned my life right round in less than a year. I still have a reasonable debt but for the first time in my adult life i feel like i've found myself and thats priceless, i could never win that only lose it again if i go back.

Break the cycle, accept the help and your self confidence, self worth and life will return.

All the best.

Posted on:
Fri, 15/06/2018 - 05:27

Just

Joined:
2018-06-14

Thanks sjw for your story :)

I hope I will be fine. 

I was strong enough to give up smoking 10 years ago and  I do believe I will manage to give gambling up now.

 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 17/06/2018 - 09:51

Just

Joined:
2018-06-14

Hi

just going to make my notes from time to time in case one day I deside to start again.

5days gf.

I feel much better now. I think  I am very lucky, as I saw and admitted the problem quite quickly and decided to stop it.

I still feel upset I was so weak to be caught by gambling, but I am not frustrated anymore and joy came into my life. While gambling i was often joyless and it used to impact my everyday life a lot.