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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 16/06/2017 - 00:27

Meya

Joined:
2017-06-16

hi Everyone! 

I hope with your experiences some of you would be able to help me to understand... my husband is a gambler, about 4 years ago he came out to me for the first time, he was abou £40k in debts. Somehow managed to escape it but left me with big scars and fear that it might happened again. By then he didn't want to get any help and did not admit that he is got a problem. It got better in our relationship but i sickly worried that it could possibly happened again. We have got two little children so i had a good reasons to worry. Few weeks ago he told me he did it again and as a result we are forsed ti sell our house( all we have got) so this time it's much bigger problem. Even bigger problem for me is the fact that instead of trying to apologise he is blaming me, telling me how bad wife i has been and that this is the main reason our relationship, our marriage is falling apart, he blame me all the time, telling me that i have some mental problems and just throwing this horrible things on me. Have any of you, wifes/husbands of gambler been in a similar situation? Do you think, is he going to overcome this? Understand that he is the source of our problems? I can live with the thought that he doesn't understand what harm he have done to me and kids. He recenly being forced to start a therapy, still saying that he foesnt even need it. Do you think this is going to help him to understand or to stop his addiction? What are your experiences? Thank you fir any answers

Posted on:
Fri, 16/06/2017 - 06:50

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Meya, I'm sorry to read this. First thing to do is get some help for you. Call helpline and they will tell you organisations that will help you sort this out. Don't sell the house if you can help it. A gambler blames everyone but themselves. Please get professional help and don't go through this alone. The phone number is on this site. 

Posted on:
Tue, 20/06/2017 - 21:14

Time will tell

Joined:
2017-06-19

Hi Meya

You have to remember to think about yourself. You have not gambled, you are not to blame. Don't you dare blame yourself.

Have you got friends and family that you can talk to?

Why are you forced to sell the house? Try and get some professional help. Have you spoken to citizens advice?

Posted on:
Thu, 22/06/2017 - 18:22

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Meya,

Thanks for sharing your story with us, it must be rather difficult for you when your husband is not admitting to having gambling problem, doesn’t want to do anything about it, and instead blaming you for everything that is not going right in the family.

It seems like you can do with some advice and support for yourself too. Try and put yourself and the children first, and I suggest that you protect your finances (keep them separate) from him. Also, try and seek help from Citizens Advice Bureau for your housing and mortgage problem.

Do keep encouraging him to contact Gamcare for help and support though. Our free phone Helpline number is: 0808 8020 133, and he can speak to one of advisers, and find out what his options are in terms of help and support.

Maybe, you’d also like to contact us for support, and that is fine as well.

Please try and stay in touch, and keep posting.

Best wishes,

Beatrice

Posted on:
Fri, 07/07/2017 - 15:41

NevetsEgdelloc

Joined:
2017-06-12

Hi everyone. 

I have read these posts. Very valid points. 

I've recently quit gambling (27days) after being found out (relieved I was) from my partner. I have gotten myself into debt but it is manageable. My partner is all over the place understandably and says she doesn't know if this problem is fixable. I hope and pray it is. We bought our first house together last year. We had all sorts of plans for the future, holidays, marriage and I've blown it up the wall big time. Now reading these posts the gambler/s are not being honest with themselves or not bothered about going to ga meetings. I on the other hand I have done everything possible to try to fix this, self exclude, awaiting councilling and I know I can beat this, it has opened my eyes to what I was like, distant and in my own little world gambling. My partner had been reading through these forums, although some success stories it seems she just picks up on the bad ones, especially the relapses people go through and says that id probably relapse too. I can say I will not relapse, I can't, I have it all to lose, relationship, our beautiful new build home. The thing is I was married previously. It broke down because with us being very unhappy together in the last few months I cheated, didn't get caught. I went and told my then wife. Although unhappy with each other it broke her heart that I could do such a thing, it destroyed her and I destroyed myself for the pain I caused her. We got divorced eventually and I vowed to myself I would never ever cheat on anyone again and I've stuck to it. This has been over 10 years ago now. So is gambling a form of cheating, I suppose it is because it comes with lies and deceit. So I vowed not to cheat and haven't, and now I have vowed to never gamble again, I've kept my own word on one, i can do it again with support, I know I can. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. 

Thankyou