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I seriously need some help.....

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#1 Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 14:32

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

 

 

 

Hi guys can't quite believe I'm here but I guess that's what a lot of us say isn't it!!! I've just got to the final straw before admitting I have a problem. im in  new york on holiday and just lost 3200 trying to save a tennis bet of 450 pound....I feel sick. Tennis is my sport I love it and are (I thought I was!!) pretty knowledgable and enjoyed the thrill of gambling on it, plus it's a 2 way thing, no draws in tennis and a 50/50 chance  at worse. I use******** exchange mostly,and  I bet in play. So here's my story, player at 6-6 , 6-2 up in a tie break. I put 1000 onto crate some value. He won it and  I laid off to leave 100 profit and cashed it out, I then went on the other guy who was the better player for 1000, laid off 500 quid when he won the second set. All good....apart from the first guy (lower ranked!) went 4-0 up in the 3rd set double break....my cash out was 250 loss!!!! He got to 5-2 so I did a crazy thing..bet 3200 at 1.15 to cover the inevitable loss ...or what I thought. 2nd guy wins 5 games in a row I sit there and watch the whole thing unfold frozen . You can imagine how sickening that is !!! But as you  can also imagine it's not the first time I've done that !! It's the first time I've been burnt properly trying to save a bet and turn a kiss into a win. Last sat I did it twice and got away with it ! Add to he above I put a 3k bet on Maria sharapova to win her quarter final in us open 2-0 , I put it on at 4-1 first set intending to cash out when she won the first set. That ended 7-5 and she was 1-0 up second set , I deciddd to leave the bet with a cash out option for 300 profit and it lost! So that gives me a total loss of 30k since Feb....and the stupid thing is I think I'm pretty good at this!! It's not been all down I've had some good wins. When I was 16k down I decided to bet 100 bets and got it to 14k down with a 2k win in a month but the pattern never continues and always get the urge to bet big when bangs are going well. My only intention was ever to get back level and now I have no chance ! I've worked out if I win 50 a day I'd get there In a year and half!!   So I need some advice !!!! Do I stop now and block everything or continue on with discipline ???? I am in an ok position I am -20k cause of credit cards that are on zero per cent interest , 10k in the bank but I have a rental house with 100k equity in it that I'm renting for 1000 a month at the mo but need to sell in two years . That's the only thing keeping me seine at the moment . My gf doesn't suspect but I am always on my phone checking bets at any time and it's impacting my life and I hate letting her down!!!! I've given her enough grief in the past. I've worked out I can save 2k a month as I have quite a good job so would be back to square by next July and then have the house money so I guess it's not all doom and gloom and I should be able to get away without her knowing I hope, she doesn't need the stress she's a lecturer and doing a PhD at the moment . Any advice here guys I can't talk to anyone about this as it would kill my already struggling self esteem . I am one of those people extroverted on the outside by self conscious and struggle internally I've just turned 36 and am so embarrassed about all this !! All my friends are off having babies and getting married and I'm wasting my life loosing money for the thrill of the win. I honestly don't know what to and have no one to turn to as I know it will do more damage to me admitting it all !! I had an issue when I first starting seeing my gf or being casual and seeing other people before we properly got together . That all came out when I fessed up about it and it killed my self esteem with friends  etc and her. Any advice on what to do !!??? I'm all ears . Look forward to hoping I'm not alone

 

ps my other thought is to play a game and note down what eta I would have made and not actually do them to see how they would have panned out and hopefully they lose I guess which would then in my head be a winner !! That and making the weekly bet of 10 pound on football acca  

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 16:27

Joe-90

Joined:
2016-10-05

Hi W7023,

If you had a life changing illness that would soon kill you, would you tell your girlfriend? or not want to stress her out? would you worry about your self esteem and just pretend nothing is happeing. Or would you go see a doctor and get the help you need? 

