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It's getting easier

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 29/11/2017 - 13:47

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 26 and thought I should now start my recovery dairy.
I've spent alot of time thinking in these last few weeks and trying to work out where it all started and how it got so bad. I've been buying the odd scratch card and lottery for about 10 years and started online bingo about 8 years ago, playing a small amount mybe once a month. But I think it became more 3 years ago when I stopped smoking, started buying scratch cards every day thinking it's better then buying ****, and bingo online couple of times a week almost like treating myself with the money I saved from smoking. This went on for about 2 years before I started to think I'm spending way too much and never winning, then I discovered slots, seemed easier to win bigger amounts, untill I stopped winning and started chasing loses mybe 6 months ago. So I shut down all slots online and just stuck to bingo and scratch cards. Then I thought if I used actual money in the machines in town I wouldn't spend as much, I was wrong, so over the last 6 months I totally emptied my savings account of about 4,000 and spent my full last wage trying to win some back. That was my rock bottom, I confessed to my family and friends about how bad things had got and I've not gambled since! Still early days but it's already feeling easier. I don't think I would have got this far if it wasn't for this site, so thanks to everyone for all the kind words and good advice!

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 08:20

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 27, dreamt about having a big win on slots last night, it's not the first time I've dreamt about gambling since I given up, not sure if this happens alot to others trying to stop? I only ever dream of winning big so usually wake up with positive feeling toward gambling. Need to loose that feeling as today and tomorrow are my days off work this week and my daughter will be at school. Don't have much money on me and nothing in my bank, think I'll offer to have my nephew for the day, he'll keep me busy and can't go in a bookies with a baby! Planning ahead seems to be working well for, aswell as reading as much as I can on here every time I think of gambling.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 20:23

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Today went well, having my baby nephew for the day made me forget about gambling completely! I'm really starting to feel proud of myself, like I'm finally in control, even though I know I can't be trusted with having money in my account or large amounts of cash on me, I also feel I need to plan any free time and havnt yet been in town by myself! But atleast i know what I need to do this time and I'm choosing to stick to them. after 27 days ive already broke the habbit of gambling everyday, now its just sticking to it. Plans for tomorrow ...getting my Christmas tree, putting up the decorations and mybe wrapping some presents!

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 10:27

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 29, feeling slightly worried about meeting my friend in town for a drink this afternoon, won't be taking much cash with me but Its not really about the money I just don't want to be back at the start. It will be the first time I've drank since I've stopped and don't know if this will make me want to gamble. Does anyone else find that gamble more after having a drink? I really don't want to fail but getting out with a friend is exactly what I need right now.

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 12:28

Dogg1414

Joined:
2017-10-31

Just read through your diary well done on your progress! Yes when I drink it makes me want to gamble more! This is a recipe for disaster mate! Trust me! Taken some pages from your book in terms of planning a head! Please keep sharing. At the moment I’ve stopped sharing finding it hard! 

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 16:09

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Hi dogg1414, sorry to hear your finding it hard at the minute hope it's starts getting easier for you soon! Your right though recipe for disaster, didn't want to take the risk so change of plans, gonna go for an Indian and pint instead. Don't wanna spend my life avoiding things but mybe for the best while it's still early days!

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 10:12

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 30 I'm so pleased with myself didn't think I would get this far, it's starting to feel possible to kick this for good! Feel like I'm having less and less urges and loosing that guilty feeling. Still most days think of the things I could of done with the money I wasted and can't believe how I managed to let gambling take control so much, but I'm dealing with it by thinking at least I'm back in control now, and I can stick to this to make sure it never happens again! The money and time I'll save in the future will out weigh what I lost.

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 23:11

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Just want to say well done on your 30days gf.
Good to hear you are really thinking about how to prevent yourself from gambling and how you are now more aware of any pitfalls you could fall into.
Every day is better than the day before. Not only in our bank accounts but our mental health gets and extra day to go through recovery, it's time to look after you. All good wishes x

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 13:34

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks little miss lost, it's been hard but deffinatly worth it.
Day 31, Was really tempted to buy a scratch card today, just seeing them in the shop and thinking one won't hurt! I really wanted one but didn't give in, the only thing that stopped me was by thinking about wanting to keep racking up my days in here, thought it wouldn't be worth going back to day1 just for a card that would probably be a looser anyway. Signing up to this site has helped so much, couldnt have stopped without it.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 15:34

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 32, feeling abit low today, seems like whenever I worry about money the first thing to enter my mind is to try and win some, even though I know through enough experience that this only ever leads to me having less than I started with, can't seem to get it out of my mind though, looking forward to getting the day over with as I usually feel positive again the next day, pleased with myself for not giving in. I feel I've learnt ways of stopping myself from gambling but wish there was a way I could stop myself from ever wanting to.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 17:24

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Keep it going!

It is very up and down for a while. Don't be so hard on yourself about the fact you have thoughts. Just be aware of them and don't act on them. Addiction runs deep, it'll be there you just have to accept it and learn to stop listening to the reasons it gives to get you back. We all know its not true what addiction tells us (where its lead us all to proves this!). We have to stay away but you know this =)

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 10:21

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks sjwsjw, I'm having alot less bad days now so that's something to be glad about atleast!
Day 33 feeling much more positive again, no thoughts of wanting to gamble today, although I'll be at work allday so that usually helps!

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 18:14

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 34, feeling very pleased with myself, went into town by myself after work today for the first time since quitting and didn't gamble! I didn't have long between finishing and getting back for the school but usually I would have made time for a few spins! It's a massive achievement for me but still going to avoid going alone if I can help it, as think if id have had more time I might have struggled to resist. But still a happy day for me!

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 18:50

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 37, havnt updated for a few days but only because I've been busy with work and spending lots of time with family, not had any urges over weekend or even thought about gambling much at all. I'm feeling really happy at the moment and looking forward to a guilt free Xmas with as little thoughts of gambling as possible!

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 13:21

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 40, met a friend for breakfast this morning right opposite from the place I usually go on the slots, I only took £10 with me so that I couldn't go in, but as I was on my way I was really hoping she wouldn't turn up so that I could go there instead! Luckily she did turn up and I had no money left to go in afterwards so still gamble free but felt awful that I hoped she wouldn't show, how could I still rather play them stupid machines then see a really good friend. It's deffinatly shown me that although I haven't give in to the temptations I still have a long way to go in my recovery!