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is it normal to feel like this

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 13:56

michdan

Joined:
2014-07-20

hi guys ive not been on for here for few years as i carried on gambling , however 3 weeks ago i put a block on my laptop so i can not get onto any gaming site , my question is it normal to feel so anxious and down i really dont know what to do with my myslef i have been  trying self help tips like focus on something else and when u  get the urge do something else but i can not get motivated to any thing , i work fulltime night shift and i always unwound from work by playing bingo then when i woke up it would bingo again untill i went work i find myslef just sitting around like waiting for something to happen i can not seem to fill the void ,, i would be so excited when i knew payday was the next day now i couldnt care less ,, i have been gambling for 25yrs so i really dont know what i do that i will enjoy , i do have freinds and family and when i decided to put the block on it was like great i will have to the time now to see them more but i really cant be bovvered i dont want to go through life feeling that gambling is the only thing to make me happy ,, any suggestions would be greatly revieced or anybody out there who had same feelings x ,, 

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 14:01

Wilsy

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Michdan,

I am similar to you, been gambling over 21 years and when not gambling, I had no motivation to do any hobbies, clean the house, see family and friends, nothing and I felt very down. It will take a few weeks, have you a games console you can get into, I've started playing Football Manager on my laptop in the evenings to distract myself, otherwise get Netflix or something, start watching a TV series or start watching more films. You will have to make the effort at some point to fill those empty hours, otherwise you will just be sitting around feeling depressed.

Good luck with your journey.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 20:34

michdan

Joined:
2014-07-20

thank you , it is just very scary as i really dont like the low mood and am hoping that soon i can just pick myself up ,, its nice to be back on here as this is helping reading other peoples journey

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 09:18

Wilsy

Joined:
2012-02-22

It is very hard Michdan, I suffer from depression, anxiety and loneliness so I do very little apart from sleep and sit on or in my bed when I am off. I just find that playing football manager has helped me whilst having the TV on, anything to try and distract our brains basically, then hopefully when you and I have gone a few months and the weather is better, we'll find the energy to go for walks, runs, go out on a bike, go see friends, go visit places etc etc. Guess we need to be patient. Have you thought about anti-depressants, might give you a lift or take the edge of what you are going through at the moment, they help me. Other than what I have said, you just need to ride through it, hour by hour, day by day. We didn't choose to be the way we are but these are the consequences sadly of our actions that we chose, make sure you talk and get support from family and friends, I have told everyone I care for my troubles, I am not embarassed it is a relief that I don't have to hide away from anyone and it means a lot when people check I am okay.

Hope you have a good day today 

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 12:39

michdan

Joined:
2014-07-20

thank you willsy your words are so true ,, im finding the nights im at work so easy as all i do is work eat sleep , but again i find myself on here during my two days off ,, i have been to town today and bought a few xmas pressies which lifted my mood slightly but now im back in doors all im thinking off is going to bed just to pass the time , i am hating myself for feeling like this as time and life are precious and do not want my time spent in bed ,, that said i wouldnt even realise the time i was wasting on bingo sites ,, gonna have a little read of peoples stories now just to know im not alone ,, and im on week four of gamble free 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 13:36

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hi Michdan, welcome back.  Sorry to hear you going through these painful withdrawals.  I’m a little further forward in my recovery than you, 45 year old female, also a shift worker (rotating) & didn’t leave my bed for the 1st 3 days of my recovery journey.  Sometime after that it became a little bit easier for the 1st year (I wasn’t gamble free because I foolishly continued doing the lottery but my ‘go to’ was gone) & then bam, it hit me!  I stopped being able to sleep so was constantly exhausted, had no energy for anything & ate, slept (well stayed in bed), worked but very little else apart from be on here.  I couldn’t follow through on any plans, my husband of a few months was more like a lodger than anything else, I was a mess.  A short course of anti-depressants broke the sleep cycle (didn’t help me sleep any but helped me stop worrying about it) but aside from the odd glimpse of calm, I really wasn’t coping.  I’d read a lot about addiction by now & whilst I still couldn’t (can’t) put my finger on my whys, I realised I didn’t (don’t) know myself as an adult.  I don’t know what I enjoy doing because all I have ever known is gambling. I have acquaintances but very few friends & the ones I do have are used to me so I can pick up & put down.  I’m lazy & continue to make excuses but I sacked off the lottery last December & marched myself down to GA where I have found a program that teaches me how to be an adult.  I have discovered things about me that I was completely oblivious to (unpleasant character traits that I thought made me special), have spent time convincing people @ work that I am a compulsive gambler (something I thought I would never do when I 1st admitted to myself I had a problem), am finding myself & although I’m a very long way from the finish line, I’m in the race now @ least!

