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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 29/11/2017 - 13:47

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 26 and thought I should now start my recovery dairy.
I've spent alot of time thinking in these last few weeks and trying to work out where it all started and how it got so bad. I've been buying the odd scratch card and lottery for about 10 years and started online bingo about 8 years ago, playing a small amount mybe once a month. But I think it became more 3 years ago when I stopped smoking, started buying scratch cards every day thinking it's better then buying ****, and bingo online couple of times a week almost like treating myself with the money I saved from smoking. This went on for about 2 years before I started to think I'm spending way too much and never winning, then I discovered slots, seemed easier to win bigger amounts, untill I stopped winning and started chasing loses mybe 6 months ago. So I shut down all slots online and just stuck to bingo and scratch cards. Then I thought if I used actual money in the machines in town I wouldn't spend as much, I was wrong, so over the last 6 months I totally emptied my savings account of about 4,000 and spent my full last wage trying to win some back. That was my rock bottom, I confessed to my family and friends about how bad things had got and I've not gambled since! Still early days but it's already feeling easier. I don't think I would have got this far if it wasn't for this site, so thanks to everyone for all the kind words and good advice!

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 08:20

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 27, dreamt about having a big win on slots last night, it's not the first time I've dreamt about gambling since I given up, not sure if this happens alot to others trying to stop? I only ever dream of winning big so usually wake up with positive feeling toward gambling. Need to loose that feeling as today and tomorrow are my days off work this week and my daughter will be at school. Don't have much money on me and nothing in my bank, think I'll offer to have my nephew for the day, he'll keep me busy and can't go in a bookies with a baby! Planning ahead seems to be working well for, aswell as reading as much as I can on here every time I think of gambling.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 20:23

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Today went well, having my baby nephew for the day made me forget about gambling completely! I'm really starting to feel proud of myself, like I'm finally in control, even though I know I can't be trusted with having money in my account or large amounts of cash on me, I also feel I need to plan any free time and havnt yet been in town by myself! But atleast i know what I need to do this time and I'm choosing to stick to them. after 27 days ive already broke the habbit of gambling everyday, now its just sticking to it. Plans for tomorrow ...getting my Christmas tree, putting up the decorations and mybe wrapping some presents!

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 10:27

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 29, feeling slightly worried about meeting my friend in town for a drink this afternoon, won't be taking much cash with me but Its not really about the money I just don't want to be back at the start. It will be the first time I've drank since I've stopped and don't know if this will make me want to gamble. Does anyone else find that gamble more after having a drink? I really don't want to fail but getting out with a friend is exactly what I need right now.

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 12:28

Dre

Joined:
2017-10-31

Just read through your diary well done on your progress! Yes when I drink it makes me want to gamble more! This is a recipe for disaster mate! Trust me! Taken some pages from your book in terms of planning a head! Please keep sharing. At the moment I’ve stopped sharing finding it hard! 

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 16:09

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Hi dogg1414, sorry to hear your finding it hard at the minute hope it's starts getting easier for you soon! Your right though recipe for disaster, didn't want to take the risk so change of plans, gonna go for an Indian and pint instead. Don't wanna spend my life avoiding things but mybe for the best while it's still early days!

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 10:12

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 30 I'm so pleased with myself didn't think I would get this far, it's starting to feel possible to kick this for good! Feel like I'm having less and less urges and loosing that guilty feeling. Still most days think of the things I could of done with the money I wasted and can't believe how I managed to let gambling take control so much, but I'm dealing with it by thinking at least I'm back in control now, and I can stick to this to make sure it never happens again! The money and time I'll save in the future will out weigh what I lost.

