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I want my wife, a kid or two and a proper future!

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 16/07/2014 - 12:20

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

I'm back because I cant do this alone - that was the original title/subject but then I realised positivity is key. Looking back over all the things missed and the regrets I have is occasionally a good thing as I need to realise the wrongs I have done but it won't help me move forward as it'll make me depressed and want a quick way out and that does not exist. I need to realise that I have a chance at the above if I stop gambling. I gamble to have certain things I don't have, yet if I didn't gamble in the first place I would've already had them.

I have been gambling and ive been wanting to come back on here for a.little while but I think there were two main reasons why I didn't right away - one I'm an addict that didn't really want to stop and two I was a bit hurt that I couldn't stop on my own. It hurts that I need additional help and that my gambling is such a big problem both financially and emotionally but also that I am so addicted. I told a friend the other day that I hate gambling it hurts, causes me many problems etc and I said I am 100% being honest with what I said but then I said I still lost 500 that week before on the world cup and more worryingly (although something I already knew) I'll still have more bets on the world cup.

I'm back because I need help. I need an outlet, that daily reminder that I am an addict and I cannot afford to gamble and I don't mean just financially. There are some great people on here and I know this site can really help. Ultimately I have to want it tho and I need to be on here each day with even the briefest of comments. One day at a time. I know the game I know the rules, I've been winning before but never won. Let's hope I'm ready to change that.

I have one real regret that I need to say on here I was stupid enough to have an antepost bet on the football for next season. I didn't study the leagues look at teams nothing I just knew I'd be back on gamcare sooner or later and I'd be stopping gambling and my stupid addiction wanted to keep me in the game. Keep that door ajar just a little bit. I'll have to ignore them bets keep them out of my head I'm not gonna lie I want them to win I need the money but it just makes things tougher. I don't wanna be looking at fixtures and leagues seeing how my teams doing and adding any temptation. Let's be honest though I'm a terrible gambler so I'm sure I'll be on a loser anyway. But that's enough about betting. Trust me anyone tempted by any longer term bets thinking it's a one off bet that last month's well it's not as simple as that it just will make things harder for yourself and your recovery. I regret it. If your on this site any bet is one bet to many.

Thank you for listening I'm glad to be back, I'm walking to work and I'm actually gonna be late now but I had to bite the bullet and post. Look forward to reading and posting once more I hope that old and any new friends alike are doing well and I look forward to catching up with you all.

Posted on:
Wed, 16/07/2014 - 14:48

Frozen

Joined:
2010-11-22

Welcome back Dave, I too had an ante-post last season I managed through it. It probably did not help but you can work around it. The hardest day for me was the day I realized it was not going to happen(Sunderland to be relegated) but I got through it with my wife's help. good luck and never feel unwelcome here

michael

Posted on:
Wed, 16/07/2014 - 17:26

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Dave,

U can do this think how happy u were b4 without gambling in ur life. The first few days r the worst. Stay strong and keep goingxx

Posted on:
Wed, 16/07/2014 - 21:50

irene

Joined:
2012-11-12

Welcome back Dave

It takes strength to call a halt and have a rethink-well done Mr! You know that you'll quickly feel better as you notch up the gamble free time- you can do it!

I still take comfort from having this site close although I don't post often now, but its an invaluable safety net for me too.

Take care
Irene
x

Posted on:
Mon, 21/07/2014 - 22:27

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thank you all. I've gambled again feel **** don't get me at all. Im ruining my life massive debts won't have anything at all for years it's gonna be so tough I just have to face it but I just wanna stay in the dream world where I can just gamble and try and get the easier way out. I don't have to worry about debts and adult mature things. Life just gets worse and worse. When I do grow up life will be near impossible but I have to do it. I dont know wether to feel like **** and that'll help stop gambling or try to be positive I don't know anything anymore.

Posted on:
Tue, 22/07/2014 - 01:27

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

hi not sure how long u been gambling as only read ur last post , but really feel for you, dont know how bad your debts are but if you carryon they can only get worse , the time to stop is only now , what gambling has taught me and not because i lost but what it has taught me is money is not important who cares as long as we are happy . i think you are ready to give up do it now pal you can let it click in ur head it is possible , yes you will have to pay ur debts [ unless bankrupsy , dont know how big ur debts ] but at least self exclude , set up a debt plan ask a debt advisor to freeze interest for you , hand over your finances , do whatever it takes no shame in that better than loosing another pound , so let it click be a winner by not gambling , and no point gambling as if we win we will only give it back , also forget your losses look at your debt as just something to pay for , dont try and win it back you wont , you know that instead if you tried to win it back the debt would only get worse let it go ,it still greaves me how much i lost and cant believe to this day it was me who lost that amount of money, but the biggest thing or one of the biggest things for me to stop was to let go of what i had lost , gambling is pointless , all the best , simon

Posted on:
Tue, 22/07/2014 - 15:57

judy

Joined:
2012-07-23

Hi Dave,
Good for you for coming back to the diaries. I have been in the same frame of mind you found yourself in recently. Personally, when I was down I hated reading positive posts. Now, I realize that that's the addled mind of addiction talking. You are here. That's a start. You don't go all the way back to square one. Just stand up where you landed. Dust yourself off and get walking. One step at a time. One day at a time. Gradually, things will get brighter. Here for you Dave. -joanxxx

Posted on:
Wed, 23/07/2014 - 03:44

S_J_B

Joined:
2013-05-25

Hi Dave,

So good to see you back (sorry it has t be this reason) but you are ready to fight this good fight so stick to it!!!! Do remember your xmas challenge which has helped me hugely,..please keep posting, you can do it and never are on your own. Support is here - always .....TAKE IT