Congratulations on week 4 :-)  You really aren’t alone in your thinking/feeling but equally, you can’t do this alone either!  25 years is a long time in the rinse cycle of addiction, don’t be afraid to get outside help to get out of it: GP (they will probably offer CBT), support groups (like GA), GamCare counselling, anything you read that is different to doing it by willpower alone (that does not work).  I spent many hours here, reading, supporting, learning, it still is an addiction for me (goes with my sleeping) but I’ll take baby steps because I cannot go back to where I was...I’m not saying it’s been easy but every crappy day I’ve had in recovery has still be better than the disgust & shame gambling gave me.  My advice is cut yourself some slack for now, it’s still very early days so if you want to go to bed to pass time, let yourself but maybe give yourself a small job to do 1st (clear out a cupboard, tidy a drawer, cook a healthy meal, walk round the block), it doesn’t have to be climbing Everest but it’s much more satisfying knowing something has been achieved.  Self hate is destructive, addiction feeds on that, you need to find the right help going forwards & you will if you want it badly enough - ODAAT  

Posted on:
Fri, 15/12/2017 - 06:11

michdan

Joined:
2014-07-20

hi , thank you for your support, i have came on here this am as today is my payday and i have tried to gamble , i failed due to the block on my laptop i even emailed them yesterday asking them to uninstall the software knowing full well it was my payday but they will not do it (underneath am probaly happy) i also tried in the night to reset the laptop to a restore point but i didnt have a clue as to what i was doing also my partner came down and asked what i was doing i felt so guilty and ashamed that i canceled doing that and went back to bed ,, up 2 hours later paid my bills and still got money in my account ,its not really mine if i was to pay some debt off but as an addict its always been a case of gambling money then debt money that will get paid from my winnings pmsl ,, i think today is going to be a hard day ,, i must admit the best thing at the moment is i havent got the feeling of when ive done an all nighter and spending all my wages then trying to figure out how am i going to pay this and that, that feeling was just awful i would want to give myself such a slap and my mind would just be racing,so i suppose that is a bit of relief ,, however i am still sat here typing away thinking about gambling i was hoping if i could do a month then i would be recovered ,boy how wrong was i ,,,, what are the support groups like ,as i have always told myslef how can they help they aint at home with me they cant stop me doing it , so i have always justified to myslef whats the point

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 09:05

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi michdan 'what's the point?' The point is you want to stop gambling and if you really do you will take whatever help there is. Go and see what it's like, what have you got to lose? My cg goes, I go to gamanon. For him it's the only thing that helps. No one can stop you, only yourself. There are always excuses and reasons not to stop. But life is much better if you do.

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 09:37

Norland27

Joined:
2017-12-07

It's important to know that you can't just get rid of a bad habit especially one you've had for 25 years, all you can do is try to replace it with a less destructive habit. It's hard but get through the hard part now so you don't have to suffer later on. Staying gf has nothing to do with will power. Will power just gives you the initial motivation to stop but it takes discipline to stay gf, discipline is knowing theres something you need to do, not wanting to do it, but doing it anyway. I'm only gf 9 days now, I gambled for 17 years and for the 1st time I'm getting an urge to have a bet but I'm determined not to. If you get agitated when you can't het a gambling fix you should have a look on YouTube for Mel Robbins 5 second rule, or Bob Proctor, it helped me to understand a little bit better why I was doing what I was doing, or not doing.