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 23:11

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Just want to say well done on your 30days gf.
Good to hear you are really thinking about how to prevent yourself from gambling and how you are now more aware of any pitfalls you could fall into.
Every day is better than the day before. Not only in our bank accounts but our mental health gets and extra day to go through recovery, it's time to look after you. All good wishes x

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 13:34

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks little miss lost, it's been hard but deffinatly worth it.
Day 31, Was really tempted to buy a scratch card today, just seeing them in the shop and thinking one won't hurt! I really wanted one but didn't give in, the only thing that stopped me was by thinking about wanting to keep racking up my days in here, thought it wouldn't be worth going back to day1 just for a card that would probably be a looser anyway. Signing up to this site has helped so much, couldnt have stopped without it.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 15:34

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 32, feeling abit low today, seems like whenever I worry about money the first thing to enter my mind is to try and win some, even though I know through enough experience that this only ever leads to me having less than I started with, can't seem to get it out of my mind though, looking forward to getting the day over with as I usually feel positive again the next day, pleased with myself for not giving in. I feel I've learnt ways of stopping myself from gambling but wish there was a way I could stop myself from ever wanting to.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 17:24

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Keep it going!

It is very up and down for a while. Don't be so hard on yourself about the fact you have thoughts. Just be aware of them and don't act on them. Addiction runs deep, it'll be there you just have to accept it and learn to stop listening to the reasons it gives to get you back. We all know its not true what addiction tells us (where its lead us all to proves this!). We have to stay away but you know this =)

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 10:21

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks sjwsjw, I'm having alot less bad days now so that's something to be glad about atleast!
Day 33 feeling much more positive again, no thoughts of wanting to gamble today, although I'll be at work allday so that usually helps!

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 18:14

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 34, feeling very pleased with myself, went into town by myself after work today for the first time since quitting and didn't gamble! I didn't have long between finishing and getting back for the school but usually I would have made time for a few spins! It's a massive achievement for me but still going to avoid going alone if I can help it, as think if id have had more time I might have struggled to resist. But still a happy day for me!

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 18:50

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 37, havnt updated for a few days but only because I've been busy with work and spending lots of time with family, not had any urges over weekend or even thought about gambling much at all. I'm feeling really happy at the moment and looking forward to a guilt free Xmas with as little thoughts of gambling as possible!

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 13:21

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 40, met a friend for breakfast this morning right opposite from the place I usually go on the slots, I only took £10 with me so that I couldn't go in, but as I was on my way I was really hoping she wouldn't turn up so that I could go there instead! Luckily she did turn up and I had no money left to go in afterwards so still gamble free but felt awful that I hoped she wouldn't show, how could I still rather play them stupid machines then see a really good friend. It's deffinatly shown me that although I haven't give in to the temptations I still have a long way to go in my recovery!

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 11:22

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 46, havnt posted for awhile but still gamble free! Dislocated my shoulder a few days ago so not been able to go out much or get anything done, was feeling a bit low but all good now, starting to move my arm more and shockingly havnt thought much about gambling, no urges at all. Actually feeling quite happy now as I was ment to be working Xmas day and now I'm off on the sick, every cloud! Will be getting back as soon as I can though don't want to be sitting around to long as we all know what boredom can lead to.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 12:51

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

Hi - and congratulations on day 46. Reading diaries like yours really does help to confirm that we are all so much happier when we don't gamble. It seems like such a no-brainer. Keep resisting those temptations. I think it's natural to get them - telling them to be quiet is the bit that proves a bit trickier.  

Sorry to hear about your dislocated shoulder - but have a wonderfully relaxing Christmas day off work. 

Best wishes

Equinox

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 14:53

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi the fun, just read ur diary and it is really positive, u do seem to be doing this with will power tho, phone the telephone number and exclude from those pesky bookies then if u go in they might recognise you and not let u gamble. So far you've done brilliantly. I hope fo bd I.n ur position in a months time cheers adam

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 19:36

Nonchaser

Joined:
2016-11-25

Be careful with that shoulder.. mine got destroyed after an injury 7 years ago. Make sure you get physio on it when you are able to stop it freezing x

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 22:21

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks everyone, life is deffinatly better without gambling equinox, having Christmas all paid for is a great feeling!
Your probably right Adam I should self exclude, I've done it online but feel to ashamed to have my photos in every bookies in town! I've promised myself though that if I ever go in again then I will have to deal with the embarrassment and do it, that alone feels enough to put me off.
Yes katie I will do my physio this time, regretting not doing it first time around now, mybe I wouldn't have had so many problems with it if I had, me all over thinking I don't need help till it's happened to many times!! Hope you all have a great gamble and stress free Christmas x