Like it or not you have a disease, you are most certainly a compulsive gambler. Like all compulsive gamblers we struggle to really admit we have a problem. We tell ourselves we can control it and will be diciplined from now on, we remeber the big wins we have had and this helps convince us we can win all our losses back. But it is an illusion, the only way is down once we are gambling. You have a good job so can meet your finacial commitments so can justify it in your mind, but think of all the time and money you have wasted on this addiction. Time and money you could have spent improving your relationships and future. 

The fact you are on here at all at least shows you know you have a problem, now is the time to tackle it. It is not an easy road ahead but you will be a better person for it, believe me. To really tackle it, you have to get as much support as you can. We all think we can do it ourselves with determination and will power but although we start this way with good intentions its si destined to fail. Get to a GA meeting asap is what you should do first, there you will meet other Compulsive gamblers, be brutally honest with them and yourself. 

I wish you all the best tackling your gambling addiction, its not easy, but then again none of the things worth while in this life are.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 21:00

Lethe

Joined:
2016-12-10

You're not good at it though, are you? There's no such thing as a professional gambler or even a skilled one. However much 'research' you do you are betting on random outcomes. Do it long term and the end result is always the same. Poor bookies don't exist for a reason.

You can't continue with 'discipline' because you've crossed the line into addiction. Best advice is to put every practical barrier you can in place starting with telling your girlfriend and giving her control of your finances then sign up for counselling (Gamcare offer free sessions) and get to GA. You need to identify and address whatever it is that's driving the compulsion.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 21:42

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi W7023,

Welcome to the forum, and well done for sharing your story with us.

I hope by so doing, you’ll come to terms with your gambling problem, and perhaps seek professional help from Gamcare.

You seemed to be struggling with your gambling problem for some time but, you somehow manage to stay above the waters because of your good job and pay. Even with that prospects, gambling problem gets worse if you don’t do anything about it, and it can easily get out of control,

Posting into the forum is a step in the right direction; and I’ll encourage you to try and post as often as you can.

I’ll advise you to try and contact us on our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and find out from an adviser about what other options are available to help with your recovery. Our services run everyday from 8.00am to midnight.

Maybe you’d also like to install one of our recommended blocking software to stop you from accessing gambling sites. You can also request for some counselling support if that would help you to cope better, and to make sense of your gambling issues.

Once you find out what your triggers are, then you can apply some of our strategies to help you to manage your problematic gambling, and maybe stop, if that is what you want.

Our forum members are also very supportive, and I noticed you’ve got some response from some members already.

Meanwhile, try and distract yourself with other activities/ hobbies to help you to keep your anxiety for tennis betting at bay.

Thanks again for your post, and please keep going!

Best wishes,

Beatrice

Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 23:55

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

Thanks guys. To be brutally honest I've just been replaying the bad losses ,they are few but they were massive which makes it even harder to take. The thing is I'm being really honest and can remember at least 3 occasions where I had a big bet on, I switched it up and it worked , as in I didn't lose anything and make a small profit....I am now thinking these obviously could have gone wrong as well.....your right even though it's sport and there is skill in comes quite clearly the best players lose from time to time and there is no value whenever they play someone poor so your on a hiding to nothing. I am so worried about my financial situation as I am obviously now 32k on credit cards yet only 10k I the bank....  but I do realise I'm in a privalidged situation with a well earning job and a lot of equity in another house which I must sell by April 19 anyway....it doesn't make it any worse to take though . To be honest on the triggers it's the thril of being able to win money back , I had about 1000 in an account for a year until this January.....which was in control making only small bets...then I lost the lot when away on a weekend, to recover I stupidly thought I'd make one big bet on Arsenal v stoke I think in the fa cup , put 3k to be under 4.5 goals.....it ended up being 5-0 to Arsenal....I then won all but 1k back that night but then the chase began and here I am now. I guess it all starts in similar ways for a lot of us . The thing is now is to try and get my head round it. I haven't gambled at all today, which has meant looking at my phone a lot less which my girlfriend always complained about. I still feel sick but have made a financial plan to be level by next august saving 2k a month which shouldn't make too many impacts on day to day life just no big purchases. I see what you are saying about telling my girlfriend and friends but I know me and I know how much damage it will do , far more than the benefits. People will just think I'm a bit of a loser as I've always been sooo Good with money, I love a spreadsheet and always know exactly how much / what I have at any point. I will however contact Aquarius which was recommended as Coincilling in my home town I guess that's the first proper step. I have sat back and realised how much time I've wasted and how much I've not "been there" in coversations with friends and family, that is precious time lost. Did anyone else start to Realise that when you loon back. Although I obviously love the buzz it's a lonely lonely life isn't it, remember staying up to all hours and just staring at tennis matches not even being able to watch them and praying for a chance to lay off the bets I'd made!!  Doe anyone remember the first few days after stopping and hating themselves and being really down ????

 Pps when you go to buy stuff as simple as drinks in a bar etc I keep thinking how much I've cost myself and how I don't want to waste money because of what I've done . Anyone else think like that, it's like anything I now spend on stuff I should just be saving to help get the money back

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 08:24

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi I imagine my husband must have been on the same rollercoaster you're on. Golf through the night, tennis, football. It could be anything. Someone said on here yesterday 'you should treat your partner with respect and tell her' she probably thinks that's what you're doing. You've said she's no fool. Unfortunately when you don't want to tell people close to you it's an excuse, the addict talking. 32k on credit cards plus interest! You may well have a house but if you don't quit now I doubt you will. How will you feel selling it to pay gambling debts when you bought it as investment. Go to GA when you get back. Good luck!

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 08:51

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

i'm ok Jack - I still have access to funds so I don't need to tell anyone, I don't need real help, I can cope in secret, I have been completely out of control, racking up debts all over the place, yet I will now control this overnight, I definitely wont spend any more of the equity in my house

 

only it never works like that

 

I hope I'm still gamble free, im only early stages so far but I hope im still GF when you come back to say that the equity has gone as well. It's exactly where you are heading.

I'm a CG. My mind is racing with all the thoughts I've had over 20+ years where I've convinced myself witht he same thoughts you have said above.

All the excuses, the reasons.

I'm 40, don't own my own house, cant afford to move and have years of debt to still repay

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 13:17

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

 

Hi guys. Thanks for the replies again. Sorry I prob should have explained a bit better My situation isn't as bad as it sounds. The 32k I have on about 4 credit cards is all totally interest free the first, I have keep them cause it's a free way of borrowing previously that I have then just balance transferred when the interest period ends . ....I had then done this to keep cash in the bank to make interest on before this issue. As of now I also have 10k available in current account 

The equity I have (100k) is in a second house I own that I l now rent out. me And my partner moved to a new house we brought together in December last year . Hence when I sell the second house in a year or so (which I have to do to recover 11k of stamp duty the govt charged me extra for keeping it) it will release the circa 100k. This is my aim to suck up the deficit I currently have then put this all into savings...it just means I'll have a bit less now. All my decisions previously have been pretty financially sound hence the ok position. I'm so annoyed and angry at myself for doing this to jeapodise that!!! It's why I want to stop now and ensure it doesn't get any more out of hand so that I can recover this. I was 36 2 days ago and I guess time to grow up. I want to get married and have kids in the next few years and don't wa t to ruin that!! I'm trying to come to terms with the losses in my mind and not overthinking the big ones and the Stupid rash decisions I made that cost soo much. Does anyone have any coping methods they use ??  Thanks for the support to date it's really helpful to hear from like minded people on this never been in this position before at all. Thinking back the biggest loss is time as well and not engaging with people when they are speaking...you miss so much cause your mind is always elsewhere , anyone else get that as well !!??

Ps I will contact ga when I get back cause I'm not nieve enough to think I can do this alone...I just don't want to put it on my partners shoulders to deal with as it's not fair. It's me that got me in this situation it's me that needs to deal with it. I haven't had the urge to deposit another load and try again and I don't keep thinking about the big wins just the horrific losses that happened where I had the option to cash out and take a small loss but stayed in and lost , it makes me sick and I'm hoping that's the catalyst I need ror recovery 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 14:48

Amom

Joined:
2014-10-09

You are a compulsive gambler. It doesn't matter how much you earn, how much equity you have, whether your CC's are interest free... sooner or later you will have zero. That is the nature of addiction. 

This is never a quick fix (even with GA) and your partner deserves the respect of your honesty.

Cathy

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 18:10

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

 

Thanks Cathy. I totally get your comments and I agree I think this gets people whether they earn a lot or nothing , I have heard stories of people earning hundreds of thousands and still having the same issue. However I don't see the point of putting more stuff on her shoulders when she is already stressed with work and doing a PhD , I don't see that as fair on her when it's my problem I got into and to sort out , and to ensure I save back the 2k a month that is possible to get back to level by next august. She has her own money from her last house sale before we brought ours and I have mine seperate. We just have a joint account we add money to for bills. I have to sort this out with the help of GA and some Coincilling that the lady recommended with Aquarius . Has anyone used thy service before is it a good service ? I'm 2 days in and already not on my phone all the time checking bets and although I'm anxious and worried about stuff but still a lot less stressed than I was starting at a phone and hoping. The big test will be when I get home and speak to the Counciller I am aware this is something that doesn't go away and needs a lot  of work. Does anyone have anything they do when they want to put a bet on to stop the urge ??? 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 21:36

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi yes we've heard it all before. I'm wife of cg and everyone lied to me too. I hate them for taking away my choice. Plus it will help you stop, it is part of recovery to be honest. Your relationship is based on lies and you're  worrying about your self esteem, what about hers? This won't go away, this is for life. Your gf has every right to know if you are financially involved in a house together. You ask for help and advice, then make excuses. We are telling you to help you. 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 21:44

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

w7023 - I shall refrain from posting on here after this as I don't think you want to hear it/ think you are doing the right thing by your other half and I couldn't disagree more.  I do just want to say though that I don't think any of those suggesting you should tell her are saying that so that she sorts out your mess.  You are quite right, it is your mess and you need to sort out the finances and your addiction.

It's more that your relationship is currently built on lies which can't ever be a good thing.

A great post on F&F by Alan asking for feedback from F&F members and the response was pretty clear, all were hurting from the financial mess they found/uncovered/got told about and most had a level of debt to go with that BUT the most damage was the lies, the deceipt, the dishonesty.  

Anyway, all our journeys are unique and we ultimately have to make our own choices and hope that we make better ones than we used to as active gamblers

I wish you all the best whatever you do and I hope you find a way of controlling your addiciton

regards

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 22:06

Raj

Joined:
2017-07-05

Hi Mate..I do need understanding your situation as it's hard to tell your loved ones about the Gambling..it can only be your decision. I did not tell my family or wife ssvthis would break her heart as coming from a poor background. However my urges have totally gone. My coping strategies are to focus on something positive. Like getting fit and joining a gym..very good streets releiver. I've also downloaded some old school games such as Connect Four on your phone to keep me entertained. This will get better..I had borrowed 30K to play online roulette which I lost..now will take me 5 years to pay off. Keep up the Gambling Free days. 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 22:17

Jamia9

Joined:
2017-09-07

I have so much in common with you,,,,I have been a fool,,I have a beautiful girlfriend 2 beautiful kids and I've messed up big time gambled since I was a kid but in the last 2 years I've gone from having 10 grand in savings a property with a lot of equity to being 20 grand in debt,,,the feeling of guilt I wake up with everyday is unbearable is getting me down big time,,my girlfriend hasn't got a clue about anything,,and I can see where your coming from trying to deal with it without her ever finding out I also earn decent money and might just scrape through this without her finding out, still own a a rental property and on paper I'm ok for money but gambling is getting on top I can't stop,, I always knew I couldn't be trusted with apps but 2 years  ago I got one and I estimate I've lost 50 k since,,I'm in deep need to stop now !!!!!

