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Give peace a chance

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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 20/07/2017 - 00:58

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

70 Days since I last gambled . Now time to reflect on my new found freedom .

Posted on:
Thu, 20/07/2017 - 06:53

Glint

Joined:
2016-01-08

Cool title.

Well done on the 70 days.

Looking forward to reading your reflections.

Posted on:
Thu, 20/07/2017 - 08:11

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

70 days!!! :) so happy for you and proud of you x

Posted on:
Thu, 20/07/2017 - 08:17

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

70 amazing and the forum thrives on your energy, kindness and way with words. Thank you for being there S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 20/07/2017 - 10:45

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Many thanks Glint , Wai and Sharon . 

Certainly feeling good today . 70 Days ......10 Weeks ...... 1680 Hours .....100800  Minutes ......6048000 Seconds .... Not that I've been counting ! 

Now attempting to live without the blinkers . To look at the world with eyes wide open . Embrace the future and enjoy the ride .

Posted on:
Thu, 20/07/2017 - 16:49

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Gotta a new weapon in my armoury

When tempted by thoughts of the fobt monster I will exhale whilst rapidly shaking  my head and saying ' BLEUUURRGH ' . Repeated 10 times . 

Sounds crazy but consider this . Is it as crazy as me feeding a fobt £10 and £20 notes until i'm broke and miserable .

Maybe a bit of craziness can help me out of a crazy situation . Who knows !  

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 00:44

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Diary . Feeling good about my  71 days gamble free . Wary of becoming complacent but feel confident I can put this madness behind me . Time to move on .

 

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 00:49

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

Congratulations on the 71 days - you gotta do 71 so you can reach 72 etc etc...  

fair play to you for having your profile picture available, that really is tackling this head on with full openness

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 11:35

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thanks Compulsive Gambler , appreciate your support on my journey . 

Your 106 Days gamble free is a great achievement and a good solid foundation for a gamble free life .

It's only natural to feel remorse , shame , fear and loneliness . It takes a lot of courage to break free from a tyrant masquerading as our friend , filling our minds with delusions . Preying on our negativity .

Freedom comes at a price . We have been living under the yoke of gambling addiction for quite some time , it's familiar and it's what we know . Compulsive gambling brings misery and torment to ourselves and our loved ones yet we can still see it as our friend and confidante . How crazy is that .

From the bottom of my heart I wish you peace and contentment . Enjoy your freedom , enjoy your life . None of us is going to get out of this alive anyway ! 

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 13:43

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thank you for posting on my diary, honestly your way with words is exceptional!!!We're you a poet/writer in a former life? Wow 71 days amazing achievement Stephen, be proud of everything you have overcome and the help you'very given to so many S:)

Posted on:
Sat, 22/07/2017 - 08:58

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 72 on the recovery road with friends and fellow travellers . No urges to gamble . Freedom at last and relishing every moment of it . Good stuff ...bad stuff ...whatever ...it's all part of lifes rich tapestry . 

Enjoyed another counselling session yesterday afternoon , am finding  it beneficial and the counsellor is really nice . Followed this with a swim . In the evening attended GA meeting which was good . Therapy coming out of my ears but if it helps my recovery than i'm up for it .

 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 22/07/2017 - 09:47

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

I am the same sometimes. I think I am doing too much anti-gambling related activity and I might be overdoing but I know its certainly helping. All the activities might make me think of gambling a bit more but they certainly help me stay gamble free as I only relapse when these activities are reduced and I get complacent. 

Keep up the good work.

Posted on:
Sat, 22/07/2017 - 23:45

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thanks for the post on my diary degenerate . Your 116 days GF is excellent , well done .

Despite all  that therapy yesterday , today I had persistent urges to go on the fobt machines , lasted an hour or so . Never any danger of my acting on the urges but it came as a suprise , though I don't why . 

Posted on:
Sat, 22/07/2017 - 23:57

desesperado

Joined:
2017-06-21

Hello, really loved reading your success post, well done you! Like the last post said, profile picture is so brave, no shame. I'm hiding but so refreshing to see you're been so open :). I'm not putting a profile picture incase of failure. I'm only day 1 too, so no acplomishment but at day 72 I will be proud! Again a massive well done and all the best x 

Posted on:
Sun, 23/07/2017 - 08:06

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Welcome back to the GamCare Diaries desesperado . The support and wisdom I have found here has helped me enormously . I am slowly coming to terms with my gambling addiction and developing strategies to abstain from gambling .

