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I will be there for my wife and daughter

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 10/04/2016 - 15:33

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Hi firstly let me tell you about the username and the title. Firstly the title; my motivation and main reason for stopping gambling has changed and it changed on the 5th Feb when my wife told me I was going to be a Dad. The username as you may have guessed is the due date. Now I have just typed and rambled on about wanting to be there for my kid and all the terrible images I have of dissapointing him/her through various actions that happened due to my gambling but it was just to much of a ramble so I stopped and deleted it. Bottom line, I'm so happy that I have a baby on the way and I don't want to have gambling ruin any moment of my life with him/her.

So a little history I have had a few accounts/usernames on here and I remember what I think was my first finished with a post about the 2010 world cup and that I was going to enjoy it for the sport and not the betting opportunities - i failed! So 6ish years on and here we go again.

Last year my wife almost walked out as I had sunk again to "rock bottom" (for the new starters on this road to freedom I believe there is no rock bottom, every time I go back I fall harder and further, create your rock bottom now and only look up). After promising her once more that I would quit forever after 6 months of not gambling and clearing up quite a bit of debt I undone all the good and binged more than ever, emptying my bank account/overdraft and maxing credit cards.

We managed to stay together and I fought back from the brink, gained back some trust and started rebuilding financially (long way to go but going in the right direction).

I'm back because after 7 months this time I have once again slipped back to gambling, this time tho it was just that - a slip, no relapse and a kind of happy Dave. I may have gambled and don't get me wrong i felt awful but that is what I'm happy about. I did one £20 bet (why i'm still not 100% sure) but I felt bad, I felt guilty. But after a short while I looked at myself and thought gambling makes me miserable and I don't want another bet. I had decided that if the bet won I would take my wife out with the money and that would be the end of my gambling slip. It lost ofcourse.

I told my wife and she wasn't happy (understatement!!), no financial damage but trust once more broken.

I have a baby on the way, a family to support, not just financially but in every way. As we all know gambling takes far more than just your money and I can't afford for it to take anything from me anymore. Thats why I'm back, I can't say or commit to how much I'll post but I need something in the background as a further reminder that I do have a problem and I cant have that one bet and why would I want to.

So here I am my 8th day of not gambling, I did want to have a count of something like 230 days only one bet or something similar but I didn't want to keep reminding myself of that bet. So it's day 8 it's a new chapter and a new diary.

 

One thing I have always done is to set a couple of goals to help keep me focused;

1. Get to 30 days, one month, to just step away properly from that last bet.

2. Get to my 30th birthday - 23rd July, It's just over 100 days so thats a nice milestone and 90 days/3 months is said to be the time it takes to break the habit so that falls about right to.

3. 8th October thats the date my life changes for ever, it may not actually be that day but its the number/date that will keep me focused and make me realise what I have to do.

 

Time for me to wrap up and shut up, thank you as always for letting me get this out, it's a great tool to use having the diary and I must say it's good to be back!!

Just an update on the day I hit all my goals/targets - get in! I better set some new ones.

1. Get to the end of the year. Sets up 2017 nicely and gets me to a personal best total.

2. Join the 2017 gamble free thread and aim for my my first gamble free calendar year since I was legally able to gamble (and perhaps before - don't tell anyone!).

3. Get to the 2nd April (see the new username) and complete my first gamble free year.

4. Keep it going complete the 2017 thread. Improving my life immensely on the way and doing it all again in 2018.

5. Gambling - I'm done with it!!

This post just keeps getting longer just working out a few dates and thought I'd add this here....
I will hit 638 days if I make it through 2017 and 1003 days through 2018. Crazy numbers.

My next target is 400 which will fall on Sun 7th May then the race to 500 which will be on 15th Aug.

One day at a time, I will get there.

Posted on:
Sun, 10/04/2016 - 16:09

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Just joined the 2016 thread, wish I was there from the start but I'm glad its available now and I think it'll be a massive help keeping me on the right path so I can hit my personal goals. Also becuase I'll have to check in once a week it'll keep my brain from slipping and forgetting that I do have a bloody problem!

