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Happiness or repeat

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 16:24

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

So as my name suggests I'm at a cross in the road. Compulsive gambler since around 11 years of age started with losing all my money on slot machines and walking home as if gamble my bus fare to the dreaded fobts. I love a sports bet and until today was not willing to let that go but today was the final straw went to put football bet on won 700 and lost the lot. I won 1800 last week and lost the lot as well so really what is the point. I'm at a point where if I keep this up it will destroy my marriage so have come clean wife is supportive and I'm going to try my best to stop cold turkey. Gambling is causing me stress also to put on weight as when I win I pig out and buy **** when I lose I don't want to exercise. It's taking up too much time sat Saturday afternoon watching soccer Saturday. I've got a good job and a nice life but this is the absolute scourge of it. I read someone's diary a few years back and they question did they really want to be like thus in 10 years well this has been the best part of 25 years altho it's only the past 10 I have acknowledged the problem. This is the turning point a stake in the ground the money is gone I don't care about that but I do car how it affects other aspects of my life. I'll be keeping a diary and hopefully chatting a couple of times a week as I need to keep my focus. Day 1 starts tomorrow

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 09:24

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 1
Off to watch the football thus afternoon and a few beers. Need to keep my Saturday afternoons filled with things to do from now on it else I'll slip back into boredom and placing a football bet which leads to everything else unravelling. It's all or nothing and I have accepted that the problem I have is remembering how I feel after a bad loss. If I could bottle that it would be no issue quitting although I think that would be quite depressing feeling that every day. My aim is to get to 100 days and then readdress. Let's have a good weekend gambkefree and stress free

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 10:09

velvet7

Joined:
2017-05-26

Have a great day Cross, keep strong, get through without a bet and it's day one done and dusted which you will feel good about and spur you on. Take care.

Posted on:
Sun, 05/11/2017 - 11:08

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks velvet first day down. I feel a bit if relief at the thought of no gambling to be honest I just really need to keep to it. I was just getting myself further and further into debt. If I won I gambled more and spent the money in needless things if I lost I borrowed more it's just a vicious circle. Let's hope I can move forward and repay some of the debts

Posted on:
Sun, 05/11/2017 - 12:26

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Stay stong Cross, as a fellow sports betting addict i know how hard the weekend can be, but like you say if we win we lose, if we lose we normally lose more. So why the hell do we want to agree to staying in that life?!

Draw the line and move forward GF. Forget whats gone and look forward to what we can have without giving in to this addiction!

Good luck!

Posted on:
Sun, 05/11/2017 - 13:28

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks sj I've forgotten about the money it's taken a couple of decent wins where I couldn't even enjoy them for one day for me to lose them all and more to realise there is no point in it. Yes I enjoy a sports bet but really it's just hurting me in the long run. Money I now don't waste on a bet will either be put into paying off debt or treating myself to something. The money I've wasted has been ridiculous

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 16:54

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 3 almost complete. No major urges I have to drive passed a few bookies later so hopefully that will be ok. I'm self excluded from them all but you can still walk in not sure if the people remember or even care. Really want to get myself debt free, no gambling will certainly give me a clear mind. How have a wasted so much time and money over the years? Bit of exercise tonight as well usually I have all good intentions but have a gamble lose and end up not doing anything or stuffing my face. I've out on around 5 stone in the last 10 years. That's got to come down

Posted on:
Tue, 07/11/2017 - 21:11

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 4 almost complete. Left some cash in my wallet by accident went into town after work and at one point remembered I had the cash. I won't lie I did think about going to the bookies but convinced myself what is the point I can't even get out of there if I win. I ended up going shopping and then for a run . I feel so much better for doing so, I make plans each week to do certain things and usually betting gets in the way and ruins these plans. A small goal is to get to Friday with going for a run each day. I love a gamble and enjoy the rush but it's making me miserable in the long run, my weight gets me down and I don't want to be in debt. I need to stay on the straight and narrow to get life back on track.

