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I was doing so well.. Had a little slip up today

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 00:56

Shaunlad1

Joined:
2015-10-26

 

Well I was 97 days gamble free today, woke up today and all of a sudden had a very insane urge to go into the bookies and put a spin on the roulette. I spent quite a bit of money out last night drinking ect and I thought I'll just chance a tenner see if I can make a few quid. I spent £100 I had in my pocket and I feel sick. Just because I was doing so well. But it also did make me realise how addictive the machines are, and that it wasn't worth it at all. However I don't even feel like chasing my losses, I just feel so disappointed in my self how good I was doing and was on the right track to kicking this bad habit. I can just look at this as a good thing just to remind me how good you think you are doing, it's just that easy to go and spoil all the hard work and go into the bookies and bet again just like that. Back to day one unfortunately but I'll get there and build those GF days back up again

 

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 16:35

Shaunlad1

Joined:
2015-10-26

Just went in again today. Lost another £100 :( it's like once you start again your back in that zone again and don't care. No more now back to racking up then GF free days and not let gambling ruin my life anymore than it already has. My mood has change significantly and feel like my old self depressed and anxious and old thoughts and it's the gambling that brings this on. I'm so upset and disappointed in my self when I was almost 100 days GF but hey we have slip ups sometimes and I'm going to finish this year strong no gambling and have a better 2018. I will beat this!

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 19:39

velvet7

Joined:
2017-05-26

Tomorrow is another day Shaun. Don't give up giving up, you can do it.

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 12:19

Phil83

Joined:
2017-01-17

Hi Shaun,

97 Days is a long time and you should be proud of that. Personally I would suggest not dwelling on being 'back at day 0'. In the time you were GF you made great progress so don't punish yourself too harshly. Zero is just a number, you don't have to be 'back to square one'.

Others may disagree but I think day-counting can do more harm than good. In my head I'm now (nearly) 3 months GF but, during this time I have had 2 minor slip ups (both very minor, a tenner in a fruit machine and a small sports bet). Yes, it was a blip and 'technically' I'm not 3 months GF but the damage of mentally being 'back to square one' could have caused an ACTUAL relapse.

You did really well so build on that and be proud of what you've achieved. I'm proud of myself, having gambled (quite big) every day for years, to have had two small bets in 3 months is a success. I'm not suggesting that anything other that complete abstinence will work but give yourself credit where it's due.

Good luck.

Phil

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 13:07

Sam Crow

Joined:
2012-02-23

Shaun the relapses show you that no matter how many days GF we rack up whether it be 97 days or 9 years we have never 'been cured' and the compulsive streak is always there. Similar to yourself in the past when I stopped for a few months at a time I thought 'hey I'm doing so well, surely I can be responsible with my gambling now!' We all know how that turns out. We cannot win because we cannot stop

Posted on:
Sat, 09/12/2017 - 22:18

Joydivider

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi

You have to sit down and think about what test you were actually giving yourself over those days. I agree with Phil in that Ive found the day counting and a back to square one mentality can be stressful and counter productive.

As Sam Crow says the learning process makes us realise thet it could be 90 days or 9 years when a relapse comes if we are complacent in any way. It does get easier as time marches on though but are we ever fully cured?

When I was relapsing I found that the only test I was really giving myself was my limited willpower. Thts because I had open access to cash in town and no blocks in place at that time. I hadnt told anyone like my parents who care and could help me by monitoring the situation and even just make me feel better by seeing my self exclusion forms.

The next thing is to focus on the just another tenner which dragged many of us back in. Its not just another tenner because we were always ignoring the real odds. You need to remind yourself of those odds on machines.

I was kidding myself why I was playing and kidding myself that I just wanted to double that small amount. It wasnt why I was playing and it a complex mix of escape and thinking about the bigger wins. A machine will use a tenner up in seconds or minutes. Then of course naturally we dont like losing and have it in our heads that its coming back if we play more. The reality is that the odds are well against us every spin and every chip placed. Are we really going to place a high amount on red or black? You would need to be able to lose that money with no worries and I was never in that place.

I was also playing for that dopamine hit of expectation to lift me above numb or depressed. That "will it be me" feeling is a drug and there is no two ways about that. Its based on being Human as we always have a will it be me feeling.

I stopped through sheer fear in the past...a month maybe a month and a half but that was ultimately meaningless because as soon as I had a few quid again, I would delude myself it was all spending money and I would be away again.

Its a deadly addiction which just comes out of the blue. You have to be more ready with the defense next time and that means blocks on top of blocks. It does take a born again moment almost in a religious sense to get your life back. There is unfortunately no room for half measures and a period of cold turkey is required...sure you will think about it in the early days but your counter measures will be stronger and you will have to fill your time with other things.

Eventually you will realise those other things are more enjoyable and you have still got some money in your pocket. Life isnt easy at times but gambling is not the answer.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum