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Posted on:
Wed, 07/03/2018 - 23:29

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Matt so glad you are enjoying yourself and doings things that make you happy, you sure deserve it! I don't post as much as before but I try to check in and the early parts of other diaries remind me why I need to stay GF. Take care S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 08/03/2018 - 10:22

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Sharon, 

It is always nice to hear from you. Your support helped me immensely during some painful times.

You are just over a week away from a Year gamble free, proud of you.

Matt

Posted on:
Thu, 08/03/2018 - 11:03

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks Matt ditto! Your journey is truly inspiring and must have helped many in this forum. So pleased you are now living the life you want and deserve Sx

Posted on:
Thu, 08/03/2018 - 22:43

goodbyemrchips

Joined:
2015-01-11

Just read through huge chunks of your diary... Keep going dude.

Posted on:
Sun, 11/03/2018 - 18:17

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Life is showing you how beautiful it can be without gambling my brother ! Keep it that way :) you’re an inspiration . Take care 

Sars 

Posted on:
Fri, 16/03/2018 - 12:58

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Matt Thanks for posting and being such a huge inspiration and support to me, From the darkest of places you have rebuilt your life and deserve every happiness. Anyone struggling should read your diary, take care S:(

Posted on:
Sun, 18/03/2018 - 15:41

Progress

Joined:
2018-03-15

Congratulations on how far you’ve come Matt, truly inspirational and hoping I can somewhat follow in your footsteps.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/03/2018 - 11:45

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

 

 

 

Thanks as ever for your kind words and support guys, they are invaluable.

DAY 532

Had a nice weekend (if rather cold). I headed up North to visit my best friend and to watch my team play, they won and I had my fair share of beers and laughs. Life continues to be good and gamble free!

Take care all and staf gamble free!

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 23/03/2018 - 10:05

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

day 536

A year ago I wrote "I am not quite ready to re-live the pain just yet but I hope one day I can look back and be proud of myself and my recovery despite all the horrific pain I experienced."

I am very much getting there. I can look back and be proud of my continued recovery, I now see the mistakes I made as a positive rather than a negative and I am learning everyday from them. It still isn't easy at times but nearly 18 months without a bet and life is so much better than it was back then.

Looking forward and living in the present and appreciating what life has to offer without gambling. I should be debt free in a few months and then I can enjoy life even more!

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 23/03/2018 - 10:22

Smashed

Joined:
2017-08-13

Especially gambling Debt free, I will celebrate that day.

Posted on:
Tue, 03/04/2018 - 12:47

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

DAY 547

Great long weekend had. Friday sorted my house out. Saturday went to Brighton for dinner. Sunday caught up with my parents, had a beer with my Dad and brother. Then in the evening had a party at my house which everyone throughly enjoyed and all had hangovers on Monday. Monday was fairly chilled, I have a new GF now and it was her Birthday so gave her, her presents which she appreciated and then went for a roast dinner.

A year ago today was the day I returned to my house after a couple of months away and had to move back in accompanied by my ex and the new boyfriend she got herself in that time. I had regained my composure after a few months of emotional abuse, I had worked on myself, commited to a gamble free life and had to regain control of my life. I still look back and wonder how the hell I did it but I did and I am most certainly now in complete control of my life and reaping the rewards.

A huge ammount has happened in the last 18 months of my life but I am most definitely a stronger person for having experienced it all.

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 13/04/2018 - 16:00

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi All

Haven't updated for a while, been a busy period.

So today is 557 days without a bet after 15 years+ with this addiction. A lot has happened in recent times but I feel I am fully adjusted to my new gamble free life.

My finances are looking healthier than they have done since I was 21! I own my own house, live on my own and really enjoy my life without gambling. I rarely get any urges or nagging feelings like something is missing or need a buzz. The work I have done on myself I feel is now growing fruition as all seems to be going well. Summer isn't far away and I can't wait to embrace it. Financial freedom, gambling freedom and zero secrets or shame to carry anymore.

Have a great weekend everyone

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 13/04/2018 - 22:04

Julie_36

Joined:
2017-10-23

Matt, you inspire me to be a better individual..am so pleased for your happiness and success..have a great weekend. Julie xx

Posted on:
Mon, 16/04/2018 - 16:45

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Thanks Julie, that is kind of you to say so.

day 560 today. Had a good weekend. Saturday went to the football and my team won hurrah. I went with the guy who helped me no end last year by letting me stay at his, during some testing/traumatic times.

