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I'm an addict

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 01:03

Lizzy32

Joined:
2018-02-09

I hate myself today so much. I've gone backwards as had been gamble free for almost a year. Now I'm back to (literally) tearing my hair out, crying, talking to myself. I actually feel possessed. I can't go on like this anymore, I hate what this turns me into. 

Even as I write this I know I'm waiting to get paid so I can gamble again. I have no money left for the month and have plans with family and friends I'll need to cancel and make excuses as to why I can't. 

This is destroying my life I don't know what to do. 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 10:14

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Lizzie It's soul destroying when you've been gf for a period of time. The best thing to do is stop access to money. Download blocking software k9, gamban. Tell someone close to you, ask them to look after finances. Anything to make you accountable. Stopping gambling alone is very difficult. Call gamcare, go to a GA meeting. Go back to 'just for today'. 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 19:35

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

I know the feeling. You know in your head you do not have to gamble when you get paid. Plans with family and friends will be better than losing all your money gambling.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 11:37

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Lizzy,

You sound very low at the moment.

Relapsing can be a tough experience. You managed to stay stopped for a year and that is a great achievement! You can continue from there as you would have already learned a lot about recovery. You do not need to start back at square one, even though it may feel like it.

How about talking it through with an adviser on the Helpline on 0808 80 20 133 or on the Netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/net... ?

Both services are open from 8 am to midnight every day and you will find that you are listened to and not judged. Maybe a conversation can help you decide which next steps to take.

You are still Lizzy and you can do this!

All the very best

Gabriele

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 18:27

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

Hey Lizzy,  I wish you lots of soul soothing today.  You can do this!  The difficulty will pass.  Treat yourself as good as possible and stay on the path.  tara2