Thankyou for the post on my diary . Wishing you a happy gamble free sunday with your loving partner and lovely daughter , 3 years old and no doubt bringing joy to everyone , a real miracle .

The relationship with my daughter at age 3 was reduced to writing her monthly letters and supporting her financially . The acrimonious divorce resulting from my gambling losses and associated issues made my wife very bitter . I made excuses for myself but the truth of the matter was I put gambling before my loved ones . My daughter is 35 in a few weeks . The good news is she had a good childhood , well liked at school , is happy and has done well in her life .

From the bottom of my heart I wish you a successful recovery from this insidious addiction .

Posted on:
Sun, 23/07/2017 - 16:37

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Hi Stephen ,

Thank you for all the support you're giving me . By the way I love the new title "give peace a chance " , you sure showed us how it's done and keep fighting my friend . Well done for staying GF this far . 

Sars 

Posted on:
Mon, 24/07/2017 - 23:39

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks for posting, your words always provide comfort and make me see mysrlf in a better light, Such a peculiar day,  but still GF hurrah!! Great to see you marching on and enjoying more everyday your GF life my friend. Take care S:)

Posted on:
Tue, 25/07/2017 - 10:58

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Sizzling Sharon , Smashing Sars 

Awesome GamCare superstars

Happy smiles and lonely tears 

Bring freedom from their darkest fears ......

Morning Diary , Day 75 GF . Not the best of days as cut my arm on a rusty railing yesterday and brought the skin off . Being a wimp I toddled off to A&E to have it dressed , said I didn't need an injection plus I didn't have to wait long so quite pleased . Going swimming has been part of my therapy but got other things to keep me occupied , don't want to get the dressing *** , got to change it every 2 days . Think I might give the salsa a miss tonight . 

Anyways I certainly won't be seeking solace from the fobt machines .

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 25/07/2017 - 23:42

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 75 has been quite good . No swimming or salsa dancing as I have a dressing on my arm from cutting it yesterday . This afternoon met up with a friend , looked around the art gallery , walked by the marina than lunch and a natter in a pub by the river . Good to be able to socialise again .

Went to GA tonight , an open meeting so partners welcome , a sad gentle reminder of the hurt we cause our loved ones . Good friendly atmosphere and well attended .

My thoughts tonight are with friends who are struggling with the addiction . Recovery is difficult but it can be done . 

Compulsive gamblers can be as different as chalk and cheese , but we are all together on the same road .

We know the misery that is behind us .

Ahead of us is freedom from gambling addiction . If we want it , than its there for the taking .

Posted on:
Wed, 26/07/2017 - 10:04

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Day 76 brilliant will be galloping up to 100 before you know it! Hope your arm is ok? Glad to hear you had a nice day yesterday makes a world of difference to be able to enjoy 'normal' situations without gambling looming in your mind. Have a great GF day S:)

Posted on:
Wed, 26/07/2017 - 10:05

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Ps I am being a bit dim but how do you start a new thread?

Posted on:
Wed, 26/07/2017 - 11:45

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks :):)

Posted on:
Wed, 26/07/2017 - 22:37

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thanks Sharon .

Day 76  been feeling a bit subdued but I can live with it .

Paid a visit to the chatroom tonight but felt ill at ease , maybe not my cup of tea . Maybe brain addled with over exposure to fobt machines . Apparantly thst awful noise the fobt makes when their is insufficient credit to cover the bet is designed that way to prompt the gullible punter to feed more money in as quick as possible . I don't consider myself stupid but I fell for that one every time .

Apparently the international space station will be visible for me at 23 58 hrs tonight . I will.give them a wave but doubt if they will wave back ! It's just one of those days .

77 Days GF tomorrow , 11 weeks is a long time ..... Some days I feel  more cheerful than this . 

Posted on:
Thu, 27/07/2017 - 07:49

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Congrats on 11 weeks Stephen :-)

Hopefully today is more cheerful for you!  

I look @ my blue days now with a little twinkle in my eye because they are simply blue & not achingly painfully dark ones like I used to have when active!  

& if I've achieved nothing else that day, I still get to end it with a mini fist pump because JFT I did not gamble!

The chat room's a funny old place...I have had some good times in there but it's soooo different to a meeting that I do sometimes check out early. 

I like the idea of giving the International Space Station a cheeky wave...Even if they didn't do you the courtesy of waving back, I'm sure they appreciated the sentiment :-)

Hope your wounds heal soon!