Really looking forward to some nicer weather now and plan to get in the garden. Cannot believe how quickly a year has gone, time and life is precious people, don't waste it gambling.

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 20/04/2018 - 16:29

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

day 564

Tough one and first tears shed in a long while. My Uncle who is a top top man has been diagnosed with liver cancer and maybe only has a couple of months. Life is precious, it is short and it is a slap in the face that I have chosen to waste nearly half mine gambling.

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 20/04/2018 - 21:33

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Think of you and your family Matt, big hugs S x

Posted on:
Fri, 20/04/2018 - 21:41

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Best wishes to you all Matt. I know its easy to regret past actions but you did make that life changing decision to stop your addiction. Life is percious and from what you have written here the last year plus you are living it.

All the best mate.

Posted on:
Fri, 20/04/2018 - 21:50

a new start

Joined:
2018-03-31

Hi Matt

OMG I read the first few posts of your diary and then flicked to the last few, what an inspiration, as I am only about a month into been gambling free I have nothing but admiration for where you have got to now with this - well done. I one day hope to get to where you are now, I can relate to your relationship story as in I lost my girlfriend because of the person gambling was making me be, it’s hard isn’t it because you want to be the person you know you really are but gambling is very powering and just won’t let you be that person. Keep up the good work and really well done.

Posted on:
Sat, 21/04/2018 - 16:57

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Matt. Wishing you well. You have certainly turned your life around in the last year and a half and are a great example to many of us.

It saddens me to think of all the people who cannot progress because they are trapped in a cycle of gambling addiction. People like your good self are showing others that there is a better life to be had, if we can break free.

Our time is very precious, we would all be wise to explore our options and aim to live a meaningful life. I hope your uncle is comfortable and at ease. 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 22/04/2018 - 08:41

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hiya Stephen will catch up with you later just wanted to touch base much love x Lulu x

Posted on:
Mon, 23/04/2018 - 16:24

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

DAY 567

Thank you all for your comments, I appreciate the support as ever and I know I wouldn't have got to where I am without it. I have turned my life around and I hope my journey can help others to do the same. We don't get the benefit of hindsight in life but I am telling you now if you do manage to free yourself from this horrible addiction's grasp, you too will be guaranteed a more fulfilling, happier life. There are no guarantees in life but I assure you life is better without that next bet.

So this weekend was a good one. Weather obviously helped because when that sun is shining everything feels a little easier and opens up a new dynamic of going outside in the garden or out into the sunshine. I probably went 15 summers where I was glued to a computer or mobile betting on random sporting events and not enjoying life as much as I should.

This weekend I mowed the lawn, threw a bbq and then went on a restaurant sfari yesterday (3 courses, 3 different restaurants). Had some of the most amazing food and a stroll along the coast. That is something I would never have thought to do when in the gambling haze.

Stay strong everyone, being gamble free is the biggest challenge of an addicts life but the rewards will just keep coming I promise you.

Matt

Posted on:
Mon, 23/04/2018 - 20:40

itsbeenalonglongtime

Joined:
2018-01-21

One cannot change the past but can make the future better and that is what you have been doing.
What a transformation.
Living life how you should be.

Posted on:
Fri, 04/05/2018 - 10:16

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

day 578

Just checking in really. Life is okay. I have to get my boiler replaced to the tune of £2300! This would previously cause an urge to gamble, to win some funds to pay for it. Fortuantely I now have an emergency fund account and can afford it. It clears the account and some but I am comfortable which goes to show how far I have come.

I have some friends visiting tomorrow for some sunshine beers and stay the night, that will be fun. Sunday my folks are coming down for lunch and Monday I plan to enjoy the weather and chill out in my garden.

Wishing everyone a fantastic weekend.

Matt

Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 17:07

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

day 583

Had a fun weekend. 3 BBQ's on the spin at mine and plenty of beers and good times on Saturday night with my friends.

Sunday the folks came down with my brother, his GF and my Niece, always great to see her. Had a rather bad hangover from the Saturday evening but that didn't stop me putting on a BBQ for everyone :-).

Monday I met mf GF's best friend for the first time and I was given a resounding thumbs up, so that is a good test passed.

Tuesday back to work with a letter on my desk. I have been given a bumper pay rise for my efforts this past year. All this gamble free stuff has freed my mind to focus on my work and the rewards just keep coming.

I have also been in the process of complaining against some payday loan companies with the help of the Financial Ombudsman. It appears I will be getting refunds on all the horrendous ammounts of interest I paid. I won't say figures on here but it looks like it will clear all my remaining debt once paid and resetting me to where I should have been if I hadn't been leant the money to gamble and get into further debt.. Amazing result. 

I am a firm believer in fate, everything happens for a reason and my gambling recovery has led to some fantastic things and they keep coming. I hope everyone on here can get their lightbulb moment to change their lives around.

Matt

Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 17:44

caughtup

Joined:
2018-03-01

Aww Matt! Bless ya.. you sound so happy! Well done and well deserved! Lovely to hear all positives that can happen when you focus, thank you for sharing! I read some of your story a few weeks ago, you are a great inspiration, keep up the good work and enjoy :) xx 

Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 19:10

PositiveAction

Joined:
Before 2009

Deleted

Posted on:
Thu, 10/05/2018 - 16:10

PositiveAction

Joined:
Before 2009

Deleted.

Posted on:
Thu, 10/05/2018 - 20:41

samba79

Joined:
2018-03-22

Matt - It's taken me a few days to be honest but I've read your story from start to finish and I cannot praise you enough.

I'm sure we are all going through different stages of our own battles when reading this but it's truly an inspiration to read what you have been through and how positive and loving you have seemed throughout all of the [email protected] that has been thrown at you.  

I noticed a strange thing (I think) in that you've barely mentioned the money apart from one reference that stuck out on this last page.  I think it's a testament to how focused you've been on sorting YOU out and then the rest will come.  A lesson for me definitely as I've been struggling to focus and think of anything BUT the money that is now gone.

Good luck for the rest of your future and I'm sure it will be a happy one.  Take care.

Posted on:
Fri, 11/05/2018 - 17:06

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi All

 

Appreciate the posts as ever.

Samba, I am a little overwhelmed you took the time to read my whole story. Long old read these days and I am sure not an easy one but I was as honest as possible about everything I went through.

The money, yeah I guess I never really did mention it. My attitude was what's done is done I cannot change it and each day I don't bet is a day richer. We CANNOT win when we gamble, pretty simple really. We cannot stop because when we lose we chase and when we win we think we can stop if we get to X ammount fundamentaly we lie to ourselves and everyone else to fuel the addiction.

The figures of debt have been crazy in the past. Over 15 years I dread to think what it totals but it is irrelevant now because I am a stronger man for it and you cannot put a price on the experience that I have gained. I have no shame anymore, I understand myself and where my urges came from and basically half improved my self-esteem to know I am a good guy who's made plenty of mistakes but no longer has to be held to ransom by them.

I wish you all the best in your recover Samba and will keep an eye on your diary.

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 18/05/2018 - 15:45

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Day 592.

A week since my last post, crazy how quick it goes! Very busy with work but it is going very well. Having a mind clear of gambling has enabled me to fulfill some potential in all aspects of my life and I am really seeing that now.

A year ago I wrote

 

Day 228

Saw my Niece yesterday which, as always, was great. Finding myself getting very used to an independant single life now. I do still miss the companionship but life is moving on.

Yesterday I sent my Mum a bunch of flowers for absolutely no reason, much better than wasting and losing £50 quid on a bet. Stupid thing is, the stakes I used to bet with, £50 I would have considered small. This time the money bought my Mum a lot of flowers and she loved them.

Life is precious, stay strong and stop gambling, it truly isn't worth it.

 

I will have to do that again next week, my Mum helped me through some tough times in many ways so doesn't hurt to remind her of that. 

Have a great weekend everyone.

 

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 29/05/2018 - 16:44

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

day 603

So I have managed to get past 600 days without a bet. I feel free, I feel like I know myself and most of all I feel happy knowing that whatever the future throws at me I will be able to handle it all and some!

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 29/05/2018 - 22:30

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Nothing else to say but amazing!! You have been a support and a huge inspiration to mysrlf and many others, happiness more than deserved my friend Sx

Posted on:
Wed, 30/05/2018 - 00:28

Oldhamktf

Joined:
2015-09-26

600 days top effort Matt, it’s great to see you doing so well and just goes to show it can be done. You’ve been to some dark places but know your standing proud out in the sunshine. I couldn’t be more proud of you. 