Posted on:
Mon, 11/09/2017 - 13:57

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

 

Thanks again for all your responses. I do get how people would say it's the right thing to tell her but we are only linked to our main house, and i don't have any other  loans / debt with her. Also I may have not explained that well , but my main reason for not telling her is the stress it will cause her which she doesn't need right now with her PhD and about to start new term at uni, not because I'm ashamed to admit it.. My situation isn't great but it could be a lot worse , I can be totally debt free in 7 months saving 2k a month and selling a few guitars etcI'm not sat here with the itch to gamble, just sick at the lost money and what could havebeen done with it. I still have 100k in my rental house that is mine so I suppose there are savings there for my future still for wedding/kids eventually. 

Raj and Jamia its very comforting to know there are people in very similar situations .

Raj how much were you in debt if you don't mind me asking? I know it's all relative but interesting to know how you've coped. Did your family ever suspect anything ? Positive coping mechanisms sounds a great idea, I'm a solo acoustic artist in my spare time playing gigs in town etc, I've let that slip so I suppose I should refocus on that ! Plus the gigs pay ok so would help with the Repaving, have you gambled since / how longs it been ? I bet you feel much better for it?. 

Jamia9 really sorry to here that mate again it's comforting to know your not alone in this and I feel your pain!!! What were you playing sports / roulette etc . I don't have any kids myself yet but I guess if I was in your situ I would be thinking about the lost time with them which would hopefully make me stop as well as the money. I keep thinking how disengaged I've been with friends, my family when I've see them, my GF, and even at work ! Looking back  I've spent hours In my day gambling , even during meetings, I run a sales team and the product bit comes quite easy to me hence I've tried to combine the two. What a joke though, that's the job that will help get me out of this. Does that ring any bells with you. ???

Did everyone hit a point of realisation ? Something that triggered them to say enoughs enough ? I'm hoping that's what hit me the other day , in my deluded brain when I was at -18k I went 3 months where I won back 2k better smaller , and for some reason I was comfortable with that and fairly happy !! Im guessing thats because at the time things appeared to be going well.... and I was comfortable financially....that doesn't take away from the stack of time and focus I spent doing it though I guess and your always that one or two bets away from disaster..

Posted on:
Mon, 11/09/2017 - 16:45

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

I've said it before & I'll say it again, all of the above!  You're not unique in your thinking about 'winning back' any money that you have to spend & there's people on here that have spent £300 on a pint of milk & not gotten the pint!

 

You said you were all ears but you're not really & maybe you can do this your way, fully engaging with the counselling & going to GA but there's a reason why people here are beating you with cyber sticks to come clean (GA is no different)...It's the right thing to do!  Have you actually really stopped to consider your girlfriend?  Many partners fear an affair & you admit to being lost in your phone or distracted during conversations, she more than anyone has good reason to mistrust you & having the painful conversation now may actually help to alleviate some of her concerns, especially since you are so convinced that financially you are safe. 

 

10k in savings making thruppence ha'penny is not savings when you have debt over 3 times that (regardless of how that is managed) it's temptation!  I know, I've remortgaged, sold properties & blown inheritance whilst shopping around to save pennies on my food bill.  Here's an idea, why not work hard, make your non savings up to 11k so that you can clear your tax bill & not have to sell your other property?  And here's the reason why...That sale is your golden ticket!  It gets you out of debt & gives you a little bit to play with...Been there, done that, ran up huge debts again.  We cannot win because we cannot stop & you may have been happy just winning small amounts because a) you were in action & b) you were winning but this is progressive & the highs stop being highs & losses more acceptable the longer we stay @ it.  

 

Your previous decisions have not been financially sound (you have borrowed thousands on credit cards) you got lucky on the housing market & now risk losing everything because you think you made a few rash decisions.  They weren't rash decisions, they are the actions of a compulsive gambler & they will continue to happen whilst you are so wrapped up in the financials of it...This isn't about holding your own financially, it's about being open & honest with someone you purport to love & not using them as an excuse.  Gambling is a dirty little secret...It's taken me 3 years of help to come clean to my colleagues, over 2 to tell my Nan & even then I'm not wearing a CG badge!  You don't need to shout it from the rooftops but you need to accept your original diagnosis & reason for coming here & not let addiction convince you you are ok because you have something to sell.