Posted on:
Wed, 08/11/2017 - 22:37

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 5 complete and also another day when I've been out running. How I'd love to keep this up, the exercise and no gambling is so much better for my health and mental health. I know I'm only just beginning but I'm hoping I can look back in a month and see that finances are recovering and I'm losing some weight. I'm going to make a conscious effort every month to remind myself how much better life us without gambling. Onto tomorrow hopefully another day gamble free and healthy. Here's to a clearer mind and body

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 19:50

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

So another day down and another day gamble free and a run. Feeling better. Went to the shop and bought some beers and wine for me and the wife. Nice to not try and win some free beer and it end up costing me a fortune. Actually felt good doing thus how crazy is that. Hopefully get another run in tomorrow and enjoy the weekend with family. Small steps but just keeping on track to what I'm supposed to be doing is good. I can feel the less I gamble to luckier I will get.

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 19:57

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Keep going mate, doing well. I think theres an added sense of pride when we start treating ourselves to even the small things we've giving no thought to when consumed by gambling in the past. Feels like we properly earnt it. I think it helps us to see what we've been missing too, i know its given me a buzz to feel like im "using" the money i earn a little more now!

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 20:11

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Totally agree if you were to explain thus to a non gambler they would look at you stupid. Anyway I earned a beer so will enjoy it. Thanks

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 14:09

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Friday afternoon the scourge of my life. This is where 90% of my gambling occurs. Today I'm going straight home and will try a short run. I must not go near a bookies this afternoon

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 14:36

Wilsy

Joined:
2012-02-22

Well done mate keep making the right choices

Wilsy

Posted on:
Sat, 11/11/2017 - 16:49

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

First Saturday in ages I'm not surrounded in betting slips swearing at the tv because some team I know nothing about has conceeded a late goal and lost me my bet. Feels good going to look forward to watching the rugby

Posted on:
Sat, 11/11/2017 - 17:30

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Keep it up and be a winner because you have not wasted all your time, money and energy on a pointless and painful exercise. Going to feel a lot better come tomorrow morning!

Posted on:
Sat, 11/11/2017 - 23:13

gamblerjames

Joined:
2013-05-15

Hi Crossintheroad,

Thanks for the post on my diary. Well done on your recovery so far. I think the first couple of weeks is really tough to get through so well done. Also, good to read you had the strength to tell your wife and even better to hear she is supporting you.

Keep up the good work!

James

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 13:13

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 10 double figures. No real urges kept myself busy over the weekend. Will need to guard against complacency I cannot win because I cannot stop. Need to have a good week exercising this week I'm sure that will help

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 13:46

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 12 no real urges at the moment still coming to terms with how I've not come to my senses sooner. Thinking clearer, payday next week. For me a real achievement will be getting from payday to payday without a gamble

Posted on:
Thu, 16/11/2017 - 12:43

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 13. Having a good day in work usually get incredibly stressed about presenting to a large number of people. Today I coped really Well, could this be partly down to the reduction in stress and anxiety caused by gambling. Let's hope it is and that's another positive to love forward with

Posted on:
Thu, 16/11/2017 - 19:45

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

So today has been a good day. Not only have I overcome some major anxiety issues which has plagued the past 6 years of my life bit also had good discussions with senior manager about where my future lays. I genuinely think someone is looking over Me, to be honest I would've paid anything to rid me of the anxiety and would have chosen the gambling over anxiety any day but never did i think they could be tightly linked. Did I gamble because of my anxiety? I'm not saying that is solely true but I think gambling was an escape for me. I'm only 2 weeks in but I see a future which is far brighter already.
I do need to sort my weight out as I'm currently about 3-4 stone overweight but if I'm honest overeating and lack of exercise was brought on by the anxiety. My weight can be solved whereas I didn't see an exit from the anxiety. I had a brief thought about calling to the bookies on my way home thus evening but was strong enough to say nah I don't need it. Let's hope I can remain strong and on the right track. Onwards and upwards

Posted on:
Thu, 16/11/2017 - 19:45

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

So today has been a good day. Not only have I overcome some major anxiety issues which has plagued the past 6 years of my life bit also had good discussions with senior manager about where my future lays. I genuinely think someone is looking over Me, to be honest I would've paid anything to rid me of the anxiety and would have chosen the gambling over anxiety any day but never did i think they could be tightly linked. Did I gamble because of my anxiety? I'm not saying that is solely true but I think gambling was an escape for me. I'm only 2 weeks in but I see a future which is far brighter already.
I do need to sort my weight out as I'm currently about 3-4 stone overweight but if I'm honest overeating and lack of exercise was brought on by the anxiety. My weight can be solved whereas I didn't see an exit from the anxiety. I had a brief thought about calling to the bookies on my way home thus evening but was strong enough to say nah I don't need it. Let's hope I can remain strong and on the right track. Onwards and upwards

