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I should be ecstatic, but...

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 04:18

sfc7603

Joined:
2011-09-20

 I should be ecstatic that I won just under £*** but the fact that I was so close to winning over £*** has made me feel a bit deflated! Is this just the mindset of a compulsive gambler that I'm focussing more on how I was so close to winning over £*** than I am on the £*** I did win? Am I wrong to feel unlucky despite the win? I'm worried that I'm going to lose my winnings by focussing too much on the amount I very almost won!

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 07:35

alainepo

Joined:
2016-07-27

I don't think many people on here would read you post about what ifs and maybes and think that it is a healthy thought process post. Ecstatic means to be overwhelmed by happiness, as a gambler with many years losing in my thoughts i may well have been thinking exactly the same as you, happy but annoyed at the *** not won. Now though i feel worried for you, worried that the *** win will just turn into extra gambling tokens for a short while before being lost in years of more gambling. That's how it was for me anyway but i hope it doesn't turn out like that for you. I am glad you posted here, you recognise you have a problem. Ecstatic for me these days is thinking about my girlfriend and her daughter and watching her do well in school. Ecstatic is also sitting with my friends after a game of golf and able to join in the conversation without the pull of the bookies dragging me away from the nice stimulating conversation. You are right you should be ecstatic but not because of the bet but because you deserve to be happy, we all do. Would the *** really have made you so happy or would it have given you a feeling of gambling invincibility resulting in further bigger losses, who knows. You have ***, you have a chance to read threads on here and realise there is more to life than the pull of the bookies, you have a chance of a different more peaceful happiness starting from now. Take a survey on here and ask how many of us wish we had spent more of our time gambling or with family and friends. I vote family and friends so that is gambling 0 - F+F 1. I don't think more gambling will score many votes.

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 11:12

embracingthestruggle

Joined:
2017-05-03

Hello sfc7603, I understand where you or coming from here mate. I once won £*** on a football bet and even know i was chuffed being £*** up, i was annoyed that i didnt pick another selection I was so close to ticking on the coupon. The result came in and i would of won £***. I know there is a big difference in your potential returns but the moral is still there. I've done it before with a online bet. Cashed out at £380 before the last kick off as i thought i was riding my luck too much (late winners going my way four times). As predicted the last game won 4-0 and if i didnt cash out i would of won £***. So again chuffed id won some money but that annoyed feeling crept in more. I'm currently 97 days gamble free due to extreme blocks in place. My advice to you is to start self excluding from the bookies right away by giving the national self exclusion line a call. Also self exclude yourself from any online accounts you may have. Order a new debit card and give it to a partner or trusted family/friend so you wont be able to open any new accounts. Try give control of your finances to this person. I say do all this because you have been given a chance here to stop before it gets out of hand. You have £*** and when you eliminate gambling all that money will be for you. For gamblers, bookies money is borrowed money. Dont give it back to them so stop now and do something with that large amount of money. I do feel for you coming so close to that £***, but i've always believed that if i didnt lose £*** the day I decided to quit and won money instead. I may of still been gambling today. I imagine 90% of people try to quit after a lose. It's rare for someone to win big and go "right im going to stop now". Be that 10% mate. All the best mate, sorry if my post has not made sense i have been writing it on my phone as my laptops broke. Embracing.

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 13:00

Joydivider

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi

It became crystal clear to me that I was playing for the feelings of playing. When something did come out it was sometimes met with a shrug and an apathetic oh. I dont really talk in terms of wins just stuff that sometimes if rarely came out. I sometimes grunted as if it was almost a downer. The feelings are all mixed up but it was more of a give me my money back feeling than any happiness. A weird mix of relief and anger in battle more than anything

It wasnt fun and it was more a grim determination mixed in with a trance of just wanting to spin. Its been scientifically proven that the near miss or a feeling of being cheated gives a compulsive gambler more of a reaction or high that they are after. Its also been proven that a problem gambler plays for the lows and any emotion these machines create

I realised that I never felt any real feeling of happiness. On the blue moon occasion I would take some paper notes home and just look at them, arrange them and keep counting them...more in a state of mild confusion and shock. If I really analyse those feelings I was looking at it as future gambling money.

Its difficult to explain but with learning and counselling I came to terms with my main drive was just to play....the money was secondary or even lower on the list. It helps explain how we are taken over and essential money feeds that urge.

So yes that is the sign of a real addict when money out can make us feel deflated. Its a crazy and highly dangerous addiction. A real feeling of contentment and serenity is knowing I am gamble free.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 15:55

gra60

Joined:
2017-08-04

[quote=sfc7603]

 

"Is this just the mindset of a compulsive gambler that I'm focussing more on how I was so close to winning over £*** than I am on the £*** I did win?" Most definetly.

"Am I wrong to feel unlucky despite the win?" Why should you?