Posted on:
Thu, 27/07/2017 - 16:49

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thanks ODAAT , 77 days between me and the last bet . However I can feel the compulsion to gamble is standing right alongside me , playing the game , biding its time . Out of the blue or gradually it will endeavour to set me up for a fall . Good to be determined and confident but must avoid complacency . A delicate balance to maintain at all costs . 

It is my big chance ,  their will never be a more opportune moment , must give it everthing I've got . I am happy with my progress so far , I will  take one day at a time and not worry about whats up ahead ( thanks for that one Sharon ) 

Might have blue days but they wont be a patch on the miserable existence of a gambling addict . If some days are a bit lacking in fun and jolly adventures than so what , I can give the air a mini punch and be happy I had a GF day . ( thanks ODAAT )

Couldn't wave to the International Space Station last night ( it was overcast ) maybe someone on board has a GamCare diary ! Who knows ! The addiction does not discriminate and recruits from wherever it can ........

I am Stephen . Today I have chosen not to gamble .......Little poem to finish on ;

Gamblers Nation 

Despair and Elation 

Self Flaggelation

 

Posted on:
Thu, 27/07/2017 - 18:33

Lethe

Joined:
2016-12-10

Hi Stephen

Every single feature in those machines is deliberately designed in to keep the punter playing and returning. The industry employs gaming experts to this end. Maybe picturing the face on the fatcat bookie boss once he realises you're not going to be contributing to his next yacht might help?

Posted on:
Thu, 27/07/2017 - 22:45

Annie_25

Joined:
2017-07-05

Hi Stephen 

Well done on 77 days GF thats amazing. You are a true inspiration.

Annie x

Posted on:
Fri, 28/07/2017 - 10:50

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Lethe . The fobts don't seem to be knocked up just willy nilly , designed with the help of psychologists I imagine .

Thankyou Annie 25 , congratulations not only on your 23 Days GF , but also on your positive approach to recovery . Learning from the past , accepting responsibility for your actions but not wallowing in guilt and remorse ( as we well know the addiction can use that against us ) ....... Blocks in place and a good friend and confidant helping manage your financial situation ( like you say it lessens the feelings of isolation ) ...... enjoyable family time ...... socialising whilst not thinking of gambling ..... running , exercise , fresh air and fun .... plans for a future free from gambling addiction .

Commendable that you have taken on an extra job but hope your not overstretching  yourself . Can understand your desire to pay off debts quicker but your well-being and recovery are of paramount importance .

Posted on:
Fri, 28/07/2017 - 20:24

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen hope you have a super GF weekend and thanks so much for all your kind words and support...means so much!! 78 days, yay!!! S:)

Posted on:
Sun, 30/07/2017 - 10:42

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Well here I am , a beautiful day in a wonderful place called 80 Days GF . 

My journey so far has been a real eye opener . Sharing a road with like minded friends whose wisdom and guidance has been an integral part of my re(dis)covery .

I shall be leaving here at midnight and don't know what lies ahead . I'll take it one day at a time and consult with my GamCare friends for support along the way . 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 30/07/2017 - 15:56

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

You tube . Christina Aguilera singing ' Mercy on me ' .

Could have been me singing that 80 days ago 

Posted on:
Sun, 30/07/2017 - 17:05

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Congratulations Sir Stephen! 80 days gamble free ! Yes !!! Another milestone , another great day ! 100 days is just around the corner :) . Keep up the good work sir ! 

Sars 

Posted on:
Mon, 31/07/2017 - 08:46

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi Stephen, Thanks for your post on my dairy, I have found in the past that help & encouragment of people on here has  helped my recovery so your post really does mean alot.........Woah 81 days you should feel so proud of yourself, have had a quick look through your dairy and you have been a great insperation to others while also dealing with your own addiction head on, you are a great example of what can be achived and how peoples lives can change for the better, you seem in such a better place right now somewhere i aspire to get to also,keep up the good work you are doing great.

Posted on:
Mon, 31/07/2017 - 10:47

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Good Morning Stephen,

Thank you for your kind words on my diary. You never fail to put a smile on my face!

Remember, no 100, 200 or 1000 day run comes without an 80 day run first.

Give yourself some credit - 81 days is awesome and I take my hat off to you.

You do not have to compare your 81 days with others who have been on the forum for much longer.

You are a player in your own right! 100 days is nigh.

Be proud of your achievement and carry on spreading those rays of positive sunshine around the forum.

Best wishes,

Mark

Posted on:
Mon, 31/07/2017 - 22:06

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou for the posts on my diary . This is a massive opportunity for me to stop gambling and i'm really giving it everything ive got .