What a buzz, I feel so good when I do something that'll help me quit gambling. I suppose that shows me that i have a problem - I know a bet makes me miserable, a post on here makes me happy yet I still have to fight the urge. Still that is my life unfortunately and I have regrets ofcourse but if I wasnt a gambler where would I be? Would I have my wife? Would I have a child on the way? My life is what it is and I'm lucky to have what I have. What I need to do is keep what I have and start making the most of it all.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/04/2016 - 13:10

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Hello again. I didn't want to mention this on my first day back here but I wanted to say it now. I had some outstanding bets on the masters, they were placed last year and I must admit I wanted then to win I did think if they lost at least it'll be over but I really could've done with the money but hey as you probably guessed they lost and as I just said at least it's over. I now have no outstanding bets. Nothing to cheer on, no door slightly ajar with me looking in waiting to tear it off its hinges and ruin my life once more. I had plans for the money that I didn't win so my first thing this morning was to straight away look at the debt I have and put an honest reasonable plan In place now this was a little scary and it hurt that the debt is going to be around for quite sometime. I flirted briefly with idea of a small accumulator of some kind to make my dreams come true and end the debt and of course the stake would only be a small percentage of my debt so who cares if I lose and add to that debt a little bit - I've been saying that and adding to the debt for 6 years - who cares I bloody do.

The only way to pay this off and sort my life out finally is to stop betting, play the long game of just paying off the debt, working hard, pay it off slowly but surely and be proud that I could do that however long it takes. That way I have my wife, my child and I have the knowledge I was strong enough to fight off the addiction and turn everything around by myself, with my own strength of mind making the right choices.

That felt good. I need to keep the positive vibes going get this debt down look after my wife, show her I can be trusted and I am capable of sorting our lives out and I will do it!

Posted on:
Mon, 11/04/2016 - 15:44

Rose80

Joined:
2016-03-08

Hi 8thOct its great to see you keeping positive and strong!  You mention you have been on the site before so you will know that its so impoartant to put barriers in place - have you managed to do this?  Breaking that triangle of time, money & location has released so much pressure off my shoulders - yes I still get urges but knowing I couldnt gamble even if i wanted to has meant i can shrug them off quicker!

I think your username is excellent, congratulations on becoming a father.  When you get that first scan of your son/daughter pop it into your wallet and anytime you feel the urge take a look at it.  You obviously love your wife dearly and cant wait to be a father so use that to your advantage when Mr Gamble comes along.

I wish you all the best on this journey!

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/04/2016 - 23:45

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Double figures! Woop Woop. 10 days. Proud that I'm not slipping back to old habits. The fight is back on and I'm winning. Lost many battles but I'll win the war.

Posted on:
Wed, 13/04/2016 - 10:16

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 11. Just enquired about signing up to a 100 day challenge, not sure if I've missed the deadline but if not I look forward to that challenge. I'm determined to get there and beyond.

First up tho let's get this next few days wraped up and get to two weeks then it's about focusing on getting to the one month.

Let's do this.

Posted on:
Fri, 15/04/2016 - 07:22

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 13 unlucky for some so I best not gamble!

Time to check in on the 2 challenges. Feeling strong, compete tomorrow and is 2 weeks. Great stuff.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/04/2016 - 10:53

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 17. Feeling good. No major urges. Let it always be this way.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/04/2016 - 11:20

Rose80

Joined:
2016-03-08

Great stuff 8thOct, glad your feeling strong and keeping gf!

Posted on:
Fri, 22/04/2016 - 10:27

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thanks rose. Friday - check in day. Day 20 now.

Posted on:
Wed, 27/04/2016 - 23:08

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 25. Quarter of a century. Feeling good. I will do this!!

Posted on:
Sat, 30/04/2016 - 06:53

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

28 days. I will not gamble today!

Posted on:
Sun, 01/05/2016 - 00:30

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Saturday had its urges mainly I think because work was slow so I had more time to think. But Saturday is over and we're on to Sunday. Day 29 onwards!

Posted on:
Mon, 02/05/2016 - 11:27

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

30 days. One month in the book or is that tomorrow maybe who knows who cares because I won't be gambling tomorrow either. I am done!!

Posted on:
Mon, 02/05/2016 - 17:02

dervkidd

Joined:
Before 2009

WD!

Posted on:
Fri, 13/05/2016 - 09:09

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thanks dervkidd. Appreciate it. Day 41 now, closing in on the half century. Feeling really strong and very happy with my feelings towards gambling.