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 20:41

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 47, no gambling thoughts today just struggling alot with my anxiety. It's not something I've ever had any help for, always try to ignore it and hope it will go away. But decided now I've tackled my gambling it's time I try and get this under control to. I don't want to go to the doctors if I can help it so I've been reading up on things that help, I'm going to cut down on caffine and swap for Camille tea, get more exercise and day light and eat healthier, mybe even try and do some meditation! I'll give this a few weeks and if it doesn't work I'll go to the doctors. First time in my life that I'm really determined to improve my mental health. Any tips would be great!

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 21:04

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello TFHS, i often listen to guided meditations. I go to bed like half hour early and listen to it before i sleep. Some people like to just listen to relaxing sounds, some just reflect in silence. Its much like anything else try a bit of each and see what works for you. Stopping gambling does start to bring a few issues into focus without having the mask to hide behind. We should want to work on improving these areas rather than hide ourselves away though. Look at it as nothing more than a new challange. Its about getting to know ourselves and moulding the best version. It takes time to grow in anything. The only areas i was growing while gambling was debt, isolation and depression.

Theres a lot of confidence to take from self improvement and confidence makes everything feel easier. All the best.

Posted on:
Sat, 23/12/2017 - 18:46

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks sjwsjw, I might try that! I've been getting to sleep alot easier since switching to a cup of chamomile tea before bed.
Day 50, Can't believe I've made it this far! Had a lovely day with all the family at a Christmas party, no thoughts of gambling at all and not felt stressed or anxious either. I know I've still got a bit of work to do improving my mental health to make sure I never go back to how I was, but it's amazing how much my life and happiness has improved in such a short space of time just because of not gambling, so pleased I found this site, thanks to everyone for all your help!

Posted on:
Fri, 29/12/2017 - 22:48

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 56 I've had an amazing Christmas, feeling happy and not wanting to gamble untill tonight, came to bed early because I'm back at work in the morning and after seeing an advert on telly startled signing up to the postcode lottery! Then stopped myself but I think only because it's such a long time to wait to see if you win, then started browsing for other lotteries, didn't sign up to anything, came on here instead but feeling abit down now, I've noticed that when I don't give into an urge I start feeling miserable, just gonna read abit on here till it's passes and then try to sleep. I'm sure I'll be fine the morning!

Posted on:
Sat, 30/12/2017 - 00:09

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Any chance this could be linked to you having to go back to work?  What comes 1st, the urges or the misery?  It’s no surprise that you feel down when you don’t succumb to them because that’s what gambling masks.  Good skills coming here to keep safe :-)  I hope you find the land of nod soon enough.

Posted on:
Sat, 30/12/2017 - 21:33

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks for the reply odaat, it's hard to tell what comes first actually I mybe just don't notice till afterwards that I'm feeling low!
Yes probably was linked to going back to work, although I do like my job it's more the feeling of Christmas being over and back to the reality of a long month with very little money. It soon passed anyway, got a good sleep and the busy day kept my mind off any thoughts of gambling. Another day gf and feeling happy, I might not have much money but atleast I have some, something to be thankful for as I wouldn't have any if I was still gambling!

Posted on:
Mon, 01/01/2018 - 12:29

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 59 made it to 2018 gf! It's been hard at times but so worth it, now I just have to keep it up because I want to make this year a good one with no more shame or regrets! Good luck to everyone and happy New year!!

Posted on:
Mon, 01/01/2018 - 12:51

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

bumped

Posted on:
Mon, 01/01/2018 - 13:17

Frozen

Joined:
2010-11-22

PlayWarix please delete your post absolutely disgraceful,

Posted on:
Mon, 01/01/2018 - 17:08

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Did i miss something here?

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 19:56

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 62 everything going well, decided I'm going to re-start my driving lessons, I've already done loads of lessons but failed my test last year and gave up, said i couldnt afford to keep trying but I could have, just prefered to waste my money gambling! Not anymore though, this year I'll be finding better ways to spend my time and money.