On my guard today as my monthly works pension went in the bank . Happened to meet an acquaintance from GA out with his partner , they both gave me encouragement which bolstered my determination not to gamble . Went to the gym for an hour which also helped . Also went to a 5 Rhythm dance last night which always makes me feel good ( it's a meditation in dance so I can move around like crazy for a couple of hours ) . Anyways the the good thing is I didn't get any urges to gamble today .

Well done Sars on your 60 Days GF tomorrow . You have really helped me with your positive attitude .

Wishing you well Chartom , not long ago I was on Day 3 but time soon passes . Good news is your back . You've had some good periods gamble free before so you know you can do it . The money that was once yours now belongs to them , this is strikingly obvious but also difficult to accept . A part of us believes the delusion that we can win it back and live happily ever after . It's not going to happen and we all know that . The only happily ever after scenario will come from not gambling .

Many thanks Markman . Your a great example forging ahead and showing the way .

I am stephen , a compulsive gambler committed to my recovery . I will do it one day at a time . 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 31/07/2017 - 22:45

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

 

Keep going Stephen, you are fast becoming a little pillar on this site. Your well on the way to cracking this horrible illness.

Stay strong mate and keep up the positive work on everyone else's diaries.

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 01/08/2017 - 09:15

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Cheers Matt you really are a GamCare legend , talk about spread your wings and fly , your up their with the stars .

Only 82 Days for me but inspired by the courage and  resilience of friends like you .

ABSTAINER TO GROUND CONTROL ............ WE HAVE LIFT OFF 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 01/08/2017 - 10:43

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Stephen, 

I am no legend but what I do feel is free and I hope my freedom and happiness can give others some faith it can be done.

82 days is not to be underestimated, every day gamble free is a day richer remember that and not just financially. Soon be day 100, a nice milestone.

Keep going mate we are all behind you.

Matt

 

Posted on:
Wed, 02/08/2017 - 09:19

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Stephen. 

Fella good morning, in the GA rooms it's often said 

' Give recovery 90 days of full commitment and after those days if you don't see great change and opportunity ahead then feel free to go back at it'

For me as you near your first 90 days abstinence you are a shining example of how life can be found through the commitment wholly to re (dis ) covery, I believe that if you were asked that question today I would take great pleasure in hearing your answer. 

Whilst actively feeding addiction we lose the ability to show empathy and any humility. 

Today you bring both in abundance, for that you should be very proud. 

You have gifted yourself an amazing foundation for a lifetime of your own choosing, one without the self destruction that is feeding addiction. 

I look forward to reading your continuing journey it's inspiring and infectious. 

We all live in action by the same mantra 

I cannot win because I cannot stop. 

Fella you have turned that upside down. 

Abstain and maintain 

Duncs 

Posted on:
Thu, 03/08/2017 - 02:14

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Diary . 84 Days since my last bet . Seem to be settling in to my gamble free life ok . Quite content  with social life and activities , exercising and eating well . Been on my guard this week after money went into my account monday but not really tested and no urges to gamble . Had periods GF before but the urges to gamble never went away and I was really just hanging on . Sharp contrast to this time when it's just not bothering me . Only differences are my GamCare Diary and one to one counselling so something must have clicked .

Thankyou Matt . Great you feel happy and free , compulsive gambling takes this from us . To have my liberty back is just mindblowing . Knowing I have the freedom to choose and make decisions regarding my life . Been existing under the yoke of gambling addiction for too long , I've had enough of it .

Thankyou Duncs for your encouraging words of support . I have been attending GA meetings again which I believe helps . Looking forward to 90 Days but will be wary as I blew it once before shortly after my 90 Day celebration , maybe i thought I deserved a reward . Thats just how delusional it all is , rewarding abstinence from gambling by having a bet ! 

Like the idea of having mantras at the ready , they can be a great tool . 

Come to think of it there are a lot of tools in a GamCare Toolbox ......Solidarity - Friendship - Support - Exclusions & Blocking of Sites - Counselling - Handing over of Finances - Advice and Information .....Shame theirs not a magic wand .

One thing reading the diaries has taught me , we are all so very different but we share a common problem , which is a compulsion to gamble . I have no idea of the trials and tribulations GamCare friends are faced with , I do know compulsive gambling will probably make everything so much worse . I think fighting this together makes us all stronger .

Thoughts and best wishes to all  who are struggling with the addiction . Their are no judges here , only supportive friends who can identify with what your going through .