Posted on:
Sat, 14/05/2016 - 22:40

dervkidd

Joined:
Before 2009

Nice to hear it,

I have opted for counselling....I hope it works out for you...

Posted on:
Sun, 12/06/2016 - 20:26

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

So day 71. Having a lot of urges today. Tired, hungover having to work 12 hours all part of the reason why I want a bet. I believe doing a Euro competition with friends and family has not helped either or maybe it's just the tiredness? Either way I won't be taking any risks again and will steer clear of sweepstakes and anything resembling them.

These 71 days have really shown me how tough giving up gambling is and the fact you really have to want it and give nothing but 100% to succeed. I'm having to forgo anything resembling gambling. I played killer for £2 on my brothers stag do and It felt horrible all the gambling juices was flowing and I wanted to win so bad and we're talking about £2 off my friends and family I've truly feel out of love with gambling and now hate it, hate what it does to me. Anyone that can do one bet a day or whatever and is happy, good luck to you, it's a free country and I'm not one for shouting about bookies are evil and must be stopped but for me personally I can never ever gambling again, I would lose everything if I did but really weather I would or wouldn't I just don't want to. I hate that I even want to gamble and I'm glad I have this site to come on and rant to make sure I don't gamble.

Day 71 and I will not go below this number ever again.

Posted on:
Sun, 19/06/2016 - 09:01

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 78. I like that 78 days is a decent number and I can see the door into the treble figure club. Be fantastic to complete my first challenge (100 days) then it'll be on to the next challenge, the 250 day challenge. Which will be finished just before the year has ended which will set me up nicely for 2017. When I plan on joining the 2017 non gambling thread, where I will have my first ever full calender year gamble free.

I'm not getting ahead of myself just feeling good about where I am on this journey and truly believe that all of the above is possible.

Posted on:
Sun, 26/06/2016 - 17:56

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 85. No more 100 day challenge by the looks of it I did briefly read a post on the thread but was at work, now gone to check back and the thread is gone. Hope all is well and he is leaving for the right reasons. But we all need to do what is best for ourselves.

I was closing in on finishing the 100 day challenge and was looking forward to that day. So I think I will keep checking in just on my own diary. I wish I had the time to run a new challenge thread myself but with a baby on the way and all that brings along with work I don't think I'd do it justice.

So I will be checking in on my diary every Friday till I hit that day 100 and then plan another goal as I had planned to move on to another challenge (the 250 day challenge) maybe I'll just keep checking in on my diary or maybe they'll be another challenge thread to sink my teeth into by then.

We shall see but all in all I am well and striving forward in my recovery the odd urge still but that is what it is and I know how to ignore it and it always goes eventually. I hate the feeling I get when I gamble and don't ever want to feel it again.

Posted on:
Sun, 26/06/2016 - 22:04

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hi you, just wanted to pop by & congratulate you on your 85 days :-) & say that I think your replacement plan for the 100 day challenge is a good idea :-)

Guess there will be birthday plans to follow since that is less than 4 weeks away now & hope all is going smoothly with the baby bump?  You are so right, those urges do go eventually so keep working your recovery - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Mon, 27/06/2016 - 20:29

dervkidd

Joined:
Before 2009

 

...

Posted on:
Tue, 28/06/2016 - 09:15

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thanks for the posts. Feeling good except for the useless performance of the England team who are a joke, the previous world cup and this euros have been terrible. But sod all that day 87 and on I go.

Posted on:
Fri, 01/07/2016 - 21:51

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 90. The 100 day challenge will soon be complete then I will think of a new challenge. Bad day today had to take the wife to hospital on the advice of our midwife, just a precaution but a little scary to say the least. All well so thats the main thing but not a great day. Working all weekend as is the mrs, roll on monday when were both off. Feel like we both need it, its been a long week.

Posted on:
Wed, 06/07/2016 - 00:24

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 95 great day Monday just me and the Mrs. Won't see her now until Thursday night about 11pm, away for work. Wish I hadn't agreed to it now, it'll be the last one I do. Wouldn't want something to happen to the wife or my baby and I'm not around.

Roll on Thursday night then.

Posted on:
Wed, 06/07/2016 - 09:32

Steve70

Joined:
2011-05-02

Congrats on 95,it'll be 100 before you know it.

How many days will it be when you become a dad.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/07/2016 - 10:26

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

189 till the due date so it'll be great to have a really good break before she's born and she'll be my reason to never go back.