If you haven’t read Matts diary you should it’s very inspiring  

KTF 

Posted on:
Fri, 01/06/2018 - 00:55

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Mighty Matt is rocking on ~ relishing recovery

Inquiring mind ~ heart of oak ~ a journey of discovery

Courage, hope, integrity have carried him along

With honesty and humbleness he's learnt what's right and wrong

 

 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 04/06/2018 - 16:33

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

DAY 609

Thanks to all my old friends on here seeing me to this point and stopping by my diary with their words of encouragement. Sharon and Stephen I appreciate all the words you offer I really do, you are great people.

Oldham I remember a long time ago looking at your diary wondering how the hell I could get to 600 day which you had passed. Scary looking back sometimes and realising what was indeed achieveable. You helped me set the ball rolling so a big thanks to you as you hurtle toward 1000 days!!

Keep going everyone, life is for living not gambling.

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 19:04

ClaireB

Joined:
2017-05-28

Wow. Do not have the words to describe exactly how I feel after reading your journey from start to finish today. I feel overwhelmed and have hope that you have overcome what you have. Things seem really bad for me at the moment but after reading your story I know I can achieve what you have if I put my mind to it. Congratulations on turning your life around, you really are an inspiration. Your story has given me the strength to continue and be as positive as I can. I hope one day I can have a diary that can reflect yours. Thank you for sharing your journey and all the best. 

Posted on:
Fri, 08/06/2018 - 15:20

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

day 613

Claire, welcome to Gamcare and I wish you all the best in your recovery. You have made the right start by admitting your problem and trying to find a way to break free from the addictions grasp. I am by no means the finished article but for you to read my diary and draw some hope from it really makes me happy. If I can help one person to be inspired to recovery it will make it all the more worthwhile.

I have just returned from a 3 day business trip, to meet some friends and customers who have been there for me. Things are going tremendously well with work and I am leading my company from strength to strength. I feel a huge sense of job satisfaction currently and this would only be possible now I am free of gambling.

Anyone who takes the time to read my diary I really appreciate it. It has been a hell of a road and I have gone through some extreme emotions but today the overwhelming one is happiness. Gambling you nearly took me from the world, gambling you nearly broke my spirit and resistance but gambling I am stronger than you and I hope others will be too.

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 22/06/2018 - 19:46

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

Just had to search for your diary, I was thinking about how open I've always found your diary and wanted to check in, also I am around 200 days behind and hope it always stays like that for us both!

Great to see the updates you have posted and keep well, congrats on the growing company too by the way

Posted on:
Sat, 23/06/2018 - 15:42

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Hey buddy ! Keep it going :) good job !

Sars

Posted on:
Mon, 25/06/2018 - 10:28

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Day 630

Sorry for the lack of update I was away with work and then took a holiday and got back at the Weekend.

Hi CG, thanks for thinking of me and stopping by, pleased to hear you are smashing it too. Life without gambling is a very different place and I hope you are enjoying every bit of it.

Hi Sars, thanks for the encouragement mate, always appreciated.

So where do I start.... went to Kiev to visit a friend/customer of mine who has recently got a new position and business for us is booming. My boss travelled with me and he was pretty speechless at what I have achieved out there so that felt good. I have worked extremely hard these last 18 months in all departments so I feel proud in a lot of ways.

Holiday I went with my GF and had a really nice time, great weather, a stunning resort and some good memories made. I have broken free of every demon I have previously had and that feels good. 

Back to work today but a day tinged with sadness. A colleague here is seriously ill and maybe only has 6 months left of his life. This goes to show you just never know what is in store for you so you have to live your best life. Turn your back on the gambling demon people, it is the only way to guarantee a better path.

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 26/06/2018 - 15:16

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

DAY 631

Just a small note. This is the first time I can truly sit back and enjoy a world cup. In the past 3 tournaments I have been betting heavily and lost a huge ammount of money. Weird when I look back and realise what I was capable of.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2018 - 13:49

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Day 640

I often like to look back to this point exactly a year ago.