 

My rock bottom was realising that if I didn't get help I wasn't going to be able to keep robbing Peter to pay Paul.  I too have a small property portfolio & a good job but I can assure you that wouldn't have been the case without recovery.  I have something more now too, I have hope - ODAAT

Posted on:
Mon, 11/09/2017 - 22:32

Raj

Joined:
2017-07-05

Hi Mate, I'm 30k in debt due to Gambling..I realised the time to stop when i was in profit but wanted more..chased and lost in all in 10 minuites. Got no more money to bet..I have in a similar situation to you..though got a child and probably earn less. Did not want to risk my future. Will take me years to pay but the mane issue is got no urges to gamble..even when the gambling sites give me " free" money to bet. I've joined a gym which focuses your mind..downloaded few old school games..have not told anyone as would feel ashamed. I'm now in a good place..You will get over this and if you can pay your debt off quickly then a bonus..just keep yourself busy with work and your guitar hobby. Take Care Raj 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/09/2017 - 13:07

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

Thanks for your comments oddt. I can completely see where you are coming from, howeverI brought my last house in Oct 2007 with my now ex just before the last recession (which no one predicted ), I held onto it and rented rooms out which allowed me to save, that property I brought for 183k is now worth 230k at the low it was 169, hence I've made all the right decisions. The 30k on credit cards is all interest free over long periods allowing money in banks to make interest. When I consider how much I have it always includes those cards it's not debt just sitting there. Therefore I am inherently pretty good with money and always have been......bar this terrible addiction that has taken a grip over me like it clearly has so many other people. I can see how this affects the lowest and the highest earners exactly the same .

I guess I knew I always had this in me , but when I've gambled before it's been controlled....quit when ahead. I've been through a few traumatic years with my GF for one reason and another, and I think I hit a bit of depression a few years back...that fuelled with the CG waiting to happen was the catylyst. A lot of friends are having kids and got married and we're at that age where your circle of friends meet up a lot less so a guess a bit of Bordem thrown in there as well. 

I am trying to understand my mind and how it got to this situation you struck a chord when you said the more you play the more accepting of the big losses you become...lost a sense of money and value totally 

I was never interested in making money it was about winning back from the original loss from Jan , that was always the only plan but I guess had i done that nothing to say you wouldn't continue. 

My plan is to be debt free and pay off the credit cards as they come up to end of interest free periods...to stop me having cash available in the bank, the first 2 for 14k are due in august 18. The other 2 for 16k are august 19. The house I have to sell to get stamp duty refund of 11k if I sell it in next 2 years , but the plan is to by a smaller buy to let not to leave the money hanging around and temptation. 

How long have you been in recovery if you don't mind me asking? And what do you do to stop the urges? 

My GF has always been of the opinion our money is our own , the money she made on her house she has in her savings and mine will be the same. It's when we have kids etc things will change a bit. We both just transfer an amount into a joint account every month. This is why I won't tell her my debt is mine and it's my problem to sort out not hers.

 

Raj thanks again for your response on this that's so comforting to know there are people out there who are on the road to recovery and can do this . How long have you been gamble free ? How do you manage your debt ? Lost all in 10 mins rings some bells with me to, its mad how much time you spend building up on small amounts only then to go big or try to stop a loss betting the other way and it falls down in seconds. I guess your always on the edge of disaster with this...thanks for the positive comments as well it's what I need right now I'm 3 days in and no urges, I guess the best thing I can do is throw myself into work when I get back that I have been neglecting  , work in a sales job so hopefully that will pay off!!