Tried to find a diary of yours but guess you do not have one but thank you for your post and best of luck to you in your recovery.

Posted on:
Tue, 12/07/2016 - 00:34

Oldhamktf

Joined:
2015-09-26

Congratulations on the 100 days sorry I'm a day late I had it my mind it was Tuesday. 

One day turns to weeks that then turn to years. Keep going just that day at a time proceed with caution and things keep improving. 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/07/2016 - 16:52

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 101. I missed out on the opportunity to post on day 100 - busy boy with my little girls flat pack furniture.

But here it goes, I wanted to put something a little more meaningful now I'm at a decent milestone. I have some good and bad feelings at the stage of my recovery. I'll start with the bad as I think it's key to stay positive to be be able to beat this addiction so we will end on a high and on the good points.

So the bad being where I am in life. Where I am in life can be viewed two ways and when I look one way I feel so very lucky but on other days I feel I have missed out on so much and should be in a much better position than I am. I may be 100 days gamble free but I'm also one £20 bet in 322 days so I really feel that I've stepped away from gambling but I still feel the destruction that I caused and will do for perhaps many years both emotionally and financially. I have a little girl on the way and me and my Mrs are doing well with getting things ready, buying things etc but if I just didn't have my last binge or give up gambling x amount of time before I did I'd be in such a better place wouldn't have such worries about how I'll get the things I've had to get and what I'll have to get in the future, how I'm going to pay back the debt and still support my family. Lots of worries and I would have them all wether I was a gambling addict or I wasn't but knowing I'd be in a better place if I hadn't have gambled.

Right I'm done talking negative, bottom line as much as it sucks I can't change the past. I can only make the best of what I have and what I have is pretty damn good so I have to remember that and just remember if I stay off gambling I can still have all the things I've wanted even if it takes a little longer or is little harder to get than it may have been.

So since I have not been gambling I have bought a lot for my unborn little Angel (please be an angel! Lol) some I've bought through my savings and some I've had to resort to the credit card but still I have managed to buy the necessary and will continue to do so. If I was gambling I don't see how I would've been able to buy the things I have atleast not without more loans or credit cards.

Also I have put together furniture I have demolished our garden front and back and am still on the process of making it look how me and the Mrs would like. That has took a lot of hard work from a guy who isn't known for any manual labour and is a mile away for being anywhere near a gardener. So do I think if I was gambling I could have done that, I don't because I know how I feel when I gamble, if I'm placing or thinking about the bet or its ongoing I'm totally involved in that bet and nothing else matters and after the bet if it wins I'll be probably really investing and focusing on that next bet and if it loses I'll be depressed and have no motivation what so ever. So if I gamble I have no motivation, no will, no drive, it takes over everything. So with me gambling I jeopardise my families future in so many ways. With me gambling I can't see how I can be 100% there for my wife or my child.

So much for positivity, I've been typing this in bits as I'm at work but overall I wanna say I have good and bad days as everyone does. I have regrets but bottom line I can't change anything so I have to look forward and I have so much to live for and to enjoy. I am a lucky guy - where it matters. I plan to keep working hard be it at work earning the money, buying the things we need and paying back the debt I'm determined to pay off or at home working hard improving the house, taking care of my family. It's a long road this road to recovery but it's the only road for a gambling addict to be on and I'm staying on it and I will see more and more benefits as time goes on. I will try to put my regrets to one side and live for now and the future and try to enjoy every minute.

Thank you as always for giving me this place to say my piece and to help me along the road.

Posted on:
Tue, 12/07/2016 - 17:12

Robby box

Joined:
2013-10-13

Well done oct 8th your determination shines through.
I too have been on this site since 2011,different user names but hopefully have learned by previous mistakes.

One thing is certain we realise that gambling has us licked and will ruin our lives given the chance.

Congrats on the forthcoming arrival;all the best Robby.