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 20:12

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Good to hear from you. Great that you can start to look at better spending your money. Learning to drive is a big thing that'll help you out nicely if you can pass that this year!

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 21:22

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks sjw, I can drive ok it's just my nerves on the test! Need to practice my relaxation techniques, it's a good thing to focus on and very usefull if I can pass!

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 09:28

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 70 still gamble free! Had some real urges yesterday, probably due to boredom. I've stopped planning things to do on my days off work, and kept the money for my daughter's ballet fees in my own bank. Bit off a dangerous combination, I think because I've done so well and don't get many urges anymore I've stopped being as carefull. Need to keep coming on here to remind myself why I really need to make sure I don't slip back into it all over again.

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 10:30

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 78 gf! No urges at all this last week, been keeping busy with work and driving lessons. Feeling really good about how much better my life feels just in this short time. Also just been trying to work out how much money I've saved from not gambling, £240 just from scratch cards, £350 from online bingo and impossible to work out how much from the slots machines as it would just depend on how much money I had, could spend anything from £10 to £600 at a time and was random how often I would go in but usually a few times a week, so I don't need to put an exact figure to know that I've saved alot. It's a brilliant feeling to not have money worries, especially in the middle of January when even people without gambling addictions are feeling hard up!

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 10:50

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Well done for resisting you are doing great . As many people say on here forget about the past losses .If someone asked me if I could pay £2000 to take away all of the negative thoughts , all the stress and lies and the general horrible feelings day to day I would have taken it . In fact I did and that was my last gambling binge and I see that last one as the best money I have spent . It’s taught me that enough is enough and hopefully you can see your last loss like that too

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 11:07

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks vulture, your right about the losses, at first I was thinking about how much I'D lost everyday feeling sick and thinking what I could of done with that money, now I'm glad of the final big loss because it's what made me quit all forms of gambling all together, now I'm just thinking of how much I'm saving from no longer gambling it's unbelievable that I was wasting so much, I'll hopefully never be so stupid again!

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 11:11

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

We both know that it’s not just about the money . The money loss is a byproduct of what we do. How are you changing in other areas of your life ?

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 14:34

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Finding much better ways to spend my time, meeting up with friends, cooking more so eating better must be improving my health and mood, started my driving lessons again, even being able to read a book, doesn't sound like much but when I was gambling I couldn't concentrate on a book, I was always to stressed out or worried to be able to relax enough to read, or if I had money id be on my phone at night playing online bingo! But probably most important is the relief to not feel like I can't stop even when id tried, I felt like gambling controlled me but not anymore! How about you?

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 14:56

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

 

 

 

 

Glad you are finding other things . Wow where to I start ? Being more focussed at work where I am a sales manager . Being a better husband and father to two small children . Going to the gym , spinning there , playing pool weekly and tonight snooker with a friend . I guess I was doing all of that before but not with much effort 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 25/01/2018 - 14:02

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 83 gf, been feeling really positive latley but then failed my driving test again this morning and back to feeling low, mixed with worry about how much more money it's gonna cost for more lessons and another test and I was right back with really strong urges to gamble. I won't give in though, doing my usual, checking in on here and knowing this will pass by tomorrow!

Posted on:
Thu, 25/01/2018 - 14:13

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

My wife took 4 attempts and 7 theory tests which I had to pay for whilst I was still gambling !! You will get there in the end , well done on still being clean 

Posted on:
Thu, 25/01/2018 - 14:33

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

A couple of my friends passed on there 4th, I'm hoping for my 3rd time lucky now! And wow 7 theory tests!! I did 2 they are quite hard. I know I'll manage it's just disappointing when I drive so well in my lessons then mess up in the test, it's my nerves.

Posted on:
Thu, 25/01/2018 - 15:39

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

She struggled as she is polish and English isn’t her first language . You have to take the test in English which is right and proper so she did struggle a bit . I’m sure you will pass soon !

Posted on:
Thu, 25/01/2018 - 18:17

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Aww no wonder, I struggled and English is my first language, I deffinatly couldn't do it in another language