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i will not play poker for money again day 1

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 30/06/2015 - 21:43

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hello everyone I've read a lot of journals over the last month after losing a lot of my money and unfortunately couldn't stop myself playing online poker, last night will be my last day of gambling my hard earned money. I've played online poker on and off for about ten years, I've lost money and self excluded myself then a couple of months later opened a new account on different site and done it again. I like to play poker whilst watching tv on my days off but I allways lose. This month I have lost 450 and I have no money for the rest of the month. I'm very annoyed with myself as I hadn't gambled since Christmas. I'm going to keep this journal and write my thoughts and see if I can get some advice as I live with my parents still and they don't know and I cant tell them, they know I've played online poker before but recently they knew I was losing a lot so this time I didn't tell them I was doing it. Best thing is to stop now and not have any more problems or secrets. I believe the secrets are the worst thing about gambling and now I have stopped in just a months if I don't gamble I wont have to worry about hiding anything again so today is day 1

Posted on:
Wed, 01/07/2015 - 20:21

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Thanks for ur advice half life, so day two no gambling, I've excluded myself from my only open poker account and am looking forward to a life without gambling

Posted on:
Wed, 01/07/2015 - 20:24

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I've had no urge to gamble today and have just finished work and am enjoying the weather. I have transferredsome money around and although its gonna be tight this month next month will be better

Posted on:
Fri, 03/07/2015 - 18:30

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day down another day with no gamblingthink this is day 4 good times

Posted on:
Sun, 05/07/2015 - 18:13

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Still not gambling woop woop been socialising a lot more too one week down

Posted on:
Wed, 08/07/2015 - 14:08

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I gambled yesterday, only ten pounds but still ambled back to day one now. I just went to a bookies and didn't have enough time to see a race so just went on a roulette machine. Don't know why just fancied a flutter. Pretty dissapointed with myself. Had an interview today for a new job so fingers crossed.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/07/2015 - 21:56

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

No gambling today been decorating

Posted on:
Wed, 15/07/2015 - 17:18

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Seven days today woop woop, I'm off work and usually I play online poker but I've been busy decorating my flat now I've finished I def need some new hobby to take up my time in running out things to decorate decorating

Posted on:
Wed, 15/07/2015 - 17:54

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

I have some stuff ;-)

Great work on your first 7 days :-)

Why don't you check out GT's thread on tips for keeping busy...There are some good ideas in there!

When do you find out about the new job?  Have my fingers crossed for you :-)

Keep winning - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Sun, 19/07/2015 - 18:49

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi odaat thanks for the message, unfortunately didn't get the job, thanks I will check the thread for hobbies, been a good couple of days been camping with some friends, we actually played poker but not for money which was good, I haven't gambled for two and a half weeks now and coming up to pay day which is good, iim back at work tomo but off again Tuesday so will have to keep busy might go swimming Adam over and out

Posted on:
Mon, 20/07/2015 - 18:30

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Its been two weeks since my last gamble today, back at work and no urges, I get paid in a week so ill have some money again which will be good

Posted on:
Wed, 22/07/2015 - 14:49

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day no gambling woop woop. How do I look up a GT thread in here to get ideas for hobbies ?

Posted on:
Sat, 25/07/2015 - 21:51

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I got chatting to some people in the pub about online poker and they play and I remembered how much I enjoyed it ..... So got ba ck home from work tonight and opened my account well went to and luckily I'm still self excluded for three days....so couldn't gamble.....im soo weak....so thinking I'm going to change my howm much

Posted on:
Sat, 25/07/2015 - 21:54

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Change my bank debit card to a cash card so I cannot use it online bit annoying to have to do it but desperate times desperate measures well I'm now 18 gamble free due to luck more than will power

Posted on:
Sat, 25/07/2015 - 23:00

Elise

Joined:
2015-07-20

Have you considered using the blocking software Adam? Think it would really help you fight the urge and not even get onto a website!

Well done so far, you can do it :)

Posted on:
Sun, 26/07/2015 - 19:31

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi Elise thanks for your post, another day not gambling day19 I unfortunately cant install a blocking software as its not my computer and my dad uses it for gambling.

Posted on:
Sun, 26/07/2015 - 19:33

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I am debating whether to change my debit card to a cash card so I cant spend money online prettydrastic action but may need to be done before I start again.

Posted on:
Mon, 27/07/2015 - 02:30

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hi mate, sorry to hear about the non job :-( but great work on your continued abstinence :-)  If you still want to find the thread just search GT & it's one of his threads called Tips for keeping busy...I will bump it but the site is so busy @ the moment, it may have gone from the front page before you have a look!

