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I'm an addict

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 01:03

Lizzy32

Joined:
2018-02-09

I hate myself today so much. I've gone backwards as had been gamble free for almost a year. Now I'm back to (literally) tearing my hair out, crying, talking to myself. I actually feel possessed. I can't go on like this anymore, I hate what this turns me into. 

Even as I write this I know I'm waiting to get paid so I can gamble again. I have no money left for the month and have plans with family and friends I'll need to cancel and make excuses as to why I can't. 

This is destroying my life I don't know what to do. 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 10:14

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Lizzie It's soul destroying when you've been gf for a period of time. The best thing to do is stop access to money. Download blocking software k9, gamban. Tell someone close to you, ask them to look after finances. Anything to make you accountable. Stopping gambling alone is very difficult. Call gamcare, go to a GA meeting. Go back to 'just for today'. 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 19:35

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

I know the feeling. You know in your head you do not have to gamble when you get paid. Plans with family and friends will be better than losing all your money gambling.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 11:37

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Lizzy,

You sound very low at the moment.

Relapsing can be a tough experience. You managed to stay stopped for a year and that is a great achievement! You can continue from there as you would have already learned a lot about recovery. You do not need to start back at square one, even though it may feel like it.

How about talking it through with an adviser on the Helpline on 0808 80 20 133 or on the Netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/net... ?

Both services are open from 8 am to midnight every day and you will find that you are listened to and not judged. Maybe a conversation can help you decide which next steps to take.

You are still Lizzy and you can do this!

All the very best

Gabriele

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 18:27

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

Hey Lizzy,  I wish you lots of soul soothing today.  You can do this!  The difficulty will pass.  Treat yourself as good as possible and stay on the path.  tara2

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 17:50

Lizzy32

Joined:
2018-02-09

 

 

Thank you all. 

 Sorry for my late response. I've been all over the place. Had no money, then basically stole some, lost it, borrowed some, gambled enough to pay it back and also a bit more which I was going to pay off debt but then lost it again today.  So it's been a nightmare week. I get paid next Wednesday and won't have much left after debts. I'm going on holiday next month too and will have literally no money.  I've discussed a plan with my partner where I'm going to repay a bit of my debt over 6 months. Pretty much my entire salary after bills. But I'm so down now I just can't face it.  Today I've tried emailing a load of companies (I gamble online market trading) to exclude myself. But have been told I can't as don't have accounts with them and they don't offer that.  I honestly feel at the end of the road with all of my debt etc. I don't know what to do. All I want to do is gamble to fix it but it just makes things a million times worse every time. 

Posted on:
Sat, 24/02/2018 - 15:25

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

Stay strong lizzy.  

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 23:04

Hopeful25

Joined:
2017-04-17

I feel for you lizzy. I have been in this situation every month for 4 years. I’m am in huge debt but I am now in touch with step change debt charity who are lovely helpful people, and I am devising a plan with them. They can help you in so many ways to make your debts more affordable, even if it is over a longer period of time. 

The main thing is to tackle the gambling. When I was in 5k debt I thought I could gamble my way out of it, and it’s landed me in 21k debt. As compulsive gamblers we will never pay off debts and leave it at that. Even if you managed to win enough to clear all of your debts, you would not stop gambling as you have an addiction. 

You managed a year gamble free which is totally amazing and I absolutely admire you for that. You can start a fresh again now. Put the loss behind you, contact a debt charity, seek more counselling, remember you are a strong person and you’ve achieved success before. Don’t give up you can get there again. Hold onto that feeling of having money in the bank and no guilt when you were gamble free x