 "I'm worried that I'm going to lose my winnings by focussing too much on the amount I very almost won!" All in your own hands and how much money and continuing to be a cg means to you?

Honest answers to your questions and no judgement whatsover intended as to how you are dealing with  being a cg like me.

Gra60

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 19:43

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

I can only comment on how i'd feel myself in your situation and it wouldn't be good.  I'm a compulsive addict and no win would be big enough for me.  I'd be very worried if i was you, but hope you give it a lot of thought before you make your next move.

 

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 00:42

sfc7603

Joined:
2011-09-20

Thank you for all the helpful responses. You all speak so much sense and congratulations to those of you who are gamble free because I know from experience how hard it is to do that. Your mind tricks you into thinking that it's easy to win at gambling when it's really not and in the long run it's virtually impossible. A compulsive gambler will always think about how a big win could be around the corner without thinking about what they might lose and the consequenses.

The responses have provided me with a wake up call that if I'm not careful I'll end up losing all my winnings, not for the first time. I managed to withdraw 90% of my winnings and lost 10%. I have self excluded from all betting sites for a month which will allow me to use my winnings to buy something nice and pay off a lot of my debt. I still keep thinking about what could have been had Stoke won but I need to clear that from my mind and think about what I actually did win as this thought process is not healthy and potentially damaging. I feel like this win has given me a chance of a fresh start following years of financial ruin and damage to my mental health from my gambling addiction. Thanks again.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 10:18

Joydivider

Joined:
2015-03-11

Well I sort of let the main point go for a while there sfc. As an active gambler you will not "win" as if it was an income scheme or get it back later scheme.

Its your life but a recovery is a recovery. Its not continuing to gamble and thinking about certain points. What you are actually doing is justifying the gambling by mentioning wins and by hinting that you are a good boy for thinking about a certain point. That is an addicted mindset and I used to congratulate myself for being six days free and than have another extinction gamble.

We all did that while gambling as its a split mind process with the dominant part of the mind wanting to gamble. I knew at points I should walk away but I just couldnt as If I was rooted to the spot.

I used to think how bad gambling was when I had no food in the cupboards but I would be back again the next time I felt slightly flush again.

You talk about being careful and the "win" giving you a fresh start so what you are actually doing is reinforcing positives about gambling. Really your mind is thinking maybe I can get all my losses back over time. Either you have a problem or you do not. You talk about temporary exclusions for a month which nobody would recommend here

I know that recovery from problem gambling doesnt work like that. I spent 10 months after joining the forum relapsing and continuing to gamble. All I did was lose much more money.

Its your life but you cant really talk about active gambling on a recovery forum like you are somehow in control.

The reason we are here is that It was out of control on an addiction level. I hope you do stop completely but I cant force you to do that

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 16:46

itsbeenalonglongtime

Joined:
2018-01-21

sfc7603 wrote:

 I should be ecstatic that I won just under £*** but the fact that I was so close to winning over £*** has made me feel a bit deflated! Is this just the mindset of a compulsive gambler that I'm focussing more on how I was so close to winning over £*** than I am on the £*** I did win? Am I wrong to feel unlucky despite the win? I'm worried that I'm going to lose my winnings by focussing too much on the amount I very almost won!

This is a good post. It shows how pointless it is for the cg to win except to extend the time gambling. Money is our fuel.
We can't be happy we are pathological gamblers and sometimes in the end I would be perversely happy to lose some just to stop the madness temporarily.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 00:52

Ineffable

Joined:
2015-02-21

Couldn’t agree more with this post from Joydivider

Joydivider wrote:

Hi

It became crystal clear to me that I was playing for the feelings of playing. When something did come out it was sometimes met with a shrug and an apathetic oh. I dont really talk in terms of wins just stuff that sometimes if rarely came out. I sometimes grunted as if it was almost a downer. The feelings are all mixed up but it was more of a give me my money back feeling than any happiness. A weird mix of relief and anger in battle more than anything

It wasnt fun and it was more a grim determination mixed in with a trance of just wanting to spin. Its been scientifically proven that the near miss or a feeling of being cheated gives a compulsive gambler more of a reaction or high that they are after. Its also been proven that a problem gambler plays for the lows and any emotion these machines create

I realised that I never felt any real feeling of happiness. On the blue moon occasion I would take some paper notes home and just look at them, arrange them and keep counting them...more in a state of mild confusion and shock. If I really analyse those feelings I was looking at it as future gambling money.

Its difficult to explain but with learning and counselling I came to terms with my main drive was just to play....the money was secondary or even lower on the list. It helps explain how we are taken over and essential money feeds that urge.

So yes that is the sign of a real addict when money out can make us feel deflated. Its a crazy and highly dangerous addiction. A real feeling of contentment and serenity is knowing I am gamble free.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 10:42

strauss

Joined:
Before 2009

Congratulations on your win - on your way now.  Losers only here.