Ps 3 days in and although I'm still reliving the big losses and the what ifs...I'm naturally like this anyway...I don't miss that point of making a bet then things starting to go wrong and the sinking feeling , heart racing, worry and anxiety waiting for what will unfold...that has to be one of the worst feelings in the world ever 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/09/2017 - 13:46

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi you don't tell your gf to get her to help pay your debt. You tell her because you deceiving her, property together is a risk. She has a right to a choice. I love your view of money. My cg probably thought the same he earns it he gambled it. Your thread is called 'I seriously need some help '. 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/09/2017 - 16:37

Hem0

Joined:
2017-09-12

Hello W7023
I can relate to your situation although I live in a very different culture than yours (Africa) I turned 36 just like you yesterday in 11/9 and i realised that I have a gambling problem just yesterday after blowing 2000$ which is a lot of money comparing the tow worlds we live in..I am like you have a good job (i an a dentist) i have been responsible and financially organized my whole life but the gambling problem caused me to lose a lot of money(total 5000$) in the past 12 months. Comparing living standards this is a lot of money where i live but thanks for good job i am still standing on my feet and meeting my financial obligations on time. I am so ashamed to tell anyone about my problem because they will only think that i am an irresponsible idiot and also because of the fact that i can still recover and make things right if i stop this gambling now and you know how stressful it is reach our age without settling down and having kids and how this subject is being the main conversation every time you are with family and relative because of course they do not know anything about your other life..i am just here to say that i feel you man and i am in the same situation as you, maybe at tis time i have no advice but letting you know that you are not alone might comfort you a little. I do not think i will ever be able to tell family or anyone close to me about this situation as it will slaughter my self esteem and i believe that i can overcome this as i have finally admitted that i have a problem.
PS : forgive my poor English

Posted on:
Tue, 12/09/2017 - 23:45

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Maybe someone on here with a financial ability would understand but being who I am and what I've done, I can only hear my own little voices that convinced me downsizing was the right thing to do.  Either way, the cost of the sale would be offset against that gain & a new, less valuable buy to let is unlikely to return the same yield.

 

Money doesn't get owed on 0% cards without balance transfer/cash withdrawal fees!  I'm inherently good with money if you count being able to live (like most CG's) on peanuts because even I've spent all my hard earned...I've also lost thousands upon thousands of pounds along with many many hours oh, and a huge part of my life. 

 

It's hard to get away from the financial aspect of gambling but chasing is just part of the 'game'...We cannot win because we cannot stop & you don't need to look far to see people who have had a reprieve & gone on to lose it all and more again afterwards.  Nothing is ever enough, we lose we chase, we win, we want more!  This isn't a financial problem, it's a mind problem & it only exacerbates depression.  You don't think you're like 'us' (I still think I'm different & judge people who lose their rent money every payday) but it's progressive & just because you haven't done 'that' 'yet' doesn't mean you're not a CG.  

 

In recovery, 3 years, properly gamble free since I started GA @ Christmas & thankfully, I don't really get any urges anymore.  What comes are fleeting thoughts of games I used to play which are very easily dismissed like I would if I had a food allergy.  When I first stopped playing machines, I never accepted I really couldn't do it again & I fought those urges mostly by getting online & reading about people's experiences.  Once I'd read enough I had no choice but to accept it & those urges stopped.  My addict brain then switched tracj because I carried on playing the lottery, & I had random crazy thoughts of chucking silly amounts at that instead of the random couple of lines that I had done over the years.  I dealt with that by never buying a ticket if I felt an urge but I wasn't doing myself any favours & stopping completely appears to have done the trick. 

 

As MGR points out, I didn't suggest your debt had anything to do with your girlfriend (that's your mess) but whether you accept it or not, you are prioritising money over everything else, including your own integrity.  I've walked in your shoes, justified every daft & cold blooded move I ever made & without wishing to try & psycho analyse you (because I don't have that skill set & may be way off the mark) what's jumping out @ me is a desire to settle down & start a family.  Maybe by showing your girlfriend the respect that she deserves & being honest with her you will be able to move your relationship forwards.  You may think you are an excellent deceiver (& for sure I was a much nicer person to live with when I was gambling because I couldn't risk getting caught) but you're here asking for help because you know you have a problem & whether or not she can put her finger on it, I imagine something doesn't feel quite right for her.

 

As Compulsive Gambler has done, I will leave you in peace now...If you have more questions of me, feel free to pop over to my Diary of Shame.

