GamCare Logo

Error message

  • Notice: unserialize(): Error at offset 43 of 49 bytes in variable_initialize() (line 1174 of /data/websites-live/www.gamcare.org.uk/public/includes/bootstrap.inc).
  • Notice: Undefined property: stdClass::$field_banner_image in gamcare_preprocess_page() (line 61 of /data/websites-live/www.gamcare.org.uk/public/sites/all/themes/gamcare/template.php).
Login / Register

I'm struggling with lack of finance

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
Posted by
Messages
#1 Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 19:56

Matty4becca15

Joined:
2017-09-10

I am nearly 10 weeks free of gambling, everyone is telling me how proud they are of me but I feel like each day is so tough. My fianceé tells me daily that she thinks I am doing well and is so encouraging but my biggest problem I am having is lack of money.

I am working a full time job and these first 2 months since coming clean have been so tough. I have my mobey paid into my fianceé account and she helps me control my spend, the trouble is I am really disliking how little I have to live on. I realise this is my doing because of the addiction I have been stuck with but I hate the constant feeling of feeling like a failure.

Am I a failure? Am I right to feel like this? Should I be giving myself more respect like Becca keeps telling me? I feel as though I can't give myself the respect people say I should until I have cleared most of my debts and can see some money being saved.

Anyone able to understand where I am coming from? I just want to feel like I am getting somewhere, I feel bad because my low mood is getting my fianceé down and it not fair cos I have done enough damage. I just want something to turn up financially to lift my spirits.

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 20:11

Gem1209

Joined:
2017-08-14

Actions meet consequences 

You have to ask yourself do you really need some extra cash or is addiction coming up with excuses.

Most likely the latter.

10 weeks is a good start and you should be proud. But the road is long and you shouldn’t run before you can walk.

As long as you have some place to stay and food in your belly everything else will fall in line eventually. 

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 20:20

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

The truth is you are "getting somewhere"

Everyday you don't add to this mess you are moving the other way.

If you feel down about things look at your budgeting and see if there is any money you can spare to give yourself a little bit more of a life if thats what is suffering. Be honest with yourself though and ask how/what any extra you allow yourself will really help you beyond where you are now.

Facing our addiction for may of us means also facing our debts. Things will get easier if we allow for the time it needs. Now or later they will still be there until we do face them though.

10 weeks is a massive amount of time when you think of the damage you can do gambling for that amount of time so you should feel proud for the progress you have made to this point.

All the best

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 20:59

Bal

Joined:
2015-04-18

Hi,

Mrs Bal drip fed me money for a period of 9 months and i had to provide receipts to the penny. During this time my cards were cut and that was the way i had to live.

Having any amount of disposable cash on me meant i could have continue to feed my Fobt addiction.

I didnt ask for my cards back and one day Mrs Bal returned them to me. For a while i left them at home as no cash became habit forming.

Dont worry too much about it. Best not to leave the slightest avenue open. And yes respect yourself a bit more. You are slowly turning the corner.

PS - well done Becca.

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 22:01

Cynical wife

Joined:
2015-06-23

I get that the money is a big deal but it’s a symptom. Gambling doesn’t cause a new problem, it highlights and exacerbated existing problems. Put another way, no one who is content and at one with themselves and the universe needs to use.

I suggest to move the focus away from money and debt and over to you, your connections/relationship with yourself and others. Recovery is found there, not in financial status.

Keep safe.

CW

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 21:18

Katiecoo

Joined:
2016-11-25

Excellent post CW

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 07:25

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Agreed, Katiecoo; some great posts all round. 

Matty4beccy15 - there's some sound advice here my friend :) stick with it. For what it's worth, I follow the same path as Bal. My cards are cut up and I have pocket money. I justify every penny, like Bal. It works. My family is happier. I'm on Day 96 gambling free. I will do whatever it takes to manage this problem. I accept my weaknesses, and also anknowledge my strengths, which is (starting to) understand what to do and why. You have that nascent wisdom too, Matty, hence why you're here and asking these questions.

Stick with it. You'll get used to it, and before you know it, will be much better off as a person, as a friend, as a partner. It's so much more than the money (although you'll have more of that, too!).

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 07:25

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

(dup post)

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 09:02

Matty4becca15

Joined:
2017-09-10

Thanks for all the positive commentd here guys, my counsellor put into really good context yesterday when he spammed back across the 14 years i had the addiction. He said "look at what u have saved, across 14 years i estimate on average u spent at least 300 every month, in 3 months technically u have saved about 900 cos u haven't gambled it. Even if u can't see the money u spent it on your family, on house, food, your car, the things that matter and didn't add to the debt".

In time i know i will see the difference it is just the early stages of having sod all in my pocket when i used to having so much more. It is hard because my fianceé who is the most amazing girl in the world, keeps saying to me how well i am doing, how hard i am working and my view keeps being that i want to physically see it. Is this really a symptom of the addiction or am i going to feel like this for a while now?

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 10:39

Lethe

Joined:
2016-12-10

What is it you want to spend on? Is it a want or a need? If you had it would you be accounting for it?

I still build an 'allowance' for Mr L into the budget and he spends it by bank card through the joint account. He doesn't routinely carry even small change and he's happy to keep things that way. My advice would be to keep the time-money-location triangle broken (take any one of these away and you can't gamble) and take a good hard look at what might be at the root of your struggle with lack of access to ready funds.

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 07:35

Matty4becca15

Joined:
2017-09-10

What upsets me about it the most is that when i am out with my family i can barely even afford to treat us to a portion of chips or my fianceé and i to a cup of coffee somewhere. My daughter who is seriously ill needs special provisions and I am barely able to afford to provide her with more than the CSA payments i make to my ex wife.

This past couple of days since speaking to my counsellor i am seeing things in a different light but I just want to be able to provide my family with things they deserve. They have put up with the liar and screw up that this addiction made me I just want to be able to give them the lives they deserve.

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 19:47

Lethe

Joined:
2016-12-10

Seems to me reality is starting to bite.

Stopping gambling isn't an instant cure to everything that's gone before. There's no 'payrise' unless there's no debt involved. As there is in your case your fiancee is doing the right thing in making sure things are under control. Mr L took on a weekend delivery job to repay some of his debt. Can you take on extra hours or a second job to boost your spending power?

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 08:51

Matty4becca15

Joined:
2017-09-10

I am doing that now have been doing a sideline in home baking and already taking on orders for Christmas worth over £100 so far which my fianceé and i r accounting together. It is really beginning to bite but I know in 6 months things will be better it just feels so far away.