Day at a time

Stay safe

S.x

Posted on:
Mon, 04/08/2014 - 23:07

SillyPaul

Joined:
2013-10-30

Dave,
Great to hear from you again. I'm so sorry it's in these circumstances. You were a total inspiration to me last year! In fact, that inspiration helped me to live my life again gamble free (and I really can't see that changing -honesty). I was on the brink - You know that brink - nowhere to turn, broke, no-one to talk to (and more 'importantly', no money to gamble with -meaning no hope and no way out!). I'm typing this with a lump in my throat cos I know the goodness in you, the kindness and the skill you have in helping others.
My advice is not going to be patronising. You know all the advice! All I can say is that you seriously need to get a bit selfish. You disappeared late last year and I thought you had cracked it. I think you were spending too much time trying to help others. I think you committed yourself too much to all of us! Maybe that was a way to avoid helping yourself? I am eternally grateful for your help but I really think you need to listen to yourself. Look back over the advice you’ve given others, the support, the kind words. Listen to them - they’ve come from someone who cares. Care about yourself for a change.
I haven’t gambled since November last year. I’m still in significant debt and it’s a slow process bringing it down (probably 5+ years) but it’s going down (not up). I hate myself sometimes but when I was gambling I hated myself at all times. Now I have a life. You helped me get here Dave. I will always be grateful for that.
I wish you all the best and if you ever need support I, and lots of others are here.
Best wishes and sincere thanks,
Paul

Posted on:
Wed, 06/08/2014 - 16:11

Charlottex

Joined:
2011-12-10

Hi Dave,

Just popping in 2 say I hope u r ok and staying strong!

U know where we r if u need us :)

Stay strong x

Posted on:
Mon, 11/08/2014 - 10:34

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Firstly can I say I'm truly thankful for all the support on here you guys really are brilliant and I will be in touch soon.

I've been off the site as I still had outstanding bets and was in the gambling zone still so wasn't in the right frame of mind to quit and just knew I wouldn't. They have as expected all lost now so Im now ready to quit and move on yet at the same time have a strong urge to go on chasing.

I need to go back to basics. I have come a long way but at the same time I'm still struggling and need to start slow so my first aim is to get through the next few days without a bet with my main aim to get to week one without a bet. That's as far ahead as I need to look. I need to make this change for my future. I read today that gambling can be a harder addiction to kick than both drugs and drink as when you quit either that's it yes it's hard and there may be health issues but you can move on quicker than with gambling as with gambling there may be debts that take years to pay off. I also read that you get more suicides with gambling addicts than both drug and drink addictions put together. I say this not to scare but to show how destructive gambling can be and how much we need to get out.

I want a quick fix. That is my problem. I hate not having money and I hate that I will he paying back debts for years to come. But that is something that I will have to come to terms with as there is no quick fix. Whatever I win is never enough and always goes back. It's time to walk away accept that gambling beat me and learn to deal with it. If I had quit the first time I was here I would've been dent free probably 2/3 years ago. If I'd of quit last year ibwoyldve knocked a tear off my dent free count if I gamble next year I'll only be adding another year of misery and another year or two of debt payments.

So slowly, slowly it is. Be proud of every step (easier said than done!). One day at a time. Time to sort myself out!

Posted on:
Mon, 11/08/2014 - 11:36

freda

Joined:
2009-06-24

Hi Dave,

Nevermind looking a few days ahead - why not just stay within the day? Just for now. Particularly while the chasing feelings are there.

Try to write down a list of arguments against yourself when you're having urges. Along the lines of "chasing has never worked. I have to accept that the money is gone" "even if I did manage to 'chase' back some of the money - I wouldn't stop while I was 'up' I would continue as usual until my last penny was gone" or even "I'm never going to win back the money I have lost" it's a hard truth, but truth it is. bookies/arcades whatever kind of establishment is your poison - think about it - in the worst recession this country has ever known, it's the only kind of business that never goes bust. In fact the only industry other than payday lenders who are actually opening NEW shops. What does that tell you? Are their punters winning their money back?

I suggest having counter arguments prepared, because in the moment I honestly think you need a bit of help to think straight. The adrenaline rush and/or panic scrambles your brain. I have a long history of anxiety, and I used to do that for panic attacks. You get in a spiral of panicky thoughts, and you can't remember why it will be OK, so I'd have it written down to remind myself and talk myself down. works for gambling too.

One of the best tips I have picked up on here, is to mentally fast-forward to the part where you've lost all of your money, and the dread, shame and panic you feel at that point. When we are thinking of chasing, we often have a mental image of the machine pumping out loads of coins, and us smiling in relief. We need to replace that with a more realistic mental image. Really zoom in on how it feels in that moment. When you have no choice but to walk away, with nothing.

Take care,

F x

Posted on:
Wed, 13/08/2014 - 17:47

Neveragain121016

Joined:
2011-10-04

Thank you freda very helpful post and I'll definitely use those techniques to fight the urges. I want to get round the diaries but just haven't had chance and I won't lie I can't see me being able to.until the end of next week. If I can I will tho. And as always thanks for the support. It'll be three days when today is over and I'm pleased I haven't fallen at this early stage. ODAAT!!

Posted on:
Wed, 13/08/2014 - 18:04

13August2014

Joined:
2008-10-17

Hi Dave I feel your pain. It's a dark place we're in isn't it. Each time I think I've reacged rock bottom and I realise there's still further to sink. It's awful! Write a list of everything that is good in your life and cling on to the fact that you could lose this if you continue to gamble. Make sure your blocks are in place as willpower alone is not enough as you will know.