Posted on:
Fri, 15/07/2016 - 15:03

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

8thOct wrote:
Day 101. I missed out on the opportunity to post on day 100 - busy boy with my little girls flat pack furniture. But here it goes, I wanted to put something a little more meaningful now I'm at a decent milestone. I have some good and bad feelings at the stage of my recovery. I'll start with the bad as I think it's key to stay positive to be be able to beat this addiction so we will end on a high and on the good points. So the bad being where I am in life. Where I am in life can be viewed two ways and when I look one way I feel so very lucky but on other days I feel I have missed out on so much and should be in a much better position than I am. I may be 100 days gamble free but I'm also one £20 bet in 322 days so I really feel that I've stepped away from gambling but I still feel the destruction that I caused and will do for perhaps many years both emotionally and financially. I have a little girl on the way and me and my Mrs are doing well with getting things ready, buying things etc but if I just didn't have my last binge or give up gambling x amount of time before I did I'd be in such a better place wouldn't have such worries about how I'll get the things I've had to get and what I'll have to get in the future, how I'm going to pay back the debt and still support my family. Lots of worries and I would have them all wether I was a gambling addict or I wasn't but knowing I'd be in a better place if I hadn't have gambled. Right I'm done talking negative, bottom line as much as it sucks I can't change the past. I can only make the best of what I have and what I have is pretty damn good so I have to remember that and just remember if I stay off gambling I can still have all the things I've wanted even if it takes a little longer or is little harder to get than it may have been. So since I have not been gambling I have bought a lot for my unborn little Angel (please be an angel! Lol) some I've bought through my savings and some I've had to resort to the credit card but still I have managed to buy the necessary and will continue to do so. If I was gambling I don't see how I would've been able to buy the things I have atleast not without more loans or credit cards. Also I have put together furniture I have demolished our garden front and back and am still on the process of making it look how me and the Mrs would like. That has took a lot of hard work from a guy who isn't known for any manual labour and is a mile away for being anywhere near a gardener. So do I think if I was gambling I could have done that, I don't because I know how I feel when I gamble, if I'm placing or thinking about the bet or its ongoing I'm totally involved in that bet and nothing else matters and after the bet if it wins I'll be probably really investing and focusing on that next bet and if it loses I'll be depressed and have no motivation what so ever. So if I gamble I have no motivation, no will, no drive, it takes over everything. So with me gambling I jeopardise my families future in so many ways. With me gambling I can't see how I can be 100% there for my wife or my child. So much for positivity, I've been typing this in bits as I'm at work but overall I wanna say I have good and bad days as everyone does. I have regrets but bottom line I can't change anything so I have to look forward and I have so much to live for and to enjoy. I am a lucky guy - where it matters. I plan to keep working hard be it at work earning the money, buying the things we need and paying back the debt I'm determined to pay off or at home working hard improving the house, taking care of my family. It's a long road this road to recovery but it's the only road for a gambling addict to be on and I'm staying on it and I will see more and more benefits as time goes on. I will try to put my regrets to one side and live for now and the future and try to enjoy every minute. Thank you as always for giving me this place to say my piece and to help me along the road.

Congatulations on the 100 days.  Its a good starting point for the rest of the journey.  Well done on getting there. now push on :)

Posted on:
Tue, 16/08/2016 - 10:46

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 136. That you for your comments. I don't write in my diary often but it's nice to know it's here. I am currently on the 2016 thread although not starting from Jan 1st. I'm on the 90 day challenge which I hope to complete beginning of October if I remember rightly.

Things are good. I don't wish to gamble, I am seeing so much positive change in my life and I know that, that would not have been possible with gambling in my life. I hate that I have outstanding debt and I believe that is my only door that keeps me open to gambling, as frustrations over money and the lack of may lead me back. I'm feeling strong in my resolve and don't believe I will gamble again but can not wait to clear that last piece of debt. I think in doing so it'll be a final goodbye to my gambling past. Unfortunately that day is a long way off but I know that, that day can only be reached by not gambling. I've tried time and again to find a shortcut but it turns out that road makes the journey a lot longer. So I will stay off gambling and week by week, month by month I will get that debt down. I think with a baby on the way some form of debt will always be hanging over me but as long as I can bring certain amounts down and zero'd I'll know the gambling errors are finished and behind me, my life will be slightly better financially and I can fully move on dare I say "cured" I don't think I'll ever take that attitude but I'll be able to life my life with less fear of self destruction and begin to enjoy it to its fullest.

As I keep saying, mainly to remind and convince myself but mistakes happen and can't be undone but you need to learn from them and make the future as good as it possibly can be.

That's what I plan to do, enjoy my future, do what I can to make my wife and daughters life as good as can be, correcting my wrongs and making my family proud.

Posted on:
Tue, 16/08/2016 - 12:15

New beginning

Joined:
2015-02-28

Hey 8th oct a massive congrats to you on you gf days so far. I find your story/diary a great honest read. Your doing brilliantly and I'm sure you'll be a great dad :) I think like most people on here we are filled with regret and even when we make the concious decision to stop we have the inevitable debt to deal with and sadly that doesn't disappear as quickly as it appeared. It's a long road back for many (myself included several credit cards,overdraft and two loans) and I totally get where your coming from regarding gambling to reduce it,however I know this isn't the answer and would only make it worse. Keep it up and together we can beat this :) 

Posted on:
Fri, 19/08/2016 - 08:53

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thank you for your post New beginning, I was looking for a diary to reply to but couldn't find one. You should think about starting one, I don't post a lot but its nice to know its there and when I need to let out some frustration or have an urge I'll come and type away, sometimes I don't even post it but just typing it out gets out all my feelings and kills the urge. Or it can help by just reading previous posts and seeing how far you've come. Defintely any newer member reading this definitely worth starting a diary, stick around read and post, as I said i dont do to much now but did in my early days on here and it does help. Also challenge threads are great motivation in continuing your recovery and setting a goal.

I'm coming up on a quite a big milestone, kind of an un-official milestone but still very big and meaningful in my eyes. On the 25th August I will be one year gamble free - ok I'm on day 139 right now which is why its an un-official milestone. 139 days ago I stupidly had a £20 bet which I immediately regretted, felt horrible about, told my wife got my **** kicked big time and was a big mistake but because I realised how stupid I was, confessed to the wife straight away, I didn't go back and have another bet, I had urges but I stayed strong and I'm proud that what could've resulted in a relapse was infact just a blip. So ignoring that blip I'm actually gamble free for 365 days come 25th Aug.

So I will give myself a pat on the back on the 25th but I also want to celebrate a proper untarnished year away from gambling and a true goodbye, forget about every bet I've had and look to the future, thats why the count as 139 and not 359 (except 1 bet). It drives me on once more and I know come 3rd April 2017 I will be a year gamble free and be so much the better for it, I already see my life changing.

Thats one thing I'd like to add to anyone giving up gambling is change your life while quitting and it'll motivate you to keep going. In the past I have given up gambling and used all my money to pay off debt wanting to clear everything and move on asap now that is fine to a point and I love that I'm paying off debt and taking responsibllity but you need to leave some money for you. Have a takeaway now and then, go out with family/friends. You don't need to spend like crazy but a treat now and then to show that if you stop gambling you'll have the time and the money for these treats. Try to get something for the home also say a new chair/table/tv whatever again just seeing improvements in your life will just make you think - while I was gambling I had nothing now i'm say 2 months off gambling and I'm getting a new tv. Depending on your situation it maybe that the treats and things round the house are bigger or smaller than the above and it doesnt matter, whatever they are they show your life improving and are a sign that you are changing. You may feel like I did (and still do occasionally) that you don't deserve the treats etc because of the damage the gambling has caused and while there is a little truth to that, for example if your in a relationship you shouldnt just be treating yourself but treat the girlfriend/wife and the both of you and also you do deserve it aswell as you should be proud that your changing your life, this isn't easy but yet it can be done and if your doing it be proud.

I'm by no means the finished article but have been around these pages a while now and think i've learnt a thing or two (learning most the hard way!) so I hope that there is something in this post to help or motivate in some way. I hadn't planned to type anything like this its just the direction my fingers took me. I do wish everyone that comes on here all the best in there recovery wether they are a member or not, post a lot or just browse now and then either way if your giving up gambling (firstly your not giving up anything- gambling sucks!) you should be proud of yourself and although I hope your recovery is easy and you never look back, it can be a bumpy road with some bumps bigger than others but don't turn around, keep going forward, learn from any mistakes and you'll get there. Every day, hour and minute away from gambling is worth it. Your life can and will be so much better without it.,

Best wishes to you all.