Posted on:
Wed, 13/09/2017 - 00:45

marko12312

Joined:
2015-08-29

Stop now.

accept the loss.

Take it from one who knows you can not win it back

Even if you did recover some of your losses you will give it back.

I wont bore you with the details but i lost everything family. home. savings.

You can recover from this with help and determination

 

Posted on:
Wed, 13/09/2017 - 01:14

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

 

 

Thanks guys 

ODDT I can tell you have a good understanding of finance, but just so you know I'm not totally deluded...the  0 per cent credit cards were all transferred 0 fee believe it or not , which is pretty common at the moment and doesn't look like changing any time soon cause of the low interest rates. If I sell my house within 2 years I get 11.5k back in stamp duty cause of the the second property levy the govt introduced in 2016, Buying a cheaper buy to let will then cost a lot less with a higher yield and a lot lower stamp duty, my second house is my old main home, 3 bed detached family home, not something you would choose as a rental property. A lot of what your sayingis running true with me and is going to help a lot with someone that has and is going through this.  I respect what you are saying about telling my GF but  she doesn't suspect anything she knows I gamble a bit as I'm open about it just not the amounts lately. If I can kick this it's not something that will affect our future. The damage that will be done telling her will far outweigh the positive , I know this from experience the last time something happened and I told her that I should have kept to myself. As long as this doesn't affect us both financially which is doesn't at th moment it's something I want to kick myself. I will check out your diary though where can I see that ? Hearing your account has been very enlightening and useful

Hemo I really feel for you mate sounds so similar and it sounds like your going the same way as me. Can you save and do this so you don't have to tell your other half ? It depends how she'll take it I guess and as people have advised me only you can make that call. If you can get help and kick it then fair play toyou as I agree this won't just go away I'm hoping I've had the Eurica moment!!

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 13/09/2017 - 01:27

W7023

Joined:
2017-09-09

Pa thanks Marco that's the sort of to the point statements I need to hear, it's not irrecoverable at this stage but I guess you went past that point? Sorry to hear and I hope your on now 

Posted on:
Thu, 14/09/2017 - 07:07

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Hi W

I am the parent of a gambler who maybe was not as well off as you but at the beginning of the gambling period was fairly comfortable in the bank. Because he was not so well off as you he inevitably went into debt with spending and losses and  went down the payday loan and bank of Mum and Dad route to feed the habit (we were unaware of the problem at the beginning). He had a huge secret that eventually drove him to real debts of despair and he ended up telling us and his partner and between us all we have got him on the road to recovery.  The point I am trying to make is that you are so comfortable financially that it will make you complacent about the gambling and will encourage you to try and do controlled gambling. It is your life and decision of course if you want to take this route. Our gmabler tried that and it did not work. You are obviously very bright with a potentially good future for you and your partner. If you sit down and work out on paper the amount you will spend on gambling in the next  5 years and the possibility of what you could lose on what  you initially put down for a bet and  and put a heading on the paper  "Gambling with our Future". Because that is what every gambler does - when you gamble you are not only playing a game, you are playing with your own future and that of your partner or family.  You can maybe have it all for a short time and feel in control but look forward into the future and the debts and the stresses  will come and the fact you are keeping this secret is not helping you to stop.  Once someone else knows it is so much harder to gamble and also if someone else can be checking your spending that is a deterrent.  I am glad you came on here because I think you really want to stop but maybe not altogether and you are not the first one on here with that problem.  You have had great advice from people above who have been where you are and I really hope you and your partner have a great future together.  In our case life is improving with hard work and the stresses are diminishing.  I feel so sorry for anyone drawn into the gambling these days because it is the advertising is thrown in peoples faces in all media sources and they make it so easy for people - don't get me started on that subject!!  Good luck W.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/09/2017 - 13:56

Raj

Joined:
2017-07-05

Hi Mate..the issue is Stop Gambling and don't bring your income wealth assets into it as this is not the issue...you need to stop and focus on something Positive. I've stopped as if I continued then it would have ruined me both mentally and financially. Stay Strong..join a Gym, Play free games etc..