 

Posted on:
Thu, 03/08/2017 - 08:23

Annie_25

Joined:
2017-07-05

Well done on your 84 days Stephen, your post has just lifted me, very empowering and so true. We seem to get our life back when being gf because we suddenly have time to spend on things that really do makes us happy.

Keep up the amazing work

Annie x

Posted on:
Thu, 03/08/2017 - 13:44

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

I know we all  have our favourite mantras like ' one day at a time ' & ' i can't win because I can't stop ' & ' oh no I've done it again'

I really like this one off you tube ;  Jai dada mantra - children beyond 

Wow I've found a multitude of mantras on you tube for every kind of purpose . Think I might find one that feels right for me or I might just make one up myself . 

Posted on:
Thu, 03/08/2017 - 15:41

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

"right for me" - a good mantra, Abs!

Posted on:
Thu, 03/08/2017 - 16:48

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Hi Stephen,

Thank you for your continued support; it means alot.

You are doing really well. I heard that it takes 100 days to form a habit. You are currently 84 days gamble free. I hope this continues and becomes a habit for you x

Posted on:
Thu, 03/08/2017 - 22:38

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Ta da!!! 84 days, amazing progress and inspiring and helping so many at the same time. Go polish that halo S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 03/08/2017 - 22:41

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

My mantra is no curls no gurls lol! Keep up the good work sir ! 84 days yahoooooo :) 

Posted on:
Fri, 04/08/2017 - 11:46

Neveragain22

Joined:
2017-07-12

Hi abstainer I just wanted to write to say congratulations on 85 days! Still early days for me but hopefully I'll be where you are soon. It's been a breath of fresh air reading your posts and I think it's amazing how even through your own struggles you give such lovely support to everyone else.
Wishing you all the best

Posted on:
Fri, 04/08/2017 - 18:48

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Diary Day 85 on the recovery road . What was a mission impossible is turning into a reality . No turning back or getting waylaid by blood sucking gambling demons . I was ruled by a gambling addiction but that was all in my mind or my jeans or my habits or whatever . Can't explain it but it just doesn't bother me anymore .

Markman thankyou for the support . Great you have started up your karate again , that should keep you fit . Wishing you sunshine and happy days holidaying in Cornwall , being gamble free you won't have a chunk of your brain thinking how to get a bet on and spoiling all the fun . Take care and be proud of your 206 Days GF .

Wai . Great to have you back with us . Wishing you every success in your recovery .

Sharon . Glad you enjoyed your holiday . You really deserved a break after the pain and heartache you've been through . 

Sars . Still chuckling at your mantra " No curls no girls " ha ha . Wonder if the Dalai Lama 's tried that one ! 

Neveragain . Thankyou so much for posting in my diary . Congratulations on 23 Days GF . Like you I am having counselling and it is really beneficial , finding I can get a lot off my chest and see things in a different light . Wishing you every success in getting your life back . It probably won't be easy but it can be done .

Posted on:
Sat, 05/08/2017 - 18:44

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hi Diary . On the recovery road for 86 Days . Feeling good .

Attended a coin meeting at GA last night ( celebrates members good periods of abstinence I e 90 days / year / 2 year etc ) . Afterwards 10 of us went to an indian restaurant . Good fun but a strange thing happened . Nothing wrong with my grip but the glass of water I was holding seemed to slide out of my hand , it didn't just break it shattered into loads of pieces on the table after dropping just a few inches ! Bit spooky . Staff were good , without asking they happily replaced the spoilt food and moved my place .

My nephews son wants to do a playlist of my favourite records . Loads of songs I like but which ones do I like best ! Quite a fun exercise thats had me wandering down memory lane . Not going out tonight so will have a think about it and make some choices .

I like making choices now , my favourite one is shall I gamble today or shall I not gamble today . 

Thoughts and best wishes to those who are struggling with the addiction . It's good to tackle it one day at a time , we all know we can't win because we can't stop . However bad life might seem gambling will just make it a whole lot worse .

 

Posted on:
Sat, 05/08/2017 - 19:21

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

good progress

I want an indian now though but stuck at work!  lol

Posted on:
Sun, 06/08/2017 - 11:05

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Dear Diary . 87 Days GF . Feels good getting back my freedom .

Last night spent a magical hour looking at the full moon and it's dazzling path of light stretching south over the Humber . Completely immersed myself in the peace and beauty of it all , quite blissful . 

..... " The moon does not fight . It attacks no one . It does not worry . It does not try to crush others . It keeps to it's course , but by it's very nature , it gently influences . What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore ? The moon is faithfull to it's nature and it's power is never diminished " . 

 

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