Posted on:
Tue, 23/08/2016 - 14:34

New beginning

Joined:
2015-02-28

And you said you don't post much lol hope your well mate :) yeah it's cathartic getting things down even if you don't post it. I don't have a diary,not sure why just felt a bit uncomfortable I guess. I think like a lot of people on the forum I dip in and out of people's diaries trying to take inspiration (from people like yourself) and also to learn about the pitfalls and keep it at bay. My downfall wasn't sports betting as I loved nothing better than a Wee footy coupon and a pint on a sat or maybe a lucky 15 on the nags but my trouble was going into a bookies to place it meant roulette! Sometimes I'd blow a £100+ and walk out with no coupon on after the pull of the fobt. In my head I still think I could put a Wee coupon on or a horse but I'm choosing the path of being 100% gamble free at the moment and that suits me just fine, besides I've self excluded from the bookies and online etc Like most people on here I've tried to stop before and failed and it kills me. The mental torture and anxiety of lying to people and juggling finances etc is just something I can't and won't go back to. I have a lot of debt to pay off but every month it goes down a little and for now I'm happy with that. My big challenge comes when I get paid next week but I feel good about it for a change. Who knows what the future may bring but for now I'm taking it one day at a time :) 

Posted on:
Fri, 26/08/2016 - 22:34

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

One day at a time is just fine and those days certainly add up fast, do whatever works. I do think 100% non gambling is the way to go, I convinced myself many times to only bet on golf or only football etc but all leads back to a massive binge and a massive relapse. Its just not worth the risk and what are we really giving up, absolutely nothing. I don't think of it as quitting or giving up as I'm doing a good thing here and stopping something that brings me destruction and despair. I have urges but how can we miss something that hurts us so much - that's the addiction and I have finally (took long enough!) realised and accepted I'm an addict and as much as I hate thinking about it if I gamble it's when not if my wife leaves me and I lose everything. But I've accepted that and I'm changing my wife sees that and we're on the up and getting closer everyday. With the debt like yourself I have a lot but there are no shortcuts (I've tried trust me lol) so month by month that's what you have to do, keep going stay strong and you'll get there the debt will go down and before you know you'll really see the difference and see things going in the right direction. It's great to share this journey with people like yourself and see people walking the path and helping themselves and changing there life's. Best wishes to you. I love it on here and love hearing of people doing well.

Posted on:
Fri, 26/08/2016 - 22:50

New beginning

Joined:
2015-02-28

Thanks for your kind words gave me a Wee boost tonight knowing I'm on the right path,thank you :) here's to a gf weekend! Keep up the good work mate! 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/09/2016 - 17:48

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 156. Feeling good with only a few weeks to the due date. No gambling for me, gonna make my daughter proud!

Posted on:
Mon, 05/09/2016 - 17:58

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi 8th Oct , Just popped by to say well done on your 156 of not gambling , I know your aim is to make your daughter proud of you but have a huge amount of pride in yourself for what youv'e achieved so far , keep doing what's working my friend :) 

Huge respect and best wishes for your continued success :))

Alan 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/09/2016 - 18:42

New beginning

Joined:
2015-02-28

156! Awesome. If you tackle fatherhood like you've tackled this challenge you'll be a great dad. Keep it up

Posted on:
Wed, 07/09/2016 - 09:48

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thank you both for the lovely comments it was a great way to start my day. It's day 158 for me today and the big day is closing in fast. I've ticked off the first two of my targets in my first post the next is to get to the birth of my daughter gamble free and her due date is 8th Oct - a little to close for comfort! I'm very excited to be a dad with a little bit of oh **** I'm going to be a dad!

As far as the non gambling goes I'm happy with my recovery and I think I'll get to that day and that'll also coincide with completing the 90 day challenge so a double celebration both meaning a lot to me. I will then have the challenge of staying stopped while I'm stressed, tired probably feeling weak, excited and a million other emotions and one or many of those emotions will probably lead to an urge or two and I believe I'll have the fight to power through but that'll be the challenge. On this site I am on the 2016 thread and determind to get to the end of the year with no more bets which will mean for me 2016 consists of 1 bet of £20 and that's it which will be a massive success and leads me in to 2017 which will I hope be my first year and calender year gamble free.

We will see I'm excited by everything - except juggling work and home and not to keen on dirty nappies funnily enough! Other than that the next few weeks and months are going to be massive and I'm not going to let gambling spoil a moment.