Posted on:
Thu, 16/11/2017 - 22:46

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

So the mrs just came in and let up at me for no apparent reason. Totally flew off the handle. Sitting here annoyed and could easily gamble. I won't tho usually it would be a solice when things are ****. I'll sleep on it. What a rollercoaster life is top of the world one minute in the **** the next. Gambling won't help it may fill a void for a short while but it is not the answer. I read some diaries tonight I forget who but it mentioned people gambling because they have always had a money issue. I wasn't a rich kid my parents struggled but altho my parents losing almost everything in the 80s mostly due to Thatcher they still gave me everything. I was the kid on a council estate wearing nike air max trainers. There was little money to do a lot of things but I was dressed well so nobody could tell my parents were broke. Did this have an effect on Me? Maybe? I have a good job now my wife too things are very comfortable. I have personal debt of around 5k but have always had a spending problem easy come easy go. Who knows I'm still searching for answers. The most I have ever won is 6k. I've lost 20 times that easily. Onto tomorrow it can't come quick enough

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 19:25

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

A better day today. No Gambling, I woke up and was thank full I had no gambling hangover. That's the worst feeling remembering what went on wishing I cashed out thinking what I could have done with the money. Any how I didn't gamble let's try and get through the weekend. One thing I have noticed tho is things are a bit boring mad as that sounds calm but boring

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 11:11

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

So it's Saturday usually now I'm thinking about my accas flying in thus afternoon. No bets today but there is rugby on so I will spend the afternoon watching it. Once Saturday is out if the way I'm usually not too bad. Payday next week also so it will be more of a test then

Posted on:
Mon, 20/11/2017 - 14:45

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 17 PAYDAY.
Paid out Money seeing straight away. Left with a bit less than what I thought. Usually this would annoy me and I did think about gambling to get the excess back. I know this isn't an option and I'm in this position because of what I've been doing. I owe approx 5k at the moment but this will be lower in a few months so just need to progress bit by bit. If I think about it too much it makes me sick.
My weight is an issue for me at the moment which I need to sort. Good diet this week and training. Next weekend I am going away with my wife so will look forward to that

Posted on:
Mon, 20/11/2017 - 14:48

Wilsy

Joined:
2012-02-22

Well done on 17 days GF, Keep it going!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 21/11/2017 - 19:30

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Another day down, absolutely full of cold so not been training much. Thoughts of gambling getting less although now I'm realising how bad I got. Family members giving me cash for something I end up gambling it and now having to pay back. It was only £60 but thus was gambling in under 2 minutes and then lost another 200 on top. There is no value of money when gambling just totally irrational behaviour. My gambling I admit was pretty poor I could win a grand and gamble and gamble until it was gone 4 days later I always wanted more. I never once took a week or two off to enjoy the money I won so I never really won the cash. I won 6k once and have most of that to my wife. Think I kept 1500 for myself which I was going to pay half off my credit card. That never happened and I lost the lot and more. Madness

Posted on:
Tue, 21/11/2017 - 19:49

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Good to hear you're doing well (apart from the cold ofc)

It is a big eye opener to a lot of things we were ignoring once we remove the "safe place" of gambling. Hard to look at some things we have done/not done but if we want to move forward, we must.

Keep at it =)
 

Posted on:
Tue, 21/11/2017 - 20:15

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks sj I plan to. Just find it crazy how a gamblers mind thinks

Posted on:
Wed, 22/11/2017 - 16:01

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

A friend from work talking to me about gambling today. Don't think it helps. The bad times far outweigh any of the good times so I don't want to get back to that. I'll spend my money on some clothing rather than gambling or trying to win something

Posted on:
Thu, 23/11/2017 - 17:55

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 20 feeling good on the betting front. Have been full of cold tho so diet and exercise has not been great which has got me down a little. Will go for a short run tonight tomorrow and Saturday which should sort me out. Need to keep motivated this weekend as my wife is away for the weekend and these are the times I can spiral out of control

Posted on:
Thu, 23/11/2017 - 19:18

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

So dragged myself for a quick 25 minute run. God do i feel better after it. My nights were usually spent focusing on following football results but this week I've been laying on the couch literally doing nothing. If I can just get into the habit of doing a little exercise every night it will be so much better for me. Kit is packed ready for tomorrow let's hope for some nice weather