Pay day today & with it will come urges, so make sure you keep strong & come here if you really can't think of anything else to occupy your mind!  Downgrading your bank account may feel pretty tedious & even degrading but try being a 41 year old battle axe & having to surrender your finances to your toyboy OH - It's not a good look & yet my only regret is not doing it sooner!  You'll be pleased to hear that I'm now a slightly older, marginally less axe like & no longer reliant on the brain of a Norvern monkey for pocket money ;-)  Addiction is not something we choose for ourselves but recovery is & we gotta do whatever we can to win this battle - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Mon, 27/07/2015 - 17:16

Elise

Joined:
2015-07-20

agreed with ODAAT, it could be the best thing to remove one thing from the triangle and take those steps :)

Posted on:
Tue, 28/07/2015 - 16:33

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I got paid today and unfortunately like allways I opened a poker account up and spent fifty pounds on poker I would have spent more but I put a fifty pound daily maximum on it, I am really sorry to post this as I had done well for three weeks, back to day 0

Posted on:
Tue, 28/07/2015 - 18:27

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Yep I'm putting this down to a pay day treat, ill self exclude tomo on both my accounts tomo for the month then back on with the non gambling. I'm proud that its

Posted on:
Wed, 29/07/2015 - 14:35

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Yep day one and alls good

Posted on:
Thu, 30/07/2015 - 12:50

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So day two and last night I excluded myself again from the poker site, its good that I only gambled fifty pounds this time round. I've got a day off tomo so will keep busy. I have to get some cash out this month for my holiday next month so wont spend it on gambling

Posted on:
Fri, 31/07/2015 - 18:31

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I closed one account for a month and on the other account I spent fifty when I got paid then I set a weekly limit of 20 theni spent 20today so I cant spend any more for another week on this account. I've only just been paid , paid all my bills mortgage, credit card etc and I have no money left for the month a nd I've only gambled 70 oh well.i

Posted on:
Fri, 31/07/2015 - 18:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So ill put the outgoings for the month on the credit card again then I'm good for another month. I think ill just close both my accounts as I've got no spending money anyway burnt at least I'm spending less on it.

Posted on:
Fri, 31/07/2015 - 18:38

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I've wasted 70 this month but no more as I'm out of money . I don't know whether to close both accounts and not gamble or have the option to spend twenty a week ill just open another account further dowbn the line. Its really hard to call I all ways loase so why lose a little each month when I could spend a little on going out. Difficult decision any thoughts?

Posted on:
Fri, 31/07/2015 - 18:51

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I've got no money for the whole month but I have got 550pounds for my holiday next month so all in all happy days. I think as I'm on this site ill close both accounts and not gamble at all its for the

Posted on:
Fri, 31/07/2015 - 18:51

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Best

Posted on:
Fri, 31/07/2015 - 18:56

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I'm just kidding myself that I'm good enough to win any money, oh I'm a bit drunk now,

Posted on:
Sat, 01/08/2015 - 20:27

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So day 1 has gone well

Posted on:
Sat, 01/08/2015 - 21:58

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

job for Tuesday day off close and self exclude for longest period from websites......its the end of the line​

Posted on:
Sun, 02/08/2015 - 11:46

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So last night I added up

​how much I've spent on poker over two years and it was shocking reading I could have gone travelling for a couple of months with it. So day two and no gambling umin sight will update u on closing my accounts down on Tuesday.

Posted on:
Thu, 06/08/2015 - 10:22

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day 6 and all is goodim still going to be skint till pay day but that cant be helped

Posted on:
Sat, 08/08/2015 - 18:35

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day down

Posted on:
Sun, 09/08/2015 - 17:32

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day 9and no gambling, I've been going out drinking this weekend and although I've spent a lot of money it was fun and no money wasted. Good times

Posted on:
Mon, 10/08/2015 - 17:48

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day 10 and I really feel like a gamble, half day at work so plenty of time just got to not......

Posted on:
Sun, 16/08/2015 - 17:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day 16 alls good

Posted on:
Mon, 17/08/2015 - 18:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day another way 17

Posted on:
Wed, 19/08/2015 - 18:30

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day 19 no gamble

Posted on:
Wed, 19/08/2015 - 19:01

Bal

Joined:
2015-04-18

Well done Adam. Days are beginning to mount up

Best wishes

Posted on:
Thu, 20/08/2015 - 08:32

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Cheers balvaird

Posted on:
Fri, 21/08/2015 - 13:06

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Got money in my account today which usually spells trouble but I'm determine d

Posted on:
Sun, 23/08/2015 - 21:23

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

23 days today really want to gamble away those urges but must stay strong want to get away from gambling

Posted on:
Tue, 25/08/2015 - 23:02

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So on my 25 th day I gambled again.... Feeling pretty low at the mo wasted another 150 pounds so all that time not gambling a complete waste as just lost it again.. ...ive just self excluded for 5 years from the accounts I've opened today. I get paid on Friday so will transfer available cash to my parents then will have to be on a budget for the rest of the month. .. I think ill post on heeere once a week so the days go up quicker unless something happens during a day

Posted on:
Wed, 26/08/2015 - 17:47

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I got to day 25 and then yesterday I gambled 150 pounds back to day one and skint for another month. So today is day one of no gambling

Posted on:
Wed, 26/08/2015 - 18:03

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Hi adam,

Sorry to see you have blipped, but you have got straight back up and  continuing your recovery journey.

The start of stopping can be like learning to ride a bike, when we fall off the bike we get straight back on, and that is what we have to do with this addiction.

You have got back on the bike ;) so well done on not giving up on giving up.

Keep going.

Suzanne xxx

 

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/09/2015 - 13:41

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

​thanks suzzane

Posted on:
Thu, 10/09/2015 - 17:51

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Well I'm back and I haven't gambled for 16 days

Posted on:
Thu, 10/09/2015 - 17:53

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Its allways difficult when I hit pay day but this time ill be strong

Posted on:
Thu, 10/09/2015 - 17:55

Bal

Joined:
2015-04-18

Well done Adam. Keep staying strong.

Best wishes

Posted on:
Sun, 13/09/2015 - 17:54

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

It'll be three weeks on wednesday

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