Posted on:
Wed, 07/09/2016 - 14:14

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Afternoon 8th , thanks for the kind words this morning , I don't know about leading ? I think were all here on a level playing field just trying to help each other where we can and thats what really works :))

Listen it's not long now until all the Pooh , wee , dribble and sleepless nights start but don't worry you'll stop once the Baby's born :))  Your gonna love it fella , they fill your life with joy and happiness , occasionally a little heartache but it's so worth it :)). We all go Shi.......t  I'm going to be a dad , it's a massive life changing responsibility but as soon as they arrive you'll deal with it in the same way as recovery , one day at a time and discovering as you go .

Sending you best wishes

Alan    

Posted on:
Wed, 07/09/2016 - 16:27

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hi 8th

Just had to say well done, I've read your story and many others on here and it has given me hope.  It's early days for me but I'm determined to do it x

 

Posted on:
Fri, 30/09/2016 - 09:36

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Just read my first post and a few opening posts from previous diaries. I can't believe I've been posting on and off for 6 years and I do remember I was reading originally for around 6 months maybe more without an account. So I have known I have has some sort of problem for around 7 years and thinking back I've actually had signs of a problem for around 12 years - some very clear signs in hindsight! But for atleast 7 years I've been battling the addiction and trying to quit or control my gambling now of course and for the last few years its definitely quit - not a bet of £2 now and then and that's OK but 100% commitment to stopping and unfortunately that is what it takes - 100% focus. I have been trying for years as I say and I only now feel I'm truly ready to stop forever. One because of all the financial and emotional beatings I have took through gambling but also because of how committed I am now. I have stopped listening to certain sport podcasts, stopped following certain sports altogether just to limit any chance of a relapse.

So to anyone reading stopping gambling can be done but you have to want it, really want it and really do all you can to stay stopped. I'm still early in this my latest journey/diary but it is so worth the effort.

Day 181 today so give or take a day or two and I'm 6 months gamble free, I have just completed the 90 day challenge which feels great. I had three goals in my first post and I have hit the first two and just have a week to go to hit the third. My new goal then will be to continue on with the year thread and finish the year gamble free that will be approx 8 months gamble free - a new personal best - and will set me nicely going into 2017, with the goal to get to 1 year gamble free and then to make 2017 my first calendar year gamble free.

Thanks to this site one of my tools to help me along this road. I thank you all for listening. Onwards and upwards.

Posted on:
Sat, 08/10/2016 - 10:52

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Day 189, the day, the name, here it is the 8th Oct my baby's due date it looks as though the baby is gonna make us wait but the 8th October was my last and main target to not have a bet until this day not that I plan on having a bet tomorrow of course but by going to this day I have truly broken the habit and feel I can live a life without betting which means I can provide a better life for my baby girl. I'm going to change the title to daughter as we know its a girl (better be there's pink everywhere in our house!) and I'm going to change my username to Apr2nd that will be my 1 year date and a massive target to aim for. In the mean time my target is to get to the end of the year gamble free which will be a personal best of over 8 months previous being 7 months ish and I'll also be aiming for a first gamble free calender year probably the first in 15 years plus. I know I can do it I've got other things in my life bigger things and my goals my aims my whole life is now going to be lived for my wife and my little girl.

Posted on:
Sat, 08/10/2016 - 11:14

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Love your commitment. Congratulations on achieving your target and continuing to set more.
Soon you will be able to hold your beautiful baby daughter and know that all your struggles and emotional battles will have been worth it.
You will have more than one reason to feel proud.
Best wishes to all x

Posted on:
Sat, 08/10/2016 - 11:27

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

You made it  !!!!- how proud you must feel :) And boy are you about to feel prouder. I am just starting my journey, but you have given me inspriration. All the very best to you and your good lady !

Posted on:
Sat, 08/10/2016 - 12:26

Dannyjg

Joined:
2016-10-02

Excellent thread 

You are a real inspiration to others wanting to quit. 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 13/10/2016 - 09:19

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thank you very much for the comments very nice to read. I just wanted to update that she is here my little girl arrived 432 on 12th. All well and I'm a very very happy (+tired dad)

Posted on:
Thu, 13/10/2016 - 15:25

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Dear 2nd Apr17

Many congratulations on the birth of your daughter from the forum team! We hope you carry on your great progress to date.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Thu, 13/10/2016 - 15:33

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

What a fantastic update :-) 

Welcome to the world little one & huge congratulations to you all :-)

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