I wrote

DAY 275

Busy weekend, Friday I went out locally for a lad's birthday. Went into town and we all had a few too many. I came home and I guess the alcohol took over and I got a little upset. I went into what was my exes daughter's room and shed some tears. There is still some grieving to be done it appears.

I remember that night, it  was a very emotional one for me as the reality and the grief hit me at random times back then. I know i will never speak again to the little girl who was in my life nearly every day for four years. I also know she will never know quite how much she touched my life and contributed in changing me for the better. Ultimately I did it for myself but she helped me keep focussed in times of crisis and I often think back to some nice times we shared together. I look at that period as one of the many little adventures life can throw up and that period came to an end to start the next chapter.

Take care all

Matt

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 13/07/2018 - 14:29

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

DAY 648

Well this will probably be my biggest update yet on a personal note. My recovery has had many ups and downs but I continue along that path.

Today my boss has pulled me to one side for a meeting. In that meeting cutting a long story short he has confirmed to me he is retiring next August and wants to hand the company over to me. He has met with lawyers yesterday and a strategy is in place. They said it can be completed in 6 months but he said he doesn't want to overwhelm me so has given a year as a guideine.

I am lost for words. I am a firm believer in fate. The last 18 months-2 years I have left gambling behind, focussed on my career and now this. If I had continued gambling I would have been minimum bankrupt and would not be approved to be a director of a company. I simply cannot believe how far my life has moved forward since I made the decision enough was enough and stuck to it. 

I am so thankful I found the strength to change my life. I really hope my story can be an example to anyone starting out on the journey or struggling with this illness that there is a future if you abstain.

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 13/07/2018 - 21:03

NT

Joined:
2017-12-16

You know, I've been around for a few years and I've been through a lot.

For one reason or another, I don't tend to post on other peoples' diaries but I felt that I had the need to do so.

It is so, so nice to see a positive change in one's life through staying away from that evil world of gambling.

I wish you all the very, very best in your exciting new venture.

NT

Posted on:
Sat, 14/07/2018 - 09:35

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Matt even though I don't know you in 'real life' I couldn't be happier for you after everything you've been through. Not just gambling recovery but all the other s*** life has thrown at you and I'm sure you must have felt like giving up so many times. You are a shining example that true dertermination and belief in yourself will move you forward, Congratulations and here's to your bright future S x  

Posted on:
Sun, 15/07/2018 - 08:46

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

You did it Matt - now it's time to reap the rewards!!! - so happy for you!! X

Posted on:
Sun, 15/07/2018 - 10:03

samba79

Joined:
2018-03-22

 

Wow mate, that is amazing news. I’m sure will be an absolute credit going forward with the business you seem to love it which is the most important.

I’m very early in my post gambling life but the differences are amazing, you are a real inspiration when you read through everything you have been through.  Good luck and enjoy your first, not bets WC final today

Posted on:
Sun, 15/07/2018 - 10:45

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Congratulations Matt on your continued good progress in your gamble free life.

Success in both your professional and private life is due to hard work, diligence and refraining from gambling. It is also a great reminder to other compulsive gamblers that a better life is there if one is prepared to walk away from gambling.

Wishing you every success, contentment and peace as you rock on up the recovery road with a smile on your face and joy in your heart. Take care and be happy...stephen 

Posted on:
Sun, 15/07/2018 - 22:00

Kensington

Joined:
2018-07-14

Matt

I just read through your diary - congratulations on a great achievement and for also having the dedication to keep posting on here. I’m back at day one today - I thought I’d moved in from it and had almost 3.5 years with a no gambling life, but in 2017 the wheels started to come off and it has got progressively worse.

I’m going to learn from your posts - I need to remind myself I’m a compulsive gambler and that will power alone will not be enough - I need to find other ways to motivate myself

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2018 - 14:58

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

dAY 651

Thank you all so much for your comments on my diary. I really cannot tell you how much keeping this diary alive helped me and the kindness and help I received here contributed to my recovery. At my darkest times this place was my only release, only this diary told of the real me. My life was a big horrible secret but I was offered kindness and a small sense of freedom here and I will always be grateful. Sharon, Stephen, LML you have been there for a good part of it and I want you to know that you all have a piece of my heart even if I don't know you "in real life".

My future feels secure, my life feels in my control and now I have every tool I need to fulfill my potential.

Still feel overwhelmed and coming to terms with it all but I cannot wait for the next adventure in my life.  

 

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