Posted on:
Fri, 24/11/2017 - 23:13

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 22 no bets been out for food with family enjoyed. Wife is away need to be good

Posted on:
Wed, 29/11/2017 - 18:05

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 27 still no bets but still full of cold. Thoughts are getting less but I know it's always around this time I get complacent so need to stay strong

Posted on:
Fri, 01/12/2017 - 16:12

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 29. In London with the wife for the weekend she has popped to the shops while I've gone for a beer. I'm surrounded by bookies casinos and also fruit machine in the bar. At the very least I would have usually wasted 30 or 40 quid on the fruit machine or have been known to blow 300 in the fobts then meet back up like nothing was wrong. Instead I'm here and gamcare has given me something to do by logging in and reporting it. Feels good long may it continue

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 14:15

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Another gamble free weekend. Far less stressful.
Day 31. Usually around this point is where it goes pear shaped. Going to stay motivated to get through Christmas without a gamble

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 18:20

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 33. Many friends of mine in a betting syndicate needed one last result to come in this weekend for a large win. I used to be part of this syndicate. Typical it went down on the last result I'm glad I'm not part of it either more and to be honest I'm glad it lost as it reignites the reason why I hate gambling

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 20:00

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Another day down however driving home I did have a brief thought of going to the bookies. Thank God I managed to talk my way out of it I'm weird when I start to get those thoughts it's like a tractor beam sucks me into a gambling haze. Anyway I'm home I didn't gamble and I am very happy to get through that

Posted on:
Sat, 09/12/2017 - 01:02

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Well done Crossintr for staying away from the bookies for over a month! The first few months are the hardest because you are basically trying to re-train your brain. There will always be temptations to gamble but we must personally take responsibility for our decisions.

It's a good idea to block any access to gambling with self exclusion and closing of accounts. But ultimately you can choose to abstain as you decide not to listen to the urges in your head.

Seems like you are upbeat and positive, and the exercise will benefit you greatly. Keep posting and reading about others on the forum. This will help to keep you focused and understand the addiction better.

All the best.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/12/2017 - 15:21

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks for the post, had a words Xmas do last night really enjoyed and got home at a decent hour so not feeling too bad. Not spending my Saturday surrounded by betting slips and hungover is a real change and one that I want to get used to. It'll be nice going into the new year having not gambled instead of saying this year I won't gamble

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 20:46

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 38 no gambling thoughts, some other slight problems have cropped up but just glad I'm not running to put it bet on when things have got tough

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 20:53

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Well done for not running to the bookies when things got tough, Crossintheroad.

You’re looking at the bigger picture which is smart. 

Congratulations on 38 days. You’re making big progress. 

You’re finishing 2017 off strongly, which is all you can ask of yourself. It’s about controlling the present. The past has gone. 

Keep up the good work mate.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 21:31

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Keep going!

You know gambling will only add to your problems, none of use need that.

38 days ago this is the best you could have asked of yourself!

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 20:11

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Cheers sj I will keep going. First time in a couple of weeks I've felt up to training so getting back on track. Next week is payday so will have been payday to payday for the first time in years. It feels great to just be in control of my finances

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 21:33

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Some thoughts creeping in about sports betting. Funny to think I'm going to have to be on my guard for the rest of my life to beat this

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 21:44

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

I think its more a change of mind set. As a sports bettor myself i found sport became something i looked at as a knowledge test that could possibly make me money. I still watch a lot of football but now im learning to enjoy it for the other buzz it can provide without money riding on the outcome. Im enjoying the drama and contest of it all again. I just have to remember this is how it must be from here forwards for me to contiune to enjoy sports. As long as i don't place that first bet i can watch on in peace.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/12/2017 - 17:23

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Unfortunately the thoughts of gambling will be with us forever but we can defeat it and control it! Sports betting was my foremost activity, simply because I don't trust the gambling industry, so therefore my theory was that with millions of pounds riding on every premiership match it cannot possibly be fixed. If I had the bottle and a correct hunch then nothing could stop me from winning. In essence this is still true, but so is the fact that we are destined to lose more than we win.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/12/2017 - 21:20

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks both for the comments I definitely familiar with both thoughts. My sports betting was so bad I didn't enjoy watching sport that much in the end. I used to have so many bets on I couldn't even follow them all. I don't miss the Saturday afternoon being let down at last minute feeling